Results matching “charo” from GoFugYourself

"Oh, hey guys,


[Photo: Splash News]

Um, didn't expect to see you here. I'm just running out in my favorite pink leopard print leggings -- everyone's got a pair of THOSE, am I right?! - for a snack! See how I'm using my hot pink satin blazer as kind of a robe? WHO HASN'T DONE THAT, for real, right? Right? So anyway. I'm just running out for a Slurpee. Totally minding my own business. Just felt the need for some Cheetos. And a banana, maybe, or something -- you know, just a quick snack. So, I mean, you totally don't NEED to be taking pictures of me right now. I am not doing anything INTERESTING, really. Just a girl in her hot pink leopard print leggings and favorite old worn-in hot pink satin blazer making a run for the border! Taco Bell, I mean. I'm not actually fleeing the country. Anyway. Just running out for a sec. So....you can go away now. Nothing to see here. I'm not kissing any girls or jumping out of fruit or anything. So, see you later! When I want to see you! Later! That would be later! When it's CONVENIENT FOR ME AND/OR MY PRESS AGENT. GOOD-BYE!" 

Wow, last week was jam-packed with amazing games -- in particular, I had a moment there where I thought Katie Price really might turn spoiler and upset our favorite Pantless Wonder, Lady Gaga -- and the upcoming rounds promise to be even more nail-biting. Want a preview of the match-ups scheduled to make your brain implode this week? Read on:

(2) KATY PERRY vs. (3) AGYNESS DEYN

We've seen Agyness be boyish. We've seen Agyness be shredded and dishevelled. We've seen Agyness dressed as some kind of Cirque du Soleil character from my nightmares. But what happens when Agy tries to be, you know, fancy?


[Photo: WENN.com]

How sad -- I didn't realize Agyness got electocuted at her Disney Princess Birthday Bash.

And this is... rough:


[Photo: WENN.com]

She kind of looks like a homeless woman who, having once been rich and refusing to give up her favorite fur, went dumpster-diving at a bridal store to find an appropriately shiny dress to wear with it.

Actually, the pink reminds me of something her opponent Katy Perry wore to the Grammys -- the one with the giant corsage stapled to a napkin and glued to her stomach. But since (unlike Agyness) we're all already rather familiar with Katy's super-girly clothes -- from the boob eyes to the irritatingly cutesy hot-pants phase -- let's do the opposite for her, and see what happens when La Perry attempts pants:

(1) SWINTON vs. (5) BEYONCE

How apt that SWINTON became a one-named wonder just in time to compete against a woman who may not need a surname, but who has an alter ego named Sasha Fierce just in case she needs a scapegoat for willingly wearing things like this:



SWINTON needs no scapegoat. SWINTON is simply SWINTON, and she swintons herself in swintonian things like this with nary a thought of deflecting blame:

Wow, Round Two brought some really close contests -- the kind that had me hitting refresh a lot to see if the lagging celebrity could corral enough support to make up a bare one or two percentage points. Several high seeds fell, and Paris Hilton and Madonna were neck-and-neck for a good chunk of Tuesday morning, which is probably a lot closer to Paris than Madge has ever been or would ever want to be.

Want to see how it all turned out, and what's coming next? Read on...

(1) AUBREY O'DAY vs. (12) LISA RINNA-- Thursday, March 26

It was truly awesome watching people debate the merits/demerits of Aubrey O'Day and Phoebe Price, and the matchup was close: Aubrey got 52 percent of the vote to stay alive.  Lisa Rinna continues to be a Cinderella story of this tournament, knocking off another high seed in Sarah Jessica Parker -- and pretty convincingly, with 69 percent of the vote.

(6) JULIETTE LEWIS vs. (7) COURTNEY LOVE -- Friday, March 27

These two giant-killers booted No. 3 seed Taylor Momsen and No. 2 Lindsay Lohan, respectively -- the second year (in our whopping two-year history) that a high-seeded LiLo hasn't even SNIFFED at the Elite Eight, much less the Final Four. And neither game was as close as we expected: Juliette drew loyalty from two-thirds of you, whereas Courtney Love had almost three-quarters of the vote over Lindsay.

