Oh, Kathleen Turner:
I was just watching Romancing the Stone yesterday, and you and Michael Douglas are both super hot in it. And now what? Now he's all married to babetastic Catherine Zeta Jones, while you've apparently been tragically victimized by burglars who've robbed you of both your iron and your back-up supply of Downy Wrinkle Release.
Listen, it's tough love time: I think you are awesome, generally speaking. No other woman in the world could play both Jessica Rabbit, and Chandler Bing's father with equal skill. But unless you're in costume here for a role as the depressed zen master/suburban mom whose husband has left her for a younger model in a Lifetime move called Not Without My Downward-Facing Dog, we've got all sorts of problems. Problem A: You appear to be wearing your pajamas. Nice pajamas, but pajamas, and wrinkly ones. Problem B: You appear to be wearing houseslippers. I know you've had some foot problems, but I am firmly convinced that you could find flats that don't look like the neoprene pool shoes my friend Nerissa used to wear to the public pool. Problem C: You appear to be wearing them, not as you duck out to nab your Sunday Times off the lawn, but on the red carpet. Girl, PLEASE. You are so much better than that.
*We've been told that La Turner has been under the weather with rheumatoid arthritis. We're sorry she doesn't feel well, but surely someone as innately glamourous as she has a pool boy on hand to iron her pajamas. If she doesn't, she should totally look into that, as we hear that pool boys can also be induced to bring you snacks and tend to prance around with their shirts off, which always make us feel better.
