INT. NICOLE KIDMAN'S HOUSE. DAY
KEITH: Nicole, what do you think about this outfit I picked out for the Grammys?
NICOLE: You look brilliant, Keith! Simply brilliant! What shirt are you planning on wearing? Something from Thomas Pink? Ooh! You can wear those vintage Cartier cufflinks I got you! I'm so excited for you! I hope you win tonight! Winning is so divine!
KEITH: A shirt?
NICOLE: [puzzled look] Um...yes?
KEITH: I don't know about that.
NICOLE: [gale of charming Australian laughter] Oh, Keith! You are so funny! I just love your sense of humor. God, Tom had no sense of humor at all! At all! One day I had Russell Crowe call him and pretend to be L. Ron Hubbard calling from the great beyond and when Tom found out it was just Russell, he almost drove over there and punched Russell in the face! Of course, he would have had to have stood on a box to do it, and Russell would have grilled him up in a cheese sandwich and eaten him for lunch but...well, anyway! I love how playful you are! I love it! Oh, come here, you! You delicious man! I'm so happy!
KEITH: Nic. Seriously. I mean it. I was thinking the best shirt for this was just...waxed chest.
NICOLE: ...waxed chest? Really?
KEITH: Waxed chest is so rock and rock!
NICOLE: Hmm.
KEITH: Right? Isn't that a great idea? It's so ROCK STAR. It's like totally Michael Hutchence, right?
NICOLE: Would you look at the time? I'm late for a Botox party!
KEITH: You're not coming with me to the awards tonight? The waxed chest and I need your support!
NICOLE: Oh.... No. No, you'll be fine. Don't you think it's best that you walk the red carpet, just you and your chest? You and your waxed chest? Because...it's like....you're....um. A loner! An, um, rocking loner! You don't need ME to be there! No, no. No, I can't be seen there with you and your waxed chest.
KEITH: I guess you're right.
NICOLE: Oh, I know I am! All righty, then! I really must dash! No, no, don't get up! No! No, you don't need to kiss me good-bye! Nope! Well, well! Yes! Good luck! Good luck, and good night!
KEITH: Thanks, honey. You're so supportive.
THE END
