October 2008 Archives

October 31, 2008

The Accidental Fugband

Fug file:

wearing white

Just to be clear, Uma Thurman isn't at a Halloween party.

[Photo: Splash News]

So I can't quite understand why she's wearing something that, last I saw it, was stained with trash-compactor juice from the bowels of the Death Star, sustained while Luke wrestled with some sort of cyclops-serpent and then the walls started closing in on them. I mean, I guess Carrie Fisher made it look comfortable, but all I can think of when I see it is what sort of nasty garbage those Dark Side troopers probably generated -- what with all of Darth Vader's medical waste (you know he had some; the dude was seriously high-maintenance) and the space equivalent of mice and cockroaches they'd have to kill every time they got into the kitchen cupboards, and of course all the musty robes of kindly old wise men that they had to incinerate after the big boss disintegrated them with a flick of his glow-stick. It's not a nice mental image, is what I'm saying. But I'm sure Uma had a lovely night, and hey, if she had to run away from any laser-wielding clones in white helmets, then I'll eat my words and swear she picked the perfect gown.

October 31, 2008

Maria Fugounos

Whoever told Maria Menounos that regular girls can wear maternity blouses as dresses is a terrible liar:

What's more, I suspect we are in serious danger of an under-buttock sighting here:

Continue reading Maria Fugounos.

October 31, 2008

Fugliette Fugis

Fug file:

formal shorts

I kind of love Juliette Lewis.

I mean, yes. She's wearing tights under the world's snuggest pair of formal shorts and a shirt last seen on a particularly emo 19th century vampire, but she seems SO PLEASED about it. Plus, you know that if you stuck in an elevator with her, you'd have a good time. You'd probably emerge from the lift with a contract to sing back up in her band. And how could that possibly go wrong?

October 31, 2008

Fug Hills, 90210

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OH, BRENDA:

[Photo: Splash]

You seem to look totally hot on the cover of Radar, and then you had to go and ruin it all by showing up at the party dressed like Ozzy Osbourne with a fetish for sensible, neutral boots that unfortunately recall a sort of stream-lined, undercover Ugg in this particular scenario. Couldn't you have at least worn a sexy black stiletto of the I-Could-Kill-A-Man-With-This-Shoe variety? Have you forgotten the importance of WWBD (What Would Brenda Do)? Well, okay: in fairness, Brenda would now come over to me, scream at me that she nevers wants to see me again and them storm off to cry in her bedroom until Cindy Walsh wandered upstairs to say soothing things while wearing a crisp, sensible polo shirt, but you know what I mean.

October 31, 2008

Fug or Fab: Eva Longoria Parker

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MARIO LOPEZ: EVA LP! WHAT UP!

EVA LONGORIA-PARKER: Hey, Mario.

MARIO: Hey, I've got an awesome idea. Let's talk about ME.

EVA: Okay. What's new?

MARIO: Nothing.

EVA: Then why did you want to talk about yourself?

MARIO: To avoid talking about what you're wearing.

EVA: What's wrong with what I'm wearing?

MARIO: You've got GREAT LEGS.

EVA: That's...wrong?

MARIO: I'm just avoiding the question. Hey, did you know that the Tampa Bay Rays have a player named EVAN Longoria? Every time he --

EVA: Yeah. I KNOW. Trust me. But, seriously, I thought this dress was kind of cute.

MARIO: Tim Gunn would say it's a whooooole lotta look.

EVA: I don't know if I trust a dude who spent like fifteen years wearing tank tops and patterned Hammer pants on morning television to give me style advice, honestly. You, I mean. I would trust Tim Gunn.

MARIO: It also makes me think you might have a bun in the oven.

EVA: Seriously? You're going there?

MARIO: I do work for Extra now. So, how about an exclusive, old friend? Got cookies in your jar? Is there a tuna fish sandwich in your lunchbox? Have you got soup simmering in your Thermos? How many olives are in your martini?

EVA: THOSE AREN'T REAL EUPHEMISMS.

MARIO: But seriously.

EVA: I don't like you anymore.

poll by twiigs.com

October 30, 2008

Fug or Fab: Karina Smirnoff

Fug file:

polls

Okay, people. I have a lot on my mind right now: the election, the economy, how to most effectively encourage my hair to be thick and bouncy, etc etc. I don't have TIME to make the tough choices today. Like about Karina Smirnoff here:

Behold, the front:

Kinda...Dynasty. Kinda...maybe cool? And then, the back:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Karina Smirnoff.

October 30, 2008

Twifug

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KRISTIN STEWART: Um....

ROBERT PATTINSON: What?

KRISTIN: You look kinda...

ROBERT: What?

KRISTIN: Did you make it home last night?

ROBERT: Uh. Yeah. Of course. Sure, I did.

KRISTIN: Really? You made it home and got some sleep and took a shower, like we talked about?

ROBERT: Uh. I made it home, let's just leave it at that.

KRISTIN: I knew it. Damn it, Pattinson, the shower is the most important part of the equation!

ROBERT: You never told me THAT. Next time, I promise.

October 30, 2008

Fugalynne McCord

Fug file:

90210

We've been sent this photograph a lot in the last few days, along with e-mails that say things like, "WTF?" and "Has she lost her mind?" and of course, "Brenda and Kelly would NEVER have worn this." That last point IS probably true.

But then my sense of justice won out, and God help me, I decided to do poor old Drunkface here a solid: AnnaLynne is in costume here for a performance with Treasure Island's "Sirens" show in Las Vegas. Therefore, rest comfortably, readers, because she has NOT (yet)(that we know of) lost her mind or turned into a Peldon, or decided to run out for Diet Coke dressed like Jabba the Hut's cleaning lady.

She MAY, however, be self-medicating with loincloths to dull the pain of her day job on 90210. But at least they are not loincloths of her own choosing. I mean, a girl can't very well gyrate with the swashbucklers on a big fake pirate ship wearing boyfriend jeans and a hoodie, unless perhaps she is in costume as plucky stowaway who sneaks above deck at night and secretly steers the ship off-course so that it lands somewhere with cheaper Happy Hours. But there are extremely low odds of sexy results with that, and it wouldn't get her very much attention -- and who can blame her for wanting a bit more of that? She's probably desperate to be in the press for something other than her accidentally hilarious day job, at which she does one of two things: "emotes" via tiny convulsions, or speed-talks through the clumsy scripts. The former is simply unfortunate, but the latter secretly might be a clever attempt to get through it faster; both combined, however, could be a potent and overdue nod to her hair twin, Jessie Spano, meaning we'll find out in two weeks that Drunkface's character is hooked on caffeine pills that have her so excited, so excited, SO SCARED. Seriously, that's how bad the show is -- I'm actually rooting for it to rip off Saved By The Bell. And fast.

October 30, 2008

A Quantum of Fugace

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Welcome, everyone, to today's historic Battle of the Relatively Unknown Brunette Bond Girls.

In the red corner, we have Olga Kurylenko, former model and current noted celluloid demi-nudist:

She comes out swinging with the full-frontal view, knocking you in the gut with its understated loveliness...

... then sucker-punches you in the gullet with an explosion of red ruffles that looks either like the symptom of a very rare and complex venereal disease, or as if her derriere has opened a flower shop that does weddings. If Ronald McDonald ever needs a toupe, I know where to send him.

And in the blue corner, we have Olga's opponent, Gemma "The Sassy St. Trinian's Strumpet" Arterton:

Continue reading A Quantum of Fugace.

October 29, 2008

LeeFug Sobieskfug

Fug file:

We've all been here, right?

I can't count the number of times I've thrown on my leggings and an over-sized shirt to go run out into a wind tunnel. I did it three or four times this morning, in fact. I'll probably do it again this afternoon. EVERYONE's doing it. You should try it.

October 29, 2008

Kate and Fug: Unleashed

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In case you were wondering what to wear next time you have to promote BOTH a curling iron and a straightening iron:

I would not advise THIS.

October 29, 2008

7th Fugven

Fug file:

basic (or unbasic) black

Ah, this takes me back:

Fondly do I recall those halcyon days when I longed for nothing more than a Gunne Sax dress to wear to my 6th grade dance! The dropped-waist! The puffy sleeves! The prim, unflattering length! What joy! What bliss! What...terribly misguided times.

October 29, 2008

Fug and Glory

Fug file:

Man Fugs

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

"Wait. HOLD THE PHONE. You're telling me there IS no Ryan Cabrera biopic in the works? And I am not in a fight to the death with Johnny Depp for that part? And that Ryan Cabrera is younger than both of us so it doesn't make any sense anyway? SHIT. April Fool's Day was SEVEN MONTHS AGO. I am firing ALL of my people."

October 28, 2008

Fug or Fab: Rachel Weisz

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This is just one of those mornings where I'm staring and staring at a photo, and can't figure out what the heck I want to say about it -- so I procrastinate by thinking about whether I should have peanut-butter for lunch (yes); whether to watch last night's Gossip Girl or One Tree Hill first (a coin-flip will help); how the execrable Knight Rider actually makes last season's Bionic Woman look like a nuanced, adept hour of well-acted intrigue; whether I am getting a cold or just an allergy attack; and why Ian Ziering things he has so many better things to do than guest-star on the new 90210, because even though it's a steaming pile, it cannot be less exciting or credible than playing Testiclees in National Lampoon's The Legend of Awesomest Maximus alongside -- I kid you not -- Mr. Belding. I wish I had made that up. Actually, that's a very Steve Sanders sort of thing to do, so he's practically already back in character. COME ON, IAN. The CW's turdfest needs you.

All of which has left me with nothing but scattered thoughts and feelings about Rachel Weisz's dress here. Let's start with the front.

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

I want to love this. Certainly she's got nice calves, and a great figure. But the fit of the front is so messy and rumpled that it looks like it's riding up in weird places, creating pooches and pouches where there are none. And Pooches and Pouches OUGHT to be an adorable children's book about a scrappy tiger cub and a kangaroo who defy the geographic and inter-species odds by becoming friends, going on awesome jungle adventures, and solving petty crimes, rather than a commentary on anyone's clothes. The effect makes the top, potentially interesting, appear instead to be wilting.

Here's a closer look:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Rachel Weisz.

October 28, 2008

To Fug For

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CASEY AFFLECK: You're kidding me. THIS guy? This guy right here? That's Joaquin Phoenix? No.

JOAQUIN PHOENIX: Why are you trying to hurt me, Casey?

CASEY: I just... SERIOUSLY? Are you sure you're not Vincent Gallo?

JOAQUIN: Well, now, I don't think THAT kind of talk is really necessary, Casey.

CASEY: Jack? Jack Black, is that you? You're looking svelte.

JOAQUIN: No, not Jack. You know, this happens a lot to me.

CASEY: A long-lost McConaughey who's named, like, Corn Nuts or something? Am I on Punk'd?

JOAQUIN: That show doesn't exist any more Casey. And now, neither does my self-confidence. I've written a poem about it. Here, let me read a bit...

