November 2008 Archives

November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

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I don't know about you, but I think wearing a turkey on your head is a fantastic sartorial choice for a family meal and I suggest all of you try it this Thanksgiving, dear readers. Also, please take photos and sent them to us if you do. Me, I've got a 20 pound Butterball all picked out. It really brings out my eyes. I can't wait to wear it.

A very happy and healthy Thanksgiving to all our American readers, and a sexy and lucrative Thursday and Friday to those of you who won't be spending the next two days wrestling family and friends over a turkey. We're pretty grateful for all of you. And we'll be back on Monday for more!

November 26, 2008

Fugtourage

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Oh, Bai Ling. I treasure you. That's not even sarcastic. I really seriously do love you. If I were Oprah, your wacky outfits would be one of My Favorite Things. So don't look so cranky:

If this infusion of ruffles can't cheer you up, girl, I don't know what will -- especially since you've married them to that old classic, My Skirt Looks Like The Stage At An Olde Time Dance Hall. NOTHING makes me happier than this combo. Okay, that's a lie: free Louboutins, shirtless male Olympic swimmers, and wheels of brie also make me happy. Finding a can of Diet Coke at the back of the fridge when you thought you were out. When you turn on the TiVo, and it's magically recorded that episode of 90210 where Kelly chooses herself. Dancing around the living room to "Womanizer." The puppy cam. Gold football pants. Oh, and world peace. So I guess I'm easy pleased. But seriously: Bai Ling + plaid + ruffles + a skirt slit up to Jesus + wee polka dot gloves = HAPPINESS. So pour yourself a cup of glee, Bai Ling, and give yourself a pat on the back for bringing us all a little holiday cheer.

November 26, 2008

Fug the Cover: Faith Hill

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Holy cannoli, what did they do to Faith Hill? For one thing, this picture doesn't even look like her. For another thing, I am concerned that at some point the makeup artist stepped aside to grab a latte or something and let a trainee from Chuckle's Clown College and School of Face Art take over on those brows. And for a third...what happened to her hair? Like, I just saw her on Today the other morning (I have a weird fondness for Faith Hill that I believe dates to those two weeks ten years ago when I could not stop singing "This Kiss," and now that I know that was TEN YEARS AGO, I have to go re-up my subscription for Geritol. Hold on.)

Okay, I'm back. What was I talking about? Oh, right: the hair. Yes. I just saw her on Today and her hair did NOT look like she picked it up off the street -- in fact, she looked lovely, as usual -- so I'm inclined to believe that whoever styled her for this shoot has a raging crush on Tim McGraw and will STOP AT NOTHING to have him, even if that means making poor Faith Hill look like she's wearing a labradoodle. Clearly, said love-crazed stylist needs to read both about the star's best beauty tricks AND the article about what Kenny Chesney learned about love. Because as far as I know, love means never defacing the object of your affection's wife's hair. Sure, it's not as catchy as some other truisms, but that doesn't mean it isn't a fact.

November 26, 2008

AMAs Fug or Fab: Miley Cyrus

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metallics

At the beginning of the week, when I was eying this ensemble, I didn't think I liked it. Something about the black swatch felt a bit like she'd thrown a hissy-fit until her stylist agreed to belt her lucky blanket to the dress.

But now? Maybe I'm just distracted by the prospect of turkey, or the sheer number of potatoes I am about to peel, or the fact that I have no completely healthy running backs on any of my fantasy football teams and at least one must-win game this weekend. Whatever it is, though, suddenly I kind of like this. What can I say? She looks well-supported; it's short, but not in a way that might entice an ultrasound technician to pop out of the bushes and set up shop; and it's both grown-up and playful. I wonder if this means I like Miley Cyrus now. Not that I didn't before; mostly I just didn't think about her, except to wonder if she went to Hilary Duff's veneers man. And now, to ponder why her necklace has chosen this exact moment to go bobbing for apples. I suppose we know what IT is thankful for this year.

poll by twiigs.com

November 26, 2008

Fuglock Holmes

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Guy Richie has got to be stopped. First he had Robert Downey, Jr., growing a mustache to play Sherlock Holmes, and now he's got his Dr. Watson, Jude Law, knitting a lip-sweater too:

