Sarah Jessica Parker has just shot an ad for The Gap:
Ms. Fugker has always been one that must be photographed carefully, as her face walks the fine line -- the line of her nose, I believe -- between strikingly cute and shockingly scary. This photograph carelessly shoves her features into The Fug Zone, and it's really not helping, because we need something to distract us from the general fugocity of her clothing.
SJP designed the jeans and customized the shirt. She erred. She has no right to look whimsical in this photo, because it is hard proof that the influence of Sex stylist Patricia Field is toxic tonic indeed.
Jessica: I say knever to knickers.
Heather: So gross. Big fat kno.
Jessica: She also looks like she is missing a kneck there.
The whole ensemble, as displayed, is a cross between the costume in a gay chorus and the uniform of a Revolutionary War soldier. Maybe our troops back then were beating back the Brits with the heels of their pumps in some kind of choreographed battlefield cabaret. Who knew the American Revolution was so damn kicky?
Now I love SJP, but seriously. A cane? Patent leather platform pumps? And what's with her obsession in the last year or so to be so indecisive about her hair? Is it up, down, or just plain fugly? It's washed, so she's up on Britney (aren't we all?), but that's the only kind thing I can think of to say. And if any celebrity is in actual NEED of an eyelift, it's Sarah. I loved "Sex", but couldn't take her seriously for the last season or two because I know that if I rejected eye cream for twenty years and received the punishment I so justly deserved, I would not EVER venture into public again, let alone allow sharp focus lenses to capture my image for all the world to see for all eternity. I live in Australia, where EVERYONE looks 10 years older than they should due to the sun, but SJP? Even by our standards she's a 60 year old.
I had to get my fill of old fug in the archives as no-one seems to have committed any atrocities over the weekend. You guys should seriously check out the Australian Logies when they happen later in the year. Nothing quite like our celebrities. We produced Kylie, Nicole and lay claim to Russell, after all. Thanks for helping me realise there were others out there as disgusted by me at the fug. Which I've always had a slightly bluer definition for... but then, we're a filthy mouthed bunch down here.