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March 28, 2008

Fug Madness 2008: Bjork, Sweet 16, Continued

(1) MISCHA BARTON vs. (12) SPENCER & HEIDI

I never predicted that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag would make it this far, but then I figured out what must be happening: Spencer is paying his friends to vote, because he has never met a printed version of his name that he didn't think looked pretty, and Heidi's family are voting because they hate him  (seriously, they couldn't even really hide it on The Hills -- any time they were gazing silently in his direction, they looked like they wanted to shove Spencer's stupid phone up his nostril and then light it on fire).

So, just to get on Spencer's nerves, I'm not even going to use his picture. TAKE THAT, PRATT.

Instead let's just remind ourselves that Heidi paid a lot of money to turn into a bad mannequin version of her old, spunkier self. Her lips in that premiere episode were hypnotically puffy. Every time she pursed them together I kept expecting them to pierce and deflate. Heidi is also a pretty boring dresser -- it's all sleeveless low-cut dresses that hug her silicone melons. Yawn. We get it. Call Pamela Anderson to see if she's cleaning out her closet any time soon.

Mischa Barton is the opposite. When she's not feigning an interest in Keds, she's all about wearing clothes that droop around her frame and make it look like she's wilting under them:

Yep, the child loooooves a sack dress. This is so depressing. Dorothy Zbornak would wear that with slacks... because Dorothy Zbornak is OLD. Mischa Barton is young! Alive! Has no gut to suck in all night! I'm not saying Mischa has to wear clothes that are practically painted on, or anything, but there IS a rather large middle ground here between becoming Paris Hilton and looking like she's attending an ice-cream social at The Friendship Retirement Castle. Girlfriend, when you're 30, you're going to look at this picture and weep for how you wasted having that waistline.

Also, I've seen this photo a hundred times and never noticed how awful the shoes are until right now. The sweater sequins blinded me. But, wow, my grandmother has Isotoner slippers that are more flattering to her feet. Maybe THIS is what inspired the Keds people into action. They were all, "THIS SAD CHILD NEEDS OUR HELP," but they could only make over her shoe collection because they haven't figured out how to make a full dress out of canvas.

108 Comments

Mischa was the instigator of high-waisted pants, and thus must incur my wrath.

I detest all of these people. Well, I detest Spencer and Heidi largely through what I've read on this site, since I've never actually seen them in anything on TV.

That being said, Barton wins by a large margin. She should look so much better than she does.

I voted Mischa. Though she will get thoroughly stomped by Paris Hilton in the next round. Someone has to be the sacrificial lamb and it might as well be Mischa.

Speidi is finished - no more attention for those s**t heads please

sorry speidi. mischa for the win.

Please no contest. :)

Speidi are just so fug in so many ways - as fake as their fugly show. Yet, they think that we are interested in them. NO, NO, and NO. FUG YOU!

Speidi is handicapped by their fugly smell of desperation. Mischa is fug without even trying...which probably explains her style choices, she's just not trying.

I love a good Orange County pairing. Every so often, I like Mischa's bohemian waif look - so the truer fugs are Heidi and Spencer for having no sense of originality whatsoever.

Speidi may be fugly inside, but enough is enough, 'tis true. Mischa gets my vote on the sole exhibit of the beret with the green bow!

Micsha you are such a pretty girl, why do you do this to yourself?

Had to vote for Speidi pig. She was really cute before. So was Amanda Bynes. WHAT THE HELL IS SPENCER DOING TO THEM? Does he possess the black magic? Mischa looks cute in the Keds promo in spite of her lipstick, which makes it look like she's been sucking blood.

Mischa wins this one-- it's a travesty to waste the potential she has to look gorgeous.

Whilst I would far rather be trapped in a lift with Miss Barton (I think she'd dish gossip, but not in a bitchy way), then either of...those other people..., I have to vote for Mischa.

The headband thing alone deserves it, but then you factor in high waisted jeans and it's a non-contest.

Had to vote for Speidi pig. She was really cute before. So was Amanda Bynes. WHAT THE HELL IS SPENCER DOING TO THEM? Does he possess the black magic? Mischa looks cute in the Keds promo in spite of her lipstick, which makes it look like she's been sucking blood.

down with Speidi, Barton of the high-waisted redclown skirt from Hell FTW.

