Welcome to the newest innovation in efficient summer fashion: Quilted formal shorts, brought to you by the makers of Bounty paper towels.
Bright enough to conceal food stains; absorbent enough to take care of any unexpected spills, like when you overfill your martini glass, or knock back one too many and trip over your best friend's handsy cousin from Connecticut; and stretchy enough for you to comfortably kick him in the shins when he tries to help you up by the boobs. If only such a garment had existed back when Fergie needed it most. It's like an adult diaper without the stigma. And the awkward bulk.
