Apparently, Jennifer Love Hewitt made a statement recently on her personal blog in response to photos of her in Hawaii in a bikini -- in which she looked lovely and curvy and healthy and as if she actually enjoys her life, as opposed to analyzing the carb content on every plate of food that passes her way and obsessing over her hips. It takes a lot of guts to enjoy your beach vacation when you're a celebrity who knows she's going to get photographed but doesn't have Cameron Diaz's tall tree of a body, which is what most people seem to expect. And so it came to pass that J.Lo.Hew responded to criticism of the photos with a note about how, in fact, her body is totally healthy. And it made me love her even more than I did when she premiered on Ghost Whisperer with the bangs and the giant hair and the eyelashes, and all those nighties and bed jackets (speaking of which, J, we miss those -- can you consider going back to the hair, at least?).
Anyway, so that, plus the news that she got engaged to cute, cute Liebgott from Band of Brothers, has us all aglow with warm feelings for Ms. Lo.Hew. Feelings which only intensified when we saw the recent paparazzi photos of their "romantic walk on the beach." Which is not to say that it couldn't have been romantic, but rather that I seriously wonder whether it was spontaneous.
[Photos: Splash News]
I mean... that is a RANDOM PARROT on her shoulder. Is there really such a thing as a random parrot in this world? Where did this parrot come from, and why is it perched on her while she walks meaningfully along the shoreline wrapped in an old bedsheet? Did Ross coordinate his shirt on purpose? And how did the paps know they'd be there? It all sort of smacks of, "See? THIS is how we wanted to be photographed after our big Love Announcement, not frolicking around Hawaii half-naked." Which I sort of understand -- everyone secretly wants one of those hilarious pictures that people in soap operas happen to have on their desks/mantels/computers, where it's an unguarded, loving moment that is supposed to look candid but fails because no one in real life ACTUALLY manages to get such a perfect close-range photo of themselves laughing gorgeously into each others' smiling eyes under flattering lighting.
But this is not that photo. This one sort of seems to say, "God, I hope Us Weekly is watching. Should I close my eyes and rest my head lovingly on his shoulder? Yes. But I can't walk very far that way so they'd better get the shot fast, and God, I hope Ross doesn't do that brow-furrow thing while I'm looking so peaceful because it will kind of ruin the moment if he looks like he just smelled a dead seagull." Or, "Okay, I thought a bird on my shoulder would be very Sleeping Beauty In The Forest With Nature, but it's impossible to keep a straight face with this f'ing parrot's nails digging into my shoulder while it caws the words 'Sister Act 2! Sister Act 2!' into my ear, so at what point does the damn bird wrangler peel this thing off me?!?"
None of which diminishes my affection for Lady Lo.Hew. Instead, it cracks me up. I just wish she'd worn something other than what Melinda Gordon would've put on to run to the market, and then the antiques store, and then the family of the little boy she's trying to cross over, and then the hospital, and then the school, and then the underground tunnels, and then home for dinner, and then back to the family -- all while everyone else is wearing a heavy winter coat.
