I suppose it's no surprise that MySpace's high priestess of nudity, Tila Tequila, would show up at an event modeling a number that appears to have been plucked from our girl Bai Ling's "Too Obvious" pile (which, in case you're wondering, is located on the floor of her closet between the "Too Nonchalant" and "Too Orange" piles -- Bai is big on alphabetizing).
And yet I admit to being surprised by the actual fact that high-waisted short-shorts THIS high-waisted and this INCREDIBLY short-short are actually available for purchase. I mean, these things are SHORT. And while Tila of course is in great shape, that's kind of not the issue. I don't think it's revolutionary to feel that shorts shorter than boy-cut underwear should be worn with great, great discretion, and perhaps only as part of a burlesque performance. I think we've all had the experience of walking into, say, the 7-11, minding our own beeswax, just there for a Slurpee, and coming across another customer, one wearing terry cloth dolphin running shorts (for example) so wee that both of her butt cheeks are falling out of them. And generally, at that moment, you exchange A Look with the guy behind the counter, and almost always the meaning behind The Look
is not, "HOT DAMN! Sexy ass flaps!" It's more often, "WOW. Someone needs to PUT IT AWAY, right?" Even when the short-shorts wearer is in amazing shape, it's just awkward to see that much rearflesh when you're out and about, whether you are at a red-carpet-having event or picking up another box of Red Vines. It makes everyone feel a little concerned about what might pop out next. And so although we now know definitively that it is possible to purchase what is essentially a bleached denim swimsuit and wear it to confession, or AA, or a party launching a new vodka, or Hot Topic, or whatever your errands may be, I beg you to spare a thought for the rest of us. Starting with you, Tila.
