SCARLETT JOHANSSON: Thanks for taking the fall this time, Natalie. It's nice of you to step up to the plate and get all crazy looking, right after I made that big fuss about how imperfect you make me feel.
NATALIE PORTMAN: Huh? I mean, excuse me?
SCARLETT: You know, you totally took the pressure off me by showing up to this event wearing a complex array of curtains. It's nice of you.
NATALIE: What?
SCARLETT: I'm saying, I hate what you're wearing, and THANK YOU for that. God. You went to that fancy college, you'd think you'd have better aural comprehension.
NATALIE: I understood you, I was just perplexed and distracted by your unusually ratty hair. For your information, this dress is extremely significant.
SCARLETT: So was Bjork's swan outfit.
NATALIE: Well. I never! I had no idea that you were pure evil.
SCARLETT: I am NOT evil. I am GRATEFUL that you are taking the pressure off me! Why has this conversation gone so terribly wrong? No one understands me!
NATALIE: My significant dress and I are going to go over there and stand next to Eric Bana now. I'll talk to you when you feel ready to apologize.
SCARLETT: BUT...oh, never mind.
