The Fug Whisperer

I'll let others deal with the massive fug that is Ms. Jade, but I will say it sure doesn't help matters that she's standing like she really needs to go #2.

She seems to be a singer...probably a fixture on the craptastic Radio Disney...

attack of the tiny orange belt part deux

You forgot to mention the other countless animals that died for the sake of this outfit. The very rare exotic Gold Lamee Parakeet that was used to fashion the horendous handbag and the poor animals used to create the belt. For the love of the animals, stop this outfit!!!

The outfit sans boots and snakeskin strappy thing wouldn't be repulsive... I think...

I just looked at the photo again...

Is it just me or does her head look photoshopped in??

She's some singer from Australia. Perth, to be exact. Touted as being the next Britney, which I supposed means we can expect much fugliness from her in the future. Thank goodness.

Jesucristo. "Cactus Jade." I swear I thought this was Fulie-Lynn Spears again for just a second. I have to agree with ESTHER above when I say space-city cowgirl needs to think about getting to the restroom to drop the kids off at the pool.

What's with the design around her pockets pointing to her cooch?

OK stop...you're killing me.
i'm not kidding.

I like the boots, but they, like all boots, need to be worn UNDER the pants.

I like the boots, but they, like all boots, need to be worn UNDER the pants.

What frightens me most is how well her "outfit" matches the carpet she's standing on.

Ick - her midriff is bulging out the top of those jeans, not flattering. And what the hell is that holding up her shirt? Is that a stretched-out scrunchie? Wha?

It's as if the shoulder straps are trying to restrain her fall into full-scale fuggery, but she couldn't fight gravity and fell anyway.

I'll take the boots and belt. The rest can go to Goodwill, where even they might reject it.

Great Scott! She's stolen Wonder Woman's boots. Someone call Linda Carter immediately! One feels the need to call out to her and warn of the copperhead diamondback snake which has slithered around her neck and armpits and is right now about to sink its fangs into her oddly colored redpink face. Or perhaps she's channelling Cleopatra and wearing snakes draped around her body, in some sort of sick phallic worship?

That shirt, belt and jeans are individually fug; yet collectively an offense to my eyes so great that seeing ones own grandparents licking sundae toppings off eachother would be like visine in comparison. Literally.

Yes-That is indeed some head to toe fug. I'd sincerely like to keep this Britney-in-the-making way 'Down Under'. Perth *is* nice and remote I suppose. Better yet, how about stranded on the Great Barrier Reef? During cyclone season?

The top!! What the hell is going on with that thing? I'm sorry. I'm old. I just don't get it.

Whew.

could she, perhaps, be wearing a very tiny backpack that we can't see?

http://www.grooveon.com.au/alerts.cfm?article=493

Apparently her track was added on to Shark's Tale but it was sung by JoJo; probably to avoid further costume embarassment in the off-chance that the song and it's performer are chosen for entertainment at any upcoming awards ceremonies...

no, no, no adamp. wonder woman's boots were the height of mod chic: simple red boots with a white stripe down the front. these, however, are shitkickers that were, poor things, the unfortunate victim of misnomer. the aussie thought they were trans am kickers. that's how those firebirds got on there. you know, those big stickers heshers from woodland hills like to put on the hood? yeah. that's what happened here. no doubt.

and here's something to ponder: is it possible that aussies dress worse than french canadians?

Every time I see someone wearing cowboy boots with the pants tucked in, I am reminded of that Seinfeld episode where Kramer took all Jerry's shoes and gave them away, except for one pair. Inexplicably, all he left were the cowboy boots Jerry wore for his brief stint as a waiter at a Western-themed restaurant. Then there was a scene where people were laughing at Jerry and his boots and he slipped and fell on some ice.

But I digress. Anyhow, judging from her skintone she does appear rather embarassed about something.

With the exception of Celine "Who's your grandaddy?" Dion, I'd say this photo is a great evidence to validate your theory, NinaBerries. (And I stand humbly corrected on the boots of Wonder Woman.)

I think she added that strappy thing in an attempt to praised for her posture. She was probably all, "Those Fug girls will like totally LOVE me if I stand up straight and then like I will totally be cool and we can like go shopping! Eat that JoJo and Jamie Lynn!"