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

Let's step back for a second: Though Jude Law's been looking a little skanky lately, the on-screen partnership of him and RDJ (as if he's a real-life Joey Potter, it seems I am only capable of calling him either by his full name or his intials) had the potential to be a smoking hot plate of rumpled Yes, with a side dish of deep-fried Sexy. But the unflattering mustaches... they are tough. You need either to be Sam Elliott -- possessed of an astoundingly robust facial topiary -- or Jim Broadbent in Moulin Rouge (waxed and curled at the ends), or else you are left in this rather large netherworld where it is difficult to look like anything but a socially awkward and slightly clammy geography master at a British boarding school, who always gets glued to his seat by his pupils and watches EastEnders every night over a bottle of brandy and some Cup-a-Noodles. I hope the good people at Gillette stuff his stocking this Christmas.

poll by twiigs.com

November 26, 2008

Fugentino

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SJP: Sweet JESUS.

VALENTINO: Yes, isn't he? Darling fellow.

SJP: No, I mean... your skin.

VALENTINO: You mean my face-clothes?

SJP: Yes, if... yes.

VALENTINO: Deep hues are so hot this winter, no?

SJP: Sir, let me put it to you this way: If we were in a coloring book, and someone handed me a box of Crayola 64, I wouldn't know what shade to make your face. There's Sunglow, Tan, Antique Brass, Bittersweet, Burnt Sienna, Burnt Orange, Red Orange, plain old Brown or Orange, Fun In The Sun, Mango Tango, Outrageous Orange, and my personal favorites Neon Carrot and Atomic Tangerine. And ALL of them look more like nature than your face does.

VALENTINO: Your sleeves appear to be disintegrating. Is there a crayon called Moth-Eaten?

SJP: I'm serious, V. I'm worried about you. Did you paint yourself the color of an oven-roasted turkey to be festive? Did someone ask you to bring sweet-potato casserole to dinner this year, and you mistook it to mean that they wanted you to BE a sweet-potato casserole?

VALENTINO: I LOVE casseroles. They're so quaint. Like sweatervests.

SJP: I'm not kidding -- my son carved a pumpkin this Halloween that looks just like you. Are you even LISTENING to me?

VALENTINO: Is that a silver scrunchy on your wrist? Are you a college dorm-room doorknob? Festive! Have you some Fig Newtons? How about a hot plate?

SJP: Oh, forget it. I tried.

November 25, 2008

Fug or Fab: Helena Christensen

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Helena Christensen is beautiful BLAH BLAH BLAH. Tell me something I don't know. In fact, tell me something about this dress:

Because I am currently very occupied thinking about other things (the pear clafouti I'm making for Thanksgiving, Obama's transition team, my football pool and whether it's mathematically possible for me to climb out of my current second place spot to win, and what on earth I ought to buy Spencer and Heidi as a wedding gift), why don't you tell me what to think?

poll by twiigs.com

November 25, 2008

Random Fug: Anna Plunkett

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Anna Plunkett here is an Australian designer. She is wearing a bird.

It is rare that I find myself without words. And yet, here we are.

November 25, 2008

AMA Awards Show Fug: Rihanna

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If I were Rihanna, and I'd shown up in a glorified napkin that left me paranoid a strong gust -- or even just the wind created by Colbie Caillat's PR girl hurrying past with a watering can -- would expose my butt, I'd have been pretty stoked to change into this, too.

I mean, it doesn't get much more protective than thigh-high boots over rubber pants. Nothing is falling out of this except the tip of her big toe. It's basically a hugely elaborate chastity belt -- poor Chris Brown probably had to spend half an hour helping her peel them off after the show, possibly while she held onto a doorframe as he pulled as hard as he could in the opposite direction and tried to grease the wheels with hand lotion and saliva. And if that weren't a deterrent enough to anyone invading her personal space, her spiky bodice -- the sides of which appear to be barfing chains -- is something I imagine strippers wore in Mordor. It's very overdone and freaky, and I can't BELIEVE she was willing to put up with chains thwacking against her Precious every time she moved.

