A classic example of what we here at Go Fug Yourself call, "the scrolldown." The photo looks fine, until you scroll down and unleash the horror of the bottom half.
I don't hate the shirt. I think it would actually look cute with dark jeans and sexy heel. But the pants? Oy, the pants.
a) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, HEM THEM.
b) Are those Dockers? At an event that is not a work-sponsored team-building retreat involving chair pyramids and tug of war? Let's call them Bad Idea Khakis.
**** Note: Although the photo caption identifies this woman as Alanis, she looks REMARKABLY like Party of Five's Lacey Chabert. Further examination reveals that it is, I THINK, Alanis. Here, she appears to be thanking India:
I'd also like to point out that the shirt becomes more troubling the more I see of it, but I still think that hot jeans and shoes could possibly rescue. WE HAVE TO KEEP SOME HOPE ALIVE, PEOPLE.
Are those Dorf's pants?
I'll say it: I hate the shirt.
Yeah, no. I hate the shirt. Come to me Ryan. Come!
You know I adore you Jessica, but .... no. The pants are the least of it. That top is hideously fugly, and would look good with nothing. It makes her look like there's a tumor at her left shoulder. Bad hair, too. Oy.
You know I adore you Jessica, but .... no. The pants are the least of it. That top is hideously fugly, and would look good with nothing. It makes her look like there's a tumor at her left shoulder. Bad hair, too. Oy.
No. No, this is not a good example of The Scrolldown. It is a good example of The Fugly At First Sight And Scrolldown Confirms Worst Fears. That shirt is not cute. It wouldn't be cute with jeans and heels. It wouldn't be cute with a kicky skirt. It wouldn't even be cute if it were on Johnny Depp and he were in my bed and he brought his friend Jude Law over for my birthday present.
No, this shirt is like a black fly in my chardonnay.
Maybe she's being ironical wearing it?
what's the deal with the shiny gold cummerbund? is it part of the top? Ugly. Also, who is this woman, is it Alanis Morrissette?
Okay, come on, are those epaulets on her shoulders? Lace epaulets?? And is that a leather or satin band around her stomach??
You know what's confusing? Is this a picture of Alanis Morissette or Lacy Chabert, aka annoying younger sister on Party of Five. I seriously cannot tell.
The shirt is only marginally okay, and only because it's next to the pants. But honestly? It had to be cut off of either a circa-1981 prom dress or a mother-of-the-bride dress. Maybe she's run out of money.
Her EYES are burning HOLES in my BRAAAAAAAAAAAAIN.
Lacy Chabert. Good one.
Claire, I had the SAME THOUGHT. i can't believe someone else posted that. Hilarious. It looks like either Lacey Chabert or Alanis with a bad case of lightbulb head.
oh, wow. total head to toe fug.
Are those Dockers? Maybe they were having a sale at Sears?
What happened to people eating food? Is it just me? I want to staple Alanis by her pants - more JNCO than Dockers - to a chair and make her eat. Greens are good for you, honey! Eat something. Please.
But she looks so HAPPY! She's has this, "Look! I dressed myself today!" expression that my little cousin used to have and i didn't have the heart to tell her that her pants were on backwards.
*sigh* Very good, sweetie.
I have to disagree, guys. I'm digging the shirt - seriously. I like that it's funky and unexpected and Victorian cool. Call me crazy. I think it would look killer with a nice pair of dark jeans or slim, black pants...that are hemmed.
Why does her head appear so elongated??
Good gawd. Mr. Ed has gone and gotten an Extreme Makeover.
The more I look, the more I'm thinking this IS Lacy Chabert. What would Alanis be doing at a Lifetime TV event? She's waaaaaay too crunchy-granola-tree-hugger-reads-by-kerosene for that scene; whereas Lifetime is the natural exile of a hasbeen like Chabert.
Has the Morrissette-ness of this fug been positively ID'ed?
Clearly, she grabbed Ryan Reynold's pants out of the dirty and unironed clothes hamper on her way to this Lifetime event. And seeing as how she was "in a traffic jam when she was already late", she had no time to go back and change into her own pants, which I'm sure were cute and went as nicely as they could with that 'top'.
Her hair was looking so cute lately too, I am not sure what happened here. Maybe when she became an American citizen last month she had to bribe the INS with her hair brush.
PS - I love you Jessica, but that top too is pure, sheer, unadulterated fug. Look at the way its bunched up at her waist..the HELL? and those shoulder epaulettes..and the neck...just no, girlfriend. You oughtta know better.
she's suffering from a elephantism of the head. the disproportionate head is completely distracting me from the fug.