I'm a die hard Mischa fan. Crazy? Possibly.

Heidi just makes awkward facial expressions...what is that!?

This was a hard one for me, so I asked myself 'whose wardrobe would I rather be stuck with?' In this case, I preferred Mischa's wardrobe, because I can't allow myself to dress like a 2 cent bimbo. Those two are shameless!

I would very much like to stop thinking of Speidi, so I refused to vote for them. But seriously, what is up with Heidi's face? I mean, nose job, lips, whatever, she looks awful, but her actual face shape? What is that? She looks like the moon in A Trip to the Moon.

I secretly love Mischa and was DEVASTATED when Coop was killed off. I know….

But Speidi, as it has been said before, is fugly on the inside. And that’s tough to beat, no matter how high the rise on your cheap shorts is.

I'm not a fan of either contestant -- but I voted for Mischa because Miss Silicone doesn't deserve any more attention than she already craves.

Dudes! Seriously? Mischa over that wannabe fish lip famout today forgotton tomorrow Speidi?? IMO, fake fug, is worse than a sack dress. I'd reather one cover up, than subject the masses to your over blimped 14 year old boobies. EW.

How can someone with so little meat on their bones appear to have the worst saddle bags in Hollywood? The Queen of Skinny-Fat and proudly showing it off with the fugliest fashion choices she can possibly make totally beats the showmance anyday.

I know not of this Speidi creature; I don't watch the hills. But Mischa has been an enemy of mine (although I suspect that she's unaware of this) due to her RUINING of "The O. C." and her attempt to infiltrate "Gossip Girl". Also, she can't dress herself to save her life. So she gets my fug vote, no question.

This race for the title of Fug is sort of like Speidi's entire career:

1. We're annoyed these idiots are even ON our radar, and shocked we spend any time thinking about them.
2. We retaliate by gleefully mocking them!
3. We tire of that - and them - almost immediately.

Speidi, you time hath endeth. Suck it.

Carry on, Barton. Carry on!

I am so distrubed by the state of poor Heidi's face. She's is virtually unrecognizabele as herself. Seriously, if I saw her on the street I would think to myself "Is that Heidi from the Hills?!" ::walking faster to catch up and get an autograph:: until I got close enough and she turned around and I'd have to continue walking past her that quickly just to save the embarassment of thinking this poor victim of a greedy plastic surgeon was Heidi. I might stop, or smile nervously and say "oh my gosh! I totally thought you were that girl from the MTV show "The Hills"! You should really be her look-alike! But I'll tell you what I would not do, I would not get her autograph or a picture with her... because this poor girl looks NOTHING LIKE Heidi!!

I voted for Speidi because I dislike them sehr. Mischa's just...She's the kind of chick you go to college with who starts out pretty, and then eventually stops bathing, then dreds her hair, then wears hemp clothing and baggy sweaters with colorful patterns, and then hemp necklaces with "glass pieces" in the center, and eventually reeks of patchouli. That's Mischa Barton.

Speidi is detestable in every way. So I fug voted for their fug.

Oooooooh, this is a toughie. Fugly on the Outside vs. Fugly on the Inside. I'm going to have to go with Speidi. Like my mum always never said, it's easier to fug black hearts than black formal shorts. (Also, I feel bad for Mischa. She's kind of disappeared lately!)

Mischa had me at the purple neck ruffle.
Purple. Neck. Ruffle. 'nuff said.

As much as I think Spensurly is the personality equivalent of FUG-incarnate, I have to go with Mischa. But only because if Speidi gets any further, I'm sure we'll see a *completely un-posed* photo opp of the two of them printing out copies of this website at their local Kinko's.

Mischa all the way. She is just frumpy dumpy.

Heidi and spencer wear trashy, boring clothes out and about, but Heidi's work ensembles have often been quite cute. (And, I can't tell you how difficult it is for me to say ANYthing nice about that empty-headed famewhore.)

Also, side note: I love how the Golden Girls have become the standard for bad/frumpy clothing.

I had to vote for Mischa. I don't understand why she always seems so sad. Was that DUI a cry for help or something? Seriously, she's always long-faced or stoop-shouldered. Stand up straight, work it and realize you have a life most other people can only dream about.