Perhaps her own accessory put it best:

Continue reading AMA Awards Show Fug: Rihanna.

November 25, 2008

I Am Sasha Fug

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INTERIOR - BEYONCE'S CRANIUM - NIGHT

While on-stage at the American Music Awards, BEYONCE suddenly re-emerges in the middle of a performance by her alter-ego, SASHA FIERCE.

BEYONCE: Oh, no. NO. NOT AGAIN.

SASHA: Yes, yes, YES!

BEYONCE: Sasha, I swear to God, if you keep putting me in granny panties every time you take control...

SASHA: You'll what, B? Anything you do to me, you do to yourself.

BEYONCE: Well, what if I just pull on this here hairpiece REALLY HARD?

SASHA: Amateur.

BEYONCE: Oh I'm only just getting started, sweetpea. I refuse to look like a department-store lingerie ad. Seriously, were these on sale at Macy's? In the section that sells control-top underwear for women over 65?

SASHA: Oh, pipe down, Prudey Huxtable. Honey, why did the Lord give us inner thighs if he didn't intend for us to show them off?

BEYONCE: That doesn't even make sense. I mean it, Sasha -- keep this up and I'm going to wear pants every time I go outside.

SASHA: Then I'll wear nothing but hot pants and bras.

BEYONCE: Did I say "pants"? I meant "turtleneck jumpsuits with huge sweaters and boots and thigh-warmers."

SASHA (gasp): You wouldn't DARE.

BEYONCE: WATCH ME.

SASHA: But you said I could have half the songs on the album and do it MY WAY! JUDAS.

BEYONCE: Yes, but it's my body, Crazy Lady. So, please, keep singing. I'll just be here hanging onto this ponytail, in case you forget yourself.

SASHA: THIS ISN'T OVER, BEYONCE. I'm only just getting STARTED.

BEYONCE: We'll see about that.

SASHA: YES WE WILL.

November 24, 2008

American Music Awards Fug or Fab: Rihanna

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I have kind of grown to love Rihanna. She doesn't always look great, but she never looks boring, and thank god for that. A few months ago, Heather and I were all in a tizzy because she wasn't nominated for the Best Dressed Female Teen Choice Award - well, as much as you can get in a tizzy over something as meaningless as the Teen Choice Awards, which means we spent about six minutes talking about it and then went back to discussing how cute David Boreanez is on Bones or something. But seriously: she's ballsy with the clothes, and I think she's adorable here, even if this IS made out of a napkin:

EXCEPT: Rumor has it that RiRi spend the entire evening desperately trying not to flash people, because this thing was so short (I forgot the AMAs were on, and when someone told me they were, I actually have a moment where I thought we were talking about the American Medical Association, because I hadn't had nearly enough caffeine yesterday).

poll by twiigs.com

November 24, 2008

American Music Awards Fug Carpet: Sarah Silverman and Sarah Chalke

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SARAH SILVERMAN: Hey Sarah!

SARAH CHALKE: Hello....Sarah.

SARAH S: What?

SARAH C: What?

SARAH: You're looking at me funny.

SARAH C: I was just wondering where your pants were.

SARAH S: I'm wearing shorts! I think. With Crazy Tights!

SARAH C: It reminds me of something.

SARAH S: How funny I am?

SARAH C: Something else.

SARAH S: Pirates? It's a little pirate-y, I know. It's a shout-out to those Somali pirates! I think they're AWESOME.

SARAH C: I got it! It reminds me of COLLEGE.

SARAH S: What?

SARAH C: Totally! You know, in the 90s, when we were all wearing shorts with clunky shoes and tights and sort of baby-doll billowy things and a lot of vests? That's SO YOU right now. God, this makes me want to listen "Semi-Charmed Life" while drinking Icehouse beer from a keg.

SARAH S: Thanks?

SARAH C: No. THANK YOU.

