When you're at an event called Dressed to Kilt, and it's an ode to Scottish fashion, you're going to see some plaid. That's just the way it is. And that's fine; I have nothing against plaid. In fact, I wore it for three years of senior high, and sometimes I sort of miss the excuse to wear a cute forest-green, navy, and black kilt.
So my problem here isn't that Patricia Arquette is in kind of a kooky plaid dress. Rather, it's that she's barely in it.
Perhaps on someone with less ample assets, the top of the dress would offer plenty of coverage -- or even, a tiny bit more; a wee extra bit of fabric is all it needs. Unfortunately, though, on Patricia, the dress appears to have been yanked up to its ABSOLUTE MAXIMUM height and then superglued in place, because no mere boob tape could withstand an assignment like this. It's great that she has the hourglass; I just wish the dress didn't make it look like the hourglass just now got tipped over and all the sand is still concentrated at the top.
There's got to be a better way to contain those. I mean, check out the close-up.
God knows I support cleavage and having fun with it, but that doesn't even make them look luscious -- just sort of smushed and uncomfortable. Particularly the one on the right -- ow.
I keep reading on message boards that she's pregnant, but can't find a news announcement to support that; if it's true, hooray, but are plenty of pregnant women who have figured out how to manage milk-swollen mammaries. If it's not (and she's always been curvy, so I'm not sure she is), then she's got to find a happy medium (Ha! See what I did there? Medium? Tip your waitress!) between dumpy satin disasters and gowns that guarantee you a spot on the official Hot-Air Balloon Fetishists' Sexy100 list. Because there's no excuse for sporting Pamela Anderson's cleavage unless you are in fact Pamela Anderson, and even she has a little explaining to do on that front.