Speidi- just one question, "Who bothered to spawn you and why?"

I think Heidi and the Dude are just generic California sorta-celebrities. While Mischa is a supposed style icon. I think Mischa gets the fug because she is actually trying to be fashionable, (if you can believe it)

It's been said before - mere inches above - but Mischa deserves to win precisely because she is so pretty, yet cannot get away with wearing a sack. It really shouldn't be hard to dress quirkily, with her own style, and not fug out, yet time and time again... awesome. She gets my vote!

Mischa all the way, and if you want to talk about "fugly on the inside" keep in mind Mischa is a drunk driver that used to date Brandon Davis....I like the girl and all, but Brandon Davis WTF?!?!?!?!?!

I like the sounds of "Speidi" and that plastic-woman is just more fugly due to her plastic-ness.

I am gratefully unfamiliar with this Speidi duo; but the female part of it looks exactly like every other girl that's down here in Florida this week on spring break -- same dress, same hair, same surgically enhanced boobs. She doesn't look BAD, just... uninteresting. As for the boy Speidi? Same deal (although, I do find it curious that they inspire such vitriol in the comments section; does Speidi torture small animals or something?).

Had to go with Barton here. She's pretty, but she dresses fugly.

Mischa, Mischa, Mischa! I'm totally with Rachelle--whoever dubbed Ms. Barton "The Human Hanger" needs their head examined. She has the WORST "skinny" body I've ever laid eyes on. Her thin yet flabby arms and very odd sausage-link-like legs with snap-on knees are a sad testament to her ongoing delusion that not eating = hotty body. Also, her fashion sense smacks of nursing home couture.

Heidi/Speidi--don't know, don't care. They get enough undeserved attention already.

Speidi aren't "fug," they're zombies.

I'm so glad I voted for Barton. I had completely forgotten that she used to date Brandon Davis, that human grease trap. She wins (or rather, loses) on the (de)merits of that alone.

Since the clothes are more or less even, I'm going with Heidi and whatshisname. They annoy me more, as people, clothes aside.

That, and Mischa has a pretty face, and looks like she's probably really sweet, if a little helpless.

i'm still going with Heidi purely based on the fact that she has taken great lengths to permanently FUG herself, people!!!
and not only that, she dons lingerie in public!!!

with mischa, at least it au natural --perhaps too much so.

I voted Mischa, but Heidi is undoubtedly the bigger fug. Heidi has invested good money in fugging-up her face and body for the sole purpose of stuffing it into cheap, slutty dresses while she cavorts in public with her low-rent sleazy boyfriend. If we can't extinguish her from the earth, can we at least extinguish her from this site? Pretty please?

Mischa always wears terrible granny-shoes. Shoes go a long way toward making/breaking an outfit. She's not too homely and should know better, so Mischa has my vote.

I don't have cable TV, and despite my secret love of celeb-gossip, have made a conscious effort not to know who these Speidi people are or why I should care (or not). Therefore, I refuse to vote for these people and give them any more attention.

I voted for Heidi and that due, bacause I hate them so, but I would have been Mishca for sure. And for the record, her shoes are always ugly as hell.

Both candidates are pretty fug, but I have to go with Mischa for the main reason that Speidy already receives more attention than they deserve.

I'm old, so I don't actually know who these people are. But I do know fug, and Mischa is Queen.

I have to say, it always bothers me when someone who doesn't know how to spell calls me out for doing something mindless. Hey, David, why don't you spend less time looking for websites to criticise for being insufficiently serious, and more time learning that "nonsense" is one word, and the first syllable is not pronounced - or spelled - as "none."

Bleh. Voting Speidi is like voting for any of the BU students clogging up the B line here in Boston. They're vapid skeezers in boring trendwear. Big whoop. Mischa Barton, on the other hand, is interestingly fugtacular.

mischa is in it to win it, for sure. there isn't any kind of sane excuse for what she does to make her legs to as falsely stumpy and short as she does.

mischa is in it to win it for sure. there isn't any sane excuse for what she does to make her legs look as falsely stumpy and short on a regular basis. yes, heidi has invested dinero into cheapening her already wet-seal-esque FUG, but it's just not enough to turn me...plus, her music video really is just amazing hilarity. i suggest hard liquor before diving into THAT hot tranny mess.