CASEY: ... THIS GUY? Joaquin? Quick, am I drunk?

JOAQUIN: It goes, "There was a young man with a stained shirt // who didn't care whose feelings he hurt. // I took his bungee-cord belt // and asked how it felt // when I wrapped it around his stupid pointer-finger of judgment and then RIPPED IT OFF AND JAMMED IT IN HIS EAR, which wasn't much effort to exert."

CASEY: That's... so... Joaquin, um, dude, I meant to say you look awesome. You're a handsome devil.

JOAQUIN: Thanks, Casey. I'm so glad we could share. It's nice when people listen.

CASEY: Yes, that's... yes.

October 28, 2008

Sugar and Fug

Fug file:

old for her age

Oh my god, you guys!

Mena Suvari is TOTALLY going to land that Diane Sawyer biopic! And while it's a testament to Diane Sawyer's magical, powerful genetics that, at 60-something, she looks amazing and barely 40, it is NOT a testament to Mena Suvari's stylist that, at 20-something, she looks like she just fell out of an ad for Chicos' new line of evening trenches.

October 28, 2008

The Jane Austen Fug Club

Fug file:

crazy layers,
WTF

Oh, Maria Bello. THANK YOU for showing up in this, so that I can finally comment in a public space that The Jane Austen Book Club -- which I saw under duress on a plane -- made me want to stab myself in the throat with a plastic butter knife. But you were kind of good in it, and therefore probably saved my life, as well as the upholstery of one of Continental Airlines' coach class seats. Also, I think it goes without saying that we all owe you a debt for Coyote Ugly. Especially Tyra Banks. However, speaking of ugly...

[Photo: Splash]

I don't REALLY have to elaborate,do I?

October 27, 2008

Fug Peaks

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Okay, so back in the day, I was TOTALLY into Twin Peaks. Like, if there had been an internet then, I would have been the webmistress of Marry Me Agent Cooper.com or BOB Scares The Shit Out Of Me.net or something. I used to watch it every Thursday night with my dad (my mother was not into Twin Peaks, so she would go upstairs to read), and then when it was over, instead of going up to my room, I would have to follow him around the house while he locked up and then have him escort me to my room because I was so freaked out. And then, of course, it devolved into craziness the second season and my Dad and I spent a lot of time giving each other, "WTF is going on here?" looks. Which is exactly the look I just gave this picture of Lara "Donna Hayward" Flynn Boyle:

She looks totally fine -- if a bit like the maitre d' at a weird restaurant that thinks outfitting its female employees in long, hard-to-negotiate skirts is classy -- until you get to the shoes. Or lack thereof. Oh, LARA. You know better than to go baresy on the red carpet! It's not a beach party! It's a black-tie charity event! Put on some shoes, babe! Come on! I'm always rooting for you -- if not for your work in Twin Peaks, then because you are AWESOME in Wayne's World -- but even I can not come up with a good excuse for this one. Unless your shoes are INVISIBLE. YES. Yes, that must be it. Phew.

October 27, 2008

Fug or Fab: Jessica Biel

When I first saw this pic, my reaction was, "OH! Huh."

Like, I expected it to be either way worse OR way better than it actually is. Sure, her pants aren't properly hemmed, but it's more that this seems like it aimed for Avant Garde but instead accidentally made a pit stop at Sort of Weirdly Boring. Actually, I was thinking about this the other day, and I may have actually mentioned it here before, but: I feel like Jessica Biel has gotten wildly dull since she started dating JT. Not that she was like a fascinating creature before, but at least she seemed like a really nice, normal, super hot girl. And now she just seems BLAND. Is it possible that Timberlake is some kind of Man-Succubus, wicking the Interesting from the women he dates, in order to keep himself charismatic and relevant? But! Cameron Diaz didn't turn boring when they were dating (that I remember). Maybe she got a little weirdly rage-y, all beating up the paparazzi and whatnot, which did seem sort of out of character. And she did turn wildly hot once they broke up, but I always attributed that to Revenge Hotness Syndrome (you know, where you have a really bad break-up and you take all the residual emotion to the gym, with the result that you both sort of run it out of yourself, and you also look AWESOME when you run into your ex at the local bar/the Oscars, causing him/her to feel deep, life-altering and never-ending regret about letting you go, the likes of which will probably lead to several angry, sad novels and bitter songs). But maybe she was just getting back to her old self. I don't WANT to blame Justin for this. I really don't. And yet...

poll by twiigs.com

October 27, 2008

Cheetah Fugs

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True confessions: While I am aware of HOW the Cheetah Girls exist, I'm not entirely sure what their point is. Since we already have Miley Cyrus, her alter ego, and all those High School Musical kids, I don't feel like I need another Disney musical act trying to sell me, my unborn offspring, and my excitable nieces a bunch of specially branded pencil cases. They're the Egg Beaters of tween bands: nice try, but totally not the real thing.

Still, I have to give them props for trying to keep things interesting.

[Photo: WENN]

It takes moxie to dress up as Elvis Presley with an Amelia Earhart fetish. And correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Ferris Bueller wear a very similar sweatervest on his epic, ultimately non-fatal day off? Never mind that Adrienne Bailon is not actually TRYING to be in costume; the fact that she's wearing three-in-one is sort of impressive.

However, I am mildly concerned that this is a result of Adrienne going insane because she just realized she's been dating a Kardashian, thus prompting her to employ opaque goggles as a means of making it physically impossible to look at herself in the mirror. Or maybe she has Chace Crawford painted on the insides to soothe her when times get rough. Maybe Intern George should develop some of those for his loyalists. Some personalized Hug Goggles -- let's call them Hoggles -- would make a fortune in these trying times.

October 27, 2008

Happy Hallowfugs

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Allegedly, Rachel Bilson is wearing this because she went to a Halloween party in costume as a hippie. Which is a huge relief, because at first, I thought, "DEAR GOD NO. Rachel Bilson would never wear those pants SINCERELY unless she had gone blind."

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

I mean, right? But I suppose there's always a possibility that she's NOT in costume, and only drew on the tattoos as a cover for her real purpose: president of the "Dumpy Is Humpy" subcommittee at the Mischa Barton/Aubrey O'Day fan convention and group wedding. But since you never see her and any of her old O.C. co-stars together -- least of all Mischa -- I'm assuming the hippie explanation is the real one. That's a big "phew" all around.

October 27, 2008

Well Played, Nicole Richie

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metallics

Props to Nicole Richie. Fresh off an amusing role on Chuck, she showed up at this event looking like the proverbial million bucks:

[Photo: Splash News]

Of course, those million bucks only equal about 650,000 British pounds -- before tax -- so she probably shouldn't take the show overseas. But she's deeply hot nonetheless.

October 24, 2008

Fug the Cover: Paris Hilton

Fug file:

Nylon

I have sincerely been enjoying the way every other magazine in the United States has decided that because November is the month in which we elect a new president (maybe you hadn't heard), their November covers will be SUPER PATRIOTIC, and they all must OUT PATRIOT each other! Red, white and blue! Babies waving flags! People jumping out of apple pies with baseballs in one hand and the Constitution in the other! If I ran a magazine, I think I would have Michael Phelps on the cover, holding a bald eagle, wearing a red, white and blue striped Speedo and the word "VOTE" written across his chest in Sharpie. (After all, you SHOULD vote. And what better way to insist upon it than using firm pecs as America's chalkboard? Exactly. How do I not have a magazine of my very own?) And yet somehow Nylon seems to think that the most effective way to get across their love of country is a shot of Paris Hilton in which her eyes appear drugged and unfocused and her extensions are all wonky. Sure, you could say that was a conscious choice, but I prefer not to be so cynical and decide it was just a very, very bad one, especially since Paris has actually been kind of vaguely amusing lately. Still, it seems sort of tragic to have a bedraggled-looking Paris on the cover of a magazine purporting to be all about things to love about the United States, while relegating Jon Stewart to just two tiny words there on the side. Get him and Colbert popping out of that apple pie, and you've got my $4.50, kids.

October 24, 2008

Mischa Barfug

Fug file:

scrolldown fug

Okay. Tough love time:

I don't know if Mischa has fired her stylist or if her stylist is a crazy, raving bitchaholic, but someone needs to step in and fix this situation. I am not anti-bootie (or anti-booty) but those booties with that dress just look redonkulous and by "redonkulous," I mean INCREDIBLY UNFLATTERING. She looks like she was wearing them to the Herve Leger store with something else and has just stumbled out of the dressing room to show her friend this dress, at which point she would say, "Obviously, not with these shoes," and her friend would be all, "obviously." They are doing her legs no favors. NOT A ONE. Someone -- I don't know who, but it might be me if I run into her at Coffee Bean or something -- needs to take this girl aside and explain that clonky booties with a skin-tight bandage dress might look okay on some people, but 99.9997% of the rest of the universe need shoes that elongate our legs, especially when we're wearing something so unforgiving. Otherwise she just looks like she ends in a couple of tragic doorstops. JUST CALL MR LOUBOUTIN STAT.

October 24, 2008

Hello, Fugly

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So, riddle me this, readers:

When did Natalie Imbruglia turn into Carol Channing? And is it catching?

October 24, 2008

Fug Me Baby, One More Time.

Want to feel OLD? Apparently yesterday was the 10th anniversary of "...Baby One More Time." (And now you'll be humming that all day.) I know. I feel like it was only yesterday that I was prancing around my bedroom singing along into my hair brush. So, to celebrate, we were asked to write a piece for Britney's new official website about her iconic Catholic school girl look:

"The video also features a posse of dudes in neckties and Dockers, hilariously leaping, twirling, and pointing skyward, and yet NOBODY remembers that. Instead, with one glimpse of Brit's bare midriff between that crisp white shirt and her pleated skirt, a million Halloween costumes were born."

Let's be honest, girls: While I'm sure many of our readers only ever go out costumed as Marie Curie or Ruth Bader Ginsburg for Halloween (and, honestly, I would like to see pictures of both, because that sounds awesome), there are just as many of us who -- when faced with forty-five minutes after work to throw something cute together for a party -- have just shrugged and pulled out Ye Olde Plaide Skirte in a moment of laziness. After all, when you are not skanky of soul, occasionally it is amusing to be skanky of dress. Even if it is kind of...okay, not the most subtle look ever conceived. But in this time of carved pumpkins and mini candy bars, who knew we had so much to thank Britney for? Let's give the girl a little credit for giving the knee socks industry that much needed boost, after all.

If you so desire, you can read the rest of the piece here. Or not. Whatever. We'd never tell you what to do. Especially on a Friday.

October 24, 2008

Fug or Fab: Kate Bosworth

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While I was on a plane, which is usually -- I confess -- the only time I can force myself to wade through Vogue or Elle, I read an article in one of them about how designers are tripping over themselves to get to Kate Bosworth. It had something to do with her being all tiny and sample-sized yet hip and young and edgy, and unafraid to take risks, and how she exhales pixie dust and rainbows all over the world before sneezing gold. I don't know. It all felt a bit like a worthless puff piece to me, so I tuned most of it out, because let's face it: Other than 21, Kate Bosworth hasn't really done anything lately other than... wear clothes Which is nice work if you can get it, but talk to me when she makes Young Americans II: Slightly Older Americans for The CW, so we can find out if her brother-boyfriend was ACTUALLY related to her or not. Otherwise I'm bored.

