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July 22, 2008

The Dark Fug

Maggie! You were doing so well! I saw you on The Daily Show the other day, and you looked adorable and were totally charming. And now? Revisiting the path Gwyneth Paltrow already traipsed MONTHS ago? Really?

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Other than the fact that nearly everyone looks good in a halter -- and she does look smashing from the collarbone up -- this thing is not flattering. Not on anyone. Not if you have any body fat at all, or even any particularly robust internal organs. And I suspect that even if you had NO body fat and NO internal organs AT ALL, it would still just look sort of awkwardly shlumpy on your corpse. It makes Maggie look like she's got NO shape other than a sort of undefined series of vague bumps. And I've been looking at pics of her all week, and I know that's not true. Not to mention the fact that even those of us who are only a series of vague bumps realize that unforgiving silky jumpsuits are....not going to help matters. Do you think Katie Holmes -- in a fit of pique over being replaced in Batman -- somehow bribed Maggie's stylist to make this happen? Because otherwise, I just don't get it.

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A book, huh? Is it just stuff you already put on the Web site?

Nope, we wrote the whole thing fresh, just for you.

Awesome. In that case, I want to read it!

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