Poor J. Simp.
First, Paris Hilton's T-Mobile gets hacked and the entire world reads that, among other juicy tidbits, Justin Timberlake shot Jessica down and she had to settle for nailing Adam Levine, and that she's addicted to the power.* And now, this:
Sigh. The Scarf Tied Around the Leggings is this millennium's variation on the If I Tie This Sweater Around My Hips, My Ass Will Look Smaller epidemic of 1995. You might feel like some camouflage work has been done, but it's really just drawing attention to the very area you're trying to conceal.
And then, there's the shirt. In a way, it's supportive and sweet of Jessica to be wearing Ashlee's merchandise. On the other hand, man, that's a bad concert tee. If only Tee Shirt Ashlee was wearing a shirt that had Jessica on it. And if the Jessica on this fictional tee shirt was wearing a shirt that had a picture of Ashlee on it, then....wow, now my head hurts.
Let us not even speak of the Return of the Leggings. No. Hush. I can't handle that today.
*Allegedly. Look, I'm just repeating what I heard from Paris.
Is she pointing to where her boobs used to be? I've never seen a t-shirt disguise such big boobs so completely!
And of all the people in the world, she does NOT need to cover up her ass--wasn't it just hanging out of her shorts while she played Daisy Duke?
I'm not sure I'm understanding the intent of this "outfit." It's a little bit country, a little bit rawk n' roll. Add a touch of the hippie with the scarf belt, and voila... one has the congealed awfulness of a Poison concert, circa 1991. I'd be speachless, but this type of fashion faux pas demands a bit of verbal outrage.
dude, I thought that was Ron Wood (from the Rolling Stones) on her shirt.
Nick obviously wishes he were blind.
I thought it was Steve Perry, which would make that the first time in history Ashlee was ever mistaken for someone with genuine vocal talent.
Kalisah, I really thought that was Joan Jett on the t-shirt.
Wow, she looks completely flat chested! How does that work?!
I just have one question; Is that a pack of cigarettes she's holding?
I wish I cared enough to look up whatever else was stored in Paris Hilton's Sidekick. But I don't.
Amazing she was able to find such a nice scarf to "match" that nappy-looking t-shirt.
You know, I've never seen Ashlee, Joan Jett, Steve Perry or Ron Wood in the same room together. Coincidence?
i also thought it was steve perry. that shows how attractive i think ashlee is (read: not).
The boots, people! How can you gloss over the boots. She is not on a cattle ranch and therefore has no business wearing those boots. The only "fashionable" cowboy boots I will accept are Fluevog, and not all of those...
She looks pretty gakked up. And a little bit of the chemically induced teeth grinding, methinks.
cowboy boots? unless she stole them off the Dukes of Hazard set there is no excuse. Lay off my preferred musical genre, lady.
And also, can someone explain the tee to me. Its tight and cropped, but with the longest, baggiest sleeves ever? the hell?
Someone's doing some pretty speedy E to get that kind of clenched jaw.
Oh and did she roll the bottom of that shirt up? It doesn't look like it's supposed to be cropped.
Oh, my heavens. That horrible outfit just catapulted me back to junior high...1981...the terror! THE TERROR!
Props to the poster upthread b/c I too thought Messica was wearing a Steve Perry T Shirt. Come to think of it there is a strong resemblance between Fuglee and Steve Perry. Ewwwww.
I think Nick wishes he were divorced.
i just discovered this site, it combines my favourite things: bitter and celebrities. Personally if i was a poptartlet and my sister was also a poptartlet i would totally wear her t-shirt so i don't think the look is that bad at all.
somehow, i think jessica is trying to both hide and flaunt the amazing amount of weight she lost to play daisy. nick just looks sick.
I think the scarf is just trying to 'match' the beige on the Ashfuglee t-shirt. She clearly need not hide her booty, as she's skinnier there than I think I've ever seen her.
Nick would look a lot sexier without the earring, but I'm really against earrings on men so a bit biased perhaps.
Her jaw...the HELL? is scary. But she looks like a Barbie doll, and I think they have that smile made up at the factory so she can't really change that.
The cowboy boots don't go. with. that. At all. She needs to rethink black tights in public. However, for all we know she was on her way to TCBY, and I don't like to say too much about people who aren't looking to be dressed up.
Besides Britney has the market on looking fug when she's not glammed up.
That scarf around her butt is fugging atrocious with that outfit. If the pants are in fact pants and not leggings, I would accept the lower half of the outfit (minus the scarf) if it were paired with a cute top. I think I have an idea of what happened here. She was hanging out where Ashlee was selling her t-shirts, and she bought one and PUT IT OVER whatever shirt she is really wearing, and that's why her boobs look flat, her shirt looks tucked in underneath, and her hands still haven't emerged. But that really doesn't explain how it looks like she was trying to match colors...Whatever. Also, although I am sure she is probably a fan of the sauce (as was revealed from the Paris emails), you really can't tell that just from this picture. She does those weird clown expressions all the time, remember? She's a goofy girl. And a big fat nerd if you ask me. I think she gets it from her dad.
Are those CIGARETTES in her hand - that is the topping on the fugly cake.
holy shit! ummmm...is it just me or is she missing a belly button?! if you look from there the shirt ends to where the leggings begin, it looks like a back...maybe the remaining part of the umbilical cord never feel off! is she holding a pack of fags in her hand too? what would the minister pops have to say about that one?!
My guess is that the leggings might be a little see through when stretched across the butt. I think she is hiding her ass crack with that scarf. Her clothing choices have always confused me.