But I will give her this: The article was right about her taking risks.

Part of me adores the workmanship and cute cut of this dress, which definitely does flatter her. But there is another big chunk of me that remembers Mr. Snuffleupagus fondly as my favorite Sesame Street character, and wonders WHY, GOD, WHY somebody would shoot him just to turn his pelt into a dress for Kate Bosworth. I don't care how many fluffy articles people write about how they'd die to clothe her -- I refuse to believe Snuffy intended to go out that way. Where's PETA when you need them? Muppets have feelings too, you know.

poll by twiigs.com

October 23, 2008

Fug The Cover: Nicole Kidman

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Sigh. I got spoiled, guys. When Nicole Kidman was pregnant, she looked so much more like her normal, pre-Botox, To Die For self and I guess I hoped it would stay that way. Because I am naive.

Look at her back in April, though:

Seriously, is that a FACIAL EXPRESSION I detect? Traces of actual movement in her brow? SMILE LINES? I thought she'd blitzed those off her face completely.

Compare that with the RoboKidman on the cover of this month's Australian In Style:

Continue reading Fug The Cover: Nicole Kidman.

October 23, 2008

Fugstore Cowboy

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I am shockingly bad at keeping Kelly Lynch and Kelly Preston differentiated in my head. Like, I know ON SIGHT which one of them was in Drugstore Cowboy and which one of them is married to John Travolta. Like, if I were a witness to a crime one of them committed and they were both in a police line-up, I would ROCK that line-up. But if, say, Lennie Brisco (RIP) sauntered up to my apartment door and asked me which of them, say, poisoned her hot au pair's fro-yo to punish her for seducing her husband, or whatever, I would be all, "uh, Kelly.....?" and Lennie would give me the eyebrow and be all, "a last name would help, lady," and I would be all, "I DON'T KNOOOW."

Which is why I'm going to do Kelly Lynch here a solid and just start telling people that I saw Kelly Preston out and about in a heavily beaded sack from the Mother of the Bride collection at Cost Plus World Markets. You're welcome, Kelly. But one day, I may want something from you in return. And these sort of favors don't come cheap. So start saving, sugar.

October 23, 2008

NYFug.com: 'Stylista' Wears Its Awfulness Well

Fug file:

reality TV

Don't front. I know you watched Stylista last night. For one thing, it was on right after ANTM. For another, it was on right after ANTM. We watched it, too. And it was kind of AWESOME, in that way that things that are seriously wretched can still be super-entertaining:

"There are major problems, starting with Slowey herself. She and the producers strain to create a Devil Wears Prada air without a real devil and, possibly, without any real Prada; if they thought an airy vocal affectation would make Slowey look like an imperious but brilliant Wintour-in-training, they were sorely mistaken. For one thing, Anna's accent does not originate somewhere around the outer reaches of Upper Fakeola."

But there's SO MUCH MORE than just the phony accent. What's the deal with her walk? How does Joe Zee feel about scarves? Will we actually fly to New York just to stab one of the more annoying cast members? Read on to find out, and comment!

October 23, 2008

Superman Fugs

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KARL: Kate. PET. My hash-slinging waitress at a space diner. Tonight's blue-plate special is sass. SEASON IT.

KATE BOSWORTH: Oh, Karl, you are a scream.

KARL: You are the divine intergalactic crisping sleeve on my Hot Pocket. TOAST.

KATE: Hahaha! Magical. You are a delight.

KARL: The man in the moon needs a lover. Be his concubine. ROMP. He'll leave some green cheese on the dresser. Now stand back for a moment so I may contemplate whether I want popcorn.

KATE: Oh, like Jiffy-Pop? Yes! I'm actually following along with you!

KARL: Well stop, because if I saw you in an anti-gravity machine, my belts would start howling and I would demand roast beef. LAUNCH.

KATE: ... Yes, okay, I can work with that. Yes!

KARL: Now leave me unless your skirt dispenses toothpaste.

KATE: Yes! Wait, no. Shoot, I blew that.

October 23, 2008

Mad Fug

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When I first saw this pic of Mad Men's Maggie Siff, I admit that I wondered if she were actually in costume:

But then I realized that her character, Rachel, is way too elegant to ever wear what is essentially a shiny orange satin cupcake with a brooch in her hair and matching shiny orange shoes. I wonder if she had some kind of bet with the Mad Men costumers. Like, she bet that she could go a week without showing off her very unladylike parlor trick of sticking her entire fist in her mouth, and they took that bet -- I may be drawing from life here, but in my case, I bet I could go THE REST OF MY LIFE and I'm still winning, and, yes, I am aware that I only win this bet upon my death, but my estate is really counting on that ten bucks -- but she couldn't hold out late one night on set after many faux martinis and clove cigarettes and now look at her. I feel you, Maggie. I really do.

October 22, 2008

Senior Fug

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MONIQUE COLEMAN: I know I've had this bob for a couple of months, but it's still REALLY CUTE ON ME!!

ASHLEY TISDALE: Sigh.

VANESSA HUDGENS: I can't even LOOK at A. Tis right now.

MONIQUE: Seriously, am I not CUTE WITH THIS HAIR!?

ASHLEY: I knew this hair was a mistake. I look so boring now.

VANESSA: Did Tis get that dress from Forever 21...in 1987? I have totally seen old people wearing it in, like, pictures of the olden times. It's so sad!

MONIQUE: Things are GOOD!

ASHLEY: I mean, brunettes are hot. Look at these two. But me...I might be better as a blonde. I feel sort of....blah with this hair. And the cut is kind of blah. So very blah. I'm not even wearing lip gloss. I just feel....blah.

VANESSA: Whereas my hair is so lustrous, and my boots so very naughty. I feel so young and vibrant.

MONIQUE: I just want to go outside and TWIRL AROUND!

ASHLEY: Am I wearing a headband? Blair Waldorf isn't blah. What's wrong with me, America? WHY AM I SO SAD?

VANESSA: Poor Ashley. She's like the Boring Meat in a sandwich made of Adorable Bread and no one wants to eat her. Or something. You know what I mean.

October 22, 2008

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Fug

Fug file:

Hi Lindsay!

Nice....um....shoes? Yes. We'll go with that.

October 22, 2008

Square Fugs

Fug file:

Hey Granny! What are you doing out of the house?

Oh, sorry, SJP -- it's just you. The fuzzy cardigan and prim little bun confused me. I thought you were about to offer me some General Foods International Coffee and ask if I wanted to watch Days with you, while spying on the neighbors during commercial breaks and looking over your bank statements (the answer to that is: yes). And now I guess I've earned myself a visit from the Great Beyond tonight, when my grandma decides to pop back down to earth and inform me that she would NEVER wear two-toned hose designed to look like a knee-length leggings/stockings combo or a dress that looks like a bedsheet, especially with that cardigan tossed over it. Then I'd ask her after the rest of my dead relatives, which I assume she will dismiss with an eye roll, and then she'd yell at me to hurry up and get married because my eggs are drying up, and THEN she'd tell me to forget that, because men are more trouble than they're worth, and then we'd make deviled eggs and then I'd tell her to say hello to Elvis for me, and she'd tell me that Elvis IS ALIVE, and then that mystery would finally be solved. So, thanks, SJP -- I've been wanting to catch up with my grandma for ages.

October 22, 2008

OMG, Mischa Barton, Get A Job So I Can Use The Title As a Pun, PLEASE

Fug file:

"HELLO EVERYONE! Sorry I'm late! I forgot how to brush my hair. BUT I MADE IT. Are you ready for my rendition of Coopscades!: Marissa Cooper On Ice? It's going to be AWESOME."

October 22, 2008

Fugia Menounos

Fug file:

awful pants,
WTF

Wow, Maria, those are.... some serious, SERIOUS pants.

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

I mean, I've seen some wide-legged pants in my day, but these high-waisted monsters are impressively confusing. Why would a teeny tiny person like Maria Menounos want to look like she's marching around in a pair of Jared Fogle's "before" slacks?

October 22, 2008

Fugin Wasson

Fug file:

So, apparently model Erin Wasson is no longer serving as designer Alexander Wang's muse.

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

I can't IMAGINE why.

October 21, 2008

Fug It!

Fug file:

bad hair

This is where Juliette Lewis' carefully messy bedhead addiction really bites her in the ass.

Seriously, in this photo it looks like she just opened the door to room service totally starkers, with last night's makeup smearing down her inner-eyes and her hair styled entirely by a wicked bed-rocking carnal romp. When I saw this photo I actually hurried to find the full-length one, just in case. Not that a girl can't wear strapless dresses on the offchance someone snaps a mid-range photo of her looking nude; rather that, I mean, this is JULIETTE LEWIS. She's a professional kook. If I saw this picture of Kate Walsh, or something, I probably wouldn't have paused. But with Juliette, there is always that slight chance she WILL wander out to the party in her birthday suit, or at least that whatever fabric she IS wearing will be crazy or fugly or prone to awkward sweat stains.

Which is a shame, because in the full photo, she looks fine:

Continue reading Fug It!.

October 21, 2008

The Two Fuggers

Fug file:

So, correct me if I'm wrong, but this is the first step in Gwynnie's attempt to take over Mary-Kate Olsen's identity, right?

First, the long, Goth-y, furry get-ups. Next, the center-parted blond hair. And finally, of course, the sort of sourly pursed lips. Expect soon to see her adopt the following, in no particular order: a Starbucks cup perm-attached to her right hand; a giant purse made of some kind of rare, fuzzy animal; a disregard for pants; a renewed affection for items with holes in them; a very similar -- but more cheerful-looking -- personal hanging around with her on occasion; and, finally, a DeLorean so that she can travel to the past, make a series of movies in which she plays twins who get into hilarious scrapes while on vacation with clueless but loving parents, and emerge a bazillionaire. It's not the worst plan I've ever heard.

October 21, 2008

Christina Fugci

Fug file:

There is something pleasingly melodramatic about this photograph to me. It's as if Christina Ricci is attending an old-timey ball at which she expected to be the belle -- until, while standing near the bottom of the stairs, she caught sight of her previously plain, unthreatening archrival descending the steps, capturing the attention of every eligible bachelor in the joint by wearing a fabulous, cleavage-tastic dress. Which, naturally, she had recently very quickly adapted from a boring, out-of-style, tacky garment Christina lent her in the hopes of making her nemesis feel stupid. And now, La Ricci is plotting the best revenge, like whether she can make a martini strong enough to sear the ringlets off a bitch.

Then, of course, she remembers that she can easily regain the attentions of the crowd simply by turning sideways:

Continue reading Christina Fugci.

