Brooke Burke routinely looks insane on Rock Star: Supernova, so it should be no surprise that she appeared at an event honoring the CBS ratings lowlight dressed in what amounts to a very fancy scarf.
While I must give a point to Ms. Burke for flattering her chest, she loses approximately 100,000 points not only for simply donning that shiny mess of hootenanny fringe more suitable to a square-dancing event at which she is the emcee, but also -- and this will come as no surprise to longtime readers -- for wearing it OVER JEANS. Aside from being unflattering both to her and to the poor jeans (potentially the real victims here), it's an interesting left turn into Frumpville for a woman who spent most of Rock Star: INXS wearing short, short skirts on stage above a frenzied audience that could evaluate her fertility with a simple upward glance.
But at least Burke doesn't reek of effort, like so many of the largely untalented singers on this year's installment.
By the way, if you are not watching, good, and do not start; the painful performances are only worsened by the preening of Dave Navarro -- "You took a classic Johnny Cash song and did that to it? [Long pause for effect] It was AWESOOOOOME" -- and sexually invasive village idiot Tommy Lee, whose feedback to one girl consisted solely of, "I just want to know if you're wearing panties."
Anyway: The whole exercise is an uncomfortable parade of people trying desperately to prove they're edgy, growly, horny, charismatic, and totally original. Almost all of them seem extravagantly costumed based on their most grandiose fantasies of what rock-star persona should be, and 90 percent of them drip with the sweat of exertion.
Take, for example, the maroon-haired Dilana at the same event Burke attended.
Yes, that appears to be pink neon tape marking the spot on her chest; yes, the reason we know that is because she is wearing a see-through faux-lace belly shirt; yes, those are socks made of string; and yes, she could use a little powder, or maybe an oil-absorbing sheet. Doesn't all of that just reek rampantly of, "LOOK AT ME! I am FIERCE! I am TOTALLY NOT WEARING THIS JUST BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO PICK ME OH MY GOD THOUGH SERIOUSLY LOOK AT ME I AM SUCH A ROCK STAR I LUV U TOMMY CALL ME!"
But... can you see this woman fronting a Tommy Lee band? I can't even see her getting a callback for the Pussycat Dolls. Somewhere, Madonna just felt a tinge of embarrassment without knowing why, and it would be because -- if she cared to -- she would take one look at Dilana and think, "I am ashamed that somebody took my vibe from the 80s and turned it into that."
Which would be followed by Dave Navarro popping up between the couch cushions, sticking his hand in the air and shouting, "It was AWESOOOOOOOME," which to me is a sure sign that Dilana should go home, take a shower, and try again. And that Madge might need more security.
