"Hi guys, I'm Kirsten Dunst!
[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]
"Check it out! I am so tickled that I actually made it out of the house like this! I really thought Consuela, my housekeeper, was going to tackle me on the lawn and force me to change, the way she did before the Spiderman II premiere, when I wanted to go wearing this really cute little barrel I salvaged from the dumpster behind Primarily Pickles, but I managed to avoid her this time.
"So, I guess you guys have probably heard that Jake and I broke up, and then got back together and then broke up again and then totally made out in front of Jerry's Deli for like an hour yesterday? Yeah, well, what better way to make sure that he like really, really, really wants me back and like totally feels totally terrible about dumping me than showing up at an event looking totally smoking hot? And what is more totally smoking hot than this black turtleneck that I got at Banana last week layered under a fancy, fancy pinafore? NOTHING. I wish my slip wasn't showing, though. And I sort of wish it wasn't made out of burlap. But what are you gonna do, right? Am I right, girls?
"WATCH OUT, JAKE. Get ready for HURRICANE KIRSTEN!
"Tee hee. I can't wait to see him. He is going to be ALL OVER ME.
"And what is more totally smoking hot than this black turtleneck that I got at Banana last week layered under a fancy, fancy pinafore? NOTHING. "
That had me in stitches for like a week. Kudos Jessica.
For crying out loud woman, WEAR A BRA!!!!