October 21, 2008

Desperately Fugging Susan

Fug file:

"Hello, darlings. Welcome to Droncho Parlor, where there isn't a half-dress, half-poncho that won't meet all your tomfoolery needs. Because some days it's just not enough to have only ONE trick up your sleeves; maybe you need to fit three magicians, a rabbit, a half-naked girl in sequins, a magic coffin, two swords, a bottle of tequila, some prostitutes, alcohol wipes, and two pounds of body glitter. Come to me. Let me solve your mysteries."

October 21, 2008

Fug on Earth

Fug file:

crazy layers,
WTF

In starting this fug, I realized that I could not remember a single movie Leelee Sobieski has been in. Not just recently. EVER. Then, of course, I remembered the one where she has knee cancer and has to choose between Josh Hartnett and Chris Klein and OH MY GOD, if a movie starring those three doesn't SCREAM, like, 1999, I don't know what does.

Much as this look screams, "I am kind of an asshole." If it's cold enough for dueling capes and a hood, why are you wearing SHORTS with ONE GLOVE? Exactly.

October 21, 2008

Fug or Fab: Anne Hathaway

Fug file:

blue,
stripes

I knew we'd have to feature this dress as soon as I opened my in-box and saw several emails from concerned readers, most of which said something along the lines of, "Anne Hathaway: huh??"

It IS perplexing. When I saw this shot, I was like, "OH HONEY":

I was concerned. Did Ms Hathaway -- who's been so charming in the press lately, all forthright and self-deprecating about her break-up, like, some people would refuse to talk about it, so I have to give her props for being like, "YEAH. I had THE WORST BREAK-UP...IN THE WORLD" -- actually decide that the look she was going for was "kinda saddle-baggy"?

But then I saw this shot, and things seemed somewhat better:

>

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Anne Hathaway.

October 20, 2008

Fug or Fab: Carla Gugino

Fug file:

First, I liked this. Then it started to remind me of the kind of upholstery you'd see in the bedroom of a very rich woman who secretly believed she was the reincarnation of Marie Antoinette.

Then I kind of liked it again.

poll by twiigs.com

October 20, 2008

My Fug Brady

Fug file:

I occasionally look at Adrienne Curry and think, "I, ret's SO WEIRD that the first ANTM winner married Peter freaking Brady." It's like the D-list version of Joey Potter marrying Tom Cruise.

The rest of the time, of course, I'm looking at her and marveling at how understated she is.

October 20, 2008

Fugsha Fugton (Seriously, Girl, You Need To Work On Some More High-Profile Projects Soon For The Sake Of Our Headlines)

Fug file:

accessories to the crime

You know what, Mischa? I'm out.

I don't even know what to say any more. If this is how you want to live your life -- as some sort of footsoldier in the Headband Army that's led by General Blair Waldorf and Brigadier General Aubrey O'Day, with an assist from Colonel Mary-Kate Olsen and the toolshed that is 90210 -- then I need to accept that I'm powerless to stop you. But that doesn't mean I have to LIKE IT. So every day when you're trying to decide which woven halo of nonsense to roll onto your head, and how much stringy hair to fluff out around it ("Hmm, shall I go full Bjorn Borg today, or something more severe?"), just know that I am SERIOUSLY DISPLEASED.

October 20, 2008

Random Fug (To Us): Kate Miller-Heidke

Fug file:

Right next door to my shop that helps you avoid red-carpet mishaps, I'm going to put its polar opposite: a gauntlet of sorts that spits you out the other end fugged up beyond all reason.

Step 1: Pound three generous shots of tequila -- the kind you get in bars that give 'em to you in actual cocktail tumblers.

Step 2: Sit in an office swivel chair and spin around for five minutes.

Step 3: In twenty seconds or less, grab five items from a closet full of clothes and accessories donated by, say, Kelly Osbourne, Cyndi Lauper, Katy Perry, the local arts-and-crafts store, and Sarah Ferguson.

Step 4: Run through a winding hallway while dodging a barrage of random accessories laced with superglue.

And finally, step 5:

Leave quickly before you sober up again.

October 17, 2008

Your Fugment of Zen: Days of our Fugs

Fug file:

Tragically, we just found out that James E. Reilly -- the former head writer of Days of our Lives and the chief scribe on the defunct soap Passions -- passed away at the ripe young age of 60. Anyone who reads this site regularly knows of our fondness for Passions, and Reilly gets the credit. He wrote a show that had: poisoned wedding rings; a mysterious shed that inspired dialogue like, "I TOLD YOU NEVER TO ASK ME ABOUT THE SHED," and of course, "I could NEVER forget The SHED"; talking candles; the disembodied head of Adrian Zmed, wearing a tri-corner hat; a doctor who specialized in every conceivable kind of medicine, including administering lethal injections in prison; kidnappers who dressed up as clowns; a living doll (rest in peace, Timmy); a scene in which a local house was sucked into Hell; a zombie character; a She-Male serial killer who later got pregnant with its own father's child; an army of lesbian nuns; a castration and subsequent botched penis-reattachment that resulted in it being stuck on backwards; countless scenes about how any stimulation of said wonked-up wang would result in DEATH; a whole storyline about how Whitney couldn't sing jazz because her father felt you would never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy than in a JAZZ CLUB; a murder mystery in which character did things like carry around books called How To Murder Your Sister And Get Away With It, or something; a little girl who communicated via cartoon thought bubbles; a witch who Saw Things in her magic bowl; and in the end, a suddenly active volcano in the middle of New England that threatened to destroy the town (spoiler: it didn't).

Reilly also wrote a character for an orangutan. No, really:

Precious was the nursemaid to crazy old Edna, and fell in love with Luis (understandably), which required the actor and the male orangutan -- BamBam -- to shoot a series of elaborate fantasy sequences where Luis was making Precious some banana milkshakes and waltzing with her before proclaiming his love:

There was even one where Precious played Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan. Apparently, the show tried to get Precious nominated for a Daytime Emmy, but they were denied because of some stupid rule that only humans can win. I mean, REALLY. Sigh. That orangutan was dynamite.

But tragically, we can't find any of those montages on YouTube. What we did find, though, is even MORE historic:

Continue reading Your Fugment of Zen: Days of our Fugs.

October 17, 2008

Austin Fuggers: International Fug of Mystery

Fug file:

I don't know why Liz Hurley wants to prove SO BADLY that she's still got it.

[Photo: Splash News]

I mean, the woman is a knockout. She could've worn something that actually fit her, instead of a dress that mashes and shoves her boobs around so much that they almost look like buttocks. Absurdly pert buttocks, maybe, but buttocks nonetheless. And now the word "buttocks" is doing that thing where I've typed it enough times that it doesn't mean anything to me anymore, which is how I know it's time to turn it over to you:

poll by twiigs.com

October 17, 2008

Fug Design

Fug file:

Just when I think to myself, "Self, surely Kelly Wearstler will never be able to top the get-ups she wore last week on Top Design," THIS happens:

Wait! Let's get a look at the close-up!:

Wait! Wait! Wait! Let's look at the wide shot!

YES. It's an honest-to-God turban! And masses of jewelry! And a square dress made from a pile of leaves! I kept expecting her to grab someone's palm and be like, "I see a trip over water... a mysterious, dark-haired man... a paddle ball tournament... and an incident with Baked Alaska." Sadly, that dream was not realized. Nor was my dream of seeing reaction shots of the rest of the judges from the first time they see Kelly walk out of her dressing room. India Hicks would be silently nonplussed. Jonathan Adler would do that tight, painful smile he does when he's thinking mean things about your design but doesn't want to be cruel and then say something cheerful like, "That turban reminds me of a lamp I once designed!" And Margaret Russell would just smile, nod briefly, and then silently walk away. Come on, Magical Elves. You know this is a good idea. Make my dream a reality. It would be almost as awesome as that turban.

October 17, 2008

Yet More Fug Ling

Fug file:

metallics

Yes, we've already fugged Bai Ling once today, but you know what they say -- when it rains, it pours, and far be it from us not to play in the puddles:

Also, frankly, the woman deserves credit for all that she does. Only Bai Ling and her Band-Aids of Truth could find an outfit that unravels from the MIDDLE.

October 17, 2008

Save Me From My Fug

Fug file:

Well, I can't see what's under the cute coat.

[Photo: WENN]

But if this is all the enthusiasm SHE can muster, something tells me I don't want to know.

PS: And that's a big no on the lipstick shade, C.Ag. You look like you've been making out with an ice sculpture.

PPS: How much foundation does it take to cover not only your face, but all that cleavage? In these trying economic times, might it be a good idea to make cuts in your decolletage budget? Just wondering.

October 17, 2008

Fug 2: High Voltage

Fug file:

underboob and sideboob

Just yesterday, I was complaining that Bai Ling wasn't attending LA Fashion Week and it seems she decided to prove me wrong:

And with a wee bit of underboob cleavage as well, bless her heart. Because nothing goes with a stocking cap and a dress made of Wrinkle like a splash of underboob. You know, things just don't feel right around GFY HQ if someone isn't squealing, "Oh, BAI LING!" on occasion. In fact, we're all wearing I HEART BAI LING Band-Aids on our calves right now. I'd take a picture, but I haven't shaved my legs today. Or -- who am I kidding -- showered. You don't need that.

October 17, 2008

Fug My Sons

Fug file:

Apparently, there were a bunch of Scientology protesters outside the theater on the official opening night of All My Sons -- including a few with signs that read "SAVE KATIE + SURI" and "KATIE WHAT HAS SCIENTOLOGY COST YOU?" and all that. I love imagining that one of these people had the romantic notion that Katie would see that message and be like, "Sweet Xenu, IT HAS COST ME EVERYTHING," and run off to catch the first flight to Belize.

Now, I do realize that Katie probably didn't anticipate protesters. But I ask you: Is this outfit really what you'd wear to prove your sanity and stability to a bunch of concerned citizens with too much time and too many art supplies on their hands?

[Photo: WENN]

Because to ME, this outfit says she's losing her marbles. That she has not eaten anything with a calorie content since about May. And that she's blinded by an insomniac insanity that's led to her spending every waking hour -- many of them in the middle of the night, in the attic, alone, while Tom is encased in his hyperbaric napping chamber or whatever -- rubbing any lamps, canisters, martini shakers, propane tanks, or other lidded vessels she can find in the hope that a genie or other mythical wish-granting creature will pop out and release her from the bonds of Holy Crazymony. And I am just not sure there's enough ink in a Sharpie to rescue her from that.

October 16, 2008

Fug the Cover: Sarah Jessica Parker

Fug file:

I was made aware of this particular cover thanks to our friends at Girl With a Satchel, and....oh, SJP. It almost seems as though her eyes are looking in two different directions. Neither of which are at us.She just looks so tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired. And I get it. Hasn't she been promoting Sex and the City in one way or another for the last fifteen years? And now they're all blah blah blah sequel blah blah blah prequel blah blah blah books blah blah blah LET IT GO. SAY GOOD-BYE. NOW MIGHT NOT BE THE TIME TO MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT $1200 SHOES, YOU KNOW, CULTURALLY SPEAKING. Let your super-spendy time-capsule franchise take a wee vacation. Like the one SJP looks like she needs here. Girl can't even rouse herself to do anything about those roots. On the other hand, at least her top provides ample room for snack-related bloatery. I can't complain about that.

