Tragically, we just found out that James E. Reilly -- the former head writer of Days of our Lives and the chief scribe on the defunct soap Passions -- passed away at the ripe young age of 60. Anyone who reads this site regularly knows of our fondness for Passions, and Reilly gets the credit. He wrote a show that had: poisoned wedding rings; a mysterious shed that inspired dialogue like, "I TOLD YOU NEVER TO ASK ME ABOUT THE SHED," and of course, "I could NEVER forget The SHED"; talking candles; the disembodied head of Adrian Zmed, wearing a tri-corner hat; a doctor who specialized in every conceivable kind of medicine, including administering lethal injections in prison; kidnappers who dressed up as clowns; a living doll (rest in peace, Timmy); a scene in which a local house was sucked into Hell; a zombie character; a She-Male serial killer who later got pregnant with its own father's child; an army of lesbian nuns; a castration and subsequent botched penis-reattachment that resulted in it being stuck on backwards; countless scenes about how any stimulation of said wonked-up wang would result in DEATH; a whole storyline about how Whitney couldn't sing jazz because her father felt you would never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy than in a JAZZ CLUB; a murder mystery in which character did things like carry around books called How To Murder Your Sister And Get Away With It, or something; a little girl who communicated via cartoon thought bubbles; a witch who Saw Things in her magic bowl; and in the end, a suddenly active volcano in the middle of New England that threatened to destroy the town (spoiler: it didn't).
Reilly also wrote a character for an orangutan. No, really:
Precious was the nursemaid to crazy old Edna, and fell in love with Luis (understandably), which required the actor and the male orangutan -- BamBam -- to shoot a series of elaborate fantasy sequences where Luis was making Precious some banana milkshakes and waltzing with her before proclaiming his love:
There was even one where Precious played Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan. Apparently, the show tried to get Precious nominated for a Daytime Emmy, but they were denied because of some stupid rule that only humans can win. I mean, REALLY. Sigh. That orangutan was dynamite.
But tragically, we can't find any of those montages on YouTube. What we did find, though, is even MORE historic:
Yes, that's right: The Exorcism of Dr. Marlena Evans Brady. Or whatever her name was. I remember being SO addicted to Days when Marlena was possessed by the devil, and Father John Black -- yes, he was a PRIEST at this point in time, people; he has also been, at one time or another, a brainwashed killer pawn, Roman Brady, an ISA agent, a tycoon, sentenced to death by guillotine, and able to dodge a bullet by the sheer force of his will -- waved around a crucifix and intoned things like, "YOU WON'T FOOL ME THIS TIME, DEVIL!" It was tough to pick just one clip -- there are so many -- so I've chosen a few.
This one will at least give you a feel for how freaking COMMITTED this show was to drawing out this exorcism for as long as possible. Watch as the devil inside her causes Marlena's clothes to FLY off her body! Enjoy as John's Famous Eyebrow reacts the only way it knows how! And get hugely squicked out at the way they have Marlena lying on the bed with her legs splayed! If you're hungry for more, check out this other clip -- ignoring the first minute or so -- and revel in both the Devil Sass and, at 4:00 or so, the amazing part where John starts speaking Latin like he's stuck trying to decipher a terribly messy shopping list without his glasses.
Bonus treat: Although I couldn't find the episode where Marlena levitates, I did dig up the lamest fistfight against Satan anyone has ever choreographed. Enjoy, and RIP, James E. Reilly.