It may be my monitor, but her face looks metallic pink - a totally different color than the rest of her body.

www.FastCarsandFastBoys.blogspot.com

"Some call her the Space Cowgirl-some call her the gangsta of fug-some people call her Maurice-cause she speaks of the pompatus of fug". She is who again? Girl looks like a blend of Britney Spears,Hillary Duff,Jessica Simpson and Paris'less famous and more attention starved sisters who recently returned from a vacation at the dude ranch from hell, or the groupie who just finished the farewell tour for 30 Odd Foot of Grunts. And if she is going into the Nickelodeon Awards, I hope the Kids Choice is to shoot at her feet and ride her out of town on a rail.

clearly the tapeworm that was causing her belly bulge has crawled out, and settled itself on her shoulders.

those boots make me want to commit suicide.

Like James Van Der Boek. In very bad drag.

Let's call it "Dawson's Creek II: When Cowgirls Attack"

You mean this isn't Britney's little sister in her night-out-on-the-town outfit, vs. the everyday school outfit that was the last fug photo?

And you mean they had to fly all the way to Australia to find "the next Britney"? Is it really that hard to find a Britney wanna-be?

Why didn't the no-talent agents just turn her sister into their next marketing scheme, so they could save some money and time and get her some decent clothes?

A BritneyAshlee clone from Australia huh? Well she's got the fugged up wardrobe right. Aren't we at our immigration quota for talentless semi-dressed girl singers?

Bronze metallic cowboy boots. Nauseating. Those belong in Manolo's gallery of the horrors.

Good things about this outfit/pic:
1) She's kinda-sorta standing up straight
2) She's well-equipped to exact revenge on the fug girls by inserting her foot up their backsides
3) Nice necklace
4) The horrible snakeskin backpack/posture-helper/shirt retention device does seem to be keeping her out of Bailingistan
5) I, uhh, kinda like the one little curl on the right side of her head

Well, I don't actually approve of #2, but perhaps Mrs. Who-were-you-again does.

Keeping the spirit of GHY alive...

YEEEEEEEEEE-HAW!

So that's what the appeal is of becoming famous - you can wear whatever the hell you want no matter how tacky, and people call it "fashion!"

She cannot be as fat as she looks. I have no doubt that she's a well-proportioned, fit young lady, but in this outfit she looks like she's swallowed an armadillo -- yet another animal fallen victim to her misguided fashion sense.

Australian pop singer, it figures...

Am I the only one who thinks she looks like a Spears cousin (although, with all that inbreeding I didn't think they had any relatives beyond the next bayou...)? At the very least, she apparently was misguided enough to borrow the Spears stylist.

I have to wonder if she would be less fugged out if she were standing on a carpet her outfit and skintone /didn't/ match...

...no, no, she would be. Nevermind.

Anyone else seeing the Kristin Davis resemblance?

There's a whole lotta fuggin' going on at this awards ceremony. I also nominate Hilary Duff for a fugging her her outfit to this event.

There's a whole lotta fuggin' going on at this awards ceremony. I also nominate Hilary Duff for a fugging for her outfit to this event.

We should feel badly for her. The device under her arms and around her neck is surely a medical backbrace meant to hold her up under the weight of our scorn. Or a tapeworm as Jax suggested.

I was just going to say that the snake skin wrap/shirt suspender that she is wearing is something very similar to what I had to wear when I broke my collar bone in the 3rd grade. but super fashionable! Unlike me in the third grade. or me now.

Be nice, she might be in pain guys! (heh)

If you look veeery closely, you can see that those are not just ugly cowboy boots, but ZIP-UP cowboy boots.

Hmm.. Any relation to Bijou Phillips' recent fug? I'm seeing the forehead similarities.

As far as the attire - here's my guess: She packed her outfit in the unmatching snakeskin backpack she has strapped around her shoulders, but the boots are so effin' sharp and pointy that they shredded the collar of her shirt, requiring her to keep it affixed to her person via the aforementioned backpack. Oh, and the boots also shredded the bottom of her jeans, forcing her to cover them up with the top of the boots.