On the second day of hot Round 1 action, we only had one upset -- although I think a lot of us will be greatly upset by one of the non-upsets. Dig it?

Well, if not, you will. Let's check out the results and the Round 2 matchups we'll be featuring on Tuesday morning.

(3) TAYLOR MOMSEN vs. (6) JULIETTE LEWIS

In a comparatively sedate year for Diane Kruger, her opponent Juliette Lewis had little trouble toppling her, grabbing 78 percent of the vote en route to a Round 2 clash with Taylor Momsen. Little J looked fuglier to 70 percent of you, effectively putting back the charge from Shenae Grimes. Aw, but don't cry, Shenae -- we're sure you have a long career of fug ahead of you.

(2) LINDSAY LOHAN vs. (7) COURTNEY LOVE

Tragically overtanned Amanda Bynes was no match for clumsily overtanned -- yet, bizarrely, also a self-tanning mogul in the making -- Lindsay Lohan. Our LiLo snagged a massive majority: 91 percent of the vote. She'll face off against the similarly sloppy Courtney Love, who downed Renee Zellweger with her own strong showing of 78-percent support.

Want to see of whom you will NOT be seeing more this tournament? Grab your hankies:

Most of your top seeds pushed through on the first day of Fug Madness -- unlike last year, when Courtney Peldon barreled straight through No. 1 Lindsay Lohan en route to laying waste to a lot of OTHER fugly celebs. Such is the tournament -- sometimes, there are huge surprises, and other times, the top seeds prevail because, hey, there's a reason they're top seeds.

Let's take a look at how it shook down, as we preview the matchups coming up Monday in Round 2.

(1) AUBREY O'DAY vs. (8) PHOEBE PRICE

Wow. Just wow. Aubrey booted Estelle with an 84-percent victory, and Phoebe Price's lead wasn't pierced by Kim Kardashian's shoulder pads -- Pheebs took 81 percent of the vote. This matchup has all the makings of the most delicious, and difficult, and deliciously difficult, of the competition so far, because both are demi-nude fame whores who carry dogs like they're purses. I cannot wait.

(4) SARAH JESSICA PARKER vs. (12) LISA RINNA

Rinna and her thigh cleavage got three-quarters of you to vote her into this round, sending Maggie Gyllenhall back to her closet without having learned a single lesson (which is kind of good, because maybe it means we'll get more wonderful horrors from her this year). SJP, for her part, had almost the exact same margin of victory over Ashton Kutcher, but we're willing to bet Demi Moore used his mere presence as an (unnecessary) excuse to rip off his clothes when he got home ANYWAY. Smart woman. This matchup pits two women who, I believe, are fashionistas in their own minds but probably not so much in ours. Although SJP would probably rather eat forks than expose as much of her nethers as Rinna has in 2009 alone.

Let's take a look at the other three brackets after the jump:

(3) AGYNESS DEYN vs. (14) M.I.A.

Oh, Fug Gods, I love you. We blindly seeded these boneheads without paying attention to the fact that those numbers always face off in the first round, and the randomizer did the rest. Now we get to watch them duke it out over who wore this semi-pornographic Seussian atrocity LESS horrifically:

[Left photo: WENN.com]

On the left: Agyness, who opted against any kind of modesty panel beyond the giant polka-dot potholder covering her, um, oven mitt. On the right, it's M.I.A., who tried to turn this into maternity wear. Agyness picked hot-pink socks and hideous high-heeled sneaker-sandals; M.I.A. went with the chunky white high-hops. Agy accessorized with a hat and a neon purse, while M.I.A. went with Ray Bans, footless tights, and a fetus. I had no idea this thing was so versatile! Clearly, I need one. It's going to look fabulous when I pair it with torn leggings, a fedora, and knee-height gladiator sandals.

