Regular readers know that I have many, many secret shames, but one of the least secret and MOST shameful is that I regularly watch The Ghost Whisperer. I can hear you laughing, but I promise you there is nothing more soothing on an early Sunday evening than a TiVoed episode of Jennifer Love Hewitt bouncing around sending people into the light, and a glass of wine. The show is formulaic, but actually kind of addictive: J Lo Hew is refreshingly non-scrawny and her boobs and her hair and her fake eyelashes and her endless supply of fantastic nightgowns are seriously entertaining. Plus, the dude who plays her husband is super hot. Anyway, it's definitely not operating at levels of Heroes-like watchability, but it's worth it for J. Lo Hew's outfits alone, because they are INSANE. She has worn nightgowns as dresses, giant peplums on tiny coats, and vintage ball gown after vintage ball gown (during the day, of course, like, while at the grocery store). This past week was the show's season finale, and we were treated to some truly awesome (in all senses of the word) costumes. For example, this seems fine, right?
Kind of boobtacular, and a whole lot like a nightgown and not really something I would wear to a meeting with Julian Sands about Mysterious, Possibly Psychic Child Survivors of Terrible Disasters (that's the back of Julian's head there, and, yes, he needs a new agent. Julian, yours was the first manjunk I ever saw on the big screen, in A Room With a View, and a classier and more romantic introduction to cinematic male anatomy probably does not exist. I loved you deeply, and still have pretty much that entire movie memorized. What are you doing on CBS Friday nights? I guess I should be glad you're just a troubled (para?)psychologist here, and not an evil lunatic like you were on 24).
But then she stands up:
Erm, sorry about the quality of that picture. My kitchen window is not actually part of her outfit. ALTHOUGH SHE'D HAVE ROOM FOR IT UNDER THAT SKIRT. Also, why does Julian have so many clocks?
Anyway, just when you're thinking that this Ghost Whisperer will be the most sartorially heinous of all Ghost Whisperers, this happens:
Oh my god, she's so cute! Like That Girl, if Marlo Thomas could talk to the dead! At last, the Wardrobe Bitches have forgiven her for that time she played Audrey Hepburn and put her in something that works on her curvaceous bod. NOW I can concentrate on the show: are they going to kill off Jim, J Lo Hew's dreamy and constantly supportive husband, whose scenes are all conveniently set just post-shower, while he is wet and shirtless? Please God, no!
But then something worse than the death of the man-candy occurs. And I have placed it after the jump, so as to spare your delicate retinas.
OH HONEY NO. Are those white leggings?
Those are white leggings.
But maybe this will pass. Yes, like gas, it will pass. Soon, J Lo Hew will be frolicking in something like a pink satin bed jacket layered on top of a choir gown, as usual, right?
Not exactly:
That's right. Instead, she DIED. She wore white leggings and THEY KILLED HER. LEGGINGS ARE MURDERERS.
As is the bolt of lightning that hit her. Or the rock she cracked her head on, while saving some children from a giant careening metal structure that had been hit by the lightning. See, I'm not sure what killed her, because of how distracted I was by the white leggings. And while J Lo Hew DID regain consciousness at the very end of the episode -- which was, I think, a mistake, because what is a better cliffhanger than leaving your heroine DEAD? Have we learned nothing from Buffy? -- I am pretty sure those white leggings taught us all a valuable lesson. Namely, that they make you look like a nursing student in an 80s horror movie.
Not even being able to talk to the dead can fix that.