It's almost like, for the last 10 years, she's been having a crisis and trying to be the anti-Alanis of the 80s -- you know, the cutesy girl singer with perfect makeup, hair and clothes.
At least we can be thankful that she's left behind the Alanis of the long stringy hair and Nike jackets.
this nice day-to-night outfit says casual friday/jousting at the renaissance faire. yet another example of the industriousness of our gentle neighbors to the north (canadians, people). sorry, t-man...
This fug began for me with the head/hair before I even saw the shirt. The shirt actually appears to be the most presentable part of the picture.
What's with the edgy photo-angle at a Lifetime TV event? Maybe Lacelanis didn't bother putting on presentable clothing, because she knew the photographers would take unflattering photographs either way.
Seriously, who is she? Lacey Chabert or Alanis Morrisette?
Huh. The photo caption IDed her as Alanis, but maybe it IS Lacey.
I don't know. I seriously don't hate the shirt. Maybe I have a head injury?
no no no stop the fug!
I know 'Lani, know the family, went to school with her. Lawdy Lawdy! Can't the Fug stop here! (I luv U-all but..)
She is my city's treasure. 'Lani the good.
I promise to be good and never Fug again if we can all be nice to 'Lani!
In Canada we have Zellers-Club Z stores which is too down scale to sell Dockers or Arnold Palmer roomy fit stretchy waste Haggar slacks.
Maybe Club Z dressed her?
As for Club Z....Think Flea market, Swap Meet or Bargain Harold's then think ickier than that.
The 1962 K-Mart on the outskirts of Ghetto with wooden floors and that Popcorn and flatulence smell that won't go away... keep on descending down the shopping evolutionary chain.. and there you have Club Z.
Poor, poor, 'Lani! stay outta Club Z.
'Lani I love you! -heart-!
NO! She did NOT just cut off the bottom half of a nasty old wedding dress and put it on as a shirt. And start her shift at Old Navy like that. No. She didn't. Oh my god she did.
Poor fug girls, they are exposed to so much fug to bring us the best of the worst that it is begining to wear off on you. That shirt should be avoided at all costs! It is terrible!
Fug girls you work tireless and give us so much but it is time for a break, for the next couple hours put away the pictures of Courtney Peldon and Chloe Sevigny and look instead on perhaps some Cate Blanchett or Jennifer Garner (who at least tend to be more hits than misses) or if that doesn't work go back to the hollywood hayday of un-fuggness and look up Grace Kelly or Audrey Hepburn. You deserve a break.
That is exactly what my hair looked like when I woke up this morning. For real.
That is not Alanis Morissette - it's Mr. Ed wearing the brocaded cushions from a mausoleum.:)
Isn't it ironic that Jessica *doesn't* think the shirt is fugly?
I agree with LadyK - poor thing, you need a break. You are surrounded by too much fugliness. Please take a well-deserved vacation, but be sure to appoint someone to take over while you're gone so we can still get our fug fix!
Her shirt definitely looks like the inside upholstery of a casket.
Horrible top to bottom. It almost looks like she's wearing her clothes backward. I'm pretty sure that's Alanis.
All clothing fugliness aside, what is up with the two swaths of burnt orange on her cheeks? Looks like it was applied with a paint roller.
WOW. That shirt is seriously terrifying in the close-up. Is that like a rouched silk pocket? Am I seeing things?
No way that's Lacey Chabert - the person in that picture looks much older (and much less prettier) than Lacey. Also looks like she's wearing a wedding ring. It has to be Alanis.
Oh, and yeah, the whole outfit needs to go.
That close up reveals a few facts:
1) It is indeed, Alanis.
2) No jeans could save that top from fugdom.
While trying on her grandmother's non-virgin champagne colored wedding dresses in order to entice Ryan Reynolds to propose to her, Alanis exclaimed, "DAMN! I'm late for that Lifetime photoshoot!" Good friend WNBA star Cynthia Cooper was with her at the time and lent Alanis her pants. "I don't mind that they are wrinkled and a foot too long for my legs!" she exclaimed, and quickly pulled them up over her champagne colored non-virgin type wedding dress circa 1924. She pulled a tiny bit of the dress out over the waist so it wouldn't bunch up in the legs, and hoped for the best. Unfortunately, a sudden windstorm blew an entire Dairy Queen Blizzard into her hair, but, having no time to worry about that, Alanis let it air dry on the way to the photo shoot in her convertible. Asked why she could smile so much given her ghastly appearance, she was heard to retort "Have you SEEN how hot and funny my boyfriend is!?"
