We're not completely sure what about being a Pussycat Doll evokes costuming oneself like a futuristic porn gladiatrix, but here's lead singer Nicole, dressed like she's playing the leading role in the rebels vs. establishment erotic drama Colisemen:
This one is almost a scrolldown. The harsh hair and makeup, which age her (she's allegedly 28; would you have guessed closer to 35? I would've), are odd enough; then you get down to the stretchy jumpsuit and the cuffs, as if she's hoping people will mistake her for somebody with either rock talent, super powers, or both, and then you arrive at the lace-up leather legwarmers/boot covers that have been yanked back to reveal mesh peep-toed foot sheaths. I refuse to call them shoes; it would defame the entire concept of the mighty shoe.
And how sweet that she appears to be blowing a raspberry right back at us, unless of course that's collagen gone wrong. Did Jessica Simpson's inflate her lips to sausage proportions in vain?
The rest of the Pussycat Dolls should consider themselves lucky that we can't remember their faces or names...
... except, apparently two of them decided they couldn't bear it any longer and sewed cheat sheets into their outfits.
"Melody" appears very excited to be heading to the gym for some squats, and this so-called "Jessica" can't wait to make our Jessica throw a sparkling shiraz bottle against the wall as a way of channeling her rage at her name being so closely associated with formal shorts (and, possibly, leggings). However, if it makes these two feel any better, there's no way in hell I will ever remember who they are. I'll know there's a Jessica, but damned if I'll be able to pick out which of the mob she is.
The other felines look as insane yet silly as ever; in Spice terms, they're all Sporty and Scary with none of the soothing, dilutive Posh, the charm of Baby, or the cheek of Ginger. Yawn. And I don't know why the one to the right of Nicole felt like she needed to turn her bodysuit into some sort of harness.
The thing is, if they're not going anywhere -- and, sadly, it appears they're going to use all nine lives -- we wish they'd figure out a more interesting identity, and fast. They're so interchangeably outlandish-yet-bland that it's almost hilarious. However, the more we stare at them, the more we're wondering why the Pussycat Dolls want to look like a roving band of transvestites. Because, unless they are transvestites, that's not helping their cause. I don't want to know anything about them. I just want to go another blissful day not listening to their music, and go make a sandwich and read my Entertainment Weekly.