My guess is that the leggings might be a little see through when stretched across the butt. I think she is hiding her ass crack with that scarf. Her clothing choices have always confused me.
My guess is that the leggings might be a little see through when stretched across the butt. I think she is hiding her ass crack with that scarf. Her clothing choices have always confused me.
I realize she is FROM Texas, but this does not excuse the boots. ESPECIALLY considering the height of the heel. These are not standard "Hey, I'm from Texas-I-can-pull-em-off" boots. These are like something from the Victoria's Secret catalog.
There are quite a few gossip sites who have devoted their blogs to Jessica Simpsons newly accuired smoking habit. This may or may not be true. I tried to bump up the resolution to no avail but, as one fellow fugger points out, Jessica seems to in fact be holding a pack-o-smokes, and if we are to believe this is trues the image begins to make sense.
She is pointing not to her shirt but the cig butt she just put out at the tip of her boot. The pissed look on Nicks face, mixed with the equal amount of resignation that sooner or later the world will find out about his wifes dirty habit. And the fake and kinda bitchy "see I put it out for you, thanks for invading my privacy", smile. Its a long downward spiral jess, have a craptastic time!
'Jess - stop grinding your teeth or everyone's gonna know you're hooked on the cola....It's everything I can do to hide your protruding hip bones...no one buys that you lost weight FOR a movie role...and put away the cigs. Everyone knows people chain smoke when they're coked up. Damn those Lohan and Hilton bitches!!'
Fashmag: "is it just me or is she missing a belly button?! "
Actually, I think her belly button is just under the edge of the t-shirt. Which unfortunately means that those godawful leggings are just barely covering her girly-bits. So count your blessings that she's wearing the scarf, for it may be concealing both a nasty back-crack and a cameltoe!!
I'm not sure if that's a pack o' smokes or a can o' something-to-drink. Then again, I also don't really care all that much.
*shudder* What a train wreck.
One day, the competition between Jessica and Britney will culminate in a glorious catfight. In a flurry of bleached blonde hair, canned meat, and acid-wash jeans they will fight over who gets to be Axel Rose's pretend girlfriend. It will be glorious.
In the meantime, though, Jessica seems to have taken the lead, what with the photo of the mulleted dude on her shirt and the cowboy-leggings combo. Nice work, Jess.
FYI: Its a soda can not cigarettes
I don't see anything wrong with leggings, I love them and wear them all the time. Then again, I know to wear them with the proper shirts: long enough to cover my butt without needing a scarf. Jessica, sweetie, you have no ass left to hide. Nick, take your woman home and feed her some pasta. Then give the puppy those boots to chew on.
Alright I stand corrected. I retract my previous statement about the pack-o-smokes, its obviously a coke . . .
oh god.....to much irony....my head hurts.
I agree - what makes it bad is that a.) she's your sister, we know you probably support her, and b.) it's a shitty concert tee.
what happened to her boobs? they seem to have withered away into non-existence.
I swear she's singing/pantomiming "I'm a little teapot short and stout..." Last time i heard that was in kindergarten. Which is the last time I saw a girl in an outfit like this!
I thought it was Steve Perry, too!
And leggings need to stay back in the early '90s with the butt cover. When will people understand that leggings aren't a good look for anyone?
Noooo! Precious illusions of Adam Levine going, going... gone! Waah! :-(
I wonder how long Nick will put up with her before he calls his attorney. Yick.
Where did Jessica's boobs go? I knew she lost some weight but has her diet made her boobs completely disappear? Those girls should stop going at fashion shows. It inspires them the wrong way. They all try to get the Kate Moss look but they forget that, contrary to most models, they weren't born skinny. So they're gonna be on dr. Atkins for life in order to maintain their fake thin look.
Is that an anarchy symbol on the T-shirt??
Shyeah. Stick it to the Man, Ashlee.
Ha. I thought it was a Steve Perry/Journey shirt.
did anyone else think this was reese witherspoon? i did. where's her belly button? *searches*
the mirros of the car seem to be shattered but then i noticed it was raining. yay.
Its kinda funny, some people fug themselves up and I never look at them again the same way. this is not true for J.Simp. She can fug herself as badly as she wants, and my loins are still ablaze.
http://applesandbanoonoos.blogspot.com/
That t-shirt is like having a tattoo of a butt on your butt.
heh heh
that would be cool.
The Simpson/Timberlake/Levine, er, encounters were already reported in blind items in both Ted Casablanca's column and PopBitch weeks ago, so Paris' news is way behind the times.
That said, Jessica is only sort of medium-fugly here, sort of run-of-the-mill, mall-rat-y fugly. Not too atrocious, all things considered.
Yasmin Le Bon is looking pretty good right now. Fug. It's all relative.
Jessica can't sing her singing Take My Breath Away on The David Letterman Show was awful and she's thick and Jessica is a wannabe rocker/punk, ugh what next?
i know she's had her tits lifted but where to? over her shoulders where you can't actually see them? ashlee's face hasn't been warped out of all recognition so i'm guessing the twins have been aborted.
http://luckycrackers.blogspot.com/
I thought it was Rod Stewart on her shirt.
"Sigh. The Scarf Tied Around the Leggings is this millennium's variation on the If I Tie This Sweater Around My Hips, My Ass Will Look Smaller epidemic of 1995."
I didn't even know she had an ass to begin with.
I'm just trying to figure out who's got their hand on Nick's hip.
That mirror is broken for a reason. Let me shudder in peace.