October 16, 2008

LA Fugshion Week: Lady Victoria Fugvey

Fug file:

LA Fashion Week is kind of sad, as we've mentioned before. It has a lot of issues that need to be resolved, and one of them is the fact that hardly any good celebrities come out to play. And they LIVE HERE. I mean, they're RIGHT DOWN THE STREET getting waxed or something half the time. Like, BAI LING doesn't even come. Instead we get like quasi-quasi-celebrities like Lady Victoria Hervey:

I just have to wonder, is she dressed like Tinkerbell for a REASON, or was that just a happy accident?

October 16, 2008

Fugbrey O'Fug

Fug file:

Let's look at the plus side here: SHE LEFT THE DOG OUT OF IT THIS TIME.

WOO! I'm so relieved about that, I almost don't have the energy to care about the rest of what she's wearing. But then I spy the headband, and the cheap-looking top with what appears to be her nipple poking through, and I realize there is still work to do. Clearly, someone needs to throw a How I Met Your Mother-style intervention -- complete with banner, naturally -- to explain to Aubrey why she needs to incinerate her entire wardrobe and then scatter the ashes over the nearest Wet Seal store. Maybe if they invite Barney Stinson, he can use one of his patented fireball tricks to torch the whole thing "accidentally."

October 16, 2008

Back To Fugsics

Fug file:

When it came to Christina Aguilera, I used to think to myself, "Honey, a little hoochie goes a long way." And now I'm saying the same about Pucci.

Not that she wants to hear it, as evidenced by her spectacular "TALK TO THE HAND, bitches" face. But you know what, Christina? I WILL talk to your hand. I will look it in the palm and say, "Look, Hand, you did good work buckling those hot shoes. For real. But the pattern over her boobs kind of reminds me of that scene in Star Wars where they identify the Death Star's key weakness and how to exploit it. And the shirt, the bangs, and the makeup are so aggressive that she doesn't even look like herself any more. Know whose fault that is? YOURS, and your little friend on the other side who helps put all this stuff on her in the first place. So DIAL DOWN THE BETRAYAL, Hando Calrissian, because everyone knows that pawns of the Dark Side usually end up dead anyway."

She really is almost unrecognizable. Let's go in for a close-up:

Continue reading Back To Fugsics.

October 16, 2008

NYFug.com: We Were So Right About The Project Runw... Zzzzz...

Fug file:

Project Runway

The Project Runway finale has been kind of a letdown before, but this is the first season we can remember where we felt actual relief that the whole thing was finally over and we could commence getting excited to become slaves to Top Chef.

Jessica: It was really sloppy. And, seriously, so boring. Good for Leanne. I want one of her petal skirts. Otherwise, I don't care at all.
Heather: I wonder when or how that happened. Any show goes through rough spots, but people started defecting from Project Runway since last season. I have bread that's taken longer to go stale.
Jessica: I am kind of at the point where I don't care SO MUCH that I don't even care why I don't care.

Drop by the rest of our column for our thoughts on how Heidi could take a page from Tyra, and other musings on last night's episode.

October 16, 2008

Zig-A-Fug-Ah

Fug file:

"People of Earth, I -- an envoy from the Spice Belt of a galaxy far, far away -- walk among you to deliver a very important message."

"Can I borrow a cup of sugar? Because my boss, Her Highness the Intergalactic Warrior Queen -- you may know her as Grace Jones -- said she was going to fire the next handmaiden who failed to deliver her morning waffles on time. And GUESS who forgot to go to Trader Bjork's yesterday for supples? You'd really be doing me a solid, here, Earthlings. In return I promise not to abduct any of your planet's tiny entertainers in my hood. Although I confess I'm REALLY tempted by that Tom Cruise person. He'd make a wonderful addition to the Imperial Senate's Supermassive Sasshole Subcommittee... Wait, what's that? I can just take him? Huh. Actually, to be totally honest, I'd kind of prefer the sugar. Thanks."

October 15, 2008

NYFug.com: Dumpster Diving at Lauren Conrad's Fashion Show

Fug file:

That title is not a metaphor. Along with about 800 other people, we spent last night in Culver City standing amongst the trash cans waiting to get into LC's fashion show:

"Everyone else outside the Smashbox Studios venue, from what we overheard, spent the entire time swearing they were only attending Lauren's show because they had to cover it for work. "Are you REALLY a fan of her, like, little jersey clothes?" a girl near us asked her friend, with nose-crinkling skepticism."

WAS HE? You'll have to click through to find out. Also includes bonus gossip about The Hills and an extra-special Rock of Love sighting. Spoiler: it was not Bret Michaels.

October 15, 2008

If I Were A Fug

Fug file:

leggings,
WTF

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

"Maybe I'll backcomb Solange's hair and then dip it in glue. Oh, wait, but it might be so much more touching if I wrap all her feathered outfits around a cardboard cutout of her and then light it on fire. Tough call. All I know is, it will be so SATISFYING to get revenge on that little cow. I mean, stepping on my career is one thing, but stealing my clothes? Forcing me to wear one of her little... THINGS... that look like what Donna Martin would wear to a funeral? I DON'T THINK SO. I am BEYONCE f'ing KNOWLES, people. I do not wear hand-me-downs from my sister, or a geek-loving bottle-blonde who barely graduated because she can't hold her champagne, or ANYONE ELSE. So all that's making me happy is imagining Solange's face when she realizes this this will be the last time she crosses me. Oh, yes, it's going to be dreamy. Should I spike her bagel with full-fat cream cheese, or just taze her? Or.... ahhh, so many options..."

October 15, 2008

NYFug.com: Handicapping the 'Project Runway' Finale

Fug file:

Project Runway

And so the most lackluster season of Project Runway draws to a close tonight. Bravo could not care less about sending its baby off with a flourish, considering that it's running the finale in the middle of both the presidential debate and the Dodgers vs. Phillies game on the East Coast. Are they even doing a reunion show? Why don't they just air it solely online?

Yet despite their apathy, WE still care (kinda). In fact, we've handicapped the contestants for NY Mag.com today:

"KENLEY COLLINS: 25-1. If Project Runway were a popularity contest, Kenley wouldn't even be in the finals. In fact, when she emerged to introduce her line, we gasped, "Oh shit."

Which is exactly what we'll be saying if she wins. Who's with me? Click through to read the whole piece and weigh in at NY Mag.com.

October 15, 2008

Grindfug

Fug file:

"Hmmmm," Rose McGowan seems to be thinking.

"Is it at all possible that this doesn't look as good as I thought it would look? I wonder. Surely not. It's a pillowcase I've repurposed as a dress. That's SO environmentally conscious of me and also terribly crafty. I'm certain all the supportive pats on the back and raised eyebrows I'm getting are just because people realize that I am awesome. Yes. Yes, of course that's it."

October 15, 2008

10 Things I Fug About You

Fug file:

pink,
washed out

So I guess, in the case of Julia Stiles, the "W" stands for washed out.

October 15, 2008

Dirty Fugly Money

Fug file:

It's nice to see that Tamara Feldman is getting herself some interesting work. I mean, she went from guest roles on Dirty Sexy Money and Gossip Girl...

... to a starring turn as Joan of Arc in the traveling production of Ice Crusades. I hear the scene where God speaks to her during a triple toe-loop is stirring.

October 14, 2008

Fug Or Fab II: Little J vs. Rachel Melvin

Fug file:

soap stars

In yesterday's Taylor Momsen fug, about 17 percent of voters either liked the dress or felt like a slightly longer version would've been an improvement. Enter Days of our Lives' Rachel Melvin, whose variation has a different neckline and slightly different ruffle placement, but has a mini that's just a tad less micro:

[Photo: WENN]

Little J wins the shoe battle, but I like the neckline on Rachel's better, and I prefer that the little strip of hip-widening ruffle is absent from her version too. Otherwise, oddly, the photos aren't so far apart: both skinny, both refreshingly unbronzed, both doing that legs-crossed pose that starlets favor on the red carpet because it's supposed to slim the thighs, both in on-screen relationships with older actors to the point where it's kind of ooky (Rachel, 23, is fantasizing about a 42-year old dude at her day job, and in Little J's case... okay, she's not dating anyone YET, but since all her costars are in their 20s it stands to reason that her future love interest will also be in that age range, and it will weird me out to see them tongue-fighting). It's almost too bad we didn't see them show up in these to the same party -- it would've made for an awesome catfight in these dry, boring Hollywood gossip times. My money is on Rachel, I think. Sure, Little J has been battle-seasoned by Blair and Serena, but Rachel's on a soap opera where people are frequently brainwashed, resurrected, possessed by Satan, have died and reappeared on a magical island that looked JUST LIKE the town but wasn't, and had TVs where they could watch the loved ones they left behind getting it on with each other, and has HERSELF accidentally killed both her half-brother (oops!) and the campus date rapist. She also probably knows where The Evil Stefano DiMera lives, so.... watch out, Little J, is what I'm saying.

polls by twiigs.com

October 14, 2008

Random Fug: Danielle Lloyd

Fug file:

I understand launching a clothing range and wanting to wear something from it to the big debut. Really, I do.

[Photo: Splash News]

But when that range is lingerie, and you're sitting around at an autograph table in your bra, it just looks like you are losing a game of strip poker. Although I suppose that's an effective way to remind college girls and other gambling types why they need more cute underwear. If you're going all-in at a frat party, you might as well make it win-win.

October 14, 2008

Fug Soup

Fug file:

Ever since we saw Aisha Tyler at Fashion Week one time, I have had a bit of a girl crush on her. She's so TALL and GOOD-LOOKING and she seems like she'd be fun to get a drink with and talk about boys. So it pains me to do this:

[Photo: Splash]

There is just...a lot going on here. With the spats. And the chains. And the ruffles. And the piece of hair that kind of looks like a bird of paradise. I feel like if we WERE friends and she showed up to something wearing this, I would be like, "You look....directional." And she would be like, "I thought it was just kind of fun! No? What? You have a weird look on your face." And I would say, "I don't know. It's just a LOT going on." And she would be like, "And the dress is like a really fancy shiny apron, isn't it? DAMN. I KNEW IT. I HATE MY STYLIST." And I would be like, "Here, have a mai tai," and everything would be fine.

October 14, 2008

612fug

Fug file:

Why God, why? Why? WHY? WHY????? WHY? WHY does Lindsay insist on carrying on with this Leggings Impresario facade? I think -- judging from the color of her legs yesterday -- that these things have strategically placed holes in them. HOLES. HOOOOOOLES. WHY?

October 13, 2008

Well Played, Rachel Bilson

Fug file:

dialogue

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

RACHEL BILSON: Oh, Hayden.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN: What?