Weirdly, I think Agyness looks scarier in it than M.I.A., AND she chose to change back into it and wear it home after donning it in a fashion show -- whereas M.I.A. did it for shock value, I think. But that's certainly a tough call. The rest of their wardrobes make it equally tricky:

Lily Allen apparently decided to celebrate her probable Fug Madness win over Charlize Theron a bit on the early side.


[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

I guess the benefit of making a tutu out of a pleated Hefty bag is, if you REALLY get hammered, you can puke in it. Not sure what the advantage is to wearing my old gym sneakers from fifth grade, though, unless she's trying to bring back cankles.

(1) SWINTON vs. (16) SPEIDI

Well, this is it. You asked for it, and now you're going to get it: The magic of SWINTON against the malevolence of Speidi.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Yes, be afraid, Heidi. Be very afraid. Because even though I am fairly sure you were not that aggravated to be exposed wearing elastic-leg boy-short underwear as you slid carelessly out of a car in your tiny outfit, beating down this woman may be the toughest challenge of your life. Tougher even than making out with Spencer while he had the devil's topiary sprouting from his face.

Behold:

SPEIDI vs. LAUREN CONRAD

Happy St. Patrick's Day! In honor of the occasion, I thought I'd show you a little something that will make SURE you want to drink heavily and that you won't care WHAT kind of water-beer they've colored green and charged you $12 to guzzle:

[Photo: Splash News]

That lady is thinking, "Oh, my stars, are they REALLY sucking face instead of grabbing a ladle and serving some food for charity? Is THAT why they're here? Homeless people don't want saliva in their soup. I don't know whether to slap them stupid or take notes for my grandchildren."

** Edited to add: Apparently, that IS Spencer's grandmother? Just goes to show how tedious and terrible I find The Hills -- I watched and STILL did not recognize her, so clearly, I was tuned out. Let me revise my impression of her internal monologue: "Oh my stars, are they REALLY sucking face instead of grabbing a ladle and serving some food for charity? Is THAT why they're here? Homeless people don't want saliva in their soup. I don't know whether to slap them stupid or ask Heidi to suck his ratty beard off his face."

And so it goes. Spencer and Heidi may not always wear the worst clothes, but his icky goatee and contempt for her family, plus their joint insistence on proving publicly that her collagen-inflated lips implants won't burst under pressure, make them a fugly sight to behold indeed. They exist solely for rich photo opportunities, it seems, and every single one of them involves reminding us that they are Truly In Love:

Now that we've revealed the seedings and opening-round matchups in the Bjork, Cher, Charo, and Madonna brackets, respectively, we can lay out the full Fug Madness schedule and give you a handy downloadable bracket that you can use to make your personal picks. Okay, so there's no prize for being right, and you could totally cheat and pretend you were, but still: Isn't it more fun to play for pride? ... No? Shoot. Well, we obviously can't condone gambling since it's HIGHLY ILLEGAL in most states, but obviously if you choose to start your own Fug Madness mini-pool on your own time, with your circle of fug watchers, we can't control that.

Here are the rules, the important upcoming matchup dates, and the official unveiling of your play-in teams.

1) After Tuesday's play-in game, the first round begins on Thursday with four matchups from each of the four brackets -- the top halves of Cher and Charo, and the bottom halves of the Bjork and Madonna (which we mean in a bracketology sense, and not in some kind of creepy Island of Dr. Moreau cross-breeding way). The rest will take place on Friday -- much like the glorious tournament on which it is based. Round Two will begin on Monday, March 23, and so on and so forth.

2) Here is a downloadable PDF of the full Fug Madness bracket, which has the dates of all the contests and which you can print and fill in as we go:

Fug_Madness_bracket_09.pdf

3) Polls for each contest will be open for roughly 24 hours (as close as we can make it) from the time the post is published. Vote early, and if your browser allows, vote often.