November 24, 2008

Fugth Heaven

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yellow

I wish I could've seen where this dress might have ended up had the designer gone with just one of these two fabrics, instead of both together:

As it is, in an attempt to be Very Interesting, the design choice instead leaves us with a garment that appears to be alerting us to Jessica's right boob -- as if we might not have known she had one, for instance, or as if need to keep an eye on it because it's up to no good, or is about to attempt something shocking like pulling a rabbit out of itself. For one thing, I like to think that I wouldn't need the aid of her clothing to notice a bunny coming out of there, and for another, just think of the resentment this preferential treatment could cause between it and her left breast. Life is hard enough without your boobs being in a blood feud.

poll by twiigs.com

November 24, 2008

American Music Awards Fug Carpet: Colbie Caillat

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green

I don't know what is up with people wearing dresses that either look alive, or like simulations of living things -- first Madonna picked something that looks like she stitched it together out of patches of rough she ripped up from alongside the fairway at St. Andrews, and now singer Colbie Caillat has hit the red carpet in this:

I can't even decide what this reminds me of -- it evokes, slightly, about ten different things, three involving terrible jokes about a possible girlhood obsession with Pete's Dragon and one of which evokes disturbing mental images of someone violating the sanctity of Kermit the Frog. I'm also tempted to ask if she built this out of the carpet that lay in her parents' TV room in the 1970s; if she has taken Martha Stewart's love of the versatility of succulent plants too much to heart; whether this dress was made out of white bread three days ago; or if she's nervous that some antsy NFL fans will mistake her for artificial turf, throw her down, and attempt to run a tight-end screen. Although at least the latter could turn into an interesting first date.

November 21, 2008

Wino Fugever

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flesh tones

So, I'm sure you read, as I did, that Winona Ryder was briefly hospitalized in London because she took too many Xanax on a recent flight. As someone who doesn't particularly love to fly, I feel her -- although I personally just take one, then have a glass of wine and totally pass out. And then when I wake up, I feel really SERENE until it wears off and I'm a crazy, high-strung bitch again. Anyway, she clearly is fully recovered, because this was taken yesterday:

So pretty! Maybe a little washed out, but pretty! God, I used to really love Winona Ryder. Heathers plus Beetlejuice plus the Little Women where Christian Bale is Laurie (which makes Jo's rejection of Laurie like 100% crazier, something I once didn't think was possible), plus Reality Bites (although Ethan Hawke in that movie is like the poster child for the dude you really don't want to date in the long run) equals, essentially, my movie-going youth in full. So I am happy to see her looking good and willing to forget the outfit from the other side of said plane trip:

Continue reading Wino Fugever.

November 21, 2008

Red-Blooded Fugger

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performances,
WTF

Clever Kylie Minogue. She's so versatile and diverse -- she was an actress, now she's a singer and dance-hall icon, she was voted Britain's favorite bum at one point...

.. and now, she's the clear cover choice for the Women In Waders 2009 calendar, which I believe has a dominatrix-clown theme. Brava, Kylie. You are a true a Renaissance woman.

November 21, 2008

Fug and Fab: Katy Perry

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It's much less lonely knowing I am not the only person out there who doesn't get the fuss over Katy Perry and her shouty singing voice and her addiction to satin hot pants. I still kind of want her to go away. But if she does, at least she'll have left me with an actual fond memory:

[Photo: WENN]

This is lovely. I still kind of want to hike the top up just a little, but otherwise, it's romantic and floaty and dreamy. I am pleased she went minimal with the accessories (except for that.... what, is it a Kleenex tourniquet on her right pointer finger? A ring from a crackerjack box?) and hair, too -- so often, she overdoes it to the point where you forget Katy Perry is a very pretty girl, but here she's letting her face carry it all, and as it turns out, her face is more than capable of being load-bearing. Which might be the strangest compliment I have ever written.

I'm less enchanted by what she wore on stage:

Continue reading Fug and Fab: Katy Perry.

November 21, 2008

Fugging Daisies

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Poor Cheno. First, they cancel Pushing Daisies (sniffle), and now this:

A word to the wise: just because you're in a Christmas movie, it doesn't mean you're obligated to show up at the premiere dressed like a gift.

