When it came to Christina Aguilera, I used to think to myself, "Honey, a little hoochie goes a long way." And now I'm saying the same about Pucci.
Not that she wants to hear it, as evidenced by her spectacular "TALK TO THE HAND, bitches" face. But you know what, Christina? I WILL talk to your hand. I will look it in the palm and say, "Look, Hand, you did good work buckling those hot shoes. For real. But the pattern over her boobs kind of reminds me of that scene in Star Wars where they identify the Death Star's key weakness and how to exploit it. And the shirt, the bangs, and the makeup are so aggressive that she doesn't even look like herself any more. Know whose fault that is? YOURS, and your little friend on the other side who helps put all this stuff on her in the first place. So DIAL DOWN THE BETRAYAL, Hando Calrissian, because everyone knows that pawns of the Dark Side usually end up dead anyway."
She really is almost unrecognizable. Let's go in for a close-up:
Not that she wants to hear it, as evidenced by her spectacular "TALK TO THE HAND, bitches" face. But you know what, Christina? I WILL talk to your hand. I will look it in the palm and say, "Look, Hand, you did good work buckling those hot shoes. For real. But the pattern over her boobs kind of reminds me of that scene in Star Wars where they identify the Death Star's key weakness and how to exploit it. And the shirt, the bangs, and the makeup are so aggressive that she doesn't even look like herself any more. Know whose fault that is? YOURS, and your little friend on the other side who helps put all this stuff on her in the first place. So DIAL DOWN THE BETRAYAL, Hando Calrissian, because everyone knows that pawns of the Dark Side usually end up dead anyway."
She really is almost unrecognizable. Let's go in for a close-up:
Yes, that's right: She's turned into Annie Potts from Pretty In Pink, right after Duckie planted one on her to make Molly Ringwald jealous.
"Interesting," Christina is thinking. "So if I'm turning into Annie Potts, does that mean I'm destined to star in a sitcom about sassy Southern women who work together in Georgia? I guess Britney could be my Charlene, but who is my Julia Sugarbaker? WHO? HOLY CATS, I HAVE NO DIXIE CARTER."
I won't point out that it's an uphill battle to find a quality substitute for Meschach Taylor, too -- I mean, between chipping off all that face paint with a jackhammer AND trying to come to grips with this new information, she's already in for some seriously sleepless nights.