RACHEL: The vest. The VEST. I can't look.

HAYDEN: It's a harness! It's for the commercial I'm shooting. It's not like I'm wearing it to a club.

RACHEL: It looks like a combo lifejacket and nut-sling. What will people SAY?

HAYDEN: They will say, "Hey, Rachel Bilson looks really cute walking next to her boyfriend who is wearing a harness for a commercial he is shooting."

RACHEL: Or they might think you're off your rocker, and that you shouldn't wear scoop-necked tees because you look like a sexually ambiguous French bohemian poet from The Days Of Yore.

HAYDEN: So you're saying I should take this ENTIRE thing off next time we go on a coffee break? Do you know how long it takes me to put it on in the first place?

RACHEL: Hmm. I see your point. Perhaps a very large coat?

HAYDEN: Did I mention you look adorable today? Even WITH the wind blowing your dress around?

RACHEL: Aw. It's true. Okay, fine, you can keep the harness. FOR NOW. I will just carry around a sign that says, "HE'S WEARING IT FOR A JOB, PEOPLE." That should help.

HAYDEN: Hey, would a tiny wager make you feel better? Ten bucks says one of the Pussycat Dolls sees this and orders ten in different shades.

RACHEL: Done... because I think she will order twenty.

October 13, 2008

Fug or Fab: Taylor Momsen

Fug file:

Actually, I'll be honest with you: I just don't particularly care for this.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

All objections to the hair aside -- and there are still a lot of them to file away somewhere -- the dress is doing very little for me. It feels lazily constructed and totally unremarkable for anything other than its smallness. Seriously, stick a feather duster in Taylor's hand and, voila! She's Santa's chambermaid.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Maybe if this were a Come As Your Favorite Clue Character shindig, I could get behind it -- but not before warning her that Yvette MAY OR MAY NOT have been one of Miss Scarlett's call girls who MAY OR MAY NOT have been photographed in a compromising position with Colonel Mustard, and that (spoiler!) she ended up throttled on top of a pool table without control over whether anyone could see up her tiny, tiny skirt.

And it IS short. Even the dude in the background is all, "Look away. She's fifteen. Look AWAY. She's FIFTEEN. AWAY. FIFTEEEEN." Not that fifteen-year old girls can't sometimes wear miniskirts, but I think both that man and I are more afraid of an ill wind than she is.

She did have at least one admirer, though:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Taylor Momsen.

October 13, 2008

So You Think You Can Fug Australia

Fug file:

Natalie Bassingthwaighte here is the host of So You Think You Can Dance Australia, which I really wish was punctuated differently. Say, So You Think You Can Dance: Australia, or So You Think You Can Dance, Australia? This way, it seems like "Australia" IS the kind of dance you apparently think you can do, like the polka or the hokey-pokey.

She also apparently appeared on Neighbours, where it seems her character had all kinds of problems, including one which required her to put someone in a coma to shut them up. Who hasn't wanted to do that, though? And here, she is wearing what can only be called EXTREME GLADIATORS. They would be awesome if I wasn't so scared of them. I mean, those shoes are going to awaken in the night and come after you. They are going to run over your patent leather pumps with no regard for the blood they've spilt in their quest for dominance of your closet. These shoes will take over your LIFE. These shoes are RUTHLESS.

October 13, 2008

Making The Fug

Fug file:

so very loud

"Are you f'ing KIDDING ME?"

"She walks around town like Miss Teen Acid Tip 2008, and I AM THE ONE DRESSED UP AS THE DEVIL? WHERE IS THE ASPCA?"

October 13, 2008

Fugly Fetty

Fug file:

tanorexia

Dear Lindsay,

I love you.

Please don't wear socks in the tanning booth again.

Love,

Jessica

PS: One sleeve? Oh, honey.

October 10, 2008

Fug the Cover: Scarlett Johansson

Fug file:

So, word on the street is that CosmoGirl is kaput. Which is a shame for its staff: it can't have been easy to take the essence of Cosmo (sex tips) and translate it for a younger audience, and goodness knows no one likes to hear about failing projects in this, Our National Time of OMG I'm Just Going To Hide All My Money In My Mattress LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU TALKING ABOUT THE STOCK MARKET LA LA LA LA! On the other hand, I can't help but wonder if someone at Hearst saw this copy on the coffee table, picked it up, and said, "shortie jumpers in NOVEMBER? THIS IS OVER." I mean, can't you rock the vote just as enthusiastically in, say, jeans? And without even worrying about what they're going to do to your crotch. THAT'S patriotic.

October 10, 2008

Fug Or Fab: Ashley Tisdale

Fug file:

We already zapped Li'l Tisdale with a fug-or-fab once this week, but it seems like she's making a habit out of "sort of cute, maybe" outfits.

There's plenty of okay elements here but, for me, the whole isn't worth the sum of the parts. I don't know. Perhaps it's that the bodice line seems awfully low. Or that the bling on the belt and neck looks a tad chintzy .It could also have to do with the fact that the entire dress makes her look oddly square. But I suspect my malcontent was spawned by the winged, fussy shoulders -- which I don't object to in principle, but in practice they make it look like Ashley is either shrugging or just incredibly stiff and tense. If she bobbed her head down a touch more, she'd be Hilary Duff circa 2004. Even Hilary Duff would probably react to that with a shudder. She knows.

poll by twiigs.com

October 10, 2008

Fug or Fab: Maggie Gyllenhaal

Fug file:

polls

"Sigh. Why am I here? Everyone around me seems so full of joie de vivre, and I...I feel but melancholy. Also, I wonder if this haircut was the right move."

poll by twiigs.com

October 10, 2008

Kate Moss For Fugshop

Fug file:

You might think the dude in the yellow shirt looks like he's with the paparazzi, but he's actually an Animal Planet videographer.

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

He's shooting footage for the new series Hellcat House, a peek into the lives of these unique tired-out creatures who slow down only long enough to lace up their moccasin boots. This week: explaining to viewers the hellcat's improbable physiology that involves storing every last degree of body heat in the thigh region, leading to days where it's clearly too cold to shed the fur pelt, yet also too hot for anything but tiny cutoffs. This accounts for the species' seemingly blindly chosen mates: They're ruled by blazing-hot loins that are actually aflame 24/7.

October 9, 2008

NYFug.com: The Gossip Drought

In which we lament the lack of lurid dish to distract us from our problems:

Hollywood is serving us lukewarm leftovers when what we REALLY need is a nice, palate-cleansing gossip sorbet. [...] People can't spend 24 hours a day tracking the markets' demise or interpreting the latest polls. Without even just a few minutes of fanciful distraction to keep us from eating our feelings, we'll go crazier than Anne Heche on an alien spirit-walk through Fresno.

We do realize there are good REASONS that the news cycle lately has been awash in actual important stuff, but don't we all need a good old-fashioned celebrity scandal to relieve us of the stress of how freaking broke everyone is? Click on through to the full column to commiserate with us.

October 9, 2008

Fugys Matthews

Fug file:

I chiefly recall Welsh singer Cerys Matthews from Britain's I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, on which she co-starred with a surprisingly hot-without-makeup Janice Dickinson and hooked up -- er, I mean, "connected on a deeply profound emotional level" -- with one of the other contestants.

Since then, she's made a keen living selling Robin Hood some more colorful tunics and serving as the most popular modern-dance instructor in all of Sherwood Forest. Sure, .Little John might be thundrously burly, but you should see his jazz hands.

October 9, 2008

Fug or Fab the Cover: Lauren Conrad

Fug file:

I actually think LC looks kind of great here. But for one thing: "A Cougar Stole My Man." PLEASE TELL ME THEY MEAN AN ACTUAL COUGAR. I want to read that story.

Also, I think she has more of a neck than this. Maybe a goat stole it.

poll by twiigs.com

October 9, 2008

Fug the Poster: Twilight

Fug file:

OH TWILIGHT. Why are you making me so happy, when I disliked the book upon which you are based so much? Part of it must be because, though I wasn't a fan of the book, I find the whole Twilight phenomenon to be very interesting. When that many people love something, there must be SOMETHING to it. Plus, books in general are good things. The other reason might be because the movie looks like it might be TERRIBLE and therefore potentially awesome. I mean, we all know how wack the cast looked on the cover of EW, and now... this! It's like the people who made the film read the book and got to the approximately 403,328 pages about how flawlessly gorgeous Edward (the fussy vampire boyfriend played by Robert "Cedric Diggory" Pattison here) is and looked at each other and were like, "Let's skip that part." AND WHY? It seems to me that the crux of the attraction of a book/movie about a super hot vampire boyfriend would be THE SUPER HOTNESS. And the other thing is that CEDRIC DIGGORY IS HOT ALREADY! It's like they've DE-HOTTED HIM against ALL REASON. Like here? I mean, at least he's not wearing Donald Trump's hair again, but his eyes seem to be looking in different directions and I think they accidentally dug his makeup out of the zombie bin (it IS right next to the vampire one). Also, Edward is supposed to be some kind of genius -- from what I can recall. Maybe he's just had the benefits of like 100 years of schooling -- but this kid looks like the meathead jock who gets turned into a zombie at the very beginning of a horror flick, and awkwardly gropes people before stumbling into a convenient open grave. And like, these two are lovers. Why does it look like this is actually the ad for a movie where an innocent girl is snatched off the streets and sold into a prostitution ring by a gang of weird pale dudes with an overly passionate attachment to hair gel? AND WHEN CAN I BUY MY TICKETS?

October 9, 2008

Byrdie Fug

Fug file:

You guys, I have finally finished my correspondence course! Mind-Reading Through Photography 101! Just in time to interpret this photo of Socialite Byrdie Bell!

Okay, okay. I know I can do this. All right, let me focus in on the subject's eyes. Yes....yes....I'm getting something. She's thinking...."Take my picture, you foolish plebeian and stop looking at me." Uh, that's kind of rude. We could sort of tell that from her face, too, right? Um, let's see, I'm sensing something else... "My coat is awesome." True -- but a bit self-congratulatory. "My shoes f'ing rule, you loser." Yes, the shoes are good. But why so crabby, Socialite Byrdie Bell? "I'm also wearing my grandma's wrinkled old slip as a dress. So what? I can look like a cranky old bag with good taste in accessories crawling out to grab her copy of The National Enquirer before dawn breaks if I want to. Drop dead!" Hmm. Fair enough. It IS a free country. But there's no need to be such a crabapple! Just look down at those shoes, sugar plum. They ought to cheer anyone up.

October 8, 2008

Confessions of a Fugaholic

I don't know how old Krysten Ritter here is, but I feel pretty confident that she is no longer in grammar school, and, ergo, is probably looking at this picture right now and wondering, "Why am I posing like a six-year old?

