Oscar Post-Party Fugshion: Jessica Simpson

And why didn't they get her braces when they were supposed to?!?

LEATHER

God she's starting to look like an old Farah Fawcett.

Wow. That's obviously mystic tan. I hate that shit. It always made my face look just like that. She should have just stayed home.

i also noticed that in every single photo taken of her last night she is not smiling. sometimes it looks like a smile, but i assure you, it's not.

she and nick are looking more and more like the tight-lipped, no-eye-contact last days of tom and nicole.

Giving new meaning to the phrase tanorexic...

Okay, Jessica? You're not fooling anyone when you sport a tan that dark IN THE WINTERTIME. Seriously, it's been raining for the last month and a half in LA, and the world knows it.

I don't understand everyone's obsession with being orange. I certainly wouldn't want to be equated with Florida's best.

liberal use of shimmery powder
+ sooty eye make-up
+ Mystic Tan overdose
= the look of a haggard, sweaty coke-head.....

oh. right.

Anybody wanna tell me why zeros liks this bitch and - presumably - her husband even get invited to the Oscar-related events? She looks way over-dressed (in wal-mart fall-aparts) to perform janitorial tasks.

Dumb-ass texas bitch.

christ. so THAT's the implication of coking yourself into oblivion when you have a beast for a husband.

Um, Heather, not all flesh tones are white.

And besides that, why has no one mentioned the PLASTIC LOOKING PEARL CHOKER? Is it suddenly 1996 again?

What the hell is THAT?!

Cheryl Tiegs gets whiplash in 1977. Gah.

Is her nose different?

She's a beautiful woman. Her natural coloring and a little bit of bronzing powder would be gorgeous. But this? Alien from the beyond orange? Not attractive.

Oddly enough, the girls at my school look remarkably similar to that around prom time. Frankly, I thought it was natural for a person to be the color of wood stain.

Three words: Blond Karen Carpenter.

Which awards show was it when Charlize Theron made the same orangina mistake? I'm totally reminded of that horrificness when I see this picture.

That. Is. Not. Human.

Jesus Christ, I'm going to have nightmares about that one.

Why do all those chicks want to get Beyoncé's perfect caramel complexion? Don't they realize that they're white? Come on: deal with reality Jess. You'll never be black, nor mixed. Accept your natural look and stop spraying that toxic stinky sh@#t on your skin. If you don't, you're gonna get old and wrinkled way before you reach your 25th birthday. Save your youth!!!!!

has nobody noticed that her face is CONSIDERABLY darker than her arms and chest? we used to worry about ghost-face foundation, but pumpkin-head-fake-tan? yeesh!

What's Up Doc?

Oh, Holy Hannah, she looks strung out. Maybe it's the frustration of trying to get hubby dear to go the same back door route that Mr. Jackass went (or so Ted C and PopBitch say) and coming up short that has her going a little heavy handed with the tanner. This is the first time I've looked at her and thought "Oh Dear FUG!". All of the partying that she is unaccustomed to is aging her before her time. Poor dear.

Jess, wise up. You won't find any other man to put up with your spoiled girl shit as nicely as your current hubby has, so get over it/yourself, get rehab, go home.

A dab of Diamond Joe Simpson's Miracle Self-Tanning Potion goes a long way. Ick, do ya think her dad offered to apply it for her? *shudder*

Um, yeah, her nose looks thinner. Someone got a nose job. Was that before or after the rimjob?

Again with the "Miami Grandma" look?!? WTF, people? I swear to God, all she needs is a few more wrinkles and some of those giant 70s "Sophia Loren" glasses, and she's going to look like "Mrs. Ginzburg in 6-C--the man-crazy one" who cheats at Bingo.

"This is a party for Oscar Meyer ... right, Nicky?"

She's going to be Rich Corinthian Leather by the time she's 30.

Ladies. let's try to be a wee bit PC shall we? The Crayola people got the point, "flesh" is not a color. Next thing you'll be calling poor unfortunate Bai Ling "Oriental". Tsk tsk. Snark 'em both, but do it with class.

To me she will ALWWAYS be Ricky Martin in a wig. Do a side by said, it's seriously errie.

if paris hilton can be a blue eyed blonde, michael jackson can be a white woman, and pam anderson can be a floatation device, then jessica simpson can be a louis vuitton handbag. this is america people!

p.s. "has nobody noticed that her face is CONSIDERABLY darker than her arms"
and
"back door route that Mr. Jackass went"

do not, i repeat, DO NOT free associate.