Mischa gets the fug from me because she hung out with the skanky accessory...Cisco...Crisco... you know the guy who looks like he probably has some weird rash.

Speidi are not only fug on the inside, the reflect the fug of a whole culture. Way more so than Ms. Barton.

But maybe I'm just saying that because I actually like keds, and (gulp) high waisted pants.

Mischa's brand of fug spreads mirth, and --at worst-- meh. Speidi's-- only wailing, rending of hair and gnashing of teeth. It's a beautiful day today. I had to choose life. Hence, Mischa for the win.

There is no contest, this should be a blowout in favor of Mischa. Her style is TERRIBLE! I understand the general disgust with Heidi and Spencer, we all have it, but in terms of fashion sense Misha takes the cake, no question.

Mischa, mischa, mischa. It's like she doesn't want to be pretty. Even skinny girls need to dress for their body types- especially whenst that untoned. I hate to rag on a girl's body but she leaves me no choice.

Love Mischa's drunk, white, mini-diva style.

Heidi - I can't find words.
Zombie is close. Smug, irrelevant, annoying. She is somewhere in the clothes pile below Tara Reid's sweaty fake-tann stained bikini bottoms and Nicolette Sheridan's jog bra.

I chose mischa. Cuz you know she can. You've seen her do it. It's not like the O.C brainwashed her.
And she's friends with Rachel Bilson who is like...adorable!

It actually saddens me to vote for Mischa over Speidi because I loathe that couple so much. When Mischa first came on the scene during the first season of The OC I actually thought she dressed well. I even remember Oprah interviewing about her great style that everyone was copying. Shortly afterward her fashion choices really went downhill. It's like being a "fashion icon" went to her head and she stopped critically eyeing her clothes and just became overconfident. I can't remember the last time I thought, "wow, MB looks really good and her outfit really flatters her figure." Sad, sad, sad.

If only you had included a still from Heidi's "music" video. Those frighteningly outstretched Freddy Kruegger-like fingers would have clinched this for her.

If only you had included a still from Heidi's "music" video. Those frighteningly outstretched Freddy Kruegger-like fingers would have clinched this for her.

I too must evoke the high-waisted jeans. It's not that I hate them, per se, but betwen the fit, her stance, the--wasn't it a red-gingham-y top she matched with them?--and the just plain "yikes" quality of the entire outfit, I cannot get that picture out of my mind. MB, all the way.

I HATE Speidi, so I had to vote for Mischa. You know those douchbags would LOVE to be the Fug Champions.

Mischa Barton is actually quite cite - she could do so much better. Maybe a boho hippy trippy look would be good? You know, like how Joss Stone tries at but fails.

One good thing about living abroad is the absence of a pop-culture that would include a show like "the hills" and the ass clowns featured in the show (such as this blonde heidi person.)

Having said that, I AM living in Australia home of Sass n Bide: accomplice to a horrific array of fugscusting jeans to chose from. Try living in a country where high waisters & stretch stovepipes are at every turn while a decent pair of bootleg, nay even straightleg, imported sevens costs almost $400 dollars. Its fug nation here, people.

Mischa is a notorious lover of sass n bide high waisters, btw. Barton for the win on this merit alone. Forever will I be haunted with the image of her and her thighs walking down the street in grandma ass high waste (ha, i said waste instead of waist on purpose) pants and a tucked in vintage-esque def leopard band t-shirt.

Cute, even. My excitement is running away with me.

Wow, I find Heidi so much less offensive without her powertool!

That just-tasered look of Mischa Barton's wins the day. She looks so weak and brittle it is like she is going to break her leg if she tries to get into a car.

Speidi's Cinderella run is looking like it's coming to end. Ah well. Fugly on the inside will only get you so far (kind of like scrappiness and buzzer beaters in the tournament...)

Misha's is also sad because she occassionally looked soooooo pretty on "The O.C." I mean, like she's snap if you tried to break her, but still pretty.

