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November 10, 2009

Fug Moon/Better Played, Kristen Stewart

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ROBERT PATTINSON: Come on, everyone. I DARE YOU.

KRISTEN STEWART: Dare them to what? Ask if we're sleeping together?

TAYLOR LAUTNER: Oh, please God, no. I so don't care if you're sleeping together.

K.STEW: Right? BORING. I'm not even interested in whether we're sleeping together, at this point.

R.PATTZ: I'm so bored of us that my boredom comes back around to being arousal.

K.STEW: Ew. Not mine.

R.PATTZ: No?

K.STEW: LOOK AT YOU. I am not sleeping with you again, by which I mean for the first time, until you shower and shave.

TAYLOR: THANK YOU. It had to be said.

R.PATTZ: Well, I'm not sleeping with YOU ever again, or for the first time, until you go back to wearing Converse and tight jeans and not brushing your hair. You look like you're playing dress-up in Zoe Saldana's closet.

K.STEW: I think I look nice. And clean. And event-appropriate. AND CLEAN.

R.PATTZ: No no, I like my girls to look troubled and ill-rested and as though they're still coated in the sweat from our fervent horizontal joyride. You know, like me.

TAYLOR: SERIOUSLY. PLEASE STOP SENDING ME TO THESE THINGS WITHOUT DAKOTA FANNING. I AM NOT JOKING.

August 12, 2008

What We Fug Is Secret

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BIJOU PHILLIPS: Oh, Shane. Oh dear.

SHANE WEST: What? Why? What are you saying? Why are you dressed like Evil Spider Man's yodeling milkmaid girlfriend?

BIJOU: Have you been sniffling glue and chopping wood again?

SHANE: Huh? Where? What have you heard? What's going on?

BIJOU: Relax, dude. Go take a shower and clean yourself up a little.

SHANE: What do you mean? No, I absolutely was NOT out digging graves until 6 a.m. Why do you ask? WHAT DO YOU KNOW? TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW.

BIJOU: I know that Scientology would love to help you with a lot of these problems. Come to a luncheon.

SHANE: Shhh. Quiet. I don't want to scare you, but I THINK BIJOU PHILLIPS IS FOLLOWING ME.

BIJOU: There, there. Tom Cruise will fix everything.

August 4, 2008

Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Ed Westwick

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Now that he's a hit as Chuck Bass on TV, I suppose Ed Westwick is probably sniffing around looking for a massive movie role for when he's on hiatus.

Unfortunately, they've already cast the role of the ~~controlling, obsessive, moody, tired-looking, clammy, creepy, mentally intrusive, decades-old, stalker-ish~~ "romantic" vampire Edward in the Twilight movie. Better luck next time, Ed!

July 1, 2008

The Butler's In Fug

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So Patricia Arquette is off in Paris at the couture shows, looking arguably far fiercer than ever before (possibly because she's being dressed by people who know what they're doing):

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, her husband Thomas Jane has apparently taken the phrase "meanwhile, back at the ranch," FAR TOO LITERALLY:

Continue reading The Butler's In Fug.

March 24, 2008

Run, Fugboy, Run

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[Photos: Splash News]

THANDIE: WHAT did I say? What do I ALWAYS say?

SCHWIMMER: ... I don't know. Never do a guest-stint on ER?

THANDIE: No. You know very well what it was, but I want to hear it from you. What did I SPECIFICALLY tell you?

SCHWIM: Oh, fine, whatever. You told me to wash up and shave, and stop wearing my scarf like this with my shirt open and a giant coat, because it looks like I'm maybe naked, and blah blah blah.

THANDIE: You're damn RIGHT that's what I said. Look at yourself! You look like you've been on a bender since 2006.

SCHWIM: But why should I listen to you? If that type of lacy shorts thing didn't work on Rihanna then it definitely wasn't ever going to work on you. You're old enough to play her MOTHER, for God's sake.

THANDIE: What?!? Only on a soap where they rapidly age kids 15 years in two episodes, so WATCH IT, Ross. I was only trying to help you look less smelly. But if you imply I look anything less than fabulous at 35, I will drag you out of this dive bar and SO HELP ME JESUS I will beat some sense into you with a Norelco and some Pantene.

