But if people would just stop WEARING those kinds of garments, we wouldn't HAVE to dip into that over and over again. Do you hear me, Jill Hennessy? Thanks to outfits like yours, I am so far down the damn well, People magazine is going to have to do a tragic story about my plight and eventual dramatic rescue just to recharge its karma after paying millions (or so I assume) to J.Lo and C.Ag and N.Rich and all their ilk for exclusive rights to their fresh spawn, and for spending, like, three months last summer relentlessly calling Britney's oldest son "Preston" even though that's actually his MIDDLE name.
So please, Jill. Stop this right now. Don't turn me into People's obligatory (and, okay, FINE, usually touching -- there, I said it) story of tragedy. Leave the curtains on the window.