4) This is the big one: Comments WILL open again, only on Fug Madness posts. Our reluctance to put any comments on the site is well-documented, but last season's experiment with opening comments during Fug Madness went swimmingly, thanks to all of our cool, smart readers who just wanted to have a good time. We sincerely hope you guys will all be just as awesome this time. But we are just as cranky, so any violations of our comment policy, and we WILL close them again. The rules (some of which I copied from last time) are generally based in people using basic common sense, and include:

• Please do NOT use this time to vent your spleen against the celebrity in question (that's what therapy is for), against fame in general, the economy, or the site itself (that's what e-mail is for, and Intern George has the typing blisters on his beautiful fingers to prove it).
• Keep it clean, keep it on-topic, keep it relevant. If all you want to do is say, "DIE, SLUTZ," well, that's not polite in English OR in German, so please don't.
• We reserve the right to edit or delete comments if they're not in the spirit of the contest, and/or are spoiling everyone else's fun.
• We will TOTALLY close the comments again FOREVER if this blows up into something awful (i.e., we will totally turn this car around if you don't stop poking your brother). We love what your intelligent, funny, sarcastic input does for the spirit of the contest; it's part of what made it so special last season, so please take that to heart, and don't abuse it.
  

5) And now for the identity of the two celebrities dueling TOMORROW for the right to take on top-seeded SWINTON in the Charo bracket.

Drum roll, please...

(1) SWINTON vs. (16) PLAY-IN WINNER (game time: Tuesday, March 17)

(2) KATY PERRY vs. (15) ROBERT PATTINSON

(3) AGYNESS DEYN vs. (14) M.I.A.

(4) SCARLETT JOHANSSON vs. (13) AMY ADAMS

(5) BEYONCE vs. (12) BLAKE LIVELY

(6) CHLOE SEVIGNY vs. (11) ANNE HATHAWAY

(7) JENNIFER LOPEZ vs. (10) BRANGELINA

(8) CHARLIZE THERON vs. (9) LILY ALLEN

I love this time of year. No matter how random Jessica and I try to be -- and this year it actually involved using an online randomizer to decide which seeds went in which of the four brackets -- certain matchups STILL come out with a beautiful synergy. For instance, before we even seeded anyone or remembered that threes always play fourteens, we had JOKED about how great it would be if Agyness and M.I.A. -- who both wore the same hideous polka-dotted Henry Holland outfit within the last year -- got to face off against each other. And poof, the randomizer coughed up that exact battle. It's too good to be true, but it IS true. The top six seeds in this bracket are one of the toughest groupings in the entire contest and I'm very much looking forward to see which ones emerge unscathed. Beware the underdogs, y'all. They bite.

Reminder: Please don't freak out if your favorite -- or least-favorite -- Fug Hound didn't make the list. Remember that we're ONLY judging people by what they wore in the one-year eligibility period, from March 1, 2008 to Feb. 28, 2009. But nobody's perfect. Sometimes we forget people exist; sometimes, our opinions of how bad they were aren't going to match yours. Hey, it happens -- the actual NCAA selection committee has the same problems. So just kick back, relax, enjoy the games, and imagine that your missing favorite is out there somewhere playing in the Fug NIT, leading the charge of the also-rans and praying for a more auspicious and publicly terrible year to come.

Oh, joyous day. Could March BE any more delightful? March Madness, St Patrick's Day, Daylight Savings, Bubble Gum Week, National Pig Day, Dr Seuss's birthday, Potato Chip Day (tragic, as I gave potatoes up for Lent), Big Bird's birthday, the anniversary of the invention of Coca Cola (leading, eventually, to our sweet Diet Coke), National toast day (the bread, rather than the alcohol-fueled exchange of cheer), and now the return of Fug Madness. We are so excited (so excited, so scared).

To sum it up briefly for those of you who weren't around last year: over the next two days, we'll be revealing the 65 poorly-dressed celebrity nutjobs who will be battling it out, NCAA basketball tournament style, to determine who is the fugliest of them all. (If you want a refresher of how last year's tournament went, click here and relive the magic.)

Today, we'll be revealing the stars who will be competing in the Bjork and Cher brackets. Tomorrow, you'll learn who has made it to the Charo and Madonna brackets. Monday, we'll have a full, printable bracket available for your pleasure, and voting with extreme prejudice begins Tuesday. But we couldn't resist giving you a spoiler, and so, without further ado, we present your four number one seeds - the four crazy (and, in one case, crazy delicious) celebrities we think will be the hardest to beat. They are:

Aubrey O'Day
Solange
Mischa Barton
And the one, the only: SWINTON

Stay tuned!