SCHWIM: Fine, fine. I'm sorry. Let's make a pact. You check with me before you consider taking fashion tips from a book of funeral parlor wallpaper samples, and I'll... you know, bathe, and stuff.

THANDIE: And the scarf with the open shirt?

SCHWIM: I'll cool it, I promise. Is it really that bad?

THANDIE: Is mine?

SCHWIM: YES.

THANDIE: YES.

SCHWIM: Okay, then.

THANDIE: Now go get us a pitcher. And MAKE IT A PRICEY ONE.

February 18, 2008

Fugtourage

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I think it's about time Adrian Grenier reconsidered the beard.

[Photo: Splash News]

I don't know if it's for Entourage, or something else, or if nobody told him that strike beards are so January 2008 because that whole thing is over. And I'm not an anti-beardite, I swear. Lots of splendid people have beards, like Santa, and my dry cleaner, and sometimes Judd Apatow. But the one-two wallop of bushy hair plus facial shrubbery give off a whiff of Adrian having been sequestered in a woodland cabin, scraping bark off the trees to make his own paper, foraging for berries to turn into homemade jam, and preparing for when the aliens come to get us by building a rocket-sidecar he can use to transport more people to the promised galaxy.

Don't get me wrong -- I'm sure that whoever is on the receiving end of bath soap made entirely out of leaves and spit will really appreciate the gift, and I bet Adrian needed the detox after hanging out with Paris Hilton so much. But it also might be a good time for him to rejoin civilization. It's not worth missing Lost episodes just to become one with nature and make your own coasters out of fish heads.

July 13, 2005

Fugly and the Chocolate Fuggory

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Depp, you're killing me.

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

I know we've discussed the fact that your facial hair is for the Pirates of the Carribbean movies, so I won't beg you to shave. But I will ask you to stop hiding your light underneath some sort of bad-P.I. leisure suit. You look like you'd contentedly hide in someone's dumpster in order to get proof that somebody is secretly bonking the chiropractor.

And all of this is ever-harder to digest while you are standing in front of a poster of yourself in quite possibly the most repellant costume and makeup job you've endured in recent memory. Seriously, if death is not an option, I'll take Ed Scissorhands.

You know what you need, Depp? Vanity. Spruce yourself up, pal. I know it's supposed to be all admirable that you eschew Hollywood's many shallows, and that you don't even suffer living in this town because you are So Above All That. But Johnny, let me level with you: You still star in movies. You still show up at premieres and awards shows. You are still a cog in the Tinseltown machine, even if you insist on living in France and never taking care of your hair. So why not embrace it with some nicely tailored clothes?

Come back down to our level a tad and pretty yourself back up. Be vain. Trade in your high horse for a small pony: You can still sit up there and enjoy the view, but you're close enough to our level that we can see your pretty face.

July 12, 2005

Cold Fug

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What is going on with the generally delectable Mr Jude Law here?

He looks like he mugged a gay pirate maitre'd.

June 22, 2005

That Fugly Show

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As we continue to worry about Ashton Kutcher's descent into skankdom, it's worth noting that there is a very, very thin line between Current Kutch...

... and Cleaned-Up (by his standards) K-Fed:

Be careful, A-Kutch. Where this man has taken himself, even cockroaches fear to tread. Don't make Demi go there. Something tells me she has a low tolerance for Cheeto dust and body odor.

June 16, 2005

Dude, Where's My Fug?

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Ashton Kutcher, fearful that his boyish good looks might attract the wrong kind of attention in a Hollywood climate that's become increasingly dangerous for young, nubile brunettes, goes Unibomber and takes to the highway:

"He'll never find me dressed like this! The too short overalls are bound to throw him off track! And my scraggly facial hair artfully disguises my Katie Holmesian good looks, don't you think? Yes. Yes, I'm safe here. Safe. Safe at last. See my Kabbalah string, Tom? I'LL NEVER CONVERT TO SCIENTOLOGY! NOT EVEN FOR YOU! God, I need a drink."

Results tagged “try showering” from GoFugYourself

Fug Moon/Better Played, Kristen Stewart

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What We Fug Is Secret

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Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Ed Westwick

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The Butler's In Fug

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Run, Fugboy, Run

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Fugtourage

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Fugly and the Chocolate Fuggory

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Cold Fug

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That Fugly Show

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Dude, Where's My Fug?

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