"Hello? Can someone out there help me? I am REALLY HUNGRY. Seriously. I gave up anything with texture about five months ago and now I look like Lara Flynn Boyle and I am STARVING and, seriously, if someone doesn't give me something to chew I am going to eat this carpet that is so very red, like rare steak... oh, sweet, delicious steak... No. NO, I have to snap out of this. Look, if you have ANYTHING in your purses, will you just toss it into my skirt? I'll catch it. I promise. Granola bars. A Kit-Kat. Even breath mints would be divine. I bet I can fit like three cheeseburgers in here -- plus this sucker is made of Quited Bounty, so it'll absorb all the grease. Please, someone. Anyone. Is ANYONE listening? Hello? HELLO?"
