Oh. My. God. Y'all.
I just realized I meant to wear pants with this dress! Can you tell? Do I look crazy? I don't look too crazy, do I? When I left the house this morning my mother said something about a lampshade in a whorehouse or some such but all she does is mutter about stuff all day long anyway so I didn't know if she was talking about me or about an actual lampshade she wanted to buy from a whorehouse but the point is that I am a little worried about sitting down because this skirt is really short.
But ANYWAY, it's awfully nice to get out of that house because I swear to God all I do in that house is yell about things, like where is Kevin's wallet, and no he can't take my purse with him, and what happened to the money I gave him yesterday, and no he can't bring the baby with him to the 7-11 because what if he accidentally gives the baby a Slurpee because that might give the baby diabetes, and no I am not IMing Justin and even if I was he can't read what I said because he's functionally illegitimate anyway, or whatever that word is for not really being able to read. So it's nice to be out and about and I think Kevin does clean up real nice even if I secretly think he's turning out to be a total liability, which is what my manager called him this morning. And right after she said that she said that she didn't understand where this all came from anyway, and I told her that maybe she should have listened to me when I told her that I was so Lucky, I was a Star, but that I cried, cried, cried in my lonely heart and if there was nothing missing in my life, then why did my tears come at night, and she said she had no idea what I was talking about and I told her that it was a SONG I sang once and it was a big hit and then she said that she never paid that much attention and THEN I told her that she also should have listened to my song "Overprotected" which is all about how I was tired of people telling me what to do and this is why I keep saying that I don't know why everyone is so surprised I got married and had a baby because I've been trying to tell them all for YEARS that I was TIRED of not getting to EAT so THEY could make more MONEY and I SWEAR I HAVE JUST ABOUT HAD IT WITH EVERYONE I SEE EVERY DAY. Except Sean, because I could just eat up his cute little baby face.
So what I'm saying is: I'm glad to be out of the house, I wish I had worn pants, and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to fire everyone even my mom.