Or: the boots-over-jeans are an attempt to say "see, I DO like animals, and just like the phoenix on my boots, I will rise from the ashes of this fug someday and be famous."

According to Google, Samantha Jade is an Australian singer of some sort. Apparently, they haven't learned how to dress down-under. Yuck.

So i found this while trying to figure out who this girl was...and her promo photos are really cute..but this outfit is really really fugly!!!!

GrooveOn spoke to Samantha recently between recording sessions -

GrooveOn: Tell us in your own words - Who is Samantha Jade?

SJ: Samantha Jade is an artist who loves music and is very excited to have the chance to make great music and to hopefully also change peoples outlook on life with it. I am very lucky to be able to do what I love for a living and to have the chance to speak to the world through my music.

On the bright side if she needs to get into another line of work her name is already perfect for a porn star.

Oh God, they /are/ zip-up! Nice catch, Jay. Good lord.

I didn't notice how ratty her hair looked before, but it's pretty bad. Then again, everything's bad, so that's not surprising...

The Kids Choice Awards are always a fashion nightmare. Even well dressed Stars seem to detach their heads from their respective bodies and let 3 year olds dress them. Not cute. I am especially annoyed with the use of sequins here. There is no point and I am pretty sure that they are in fact separate from the top which is also hideous. There are a few different looks going on here and they all seem to be parts from a Halloween costume. Kid Choice indeed.

.....notice the use of acrylic in relation to the fingernail area. To some they may say well manicured, but for me they always scream PORN.

.....notice the use of acrylic in relation to the fingernail area. To some they may say well manicured, but for me they always scream PORN.

Haven't you guys heard? Fugly Australian Cowgirl is the next big thing. Britney is even basing her new maternity fashion line off of it.

has anyone noticed the strangely fascistic double-eagles-facing-off-over-a-coat-of-arms pattern on her cut-off, pink, blouson-waisted t-shirt? is samantha jade not only a cowboy slut from down under, but a nazi into the bargain?

Those boots are screaming for a Mexican wrestler mask. Please tell me I'm not the only one who sees that.

Also, she's not fat, but she looks like she's trying to make her shoulderblades touch her ass, which then makes her middle protrude. Maybe she's a yoga instructor.

Though the boots are bad, the top is worse. It makes her look fat and waist-less, though as a teenage, Australian Britney Spears, she's probably neither of those things.

Oh no! I have those Serfontaine jeans she is wearing. Guess it's time to go douse my naked body in honey and lay on an ant pile :(

Samantha Jade... a name for a porno star if there ever was one.

Why must people tuck their jeans into boots? Why???

What is she wearing around her shoulders? It looks like she is sporting a little Koala backpack or something.

is that thing holding her shirt on one of those elasticy straps that had the clampy teeth on the end? I remember chicks used to wear them with the tent sized baby doll dresses.......just this one is stretched out reeeeally far.

Urgh, did she just smell her upper lip? Did the stench cause a permanent sty? Not to mention the pipe cleaner...

As an Australian I'd like to say that: (a) never heard of her; (b) Perth is a long way from everywhere here too, as you can see; and (c) we're very, very sorry.

don't kill yourself, person who has her jeans -- they're the only nonfugly part of her outfit.
hey, i just noticed the super-simple diamond (diamonique?) on a chain around her neck -- hilarious that a person piling on all this crap would suddenly think, 'now i must accent it with my most demure necklace.' truly, this is the outfit that keeps on giving.

That thing around her shoulders? So THAT's where my fun zebra-striped steering wheel cover got to!

I didn't notice the outfit, because her giant forehead caught my attention first.

Those boots are pretty painful, though.

Butterface!

Did I miss the memo? When did tiny belts come into style??

And something went wrong in the tanning booth. She's burnt at the edges.

Ok seriously. Is it me or did she rape a velvet store then go rob the emblem off burt reynolds trans am from smokey and the bandit, then slap it on them ugly red boots. My god she needs to quit trying so hard. Ugly is uncomfortable and she has to be dying there.

I broke my clavicle in a car accident when I was 14 and I had to wear a cream-colored figure eight brace around my shoulders that looks a lot like the random strap she has on. It made me stick my boobs out (okay, I didn't really have boobs, more like my rib cage stuck out) but it got me a lot of attention for guys because I looked like a tart and was somewhat helpless. But like I said, car accident, shattered collarbone. What's this chicks excuse?