November 20, 2008

Fug the Cover: Kristen Stewart

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Poor Kristin Stewart. First, she's got Robert Pattison apparently going kind of Joaquin Phoenix on her on the Twilight set for a while, now THIS. She's a very pretty girl, and yet somehow, someone at Teen Vogue decided it would be best if they chose a pic of her in which she sort of looks like a dude whose mother has finally allowed him out of the house after a long and draining bout with mono. That shit ain't right.

November 20, 2008

Port Fug

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So I guess Kelly Monaco and Mel B are joining this topless revue in Vegas? (Hence the expanse of thigh over Kelly's shoulder.) Normally, I would be like, "topless dancing seems like a weird career step for a former Spice Girl to take," but it seems they will be the non-topless portions of the evening. And apparently, per People, "Monaco's character in the show will be 'Little Bo Peep,' a timid and lonely girl who is guided by Brown's character, 'Peep Diva.'" And I find that secretly hilarious and maybe potentially awesome, in the way that Xanadu is awesome, AKA quasi-ironically but also not at all ironically and in fact, in a way that is actually really kind of awesome. What is not awesome is that K. Mo appears to already be in costume:

This would be cute if (a) she were 9 or (b) it fit. As it is, she appears to be wearing a gift bag.

November 20, 2008

Full Fugs

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You know, I'm beginning to think Mary-Kate is just trying to plan ahead and be smart:

If she stocks up now on daytime caftans, evening caftans, and pajama caftans -- of which this could actually be considered any, or all -- then by the time she and Ashley are ready to reunite for Full House of Golden Girls, they'll already have enough wardrobe for four seasons. She could wear this for the episode when Ashley almost gets married to a shyster who, we learn later, secretly hit on their elderly mother (played by Dakota Fanning in all of Estelle Getty's old makeup). Or she could don this for a midnight cheesecake binge. Or for lemonade on the lanai. Or bingo night. God, it's just so all-purpose. Clever girl.

November 20, 2008

NYFug.com: Tyra Is Our Own 'National Treasure: Book of Secrets'

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ANTM

And now Top Model is over. Our Wednesday nights at 8 just got a little less booked (thank god: juggling Pushing Daisies, Top Model and Bones was starting to get to me. What kind of monster expects you to choose between Tyra Banks, David Boreanez, and baked goods?). Too bad this cycle didn't go out with much of a bang. Well, unless you're counting Tyra's spectacular finale wardrobe. And we are:

"Heather: And the SECOND ONE, with the sharp shoulder pads ... somebody wants to be Joan Collins.
Jessica: I also thought she sort of looked like she had just beamed down from the mother ship."

I know what you're wondering: But how did National Treasure: Book of Secrets play into this? I wish I could explain that myself. It just DOES. Read and comment here, my gentle readers.

November 20, 2008

Well Fugged, Sarah Brightman

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When I was about nine, I saw Sarah Brightman in Phantom of the Opera, and because I was really into musical theater, I wanted to be her. This lasted about six months, until I decided I wanted to be Eponine from Les Miserables (the tragic romantic in me liked the idea of sticking it to my unrequited love by dying in his arms because I had done him a huge, dangeous favor; what can I say? I was a moronic kid sometimes). So I never gave Sarah Brightman much thought ever again.

Until now. Aside from the obvious fact that I do not live in Washington D.C., I need to know why, God, WHY was I not at this concert?

[Photo: WENN]

My brain is short-circuiting right now. In about ten minutes I will be unable to do anything but roll around my living room speaking in a robotic monotone and saying things like, "NO DISASSEMBLE" before I spy a truck outside, scream, "Oh no. NOVA," and hide underneath the couch. This is insane on the most spectacular level. Lace-up leggings? Platform heels? A corset that erupts in ruffles? A crown? This is so much no, yet it all adds up to YES. It's like Moulin Rouge meets '80s hair metal. They should make a sequel starring Sarah and Bret Michaels.

You might wonder why Sarah needs quite so much skirt. The answer is obvious:

Continue reading Well Fugged, Sarah Brightman.

