Some of you may know July 1 as Canada Day. Others may celebrate it as the beginning of the Battle of Gettysburg, or as the joyous day that both Princess Diana and Alan Ruck's mothers screamed in pain as a baby shot out of their birth canals, thus giving the world both a future princess to stalk and Cameron Frye. Others may never be able to think of July 1 without choking on frothy, suffocating rage at the unjust 1948 New York City subway fare hike (a whole DIME to ride? INCONCEIVABLE -- we are still fuming).
But at GFY headquarters, the date July 1 lives in infamy for another reason entirely: It's the day we plopped out of the snuggly confines of the offline world and were promptly abandoned -- weeping, cold, and swaddled in rags -- on the steps of the massive depression-era orphanage that is the Internet. There, we would, and do, sit on windowsills singing, with the occasional choreographed dance number to lessen the monotony of waiting for Daddy Warbucks to come and buy us an office with cable and free Diet Coke.
Yes, it's our birthday. Go Fug Yourself turns one today, meaning we've spent a full 365 days of our lives gurgling, crawling, spitting up, attempting solid foods, and finding our shaky legs -- all in the name of begging famous people to wear bras, hem their pants, use mirrors, and replace all their rotten, lying peeps.
In honor of our milestone, we thought we'd take a short look at GFY by the numbers, just to try and quantify what exactly A Year In The Life means to this blog.
Number of entries: 591
Number of those entries that you can't see, because we haven't found clean images: 121
Number of times we have cursed that whole issue: Approximately 1 bajillion
Number of entries featuring the word "Peldon": 24
Number of allusions to Annie: 11
Number of allusions to The Golden Girls: 8
Number of times people have asked us if we are gay men: 21
Number of times they refused to believe us when we told them we are not: 7
Number of mentions of the word "bloat": 15
Number of references to nausea or vomiting: 6
Number of times we have been accused of being fat and ugly and jealous: too many to count
Number of times we've cried ourselves to sleep with twinkies hanging out of our fat pig mouths: 47... wait, 48.
Number of people who don't get that we're trying to HELP Britney: 5,782
Number of times an outfit has forced us to lie down: 4, although we're sure that's just because we only mention it judiciously
Number of uses of the word "deranged": 13
Number of uses of the word "lovely": 21 (And you said we were evil!)
Number of references to blindness or scorched retinas: 25
Number of celebs we have seen wearing our t-shirt: 22
Number of celebrities we actually like: More than you think
Number of celebrities we would not fug, simply because we like them: Zero, bitches!
Number of times we have lied about seeing celebs wearing our t-shirt: 1
Amount of time off we are taking as a summer vacation: One week
Amount of pleasure we derive from having found all you other delicious bitches to keep us company: Infinite.
