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September 20, 2004

Emmy Fug Carpet: Jane Kaczmarek

I understand that Jane Kaczmarek had a baby, but I don't understand why she decided to emaciate herself afterward:

She looks slim in the body, but her face looks downright... wrong. It's too narrow somehow. Maybe Bradley Whitford, caught up in one of the endless tight squeezes he gives her to show the world They Are Married And Are Hollywood's Real Love Story, hugged too hard and crushed her skull. Not sure. It's also possible he likes to sit on the porch at night and strum her neck cords, so she dieted herself a neck ukelele.

If you have, er, sharp features, then you shouldn't lose too much weight (see: Cox, Courteney), or else people will start trying to slice bread with your nose or chin. If you have hair, any hair, you shouldn't go all SeƱorita Lucille Ball with it. Ever. And if you have access to this dress, you shouldn't wear it. After staring at this photograph for thirty seconds, I immediately got the teeth-gnashing accordion melody "Lady of Spain" in my head, and that pretty much sealed Lady Jane's fug fate.

5 Comments

i dont think she looks bad at all

Nope, she doesn't look too bad, honestly. No fug here, that I can see

Think she looks just fine for a woman who's had 4 kids.

Heehee! Neck ukulele!

How can you say she looks good??
This is the fugliest dress I've ever seen! And that hair makes her look like an 80-year old grandma!

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A book, huh? Is it just stuff you already put on the Web site?

Nope, we wrote the whole thing fresh, just for you.

Awesome. In that case, I want to read it!

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