Why, to show off her fancy dress, of course! And I actually don't hate it -- the idea of the underskirt (or, I guess, an overskirt...whatever) is sort of interesting and I bet this would actually be attractive if, you know, there were only wee peeks of the white as you walked around the room, drinking cocktails and laughing uproariously at jokes being told by handsome, sophisticated -- yet rugged! -- male models/nuclear physicists (I have been reading a lot of Judith Krantz lately. My interior life is truly enriched). But I am pretty sure doing the red carpet equivalent of flipping your dress over your head to show your grandma your cute matching underpants is frowned upon.

October 8, 2008

FugnRolla

Fug file:

wearing white

I'm sure that whatever fabric this is, it's incredibly expensive.

But if it photographs like you are swaddled in Saran Wrap, maybe it's time to spend your hard-earned cash on something that doesn't remind people of the leftovers in the fridge that they should've thrown out two weeks ago.

October 8, 2008

Fugliest Things

Fug file:

bad shoes

I think I like Lily Allen's shorter haircut:

The outfit is only okay. I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that several party guests absently ordered martinis from her and/or handed her their coats, but no cartoon characters are vomiting up blood all over her skirt so I consider it a small victory. In fact, if I didn't know from other pictures and blogs that she'd been a total sweaty, blurry mess lately, I might have patted her on the back for pulling it together long enough to stand upright and smile.

Her shoes, though, are giving me frown lines:

Continue reading Fugliest Things.

October 8, 2008

Fuggity Kane

Fug file:

Oh no:

Somewhere, there is an Obama staffer tasked with writing a very tactful email that essentially says, "OH MY GOD CUT IT OUT YOU ARE NOT HELPFUL." Somewhere, there is a hair dresser who is composing a very kind email that still basically reads, "OMG WHEN YOUR ROOTS ARE THIS BAD DON'T WEAR YOUR HAIR LIKE THAT." And somewhere, there is a very small, overly accessorized dog learning to write so that he can leave Aubrey O'Day a note that explains where he's gone and why he's NEVER COMING BACK.

October 7, 2008

Wetten Fug

Fug file:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

KARL: There has been a mistake. Those breasts are not possible.

SALMA: Hi, Mr. ... Karl... listen, I just have to... I PROMISE this was not my idea.

KARL: Promises are for liars, pet. JUICE THE TRUTH, you naughty orange.

SALMA: No, I'm serious, didn't you hear? I lost a bet!

KARL: Never gamble with the produce section, darling. If I saw you on a parade float I'd say, "Lo! Bring me a melon-baller and some velvet shoes." Do you juggle?

SALMA: I'm not kidding -- they had this backstage. It's not even mine. Please understand.

KARL: Comprehension is where intrigue ends and the yawning begins. MYSTIFY. Then kill the wardrobe servant.

SALMA: I can't believe you had to be here the day this happened. You're never going to take me seriously again, are you?

KARL: There are two kinds of people, you divine flesh balloon -- those who snort majesty and those who buy cantaloupes. You know who you are. If I tug your braid, will there be milk?

SALMA: Everyone who booked me on this show will be fired. SO VERY FIRED.

KARL: Shhh, pet. Your heaving agony disturbs the egg basket. RELEASE. And then pause while I contemplate making a meringue out of your bosom.

October 7, 2008

Fug or Fab: Jada Pinkett Smith

Fug file:

bad hair,
dialogue

JADA PINKETT SMITH: Hey, La. Can I talk to you about something?

QUEEN LATIFAH: Sure! Is it how pleased you were to see me on Saturday Night Live this past week?

JPS: No....

QL: Is it how cute my hair looks like this?

JPS: Not exactly....

QL: Is it that you like my dress? I like yours, too! We look great! Let's go harass Will until he does his imitation of the Carlton dance for us!

JPS: No, it's about MY hair.

QL: What about...oh. The bangs?

JPS: Yeah.

QL: Hmm.

JPS: I know.

QL: Let's put it to a poll:

poll by twiigs.com

October 7, 2008

Fug or Fab: Anna Faris

Fug file:

dialogue,
pink

ANNA FARIS 1: Oh. My. GOD. NO WAY.

ANNA FARIS 2: Hey there, Self! Love your eyeliner. Why so cross?

AF1: What IS that thing? What have you done?

AF2: My dress, you mean? What's wrong with it? I LOVE it. It's so fun!

AF1: And so BARBIE.

AF2: This coming from a person who's wearing pink bunny ears.

AF1: Yes, but I'm NOT REAL.

AF2: Look, I think I look adorable, okay, sourpuss? I'm here at the premiere of Super Blonde, which is a totally hilarious European re-branding of The House Bunny, and I just hosted Saturday Night Live way better than James Franco or that Shia kid --

AF1: Hey, I've been meaning to ask you, how come you didn't do a Britney sketch? You could kinda work as a Britney. That Bill Hader dude could've been Russell Brand...

AF2: I don't know. It might still be too soon. Also, the less said about the VMAs, the better.

AF1: Oh, true. Well played, Real Me.

AF2: Anyway, as I was SAYING, Frownypants, life is good and so I think I've earned the right to be playful. And pink. Even if the whole thing IS a little like what Katie Price will probably wear the next time she gets married.

AF1: And even if the flower kind of looks like your stomach is turning itself inside-out?

AF2: YES. Now stop gaping at me, Crankpot. You're going to give us wrinkles.

AF1: Nah, I'm fake, remember? Someone will just retouch me.

AF2: Good point. Damn, Fake Me is smart.

poll by twiigs.com

October 7, 2008

Fug the Cover: Nicole Kidman

Fug file:

bad hair,
Elle

"HELLO READERS! I'm just getting out of the shower! You'll have to excuse my hair! Please, take a seat and read about how you can fix your awesome boyfriend's terrible moves in the sack! I suggest you read this issue while sitting across from him and taking notes! You do that now, while I go find my diffuser or a ponytail holder or something! Be back in a jiff!"

October 7, 2008

How I Fugged Your Mother

Fug file:

As seen on last night's episode of How I Met Your Mother:

SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT STOP.

I don't know who I have to pay to get Jason Segal a haircut but I AM WRITING THE CHECK RIGHT NOW.

October 7, 2008

Fug or Fab (Except Mostly Fug): Sarah Paulson

Fug file:

I wanted to like this, I really did:

I don't know WHY. Maybe because it's a nice color, and there's something romantic about the filmy sleeves -- if Grace Farrell were to flit about her employer's mansion dancing with the gardener and crooning songs about adopting plucky orphan girls whom she enjoys taking to the movies, then she might do it today in something like the above. But I think it's kind of a disaster on Sarah. I can't tell if it's the design or her posture or both, but her shoulders look slouchy and saggy, like she is on the tail end of heaving a huge sigh. I can't tell where her boobs are. And, also potentially to do with the way she's standing and/or the cut of the sleeves, it makes her look vexingly emaciated in the torso region. Also, her blush is orange. And I don't think the haircut suits her face shape. Plus, she looks smug. Nobody associated with Studio 60 has a right to look that smug. in fact, because of that turd of a show, she and everyone else should be apologizing to the world for the next two years.

Hmm, apparently I have stronger negative feelings toward this whole affair than I thought. Well, I TRIED. I really did. But I'd still like to hear from you:

poll by twiigs.com

October 6, 2008

Fug or Fab: Ashley Tisdale

Fug file:

High School Musical

I am torn with A. Tis here. On one hand, I feel like this is sort of cute, maybe:

On the other hand, I feel like she kind of looks like a cocktail waitress at a Disney-sponsored futuristic bar called, like, Comets! that serves any number of drinks with dry ice stuck in them for effect. I guess she IS working on the Mouse's dime.

poll by twiigs.com

October 6, 2008

A Fug to a Kill

Fug file:

In case you were wondering what Grace Jones is up to:

She's up to one thing: it's called AWESOME, and masks are involved.

October 6, 2008

Fugley Judd

You know, I've been wondering what Ashley Judd has been up to lately.

Turns out the answer is: hawking combo platters and $2 margaritas at The Magic Flauta. Next up will be jumping into the celebrity-perfume fray by releasing her own fragrance, an artery-clogging chorus of tortilla-chip grease, notes of cilantro, and the essence of bean dip. Yes, watch for "Chico de Gallo" soon at a Wal-Mart near you.

October 6, 2008

Eva Afugri

Fug file:

EVA AMURRI: Are you okay, Chris?

CHRIS BENZ: God, Eva, I've just been feeling sick about the whole thing.

EVA: What whole thing?

CHRIS: That day I put you in a pair of my hammer pants.

EVA: Oh, that? I'd forgotten already.

CHRIS: It's been keeping me up night. The anxiety has my hair standing on end. And I've worn every bracelet I can think of that might give me strength, or get me into all the good Kabbalah parties.

EVA: Well, allow me to absolve you.

CHRIS: Well, that's just it -- I'm starting to realize it's really not my fault. I mean, look at your hair.

EVA: Isn't it magnificent?

CHRIS: It is... definitely present and accounted for, on your head, yes. But have you really LOOKED at it?

Continue reading Eva Afugri.

October 6, 2008

Fugcy O'Dell

Could someone please just take Nancy O'Dell to their leader, already?

Clearly, Nancy is trying to communicate an important message of intergalactic cooperation/bloodlust/dire need to borrow a cup of sugar due to Kelgar-9's infamous sweetener shortage. And if we can hasten that process, maybe she'll stop monkeying with her overall appearance like she's an alien-in-training herself.

October 3, 2008

I Cannot Fug With Your Design

Fug file:

Okay, we need to talk about Kelly Wearstler. I am watching Top Design, but it's one of those shows that I watch while I do something else -- like read a magazine, or work -- so I have a tendency to glance up at the screen and gasp, "OH MY GOD" whenever I see what she is wearing on any given day. Let me be frank: her outfits are totally crazy. And yet...could you resist this? (One of these is my handiwork, the rest are from BravoTV.com -- you will NEVER be able to tell which is which.)

That is some truly spectacular work. I have never seen a woman so adept with the crimper or enamoured of crazy headgear. Or fingerless gloves. Or pins. And, listen, I know it might be wrong of me. It goes against all I stand for, and everything I hold dear. BUT I AM FALLING IN LOVE WITH HER. AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME. No! No, you cannot. We come from two different worlds -- I, sadly, own no sequined berets -- but since when has that ever delayed the course of true love/a shared affection for beehives? NOT EVER. Not on my watch.

October 3, 2008

Joan Fugging Collins

Fug file:

Dynasty,
fur

There are those who are horrified by this photograph.

[Photo: Splash News]

But do you know what I see? Awesomeness. Because that is a serious wind blowing up into La Collins' face, and yet her wig has stayed firmly anchored to her head. I like to think it's because the sheer force of her will rebuffs even the most vicious attacks by the weather, but more likely, she just has access to industrial-strength wig tape. Still, I doff my cap at her. That takes skills. (Also, she's 75. I would have been more surprised to learn all that hair was real.)

Parenthetically, I wish she were DATING Skills from One Tree Hill -- can you imagine how fabulous Joan would be as, say, Brooke Davis's grandmother? She and Chad Michael Murray could spend an entire episode in an eye-narrowing contest.

