JESSICA ALBA: I want to die. Why am I here? At least I can wear this shade of yellow. Even in my doldrums, my own beauty comforts me.
DANE COOK: I'M HILARIOUS!
JESSICA: I hate him. And I hate his shirt. It looks like someone threw up on him. I hate everyone. I hate myself.
DANE: I SLEPT WITH THAT GIRL! AND THAT GIRL! AND THAT GIRL! I'M A STUD! A COMEDIAN STUD! SEE MY NEW MOVIE WHATSITCALLED WHEN IT OPENS WHENEVER!
JESSICA: Maybe I shouldn't have broken up with my boyfriend in order to pretend that I'm maybe sort of seeing Loudmouth over here, for publicity. But he was boring, anyway. Was that wrong?
DANE: YEAH! AW YEAH! BOO YEAH!
JESSICA: Sigh. I have to stop this. Thinking gives you wrinkles.