She looks like shit - enough said.

Oompa Fugging Loompa

Yes, there are a lot of colors for flesh, but I have never seen natural ORANGE skin. This is not the same as tanned or dark skin, this is unnatural.

What I don't understand is the constant need for ugly pastel lipsticks that clash horribly with the orange skin. Jessucka always does this. If she insists on sporting the fake tan look, she should at least invest in some lip color that actually *complements* her coloring.

I could press on your collarbone and break it like it a chicken bone

Spaced, stoned and orange is no way to go through life, son.

If Nick dumps her I think she would be very cute with Alvin the Chipmunk. They could be happy and make little orange striped chipmunks.
And yea, I also blogged on the horrid uber-neutral lipgloss that haunts Hollywood these days...
http://www.peacebang.blogspot.com

Maybe she was under the impression that she was supposed to be the same color as the Oscar? I mean, this IS the girl who thought Chicken of the Sea was actual chicken.

>>"Is her nose different?"<<

...10 bucks says she's snorting her way to a new one.

but um, holy mother of all that is terribly orange. jess? i love you for your retardation and your delicious cosmetics line, but holy hell, just...oh there are no words. just stop. seriously.

Oh, this just makes me wanna cry, and maybe vomit, as well.

Speaking of the old Farah Fawcett, Paris did mention cocaine use.

That's not orange. That's Pimp-My-Ride Metal Flake Tangerine™.

She's very pretty but the tan makes her look horrible.

besides the fact that her face is scarily darker than the rest of her body (like she can't afford makeup that matches PERFECTLY?!), is it normal for your teeth to be whiter than the sclera of your eye?

i know a tan makes everything look smaller but her breasts have definitely shrunk.

http://luckycrackers.blogspot.com/

Gah...repeat after me, fleshy good, anorexia bad...

She looks so vacant!!! Anyone else find her jawline very masculine looking?

Me no likey the 2nd nosejob, at all. What the heck was wrong with the 1st one?

And did they take out her breast implants while they were at it.

The outfit it just too Julia Roberts ala Pretty Woman for me.

Girl looks GAUNT!

-Vanessa

Maybe she was looking for the "flesh" crayon and picked up "burnt sienna" instead.

I was thinking that I needed to save this picture - her skin is the perfect shade of orange that I need in a pair of sandals for the summer. . . . . .

This picture....hurts.my.eyes.

Your breasts are the first thing to go when you diet stupid

Anyone else find her jawline very masculine looking?

Yes.

Oh my God ... she's turning into Ann Coulter.

Can someone point me in the direction of where all these rumors about her doing coke, Mr. Jackass, etc. are posted? I am really curious to see them.

someone get collagen? She's got the tell-tale duck lips.

Primo, Kristin: check out Perez Hilton's trashtastic blog, pagesixsixsix.blogspot.com/. I seem to remember there were some mentionings of coke use with Jessica...and it's pretty damn funny when it comes to skewering Paris Hilton.

Segundo, for a girl who loves to shop and has in the past exemplified good taste, I see this orange tan as a cry for help. Jessica, dump Nick if all the rumors are true. Newlywed/Baptist/Joe Simpson pressures notwithstanding, you're doing pretty well for yourself and divorcees can still make it big in Hollywood (cite Nicole Kidman).

Another source for the Jessica S does blow story is from Paris Hiltons leaked email messages. The always skanky Lindsay Lohan emails Paris to say that she saw Jessica S doing blow in a bathroom at a club. The emails are actually pretty funny, Lindsay and Hilton are like 90210 come to life but bitchier.

I never got why she wanted to get hitched at such a young age. I mean, if you don't plan to have babies right away, what's the point?

"I never got why she wanted to get hitched at such a young age. I mean, if you don't plan to have babies right away, what's the point?"

Consider yourself lucky if you missed one of the million interviews she gave about saving herself for marrage. It's usually the ONLY reason for getting married that young. Well, that or they HAD sex and daddy has a shot gun.

She got married because she wanted to get laid. End of story.

Is it just me or does she look like Heidi Klum in that picture.

She is obviously an Alien Warrior. Look, her collarbone is rising up to protect her from camera flashes.

It looks as though when her parents took her to get her veneers they told the dentist to apply the largest and whitest ones they had. I think I am going to get rid of my nightlight and hire Jessica Simpson to stand in the corner of my room and grin instead.

I hope she didn't halve herself for Dukes of Hazzard. Catherine Bach was no bone rack. And, what's the point of Daisy Dukes if there's no booty to peek out the bottom. Idiot.

