Okay, first off, please stop staring at me like that, Idina.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with YOU. I'm not even saying there's really anything wrong with your dress. But I am mildly concerned that one of your houseplants has turned on you, and/or attempted to possess you, in order to carry out its evil scheme for total world domination. Tell me, have you found yourself leaning toward the light? Do you wake up in the morning and realize you spent the night snoozing peacefully in a bed of soil? Are you experiencing any cravings for carbon dioxide? Did you turn to hubby Taye Diggs at any point and ask him to pick up your vase from the dry cleaner? And have you referred to yourself at any point as Audrey?
If the answer is "yes" to any of the above, please go straight to the doctor; do not pass Home Depot, do not purchase any fertilizer for lunch. Above all, though, please stop staring at me like you want to squeeze the life out of my weak human form with your superior vine-like tentacles, because it's really freaking me out -- I swear to GOD I did not kill my bamboo plant on purpose.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with YOU. I'm not even saying there's really anything wrong with your dress. But I am mildly concerned that one of your houseplants has turned on you, and/or attempted to possess you, in order to carry out its evil scheme for total world domination. Tell me, have you found yourself leaning toward the light? Do you wake up in the morning and realize you spent the night snoozing peacefully in a bed of soil? Are you experiencing any cravings for carbon dioxide? Did you turn to hubby Taye Diggs at any point and ask him to pick up your vase from the dry cleaner? And have you referred to yourself at any point as Audrey?
If the answer is "yes" to any of the above, please go straight to the doctor; do not pass Home Depot, do not purchase any fertilizer for lunch. Above all, though, please stop staring at me like you want to squeeze the life out of my weak human form with your superior vine-like tentacles, because it's really freaking me out -- I swear to GOD I did not kill my bamboo plant on purpose.