I find it amazing that noone has mentioned the Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome wedges of blush, clearly noticeable in the second picture and clearly overcompensating for the Red Carpet Effect, where without nosebleed-seat-worthy layers of makeup you look pale and washed out.
Why is Alanis trying to become Tina Turner circa 1985?
The shirt is not permissible. Yuck.
I have to say, I fell into the shirt-is-not-so-bad trap. Upon further inspection, however, she looks like Mrs. Doubtfire, or any of the Golden Girls. For real, are there shoulder pads in there, too? Maybe the photo was misidentified and she's submitted herself as a linebacker in the NFL draft?
Agreed, the shirt is no good. I see Jessica's reasoning pairing this top with dark jeans, etc. But that would just be putting a band-aid on a stab wound. Start over and scrap the shirt.
What's up with the crotch-wrinkles? I don't think these pants could be anymore ill-fitting.
What's up WAY TOO MUCH BRONZER?? I personally think the whole outfit is hideous, but that close up reveals a makeup disaster as well. Come on, don't celebs pay people to take care of this stuff?
Regarding the head deformation: They're using a wide-angle lens. They distorts images on the edges.
The fugliest thing to ME is the HORRID BRONZE BLUSH she used. Either she's confused about how to use a bronzer, doesn't realize that blush is supposed to resemble flushed skin, or someone got in to the metallic fingerpaints again.
Its not that bad... and do they HAVE to be 'hot' jeans? like, come on..
Oh. Now there is a closeup. WHAT is on her FACE?!?!?!?!?
Wrong on so many levels. Like rain on your wedding day. But fuglier.
A couple of months ago, Harper's Bazaar included a 'people will be wearing metallics with khaki this spring- it's the new black' blurb. Methinks Alanis took this to heart.
I think the wide angle lens stretched out head is what causes the Lacey look. The close-up definitely says Alanis.
Why wear any jeans other than ones in which you look hot?
Oh, yeah...Bad Idea Khakis...?
The reference! HILARIOUS! I'm rolling! All we need is some Schmitz Gay and a copy of Love by the Entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel by Velvet Jones.
You Fug Girls slay me. I can't remember how I got through the day without you.
Oh, yeah...Bad Idea Khakis...?
The reference! HILARIOUS! I'm rolling! All we need is some Schmitz Gay and a copy of Love by the Entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel by Velvet Jones.
You Fug Girls slay me. I can't remember how I got through the day without you.
Hmm.
Looks like she is auditioning for a part in Oliver, with her dirtied face (or wait is that blush?) and tattered clothes. She's a shoe in!!!
Also, she bears some resemblence to Chelsea Clinton...sad.
It IS ironic.
"It wouldn't even be cute if it were on Johnny Depp and he were in my bed and he brought his friend Jude Law over for my birthday present."
You're right... That wouldn't be cute... That would be ridiculously hot, and although I've never fantasized about two men at once, I now thank you for new masturbatory fodder.
But, yes, that shirt is NAS-TAAAAY!
I'm delighted to see that she has left-eyebrow-syndrome, just like me! Look at the way her left eyebrow arches up for no apparent reason, and likely out of her control! It's always refreshing to see on a star. I'm compelled to ask, however, why did she feel the need to make her makeup match her blouse? Is there a new Lifetime Original coming out about Midas? Is she hoping to be bronzed for posterity? Is she trying to distract us from the epaulets, or hope that the glitter on her face blinds us from the unhemmed pants?
Perhaps she does not have left-eyebrow-syndrome after all, but instead, her left eyebrow is trying to run away, and escape up her brow so as not to be associated with the rest of the get-up.
I actually think it's Alanis TRYING to be Lacey Chabert. The up close shot of the make-up..oy, my eyes!!
Okay, this one kind of threw me, because it was labeled "the scrolldown" and I was already so horrified by the shirt, I was scared to see the rest of it. But then I saw the pants and was like "Oh. Huh." Sure, they need to be hemmed, but they aren't hideous. They're khaki, and khaki is pretty much harmless.
BUT THE SHIRT. Ack! The only thing that could save that high-necked gold monstrosity is a bonfire.
Also, how many rings does one NEED?? She looks like she's about to throw down outside the local McDonald's.