November 19, 2008

NYFug.com: Odds on 'America's Next Top Model'

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ANTM

At last! The Top Model finale is upon us! I'm sure you're all very busy right now in preparation -- reassembling your shrine to Tyra, practicing your runway strut, and sacrificing that goat -- but when you get a moment, you could always take a break and check out our prognostications:

"In the editorial corner there's the edgier McKey, whose quirky, toothy smile might not sell Land's End turtlenecks but is exactly what Tyra means when she says "pretty-pretty" isn't always "model-pretty." Her pictures have improved to consistent greatness, even with the hideous makeover that looks like a drunk stylist ran amok with some shoe polish and a Flowbee."

If you get a hankering to read and/or comment on the whole kit and caboodle, you can find it here.

November 19, 2008

Fug or Fab: Eva Amurri

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As the esteemed Tim Gunn would say, this is a whole lotta look.

As wallpaper for a glamorous powder room in a house I don't own, I LOVE it. As a dress, I am a bit less invested.

poll by twiigs.com

November 19, 2008

Fuglight

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dialogue,
Twilight

ROBERT PATTINSON: Hello, my angel. [Snicker] I see you managed to get here without breaking any bones. [Chuckle]

KRISTEN STEWART: You know, we wrapped the movie a long time ago. You can break character and stop with the condescending laughter.

ROBERT: No, I can't. It's the hair. The unruly, slightly oily Edward hair that's damp with the sweat of restraint and clammy lust. They won't let me cut it, and it OWNS me. Is your dress made of sweatshirts?

KRISTEN: They haven't said you can't SHOWER, though. Maybe you're just clammy because all your clothes look a tiny bit tight. And I think your shoe is untied. And, you know, the whole "you need to shower" thing.

ROBERT: God, your blood smells magical. Like sparkles and sunshine and fine wine. I must watch you sleep.

KRISTEN: Do you people see what I have had to put up with? Do you?

ROBERT: Oh, Bella. I love you. I may kill you. You don't know.

KRISTEN: Not Bella. Kristen. Cameras are not rolling. Lord. I give you two months, tops, before all this breaks you.

ROBERT: You intoxicate me. I AM DANGER. Why do you not fear me, human?

KRISTEN: Oh, I fear you, all right. Trust.

November 19, 2008

Fugporter II

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sequins,
unitards

Did you know that Amber Valletta here was in a TV movie called Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story in 2001? As was Mr. Tori Spelling, Dean McDermott, AND Anthony Michael Hall. I can't BELIEVE I didn't watch that.

I wonder if she stole this blazer from Anthony Michael Hall then, or more recently. Hey, I'm not knocking it: you've got to get something to cover up your Britney Spears-circa-Toxic unitard when you're out in public.

November 19, 2008

Gossip Tree Fug Girl

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For the sake of my forehead wrinkles, I need to stop venting about Little J and The Haircut (although I might name my first imaginary band that; my second one, which clearly will shoot to great fame and fortune, will be called Andrea Zuckerman's Famous Pig). Seriously, it looks worse week-to-week -- at this point, if you told me she'd shampooed with undiluted rum and then bent over in front of a candle, causing the whole thing to go up in a fiery conflagration, I would believe you. They need to get her a wig, or chop it off into a pixie cut and start over, or put a bag over her head for a month. It's bad.

Thankfully, my distraction on Gossip Girl this week came in the form of Ms. Serena Van Der Woodsen herself. As if the indignity of having to act interested the shaggy, blandly self-absorbed charisma void that is Aaron Rose, our girl S had to strut around her penthouse in this little number:

Tragically, the photos from my TV screen don't do justice to how terrible this looked. But even Chuck Bass -- he of the tiny man shorts and countless turtlenecks -- appears to be judging her for the awkward tightness, and the awkwardness of the tights. She seems SO UNCOMFORTABLE, too. I mean, that is not only short, but it's bunching up with every step. Poor Blake clomped around the set as if she was afraid her crotch might fly out at a moment's notice.