October 3, 2008

Peaches Fugdof

Fug file:

What's wrong, Peaches?

[Photos: Splash]

Headband too tight? Pissy because The Sun told everyone what a total brat you are? Wait, where are you going?

Continue reading Peaches Fugdof.

October 3, 2008

Melinda Fugdon

Fug file:

Ghost Whisperer

Thank God that Ghost Whisperer is starting up again -- and while it's entirely possible no one has ever said that before, my addiction to the weird stuff they put Jennifer Love Hewitt in is well-documented.

For instance, I am dying -- HA, see what I did there? -- to get to the episode where she runs around town in this:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Yes, Virginia, that IS a lady-tailcoat. But maybe I'm not giving the costumers enough credit. In abstract ways, she could be considered the Grim Reaper's foot-soldier, so I suppose it makes sense that she'd be wearing his livery.

October 3, 2008

High School Musical: Senior Fug

Fug file:

There is something hilarious to me about seeing A. Tis standing here all, "Yep. Stirrup tights. On my body. Kinda ruining these hot-ass shoes," while behind her stands her own self in a more joyous (and extremely blonde) moment. Not to mention Zac Efron leaping around behind her, just overflowing with glee.

I don't actually loathe the separate pieces of this look -- well, except for the stirrup tights, but that's hardly a surprise. That top would be cute with jeans while you're out running errands. And the skirt is unusual, but it's definitely not so crazy that you couldn't pull it off with the right top. But all of this together -- pink casual top! neutral astroturf skirt! grey tights! blue shoes! -- makes her look like the poster girl for the proverbial She Got Dressed In the Dark situation. Sharpay would not approve.

October 3, 2008

High Fug Fugical

Fug file:

Clearly, I am going to have to open up a facility somewhere in Hollywood that preps people for red-carpet events. There will be a booth that simulates paparazzi flashbulbs so that you can get a full photo of your outfit and make sure the lights don't burn through to your nipple flowers or create unfair reflections; there will be wind cannons and people to hug so you can ensure your dress stays put in all the right ways; and there will be a whole runway you can walk with a book balanced on your head to make sure you don't do this:

I'm not in love with this dress -- the overlay and the necklace kind of evoke a Cruel Intentions rip-off set in Tinkerbell's high school -- but honestly, what you wear is almost always moot when you're slouching down far enough to get carpet fibers in your knuckles. Look proud of yourself, Vanessa! Throw back your shoulders! Pick up your head! You're young and pretty and the envy of every pubescent child that has a High School Musical poster taped to the ceiling. WORK IT.

poll by twiigs.com

October 2, 2008

Well Played, Emma Watson

Fug file:

Harry Potter

Emma Charlotte Duerre Watson, YOU GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW.

[Photo: Splash News]

How DARE you go traipsing around Paris being photographed in adorable coats and cute jackets and pants that make me want to run right out and shop for winter clothes. Don't you realize that it's approximately eleventy degrees Fahrenheit in my L.A. neighborhood? To the point where the air-conditioning in my car only cools off whatever parts of me it's hitting directly, because the outside heat is so oppressive that the rest of the vehicle stays hot? Why are you hurting me this way?

I mean, seriously, that jacket looks good on you:

Continue reading Well Played, Emma Watson.

October 2, 2008

NYFug.com: The Aughts Have Not Been Kind to Heather Locklear

Fug file:

Melrose Place

As I'm sure you can imagine, Heather and I are very upset by the news that Heather Locklear is having some kind of downward spiral. We LOVE Heather Locklear. And Amanda Woodward doesn't have downward spirals, she CAUSES them:

"It takes a unique actress to drive her employees to alcoholism and her fictional boss to hang himself over his desk, yet still have us rooting for her character (despite doing it all in micro-minis, terrible roots, and clunky mules). Even Gay Matt probably thought twice about tapping that."

So what next? Click through and read the rest of the column on NYMag.com. Do it for Amanda Woodward! She would...well, let's be honest. She would not do it for you. She would probably chuckle grimly about your issues and then start plotting how best to steal your boyfriend while you were wrongly imprisoned in a mental institution where she had bribed the doctors to give you a semi-unneccessary lobotomy. But do it anyway!

October 2, 2008

Fug the Cover: Diane Kruger

Fug file:

Tatler

I like to think that somewhere in Moscow, my Russian doppelganger is waiting in the checkout line to buy potato chips or whatever and looking at this magazine cover and thinking, "WTF, Diane Kruger?"

You know, in Russian, clearly.

October 2, 2008

Milla Jovofug

Fug file:

PAUL ANDERSON: Okay, honey, let's go.

MILLA JOVOVICH: We will go when I say so. MWA HA HA HA HAAAAA.

PAUL: What's with the cackling, babe? What are you plotting?

MILLA: You'd like to know that, wouldn't you? MWA HA HA HA HAAAAA.

PAUL: This is freaky. You kind of remind me of your evil character in Zoolander. You're not about to kidnap me and force me to watch a video that turns me into a brainwashed killing machine that will assassinate a foreign prime minster while racy '80s pop plays in the background... are you?

MILLA: Don't be so tense, honey. Why don't you... RELAX? MWA HA HA HA HAAAAA.

PAUL: I can't relax when you're in evil mode. You look like a Satanic milkmaid plotting how to hold a blood orgy. And I REALLY can't relax when you're in those pants. For one thing, I don't understand them. For another, how long is it going to take me to yank those off your legs later? Should I pay the babysitter for an extra hour?

MILLA: You should pay her for her SOUL. MWA HA HA H--

PAUL: Yeah, yeah, "HA HAAAAA," I get it. That's just great.

October 2, 2008

Sympathetically Played: Cameron Diaz

Fug file:

bad hair

I have to say, I used to find Cameron Diaz kind of annoying -- although I liked There's Something About Mary. And the first Charlie's Angels movie is fun. And she was actually pretty good in In Her Shoes. Oh, and she's great in Being John Malkovich. Dang it. Okay, let me start over:

I have to say, I used to find Cameron Diaz annoying, although I secretly apparently really enjoy her oeuvre, with the MASSIVE and NOTABLE exception of The Sweetest Thing which is literally the worst movie I've ever seen. IT HAS A MUSICAL NUMBER ABOUT PENISES. I'm not kidding. You need to see it. Get ready to watch half of it with your eyes shut. (Uh, not particularly safe for work.) (Also, according to IMDb, the song was WRITTEN BY Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate and Selma Blair, which sort of tips me back into being annoyed with her. It's that awful. And annoyingly Let's Hop On The Raunchy Humor Bandwagon, Girls! without being particularly realistic about the way that women are actually raunchy, which of course sometimes they are. Also, can we talk about how every character Selma Blair plays is essentially Cecile from Cruel Intentions? Thank you. Also, why are they doing the electric slide? Get back to me on that.)

God. Where was I? Oh, right. Cameron. Well, now I'm cranky again. But I was going to say that I am softening towards her, both because I apparently secretly enjoy most of her work and because she is basically the only woman in Hollywood who ever leaves the house with her hair looking the way mine does half the time, a.k.a. kind of a mess:

Speaking as someone with experience, I can tell you right now that C. Di has REALLY AMAZING bedhead. Like, epic. I'm just saying. So while the rest of her is like a super long, fit drink of water and she's a kazillionaire, I rather enjoy that we both suffer from the heartbreak of the tangle. Mayhap I will write a song about it.

October 1, 2008

Well Played AGAIN, Paris Hilton (Sigh)

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It's killing me that Paris has been looking so cute lately.

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

I love this dress. And her hair still works. Granted, it was really hard to find any kind of picture of this outfit that didn't include her contorting into a douchey pose -- back jutting out and hips thrown forward, legs crossed so far you could lie a small child down between her heels, back to the camera -- but otherwise, it's great. I'm ashamed to admit that this almost makes me see some advantages to being her BFF. Sure, she'd never defend me if one of her other posse members decided to pick on me, and she'd probably trash-talk my only pair of Louboutins and then either steal them for herself or dump a vodka-cranberry on them to ensure their speedy ruin, and she'd probably put peroxide in my shampoo if anyone ever said that they liked my hair. I'm sure we'd hit the clubs and I'd wake up the next day with her face tattooed on my calf and no memory. And it's entirely possible she'd rig my pants so that they fell down in public, just so she could get a laugh and then swoop in and save the day and make sure I knew how much I needed her and never, EVER to cross her or else photos of my raggedy ass would be splashed all over the Internet.

BUT, she'd probably let me shop with her, and in a weak moment I'd probably get an appointment with her hair dude and/or take home some cast-offs that are too big for her. It MIGHT be worth it.

** Ooh, except that some readers with better eagle-eyes than I have -- at least when it comes to Paris's boobs -- have pointed out that the weird reflection on her chest MIGHT be some sort of nipple-covering device. Although I can't really fault her for wanting to hide them (since most of the time she seems hell-bent on showing off as much of herself as possible), that simple fact is saving me from slipping further down this rabbit hole. Thank GOD.

October 1, 2008

Fug or Fab the Cover: Renee Zellweger

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Self magazine

We've gotten a bunch of email about this cover, the overall tone of which was, "EW." One reader said that at first glance, she thought it was Helen Mirren on the cover and that while Helen Mirren is awesome, she's also got twenty years on Renee. Which is a very good point. On the other hand, my response was that I was impressed that Renee managed to pose on the cover of a magazine about, essentially, lady-fitness, showing naught but her ankles. Also, that I like those jeans. Also, that her face is starting to look like someone else's face, which I suspect is bad for an actress. And that, for some reason, in this picture she seems to have the waxen skin of a young Lord Voldemort -- also not a plus.

poll by twiigs.com

October 1, 2008

The Fuggy

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How apt that I stumbled across a Nicholle Tom photo JUST as I was watching her deeply important turn as Sue Scanlon on Beverly Hills, 90210: The Original And Still The Best. Poor little Sue -- the baby sister of Dead Scott -- desperately wanted to break off a piece of that storied David Silver ass, and made a freshman splash at West Beverly by running to the bathrooms right as she arrived at school to swap her mother-approved prairie dress for leggings and miniskirts, tight shirts and/or things that showed her bra, and crimson lipstick.

[Photo: WENN]

So my question is: Now, more than 15 years later, does Nicholle ALSO still change back into some Laura Ingalls clothes before she leaves the party? Because if she bumps into the lady who played Mrs. Scanlon at Whole Foods, she's gonna be so grounded.

October 1, 2008

Wives and Fugfriends

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Behold Alex Curran/Gerrard, whom I know from reading Kickette is the wife of Liverpool football star Steven Gerrard.

And according to our best friend for semi-reliable information, Wikipedia, she is "the uber-WAG" and has not only been involved in a boyfriend swap but also was robbed by masked cat-burglars and has been arrested for assault. (This makes me miss Footballers Wives.) Apparently, in the midst of all this, she's also managed to find a formal version of Seinfeld's puffy shirt somewhere and is now wearing it as a dress. This girl needs to write a book, like, immediately.