"Hola, bitches! Um, it's... me! Jennifer Lopez! See how I pout and thrust out my chest! I can only glare at you with my eyes full of Sexy while you cower in fear of the power of my ruffles! My husband, dear sweet Matt... I mean, Mike... Marc? MARC. Marc wants me to dress like the night because... because... um... I hate you Ben Affleck! You are so...
"Crap. Forget it. This isn't working. Nobody is going to believe I am really Jennifer Lopez. I'm just so SICK of people asking me when I'm getting written out of Heroes, that I thought maybe if I wore a dramatic enough thing and slicked back my hair and pouted, I could pass myself off as J.Lo and maybe get a break. And a free limo ride, and maybe my own vampire or something. Sigh. And you know what the REALLY annoying part is?"
"It's going to take me THREE HOURS to scrape off all this body oil, or else it will get all over my sheets. DAMN that J.Lo. How does she DO IT?"
