"Why, hello, my beloved paparazzi friends! Er, I mean, 'god! why won't you vultures leave me alone? I just want to eat a quiet, undisturbed meal at Koi while wearing the world's most vulgar fedora. Don't you people understand that I am a PERSON?! A PERSON and not some kind of COMMODITY.
[Photo: Splash News]
Unlike, say, the item I am shilling in this ad that I just HAPPEN to be holding at the very best angle for you to photograph. Aren't you fortunate that I just MAGICALLY happened to have this magazine with me -- not even in my handbag, as I don't appear to be carrying one because presumably I keep my money in my bra -- but here, with me, in my hands, open to the exact right page. You're so lucky, evil paparazzi, to have gotten this completely candid shot! Now, leave me alone. I'll see you tomorrow, outside of Hyde, at 10:45. I'll be the one wearing neon green shorts and a coconut bra."