Deadeyes McDumbBroad takes this one. Boring as Heidi can be in her clothes, it's a comfortable, pretty sort of boring just the same.

misha is the fug take a big whiff

I have to disagree with others so far...while some of Mischa's outfits are scary, some are very cute, and she totally rocks the high waisted look! Ladies, as a guy I can say it looks pretty hot on her. Put the claws away!

There is nothing redeemable about Speidi, so they get my vote hands down.

Misha - isn't she supposed to be a model too, or at least have a modeling background? If I had a slimmer body, I would not be dressing from the matron evening wear section at Sears. Hell, I don't dress from the matron evening wear section at Sears now. WTF, Barton? And if she is not wearing grandma's clothes she's wearing high-waisted monstrosities. WTF, Barton?
Girlfriend can't act so she could at least dress nicer.
Fug advantage - Barton.

Spencer and Heidi need to go far away and never come back. Ever.

It could be my own bias because I also have very light hair, but I like her new hair (can't say the same about other additions) and her new wardrobe on the show is pretty good (especially her workwear), the same cannot be said for her evening/public/music video wear. I think she actually needs help and it is that guy who is bringing her down.

I'm gonna go Mischa on this one for 2 reasons: 1.) She is yet another offender that has the fashion elite at her disposal and refuses to employ any of them and 2.) my niece, who is 6 years old, is also named Mischa and has better fashion sense that this sad girl.
Speidi gets a pass only because this is about the clothes and they're ugly on the INSIDE.

I must say... Heidi looks just like what I imagine the average LA:an wannabe actress to look. Or perhaps your agerage Vegas girl. Which is a pity, because she is very pretty indeed. Pre plastic surgery.

It's nice to have the opportunity to hate on Speidi, but voting for her/them/it would be wrong. While Heidi has gone from beautiful young woman to tragic plastic-surgery-and-fame-addicted soul, Mischa is just plain gorgeous, and in a Vogue magazine sort of way. To consistently mess that up with her inexplicable fashion choices - she should be an icon! - is a much bigger crime.

Well, fashion crime. For life choice crime, Speidi win BIG.

I almost voted for Heidi and The Skeez because of the cheap line of slutwear she "designed" for whatever sad strip mall chain store and because she insists on accessorizing herself with that dude with the permanent Peach Fuzz of Evil on his face. WTF? Boyfriend couldn't invest in a disposable razor before heading out to Crested Butte with cameras in tow? And yeah, her parents totally hate him or they're just really good actors.

But Mischa must prevail because she's got the longevity. She has a consistent and impressive body of fug work and always fails to dress as unflattering as possible. She may have all of her original parts, but her fug reigns supreme for me!

Mischa wins hands down in my opinon, but also I just cannot acknowledge the existance of Heidi and Spencer. Voting for them will spoil my hopes for them disappearing forever.

I had to go with Mischa. Between the crazy hippy clothes and her glorious mugshot, she's a winner for me.

On a side note, has anyone else noticed a resemblance between Heidi and Crissy Crocker lately?

A no-brainer! Which, of course, could describe each and every one of Ms. Barton's misguided missteps in fashion. Again, I have to ask where they buy these crapstorms of fabric.

Ahem. I voted for Mischa, but I'd like to note that I'm 30 and still have a waist. It might even be better than it was when I was Mischa's age. So there.

Mischa, for sure. Her choices are so odd I half expect her to leave the house sporting Cisco Adlers ballsack as a hobo bag. Speidi are just a couple of Flat Stanleys constantly posing for what look like J.C. Penney catalog shots, including the clothes; not fug, but completely boring, irrelevant and and definitely "value priced."

Mischa for sure, because who are those other people and why do they keep showing up?

Mischa because she was the only option I saw. It's not really fair of you guys to give her a gimme this late in the game...

Just a little comment on the great Fug Girl commentary above - I've thought of it before, but it occurred to me again as you were describing how you missed the fug-ness of Mischa's shoes because you were so focused on the shirt. I think that concept needs a "Go-Fug-Yourself" term. You know just like we have "Scroll-down Fug" (which I love by the way) which is "this outfit isn't too bad" {scrolldown} "dear god what is that person wearing!"