Oh, and the make-up is a tad bit "Dixie Wetsworth" from Cabanna Chat. Only a tiny bit scarier.
OK. I am going to show my age here. I remember that shade of blush, vividly, from the early 1980s, when we called it "blusher" and applied it with sponges from our temples to the sides of our noses to try to make cheekbones where God had put none.
Alanis has, in contrast, used the modern style of putting it on the apples of the cheeks, with a brush (or maybe a trowel). Yet the color? That is, I swear, the same shade of metallic apricot/copper that Pat Benatar wore in the Love is a Battlefield video. That is the shade that goes along with knickers and gold belts and matching pumps and tall bangs and a
runon sentence that ends without warning.
Despite what others might say, the shirt, I like. The bronze racing-stripes across her cheeks: freak. me. out.
She's totally rocking Rubiglo.
The BLACK POINTY SHOES sticking out from the khakis are bewildering. Why black? Maybe they caught her on the way to the dressing room where she's going to change into her supercute black pencil skirt. Thus, the travel wrinkles on the khakis - from the car ride over.
People who post in all caps get their posts deleted.
-- Jessica
Whoa, somebody forgot to take their Lithium...
But anyway, Alanis really DOES look like Lacy Chabert, AND her pants need to be hemmed.
But, then again, I'm just a white trash fuck head moron so I could be wrong...
um,ick
Well, that's just silly. Why would we fug Jesus's robes? They fit him quite well. If he sews on forty ruffles, then maybe we'll talk.
I think the pants are the least of her problems.
*luv* her 80's copper blush; could she have piled any more on?
she's always been a cheezeball.
That shirt frightens me.
I'd like the top *maybe* except for the ruched paisley thingee on the shoulder. I am morally opposed to ruched paisley thingees. The pants are tragic.
Why am I always doing my allotted 5 minutes of work per day when something exciting happens around here?
Ladies. I think JAGGED LITTLE FUG might have worked a little better than IRONIC. But you're still brilliant.
mwah.
Home with a cold and medicated to the hilt. I decide to check GFY.
I see someone that appears to be Alanis Morrisette wearing a top that resembles my mom's lace and ruched bedspread from the 70's, with wrinkled ill fitting pants. Hey, is she sporting racing stripe blush (which I must confess to wearing in my misspent youth)? The expression on her face is creeping me out - what a loopy, feral smile - sort of like those crazy Mary Kay sales women who tried to recruit me at the office the other day when I went to get my latte from SBUX. I think she wants us to join her cult of badly dressed and overblushed women. . . .
Whoa, I must be hallucinating - that perscription cough medicine is some really good shit.
For a moment, I was wondering if nobody had noticed the bad use of makeup, but then I scrolled down in the comments and realized that I wasn't the only one offended by liberal use of bad makeup.
It's called an "Iron", Alanis. They sell them in stores, ask for them by name.
Dammit -- I missed the drama AGAIN. Why can't I be like the rest of you and get to see the interesting studff?
I think that this is actually a "spit-take" or a "re-play" rather than a "scrolldown." The top is one fug, and the bottom is a separate and independent fug that demands a re-play of the top section just to make sure you saw it right. It's like she's one of those old Fashion Plates stencils where someone just found the two ugliest, least complimentary sections and put them together to see how awful the combination would be. So she winds up looking like her top half is manic-prim-shiny-faux-Chabert and her bottom half is lost in a pair of Kevin Federline's uncut khaki manpris.
I don't get it. Wasn't she supposed to be this kinda post - fem - hip - guitar playing chick a few years ago? Now she looks like a D List version of Mary Tyler Moore...what happened?
The sandpaper on my retina does not seem to help, at all.
I can understand the confusion -- believe me, I've seen Lacey Chabert in person, and she employs the same "paintroller bronzing powder application technique" that Alanis apparently favors.
But Fug Girls, tell me, did you already comment on J.Lo's appearance on the Today show (3/3/05)? Sorry if I already missed it, but it is Fugness in its purest form. Check it out:
http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20050303/capt.nyma10103031539.people_lopez_nyma101.jpg
And see that Nazi symbol on her sleeve? Why is there no outrage? Prince Harry incites an international furor (no pun intended) but Jenny from the block gets a pass? What gives?
Wow, I haven't had a Ready For The World flashback in a long time. Thanks, Alanis.