I $*&#ing hate that $*&#ing juicy couture.

Samantha Jade is a "Perthteen" singer from Australia..she just signed with Jive Records. Maybe the Crocodile Dundee-inspired look is what she's going for here. Anyway, the outfit is BARFUGLY!

^^^ Hey what's wrong with Juicy Couture? It rox!!

Scrolling down and scrolling up and scrolling down and scrolling up again I decided that Fuglynne and Fugsamantha must have been cloned from the same devil's spawn. They're Fugtwins separated at birth.

I live in Australia and have never heard of her before, but I have noticed an increase in the number of boots-over-jeans around the streets over the past few months.
A worrying development in the country that fully endorsed Ugg boots.

oh also this appeared in the sydney morning herald this morning:
Flamboyant singer Gwen Stefani has knocked Kate Moss off the top of the best dressed list to be crowned Britain's number one fashion icon by style bible Harpers & Queen.

http://www.smh.com.au/news/Fashion/Super-hot-female/2005/04/05/1112489475839.html

have a look, marilyn manson's girlfriend is voted second!!!

Was trying to think of other Australian pop stars with whom she could commune and idolize. Oh. Kylie Minogue. Maybe she can borrow her size -8 ass shorts and white patent leather boots.

As an Aussie I take serious offense at the implication that because one, that's right ONE, unknown (to us too) fugette dresses this way none of us have any idea about fashion. If we were going to use this site for some sort of statistical analysis I would be forced to conclude that you Americans are the world's worst dressers by far...that being said, ugh!

Hey, Nazi Aussie Cowgirl with Lordosis--it's a new look.

Shortstuff, I have two words for you: A) Stubbies. B) Coogi.

>Or snakes, since she appears to have fashioned a primitive halter strap from the hide of a defenseless rattler. Or even cotton -- sweet, innocent cotton -- which has clearly fallen prey to her merciless shears.<

Oh, you girls. Every day more precious than the last.

I am most disturbed by the fact that there is no discernible right/left boot. Thank Zeus they have zippers on the insides so I don't have to lay awake at night contemplating this great fugalicious mystery.

Looks like orange belts and outfits that don't match are in this season. Oh and don't forget the over-baked skin with the fake brown hair

I must have forgot to send out that celebrity memo stating that gold-plated, steel-toed cowboy boots were on the "no" list this season. And last season. Pretty much every season. I'll dispatch that to Samantha post-haste.

Is there some sort of Australian acting academy (something like the school in "Fame") where students are advised to adopt stupid names and bad, outdoorsy clothes? People like Yahoo Serious, Crocodile Dundee, Samantha Jade are coming from somewhere.

and here's something to ponder: is it possible that aussies dress worse than french canadians?

Ooh yes, I mean, look at Cate Blanchett and Nicole Kidman, after all.

Jupiterpluvius: Shortstuff, I have two words for you: A) Stubbies. B) Coogi.

Right back at you: Juicy Couture, the bedazzler. Two can play, you know.

Who stole my tags?

Oh, Armand? Crocodile Dundee? Fictional, dearie.

And don't forget, you have Carrot Top, and numerous others I can't be bothered to Google now.

Samantha, you're not fat. Now stop trying to be.

http://www.geocities.com/adalmin

The boots would be OK if worn with a miniskirt of the same brown suede. A very simple gold lame top, with a scoop neck...(sans silly snake-like wrapy thingy) to match the jewlrey and purse would complete the outfit...
or not...

Just as an Australian I should like everyone to note the following:

"As an Australian I'd like to say that...(c) we're very, very sorry." (Uli).

No. No, we're not. What are you saying, Uli? We're not sorry! We're getting rid of our fashion disasters one at a time . Inflicting them upon the world at large, so our own eyeballs don't have to deal with the pain of accidentally stumbling across them in the street! This is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

(Fine, so I'm selfish. Deal with it.)