It's made even worse by the CW bug appearing right over her crotch, as if to draw attention to how hella-unflattering the skirt is. May I remind the Gossip Girl costumers again that this is BLAKE LIVELY, who is dreamy of figure? Is it that impossible to dress someone who isn't a size 00? Are they in league with the Ghost Whisperer people? And why, exactly, did Serena think her party-girl past needed to be such a secret from her foul new boyfriend if she was going to run around to TWO family Thanksgivings dressed like Ronald McDonald's favorite call girl?

I mean, come on. That's just not fair to her.

What IS fair, though -- to the universe -- is the existence of this:

Continue reading Gossip Tree Fug Girl.

November 18, 2008

Cape Fug

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I am kind of in love with Juliette Lewis now:

No joke, I am 100% sure Joan Collins owns this and has worn it in public -- sans, of course, the flesh-toned fringed shoes that make it look as though Juliette's feet are coming off in strips. And it takes a lot of woman to quasi -- ONLY QUASI -- pull off a sequined jumpsuit. But I am beginning to see a method to her madness: the Juliette of yore was often seen in skintight polyester jumpsuits, like a sweat-stained superhero fallen on hard times. And in comparison, this -- although not entirely flattering to the hips and thighs (and god knows, if she looks Not Her Best in this, what would happen to the rest of us?) -- almost looks elegant.

poll by twiigs.com

November 18, 2008

The Fughood of the Traveling Pants

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Remember Fashion Plates? It was this awesome toy during my childhood in the 80s where you could mix and match tops and bottoms to design fabulously over-the-top outfits, most of which were clearly inspired by the early works of Aaron Spelling and/or anything that a Judith Krantz character would wear. Blake Lively here looks like she's been patronizing a designer who got into his fashion plates with tragic results:

On top? Sexy and flattering. From the rib cage down, she's an extra on Little House on the Prairie. In case you were wondering, that is not a combination that ever happens in nature.

November 18, 2008

9Fug210

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So, at least AnnaLynne "Drunkface" McCord looks totally sober here:

Which is kind of unfortunate, because that means she was of sound mind when she decided to pop over to the Twilight premiere dressed like she was on her way to work the nearest Hollywood corner for popcorn and candy money

November 18, 2008

Lisa Fugelstein

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I Don't Get It

Thanks to the antics of pioneer Kristen Bell and all her successors, we here at GFY are well-versed in the evils of stumpophrenia -- the disease that grips a starlet in its withered talons and forces them out of the house in outfits whose misguided hemlines shave inches off their perceived height. But I'm not sure what the medical term is for someone who wears clothing that, all mixed together, creates a hodge-podge of proportional nightmares. Picassomonia? Wackatosis?

[Photo: WENN]

I have no idea where Lisa's natural waist is, thanks to the combo of that dress (I assume?) and the cropped wrap jacket. But I'm pretty sure it is not, as this ensemble would imply, an inch below her boobs. Add in the over-the-knee suede boots, and honey, it's just too much. She looks like an expensive hooker who likes to make collages out of art she bought at IKEA.

She also, weirdly, reminds me of Bangs on the new 90210. You know, the girl with the bob who was on drugs and got booted from the school musical and looked sweaty all the time, until she overdosed, cleaned up, and started dating the school geek whose pornographer parents paid for her to go to rehab (and yet, did it all boringly and without character development). If Lisa Edelstein busts into those ten tortourous, oft-repeated bars from "Spring Awakening" -- the bars that pretty much guaranteed I will never see that musical in my lifetime, no matter how awesome the rest of it is -- I am going to LOSE IT. Which won't solve anyone's problems, least of all Ms. Edelstein's early-stage wackatosis. I hope we've caught it in time.

November 18, 2008

Rilo Fugley

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It's been over three years since I last solo-fugged Jenny Lewis of Rilo Kiley on this site (she got nailed once more in 2007, but she was being upstaged by the zombified lunacy of Milla Jovovich's former business partner). The basic facts have not changed: I still love her music. I still fondly remember her from her youthful stint on Brooklyn Bridge. I still want to know whether "Does He Love You?", a.k.a. the "Whoops, I Slept With My Best Friend's Husband" song, is based on anything that actually happened. And I still scratch my head sometimes at what she puts on her adorable self.

