Clearly, I am going to have to open up a facility somewhere in Hollywood that preps people for red-carpet events. There will be a booth that simulates paparazzi flashbulbs so that you can get a full photo of your outfit and make sure the lights don't burn through to your nipple flowers or create unfair reflections; there will be wind cannons and people to hug so you can ensure your dress stays put in all the right ways; and there will be a whole runway you can walk with a book balanced on your head to make sure you don't do this:
I'm not in love with this dress -- the overlay and the necklace kind of evoke a Cruel Intentions rip-off set in Tinkerbell's high school -- but honestly, what you wear is almost always moot when you're slouching down far enough to get carpet fibers in your knuckles. Look proud of yourself, Vanessa! Throw back your shoulders! Pick up your head! You're young and pretty and the envy of every pubescent child that has a High School Musical poster taped to the ceiling. WORK IT.
I'm not in love with this dress -- the overlay and the necklace kind of evoke a Cruel Intentions rip-off set in Tinkerbell's high school -- but honestly, what you wear is almost always moot when you're slouching down far enough to get carpet fibers in your knuckles. Look proud of yourself, Vanessa! Throw back your shoulders! Pick up your head! You're young and pretty and the envy of every pubescent child that has a High School Musical poster taped to the ceiling. WORK IT.