SHE IS STILL HOT!!!!!!! TAN, WHITE, ORANGE, STRIPED, SHE IS GORGEOUS.

Inadapte,

Don't rag on Texas for no good reason. We can't choose who claims the state or who is born here. Not all Texans are crazy breat-obsessed Baptist preachers who turn into stage parents, okay.

Also, I'm all about fugging people for things they ostensibly can help or prevent, i.e. the fakest fake tan, fake nose and faked stupidity in the world) but not everyone is born with perfect teeth, and although her teeth aren't "perfect", I'd say they look very natural (exempt for the gleaming white shade).

Honestly, I always find it refreshing when stars keep some unique (re: "ugly") aspect of themselves. Look at Lauren Hutton and her adorable gap teeth - she got her start as a model. And Edward James Olmos with his acne scars. Or Steve Buschemi, who is the fucking coolest actor in the world.

Fug is a choice. You are not born fugly.

It's the expression - and she had the same one in every photo I've seen of her from Oscar night - that frightens me.

WAYYYYYY FUGGGLY... Coppertone Overdose! The hair is wrong and very unflattering, her two little Chicklets poking out between her pouty lips is not at all cute or endearing, and she just looks totally pissed in general. Maybe if she started eating again, she might have a better outlook. That glassy, distant look in her eyes is kinda scary. Come to think of it, this could very well be her Dad Joe in drag standing in for her...

remember the old neighbor lady from "Something About Mary"?

Undead Barbie!

I have seen oompa-loompas with more natural coloring.. Little word of advice, Jess-when you go to the tanning booth, do not request spray phasers set on "pumpkin spice latte"

I thought Agent Orange was banned years ago!

Good call on the lips, Dani. The orange I've grown accustomed to, the vacent stare is oh-so-ho-hum... but these lips! I can't look away! They don't... exactly look like implants, but maybe injections? They're... puffy-thin. It's not her teeth that stick out, it's her new lips that are too puffy to cover them up.

That or that frat boy she married finally tried to knock some sense into her.

COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE

I hope she's not on crack, but she certainly looks like it.
I really don't get how these people feel comfortable looking orange. I think I'd assume everyone who looked at me was like: "wow, you're fake-tan looks incredibly fake-tan-y".
Because her fake tan looks incredibly fake-tan-y.

At least when Kim Cattrall had the fake tan disaster at the Emmys a few years ago, she looked kinda embarassed. And at least Charlize Theron has seemingly learned her lesson. But I don't get Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan relishing their orangy skin tone.

It's Iron Man!

Yes she looks coked out.
Yes the tan is awful.
And, yes, I am afraid that the collarbone is about to swallow her neck and head.

Knox was probably sucking shots out it.

Does she have a lazy eye? Her eyes never quite look right in photos, they're always popping out in different directions making her look as dumb as her reputation has.

Um...this is an actual medical condition called carotosis...when one eats too much carotene, which just so happens to be found in carrots (God this is a redundant comment, but Im tired and rambling) which is coincidentally orange. *Geez* It commonly afflicts babies whose well meaning parents cram smashed carrots down their throat at every meal...Maybe Jess is just trying to eat healthy??

Captain James T Kirk; "Bones, save her! She was kidnapped by the Tribbles and taken to Planet Orangina where they removed her boobs and brains and painted her like a PETA fur."

Dr. Bones McCoy; "Goddamit Cap'n, I'm a Doctor not a magician! There is no hope! Maybe Spock can do a Vulcan mind meld?"

Spock; "I am sorry men. There is irrefutable evidence that she is an empty vessel, I need a someone with a mind not a sack of tuna!... Bones, why does the room smell like orange soda?"
----

*Isn't Eeyore Jessies personal Zen master?

LOLOLOLOL T_MAN SAM. Love it!!!

"I never got why she wanted to get hitched at such a young age. I mean, if you don't plan to have babies right away, what's the point?"

I hope to god this is sarcasm, because marriage isn't all about reproduction. I thought this was 2005, not 500 BC...

Don't worry...she's got the Earl Scheib version...it's spray painted tan! (I doubt, however, that she got sprayed for only $99.99...)

I agree with ya'll. The girl looks dumb. Her expressionless face and her empty stare makes don't fail her low-IQ and clueless reputation.

Every time I see a picture of this dumb cunt, I hear the Sex Pistols singing "Pretty Vacant".

