Dear Ms. Benedicto:
We are sorry to hear that you were killed off The Nine in its premiere episode and that you've been reduced to appearing in flashbacks; we're sorrier still to recall your stint on Dawson's Creek. Yes, we saw you. Don't mess with Pacey Witter, okay? That's your life lesson for today. Step away from Josh Jackson.
As delighted as we were to see that you "starred" in the soapy midemeanor Titans, we regret to inform you that at this time, we cannot get behind your latest pitch because nobody is looking to remake Robin Hood. Although we cherish your take that Robin is a Pat-like gender-bending female character who turns England on its ear by redefining just what exactly "Sherwood Forest" means, we suspect that nobody is terribly interested in seeing anyone -- male or female -- parade around in ill-fitting capri pants and pixie boots. But we appreciate your interest in the genre, and recommend that you consider seeking work at Medieval Times, or other such historically relevant places of employ.
Best of luck!
Sincerely,
Les Moonves
P.S. However, if you have a pitch for C.S.I.: Nottingham, please let us know, as we're always looking for ways to make forensics fresh and perhaps the olden days are the way to go. Call now and we won't kill you off in episode three!