We now need a term for when one item of Fug is so bad, it distracts our Fugger's from commenting other crimes of Fug in the same picture. Perhaps it could be "Fug Blindness" or "Overwhelming Fug". It needs some name - because I have seen it before on the site, when I totally agree with our wonderful Fug girls commentary, but get to the end and think "I know the dress was terrible - but didn't you notice the [shoes/belt/hat etc]! Did the horridness of the dress blind you to all other sins!" It happens and it deserves its own fug inspired name.

Mischa is such a pretty girl, but she makes herself significantly less attractive by making such poor choices in clothing...

I did watch a bit of the old O.C., so I know who Mischa is. The Speidi creature, nope. But I voted for it anyway, because big fake melons are always fugly with a capital F.

Mischa is awful the way Sienna Miller is awful--wearing things that would look so hideous on anyone else they look better in comparison, and manage to get people to translate "totally horrific" to "really in this season, I should wear that too". At least Mischa's fug is relatively harmless. Heidi and he who is an utter douche are the nuclear war of fug, you can't avoid it because they're everywhere.
And I would LOVE to see someone who would not only not be offended by the fug, but take it, own it, and use it as an excuse to be as tacky as possible.

What did Heidi do to herself?!? Gaah! Mischa can change her tune (PLEASE, Mischa). Mischa IS pretty, she needs to learn to work it. I had to vote for perma-fug. It HAS to be stopped!

The thing with Mischa is that she appears to try to look sort of avante garde/take fashion risks...even if she often fails. Her outfits may be crazy...but they're crazy in an entertaining way.
Speidi is just FUG all over.

THANK GOD. I fear that the mantle of fug would be enough validation for Heidi&Spencer to keep going out and getting photographed, and really this madness has gone on enough....

Ha, it's true, later on Mischa WILL regret these unflattering clothes at the height of her beauty. And they're not even compulsory at the moment! I'm still gutted that when I was young drop-waisted dresses and baggy shirts with pleated trousers were in.

Mischa all the way - she dresses like a nut job. Heidi's just a tart, and that's not true fug.

I had to vote for Mischa because somehow she actually manages to pull of the sack dress. And that irks me.

i had to vote mischa...

I have this TERRIBLE feeling that if we encourage the other guy (who shall not be named) get he may get it in his head to run for government.

Then we are all DOOMED.

i had to vote mischa...

I have this TERRIBLE feeling that if we encourage the other guy (who shall not be named) get he may get it in his head to run for government.

Then we are all DOOMED.

If we can give Posh credits for Becks as fashion accessory, and snark on Sienna for Rhys Ifans and Kate Moss for Pete the Crackhead, then please, can we just tell Brandon Davis to go fug himself a little? Check him out:

http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2007/startracks/070115/brandon_davis.jpg

http://www.alistnews.com/img/BrandonDavisStickyBearDenied_B175/brandondavisoilheir49.jpg

http://www.kernhigh.org/liberty/alumni/2006/photos/Davis,%20Brandon.jpg

Mischa, you win! Your ex is the fugliest!

I'm voting for Mischa simply because I want Spencer and Hedi to go away and never come back. I'm sick and tired of them.

Mischa Barton is really gorgeous. Putting those clothes on that girl should be a crime.

Don't give the He-Pratt the satisfaction! Mischa all the way!

Mischa this one's for you!! There's no way I want to give Speidi the satisfaction.

as much as i loathe voting heidi and He Who Shall Not Be Named the winner of ANYTHING, i feel that at least mischa tries in her own strange way to be sort of avante garde and high fashion/boho/who knows.

heidi just laps up the so-cal style cast offs and absolutely massacred her face. and spenny? well...yeah...he just screams douche.

and yes. mischa can get away with a lot more with that complexion...

one more thing: i completely agree with kate on setting a category for fug so ripe we miss the trees for the forest. yes, that's right. so overwhelmed by the hideous holistic picture that each nuance of fug may not be properly pointed out.

hmmm....category name.....sweeping fugneralizations? fugstractions?

all i can think about is that armpit-high minnie-mouse double-breasted red skirt with the huge buttons... you know the one. it haunts my dreams.

I voted for Mischa simply because I can't stand the thought of Heidi and that douche winning ANYthing.

This was a tough one! I can't stand any of their fashion choices but I feel Speidi is getting far more attention than they deserve so Mischa it is.

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see you!

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