Disclaimer: I believe -- and this will not be controversial -- that Heidi Klum has great legs. They are an international treasure. She should not be ashamed of them, and if I could have mine amputated and replaced with hers, I would happily do it even if it meant selling my kidneys.
However, if I were Heidi Klum and I were at a Gucci event that took place at the United Nations -- hosted by Madonna and benefiting UNICEF -- I might consider wearing more than a glorified shirt.
This reminds me of that scene in Clueless where Cher tells her skeptical father of her white micro-mini, "It's a dress," and her dad Dan Hedaya replies, "Says who?" And Cher replies, "Calvin Klein!" I am assuming Gucci helped outfit Ms. Klum-Seal, and I kind of want to remind her that just because Gucci claims it's a dress, that doesn't make it so. When she sits down at dinner it's going to look like she's on the commode. I find myself HOPING she's got a pair of hot pants under there, and I generally NEVER hope for hot pants unless they're associated with a Baby Phat show or an episode of Passions in which Tabitha turns everyone into pieces of clothing in a stripper's closet. Having legs for days is a blessing, but that doesn't mean you can't take at least ONE of those days off, know what I mean?
Apparently it was catching. Behold Gwyneth Paltrow, generally someone who appears to take herself way too seriously to let much of anything hang out:
It's Bizarro Gwyneth, and this is the polar opposite of the pink cotton-candy confection she wore to the Academy Awards the year she won -- you know, the one that was loose and low-cut on top, full-length down below. I've seen identically colored table linens at the Naples Sailing Club in Florida that are larger, and more attractively arranged. I can't wait until I have a nightmare tonight about a giant bow rampaging through the city and decapitating people with its insidious satin squeeze. Please, Chris Martin, take this gift bag home and open it so that we can put it behind us for good.
