"Hi guys. So. Yeah. This is the first time I've gotten out of bed since Chad and I broke up.
I could barely work up the energy to put on my black, unadorned Don't Talk To Me dress. I definitely couldn't stand sitting there for like nine hours while someone did my hair for some stupid event that I have to go to by myself, so I just blew it out and crawled into the back of the limo and tried to nap on the way over.
Man.
I'm just so sad, you guys. I don't have any energy at all. I can barely even stand here. I just want to go into the ladies room and cry. I mean, obviously. If I had any energy I would have punched that Shaun Robinson right in the mouth after she asked me how I was DEALING with my DIVORCE. HOW DO YOU THINK I'M DEALING, SHAUN? HOW DO I LOOK? DO I LOOK HAPPY TO YOU? BECAUSE I'M TOTALLY DISTRAUGHT. And while we're talking about you and your SOCIAL INTERACTION PROBLEMS, I can't BELIEVE you TOUCHED Gwyneth Paltrow's BELLY. She doesn't even KNOW YOU. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? I really did consider punching you. I KNOW HOW TO DO IT.
Man. Now I'm tired again. God. I wish I were home on the sofa. In sweats. Watching Bridget Jones's Diary. And crying. Hey, maybe I should go find Renee Zellweger. She just broke up with that little singer man. Maybe we can go can go get cheeseburgers after the show, like Chad and I used to. [long sigh]."