KATY PERRY: Hey, MIA.

M.I.A.: Hey, Katy. You left out the periods in my name.

KATY: Yeah, they get boring to put in there over and over again.

MIA: Right you are, I'll give you a pass this time. Your dress is very... interesting. It's kind of like an old-movie gown with a giant napkin and some pink plastic edelweiss stapled to your navel.

KATY: Thank you. And you look.... pregnant.

MIA: I am pregnant. I'm due today. Got a problem with that? Is a knuckle sandwich going to be the first sandwich to pass your lips in eight months?

KATY: No, no, it's great and all, but... look, if Violet Beauregard rolled herself out of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and started a fashion line, and Bjork became her main investor, your muumuu would be their first collaboration.

MIA: Oh, this old thing? This is NOTHING.

KATY: Well, yes, that's actually why I came over to talk to you. I need to thank you.

MIA: For what? Is it because you idolize my rap career? Because you can't believe I kept in this baby in time to perform? Because my nail polish makes you hungry for orange Starbursts?

KATY: Not exactly. I came to thank you for deflecting most of the attention off of me.

MIA: How so?

KATY: Like, the second you hit the stage, there was no way my ridiculous performance outfit would be the most-talked-about getup of the night.

So, I knew it was apt when we stuck Phoebe Price in Fug Madness' Charo bracket, but every so often she reminds me just HOW apt.



I mean, seriously, she is shaking that apt for all it's worth. I don't think that's what Charo meant by "cuchi-cuchi," sweetpea.

After roughly 1.1 million total votes throughout the ten days of Fug Madness, we finally have a champion.

There were upsets (who knew Brittany Murphy had legs in this thing?), there were Cinderellas (sweet Peldon, if anyone is likely to take that as a cue to wear actual glass slippers around town, it's you), and there was agita and tears and regret from all the supporters of favorite fuggers who fell victim to our eventual finalists. Tough to say if it's heartening or tragic for Chloe Sevigny that her supporters were so vocal in bemoaning her absence from the final game; her fair-and-square loss in the Elite Eight proves that, just as in basketball, what you've achieved before doesn't matter if you don't bring it on the day. Remember her fate this time next year, Chloephiles -- your votes do count.

And yesterday, 69 percent of them counted in favor of our first-ever Fug Madness champion. From the brutal Charo bracket, past challengers like Tara Reid and Sevigny, Phoebe Price and Mary-Kate Olsen, comes your glorious champion --our very own version of the four horsemen of the apocalypse but with about 24 personalities instead of four steeds.

Yes: BAI LING.

[Photo: Splash News]

Whether you are crying over spilled Sevigny or had your money on Sharon Stone, at the end of the day, it's impossible to deny that the title sits well on Bai's semi-nude shoulders. Her fug reigns supreme because it is supreme; she certainly worked hard for it, and worked it hard. The best part is how she's standing there all defiant, like, "What, lensmonkey? Are you not used to lace bodystockings and turbans? Well, when Madonna is elected president in 2020 and this becomes our National Guard uniform, you will not be so SMIRKY, you sad shutter-clown."

Well, except, it's Bai Ling,  so that would come out sounding more like, "Loving darling, I am moving through light in the haze of......what? Dancing with sweat to celebrate, all hail, and salute the singing future of clouds. Do you fallow me? HELLO!"

Congratulations to her, and to runner-up Victoria Beckham, who scored the unlikely upset of a devastatingly strong and Peldon-killing Sharon Stone. You all fugged hard, and we look forward to what you can achieve in a comeback campaign in Fug Madness 2009.

And for those of our readers who love an incredibly cheesy (and slightly grainy) post-tournament tribute reel, we've prepared a video treat, replete with all the intentionally  ridiculous special-effects we can muster on a dime budget: