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November 16, 2009

Fug0,XFug, Fugsip Girl

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Don't look so crabby, Little J.

[Photo: Splash News]

Either the Gossip Girl costumers are reacting to the public's generally horrified reaction to Taylor Momsen's usual Crotchtacular Faux-Punk style by wrapping her in as many yards of fabric as possible, or Little J has fallen through a rip in the space/time/reality continuum and has found herself living in a Henry James novel (this incarnation of which offers extra sequins). Either way, she should be thanking God we're not all screeching about how we can see the top of her thigh-highs. Enjoy the silence for as long as it lasts, kid.

October 20, 2009

Lindsay Lofug II: Return of the Lofug

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This woman is only 23 years old.

And she swears she's on the wagon.

Tell me another one, Linds. Would someone of sound mind wear THOSE shoes with THAT dress? I didn't think so.

PS: I suggest you save the icicles for the rain gutters of your condo.

August 27, 2009

All About Fug

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Things I Know About Sandra Bullock:

She seems awesome and normal in interviews and hardly ever does annoying celebrity shit like talk about how we'd all feel better if we only ate foods that are blue, or how we should buy a $5000 pilates machine for our home gyms, because it's an investment in ourselves.
She's in amazing shape in The Proposal.
How fun is Speed? Come on, you guys! If the bus slows down, it'll explode! Crazy!
She is SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS.
Seriously. This sucks. Sometimes I hate an outfit, but I can see how some people would love it, or at least be convinced that they ought to love it, and sometimes I love stuff that other people hate, or I allow myself to be convinced. But:
NO.
To the point that I wonder if she's wearing this as a gag.
Because her hair looks like it was by someone ON speed (see what I did there?).
And the frock looks like two cocktail dresses glued together by a Project Runway contestant who picked the wrong week to start sniffing said glue.
Like, seriously. Did she pull that skirt on OVER another dress?
No, I really am asking.
The shoes, Sandy. Not tonight. Not ever, really. But really not tonight. Maybe with...no.
I can see in your eyes that you feel it, too -- your hot messitude. It's okay, girl. You can go home and wipe your tears on $100 bills and then, because you're charmingly normal, you'll just set them on the bedside table to dry so you can still use them.
Maybe to buy another dress? Just think about it.

August 6, 2009

Fug Kisses

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Dude. Sister. Here's a suggestion. Maybe you should just stay home and lay low for a little while:

You're going to get mobbed by the paparazzi right now, and -- may I be frank? I don't really care what your answer to that is, by the way -- you look like hell lately (especially in comparison to how you looked on the cover of Glamour, just a few posts down). Nothing is fitting properly, you seem to be too bummed out to put on any makeup, and your hair has clearly been plunged into the depths of a seriously deep depression. I get it. You're HEARTBROKEN. So STAY HOME and have a Greek marathon while eating a whole box of frozen jalapeno poppers, like a normal person. THIS IS ONE INSTANCE IN WHICH GOING OUT AND GETTING LOADS OF ATTENTION WILL NOT HELP YOU.

Also, is that Spencer Pratt wielding a camera over your left shoulder? Because Spencer becoming a paparazzo would be make for kind of an amazing arc on the next season of The Hills. MTV, you can make the check out to "the Fug Girls." You're welcome.

(PS: It so happens that Heather and I JUST wrote a piece about Post-Breakup Fashion Dos and Don'ts -- using Miss Simpson here as an example of someone who needs the advice. And that was before I even saw this picture. Now I feel like she needs the help more than ever. Anyhoodle, you can read it at the Lemondrop blog, if you like.)

(PPS: As long as I'm pimping other things, you can ALSO follow us on Twitter.)

(PPPS: I don't really have anything else to tell you. This is turning into a written version of the voicemails I leave for people, where I just yammer and yammer.)

(PPPPS: We got an email the other day that informed us that only old people leave voicemails. I don't believe that, because I feel like if you call and hang up on me, then you were just calling to chat anyway and I don't have to call you back, whereas if you really need to talk to me, you'll tell me so.)

(PPPPPS: La la la la. I should just publish this post now, right? Sorry about all that.)

June 4, 2009

Ugly Fugty

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I'm not one of those people who thinks you have to wear makeup to look fabulous, and we've certainly made our fair share of comments about Kelly Osbourne's history of painting her face into a borderline ghoulish kabuki mask. So I'm not some crazy slap peddler. But what does confuse me is the trend of wearing a ton of makeup so that it looks like you're wearing none. Observe:

The pearl-necklace dress, I find sort of amusing; the shoes, I desire greatly. But whenever I look at Becki Newton's otherwise adorable face here, it's as if her lips blend right in with the rest of it -- I kept wondering if they were chapped, maybe, and she'd just slathered them with Carmex, or wiped them really hard with a napkin after dinner. And then I saw a close-up:

Continue reading Ugly Fugty.

May 22, 2009

Robin Fugt Penn

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Well, Robin Wright Penn and Sean Penn are no longer getting divorced. It's off. AGAIN. For the craptillionth time. Jessica and I just discussed how it kind of makes us hate them both, because seriously, love is hard and all and we know divorce is very painful and difficult and fraught, but YOU HAVE KIDS. To put it in really crass terms: Stop f'ing around and figure out your shit.

I contend they need to get divorced now more than ever, because it is sucking the hot out of Robin. Observe. Divorce on:

Delicious.

Divorce off:

Continue reading Robin Fugt Penn.

May 4, 2009

Piper Fugabo

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I just did a quick search on all our posts about Piper Perabo, and discovered that two of them entreat her to stop looking so crabby, one of them references the fact that she usually looks crabby, and one of them suggests she looks like she's about to vomit all over herself.

There is a theme there. So whip out your hands and put them together for Piper today, who has proven to be a model of consistency:

It's possible Piper is the happiest person alive, and is just a way better actress than I thought. But she sure comes off like someone who hates being seen -- which I can understand, given the weird satin flap on her shirt and a green skirt that photographs as if it is made of a pleated plastic tarp. But again, it all begs the question: If she's so displeased, why is she wearing any of it?

Piper, my suggestion is, if you're happy and you know it, burn that skirt. Or, if you're happy and you know it, trash that shirt. If you're happy and you know it and you'd like your face to show it, give your misery-inducing wardrobe to the poor and get a stylist whose last name rhymes with "skirt" and "shirt" so that I can complete this rhyme. Thanks.

March 16, 2009

Fug Love With Tori and Dean

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Oh, don't look so cranky, Tori:

[Photo: PacificCoast NewsOnline.com]

Surely, at the very least, your nightgown here is very COMFORTABLE, even if you do look a bit like a woman who's escaped from a burning building in the dead of night and is wearing the blazer of the maitre 'd of the restaurant downstairs, who loaned it to you because he was feeling guilty about how he's pretty sure the blaze started in his establishment, seeing as the management has neglected to get faulty wiring fixed. Much as happened in the seminal episode of 90210 in which Kelly ended up almost dying in a faulty-wiring-prompted party/rave because the jerky frat boy with whom Steve went into the Lame Rave Throwing business showed flagrant disregard for both fire safety and the way electricity works. And look on the bright side: if you can believe it, you actually look better in this than you did then. Well. Maybe not. But at least you're not dating Ray Pruit anymore. That douche was bad news. Just look at him:

Gross.

February 6, 2009

Fug or Fab: Tilda Swinton

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For some reason last year, Heather and I decided that Tilda Swinton should just start going by "SWINTON." She seems like she could pull off the mono-moniker, right? As well as the caps. In fact, I've often felt like SWINTON would be a welcome addition to the fictional team of celebrity life coaches I have assembled for myself. Like, Tim Gunn is clearly on that team, because he would give me kind yet constructive criticism whenever I did something that concerned him. And Kelly Clarkson would be there for when I decided I needed a super-catchy anthem about a boy I hate (or love to hate. Or hate to love). And SWINTON would be around in case I needed someone to grab me and say, "TREASURE THE AVANT-GARDE. I CAN PULL IT OFF AND SO CAN YOU!" (She would be wrong about my being able to pull it off, but it would be nice and supportive.) I mean, look at how delighted all the extras in this photo appear to be about just being in her prescence:

They're all like, "This is the BEST NIGHT EVER. Only SWINTON could wear a flesh-colored nightie and EMERGE VICTORIOUS(ish. Sorta). I LOVE THE WORLD." It's hard not to be caught up in SWINTONMANIA. They can't help themselves.

poll by twiigs.com

January 9, 2009

Fug Men and Fug City 2

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JANUARY JONES: Phew. I made it.

JESSICA ALBA: Me too.

JANUARY: I ran all the way from the valet. Can you tell? I feel bedraggled.

JESSICA: Your hair is a little....yeah. I can tell.

JANUARY: Well, so's yours!

JESSICA: What on earth are you talking about?

JANUARY: The bangs...and the....rest of it. You sort of look like my first grade teacher, circa 1981. She made her own flax seeds.

JESSICA: IT'S FOR A PART.

JANUARY: Does that explain your dumb-ass pants?

JESSICA: You look like you got attacked by a beaver with a sleeve fetish!

JANUARY: I AM ON A VERY CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED TELEVISION SHOW.

JESSICA: I....okay. You win.

JANUARY: I hate it when we fight.

JESSICA: Let's go find the bar.

Results tagged “you'll feel better if you put on some lipstick” from GoFugYourself

Fug0,XFug, Fugsip Girl

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Lindsay Lofug II: Return of the Lofug

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All About Fug

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Fug Kisses

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Ugly Fugty

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Robin Fugt Penn

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Piper Fugabo

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Fug Love With Tori and Dean

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Fug or Fab: Tilda Swinton

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Fug Men and Fug City 2

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