Yeah, um, Kellie, that's not keratosis, which is a pre-cancerous skin growth. Neither is that Carotenemia, which is when one consumes bags of carrots at a time and after a while the palms of your hands take on a yellow-orange sheen. Duh. That's mystic tan all the way. Look at her pits for god's sake.

Paging Ms. Simpson: Rocky the squirrel wants his teeth back.

My bad...I was tired. I thought there was a semi rational explanation for the orangeness, but I guess it could only be self-imposed.*sarcasm of original message* There seems to be no middle ground between pasty pale and eerily oompa anymore.

(BTW I am an idiot re carotenosis. Limited medical knowledge gone awry?!)

"SHE IS STILL HOT!!!!!!! TAN, WHITE, ORANGE, STRIPED, SHE IS GORGEOUS."

Signed,

Pa Simpson

P.S. "WOW AND AIN'T MY GIRL'S BREASTESES HOTT!!!"

I guess Jessica's never seen the results of years of tanning on the face of Nancy Sinatra. I can hardly wait till all these doofy chicks look like old shoe leather, and at this rate, it won't be long.

CRAP!

Does anyone else think this looks eerily like Heidi Klum?

Yes, the skin tone is awful but it's the HAIR, people! I saw her interviewed live as she arrived and it was as if she put in a ponytail before bed, then woke up after 10 hours, slathered it with hairspray, and went to the party. It looks like greenish straw..... maybe the color is affected by its proximity to the orange.....

Plus her teeth are weird, right? It looked like when she was talking she had dentures or something. WHAT'S UP??????!

Oh, and just keep this in mind: The superflashes on the cameras actually make her look LIGHTER than this really is....

Hey isn't that OJ Simpson?

it's the coke...

i dont know why everyone is down on jessica simpson.. yes her tan is a little much, but people get over yourselves . I'm sure none of yall are half as successful or beautiful as she. it's ovious that you are all jelous! grow up and get over yourselves!!

poo poo is right. you catty, bitchy girls

um...JESSICA SIMPSON is absolutely talented and BEAUTIFUL...i think you are all jealous...and by the way...if she is what you say she is...
why is she on tv and you're on the computer?

YEAH THATS WHAT I THOUGHT--HATERS...

Does anybody think she lloks like a rodent here. With teeth sticking out and all?

i don't understand this hollywood and orange thing...maybe they think since they don't eat anything they can get proper vitamin c nutrition by becoming one. just like i don't understand the fat lip collogen thing?
is jessica really on coke?

Don't You Think She's The Sexiest

i could've sworn that the Oompa-Loompa trend was over...guess not...

To "JessFan", "GetALife," and "Anonymous," who are sticking up for Jessica Simpson (man sometimes I wonder if Jessica Simpsons' friends and lackeys trawl these sites trying to stand up for her):

Jessica looks like utter CRAP in this pic. You say she's beautiful, talented, yada yada, but I got news for you folks...she looked like crap before she got to Hollywood. She's had an eyelid job, a nose job (and it's STILL crooked and witchy), work done on her lips, and lost at least 25 pounds. Mark my words, ANYONE could go to Hollywood and end up looking 100% better than their former selves because of all the work done.

She was a normal person before, COMPLETELY and utterly average. Check out http://www.goodplasticsurgery.com/archives/004662.html for her facial changes over the years, http://www.5in9.com/jessica_simpson_p35.html for Jessica in all her pre-surgery average glory, and "Celebrities Without Makeup" (http://www.deansplanet.com/nomakeup.html) so you can see what celebs look like without all the magic (for an extreme case, click on Ashanti's pic...and get ready to lose your lunch...whatta man).

Additionally, Jessica's voice is screechy, raspy, and breathy, ("Now that I'm wath yowwww (screechy raspy whisper)") the latter of which any vocal coach could tell exhibits lack of talent. She's no Christina, Whitney, or Beyonce that's for sure.

Take your support and shove it: she's no better than anyone else, she stumbled into her success by sheer luck and exposure, as most celebrities do. PLUS she's a cokehead and she's stupid as hell (her mom says she has IQ of 160...riiiight....man I'd love to see her bang out some sixth-grade algebra problems).

Thank you.

JESSICA SIMPSON IS UGLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY U HEA MEEEEEEEEE????????????? U HEAR ME??????????? Holly Marie Combs is much better! JESS HAS UGLY EVERYTHING! LEGS, NOSE,... face, butt EVRYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chiao :P

Gosh, everything about this girl's face is masculine! Her eyebrow ridges, her lips, her jawline, her chin, her forehead, her strong nose (with a bump)!!