So I have a friend at my office -- my real office, not GFY headquarters, where "a friend" would mean, "Heather" -- who is obsessed with my obsession with Lindsay Lohan. The fact that I still have a powerful and unexplainable love for all things Lohan aggravates her in a powerful way that some might classify as excessive, nay, even dangerous. She regularly harasses me about this love, and attempts to shame me into abandoning it. But I have held on to the love! I have not forgotten the Lindsay of Mean Girls, or The Parent Trap or Freaky Friday! I know that Lindsay! I love that Lindsay!
But this Lindsay? Is getting a little harder to take:
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DEFEND THIS? Her dress is made entirely of unbleached organic paper towels! I AM JUST ONE WOMAN.
Lindsay. I still love you. But my love can not thrive in this kind of environment. You have GOT to give me something to work with. This relationship is a two-way street, and the metaphorical car representing your end of the bargain is stalled! Or, more accurately, you have probably crashed it into a storefront.
Now look what you made me do. I made a mean joke about your driving. God. Our relationship is just unraveling in front of me, and you are doing NOTHING to re-ravel it, or whatever it is you do to fix something that's all unraveled.
Please work with me. I don't want to give up on us. But you're making it so very hard to hold on.