Normally, I'd defend my gurl and say, "She's cool alternative and indie! She's ALLOWED to dress poorly, since we expect her to sing, not dress!" But...just...I am losing respect for her for firstly turning up to a LIFETIME event of ALL THINGS, and looking just baaaaaad...There is no excuse. I cannot forgive this, even if I do adore the Alanis. So no. This outfit makes her prior velvet monstrosities look bearable. *Shudders*
Man, the way that J-Lo photo was taken makes her look like she's got a terminal case of Saddlebag Syndrome. Not a flattering pose for her.
Shirt is horrible. Glittery polyester lace is so "Grandma Chic". That thing is straight from Betty White's closet, y'all!
And the hair and makeup are even more Grandma-ish. WTF?
How old is Alanis anyway -- 30? Then why is she troweling on the makeup like a 70-year-old at Nate 'N Al's? Her huge eyes and gigantic teeth need no further embellishment, and yet she's chosen the blackest of kohl and the shiniest of lipgloss for them, which, frankly, make her look like a scary-ass clown. This must be some arcane Canadian thing. And in the immortal words of my old friend Robert, hasn't Ryan ever looked at her *face? Jeebus -- he can't be *that* hard up for a career-enhancing meal ticket...
"The 1962 K-Mart..."
K mart (no hyphen) was known as Kresge's in 1962.
I never got past the unbelievable amount of bronzer troweled onto her face. There's enough there for all of California with some left over to spare. Good God, woman, what were you thinking?! "Gee, I'd like my cheeks to match the carpeting. That'd be really cute!" And I thought indie rockers were supposed to be all pale and anemic looking anyway. Almost goth, but with tight ringer tees and bad hair.
Come on guys, give Alanis a break... she's from Canada! You know, the Great White North? We don't have stylists up here. Or tailors. Or electricity. That's right. Let's see how stylish you all look when you have to get dressed in the dark.
Oh, and the poster who said that Alanis' scary makeup is probably "some arcane Canadian thing" is very astute. Unfortunately, our lack of a reliable communications system has left us at least thirty years behind the current beauty trends.
Note to Nat's Mom, who provided the link to a photo of J.Fug: you have a good eye for bad fashion (and I mean, mindnumbingly bad)... but not such a good eye for the fascist symbols (that's not even close to being a swastika). However, it could be argued that Jenny's outfit is a crime against humanity.
There's no swastika on J-Ho's sleeve, Succexy, but there does seem to be an Iron Cross and lightning bolts.
Although the Iron Cross was a symbol of Germany's military before WWII (and of Prussia's in the 19th century), many people still associate it with the Third Reich army.
And the lightning bolts were the symbol of the SS.
Eeeek! The crazy Chuckie doll head on Alanis is scaring me!
Whoa. I *totally* thought that was Lacey Chabert and was thinking, "Lacey! When did you get so f'n long in the tooth! Shit, I must be getting old if Lacey Chabert is getting so old."
That shirt is worse than the pants, IMHO. But, certainly, they are both fugilicious.
Does anyone remember Alanis's video where she wandered around nude except for full length hair extensions? Or some concert where she wore a naked suit? Can anyone tell me that either of those choices would not be better than Mrs Van Wilder rocking the high neck Gosford Park shirt or the crotch wrinkled 6-inches-too- long pants? And don't get me started on the makeup-as the animated show "The Tick" would put it-"They laugh at clown!"
Between the orange cheeks, the Dickies and the shirt that's an unholy union between "Little House on the Prairie" and "Dynasty," she's the poster girl for the main fugs of 1982.
i ALWAYS thought Lacey Chabert looked like Alanis, even when she was, like, 12 on "Party of Five", and I always said that - if there was ever a biopic on Mademoiselle Morissette - she'd be the one to play her :)
Lacey Chabert is better looking than Alanis and could most probably sing better too.
A case from the "Oh, Honey...NO" files. For sure. I love Alanis, but Jesus effing Christ. What happened?!
I was at this event, and I have to say: in person, I thought she looked great! Granted, I was not as close-up as these photos are, but when she came on stage, and was sitting a very high stool to sing her songs, the long pants weren't really an issue, since her legs were hanging down and you couldn't tell. The hair looked better in person too--I like it longer again--and I don't think she was wearing those shoes when she was onstage. For those who were complaining that she even appeared at a LIFETIME event, it was an award ceremony that they sponsored in D.C. in conjunction with their "Stop Violence Against Women" week--pretty good cause.
Is this what happens when you give up Canadian citizenship?