"Fugly Australian Cowgirl is the next big thing. " (Meg)

You betcha. We had you city-slicker-suckers wearing bloody thongs as glamour footwear; we've got you wearing Uggs like they're the height of fashion rather than something you pull on 'round the brumbies during winter because you don't care if boots that ugly step in horseshit. Next thing will be sipping from tinnies like they're chardonnay glasses, and then we'll know that fugly Australian cowgirl has indeed taken over the world.

And looking at that photo makes me think I need a long cold beer, and the best cold beer is Vic - Victoria Bitter (for those of you looking for the brand of tinnie to kick off the trend).

Did she jump out of an airplane onto the "red" carpet?

That would explain the parachute she is apparently wearing...

Did you guys notice that her and Fugly Spearster have the same stylist? I would feel bad for this girl, but, no.

Oh dear Lord! The scrolldown *weep* and why does only parts of her face look orange?

Jupiterpluvius: Shortstuff, I have two words for you: A) Stubbies. B) Coogi.

Right back at you: Juicy Couture, the bedazzler. Two can play, you know.

TOUCHE! The Bedazzler is, indeed, a tool of Satan.

Those boots are horrible!!! I can't believe anyone would find them flattering, nice, cute, wearable, etc.

And that weird black strap thing is helping her poor posture. I bet she was just recently told by a chiropractor that she has scoliosis, so instead of opting for a boring back brace, she decided to go with the black sequinned black strap that pulls her shoulders back.

Alright, I'm stuck at my desk with this damn cast and and can only focus on paperwork and my computer but am I the only one that noticed the logo on her shirt and the design on her boots actually match? Some stylist took the time to put that together! Or her mother! "Look honey! They are both pepto pink and match"!

Maybe her undies are um....riding up a bit, it could explain the posture

Well, she's about to re-produce her fugliness into this world. Why or why...

Well, at least she's chosen a theme (cowgirl) and stuck to it. My guess is she saw the boots, decided she HAD to have them (why is beyond me) and modelled the rest of the outfit around them.

Alternatively, she lost a bet.

Mmm. Girl has no excuse. Australia has given us the most beautiful, well-dressed women in the world (Cate, Nicole, Kylie and Dannii, Holly, Radha, and well...80's Olivia...She's lost it though since then...). Can she not give a holler to one of the legion of Melbourne lovlies who would only be to happy to help her learn to wear DECENT clothes? Sigh! She's a lovely girl though, and I think she could learn to dress well...Just give her time and experience. Kylie looked dreadful when she first started out today, and now she's God's gift to the fashion world. *.*

"Jupiterpluvius: Shortstuff, I have two words for you: A) Stubbies. B) Coogi."

And I have many, many words for you: Stefani, Spears, Aguilera, Sevigny, those awful Peldon sisters, Pam Anderson, Paris, Paris, Paris...need I go on?

Hard to believe she's a teenager, on first look I thought she was a 30-ish wannabe-actress-slash-waitress who was trying way too hard to look young before she hits the wall. But I still wanna know WHO (besides this wacky Aussie gal in the photo) ever looks at Britney - in her cheap, ill-fitting, unflattering clothes off Fashion Bug's clearance rack - and says, "Wow, I wanna dress just like THAT!" Has anyone ever seen anyone - outside of a trailer park, that is - dressed the way Britney dresses? Oy, this universe is getting way too confusing and perturbing!

As an Australian, I would like to say that you can't generalise for an entire countries fashion from one (unknown!) girls dress sense! Especially when most of the people who are "fugged" are American!
PS: Boots over jeans are hot

I bet all Australians start dressing like that now.

Yeah, I bet all of us Aussies do start dressing like that. In the exact same outfit, because Sarah...Samantha? (insert last name here) is SO COOL and all Australian's idolise her, and we ALL watch the kids choice/Nickelodeon awards!!!!!!!!11
GO GIRL, AUSTRALIA IS BEHIND YOU, YOU ARE FAMOUS NOW YOU HAVE BEEN FUGGED!

In her defense, maybe she was dressing for her audience? My 9-year-old Nickelodean-watching daughter would LOVE that outfit and think those boots were the bomb-diggity.

I thought it was Jamie Lynn Spears at 30...

"You know that old adage about looking at yourself in the mirror before leaving the house and removing one accessory?"

She needs to buy a full-length mirror and try again...