It starts out fine -- odd, a bit dishwater-colored maybe, but unremarkable either way. And then...

Please understand, I stared at this photo for twenty minutes trying to figure out what the hell is happening here. It seemed like a transparent sheath over some kind of flesh-toned unitard from hell, the likes of which I'd expect to see on a Cirque du Soleil acrobat, or one of the Whos down in Whoville, maybe. I gazed and I frowned and waxcrangled and blowned. And finally, RIGHT as I was about to type a lengthy bewailing of the noxious bodystocking, my eyes clicked into gear and I realized the illusion of a crotch under there actually comes from those lacy details that are sewn up the middle of the dress. So, on the pro side, Jenny Lewis is unlikely to hoist herself up by the seat of her pants and take leave of this place through a hole in the sky without leaving a trace, a la The Lorax, but on the con side, her moneymaker appears to be barfing ruffles. In all, still a tragedy, I think.

November 17, 2008

Fug Lovers

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I don't know if any of you have signed up for Gwyneth Paltrow's new lifestyle newsletters on her hideously named Web site, GOOP, but they are hilarious in ways that I do not think she intended them to be. They're all basically about how she is pretty sure she's really interesting and has a lot to teach -- Martha Stewart crossed with Oprah's Favorite Things, multiplied by that random friend you have who won't let you finish your stories before she tries to interrupt and one-up you with her more profound experiences. They come out every week, and tell us all about how to "nourish what is real" by eating non-dairy buckweat pancakes, staying slim (summary: do not eat anything white), clothing ourselves (save money by wearing your $1200 Louboutin shoes with a Topshop dress!), and buying "off the beaten track" kitchen stuff from... Williams-Sonoma.

The one about her wardrobe was the best, because it came with all these catalogue-style photographs of her wearing certain things and trying to do her best commercial poses, but usually it just looks like Gwynnie No. 1 is staring serenely down at Gwynnie No. 2, and pitying her slightly because No. 1 is wearing a YSL belt and tragique No. 2 is not. And yet, I ask you: Would you take wardrobe advice from a person who thought this looked good?

About the only tips I'd take from a person in this dress would be for quick stain-removal. Now if you'll excuse me, staring at her collarbone is making me want to go make a giant sandwich out of everything white that's in my kitchen.

November 17, 2008

Fug or Fab: Eva Green

Fug file:

caftans,
green

Eva Green is one of those people who seems so interesting and dramatic and exotic that she can get away with wearing things that, say, Jessica Simpson could not. Like this:

On one hand, I am pretty sure the Endora wore this on Bewitched at least once. On the other hand, I LOVE Endora. She's so sarcastic, and also has such interesting caftans. But if you're not Agnes Moorehead, this kind of thing can be hard to pull off. Even for Eva Green.

poll by twiigs.com

November 17, 2008

Fugreek

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Oh, Spencer Grammer. I love Greek. I like you. I like you on Greek. I can not wait until the next season starts so we can find out if you ever get the nads to actually destroy that bitch Frannie once and for all! But what I do not like are these shorts:

They are very short. And the they are very ruffled. And sometimes, when Very Short shorts and Very Ruffled shorts love each other very much, they make a baby. And that baby is named These Short Ruffled Shorts Awkwardly Resemble A Skirt That's Being Eaten By Your Crotch. And girl, you are SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT.

November 17, 2008

Keeping Fug With The Kardashians

Fug file:

dialogue,
polls

KOURTNEY: I can't believe you did this.

KIM: I KNOW, don't I look super hot in my matching shirt?

KOURTNEY: I TOLD you I was going to wear the short version of Rihanna's freaky caftan and you SWORE you were okay with that.

KIM: I was okay with it! I am! Because my green variation of it totally upstages yours, what with the giant sleeves and the cleavage, so I had to wear it. I win. What UP, sibling rivalry!

KOURTNEY: You totally lose, though.

KIM: No way, I win every time. I mean, I'm the one who was famous first.

KOURTNEY: You so do NOT win in that thing. Nobody who wears a shirt that's also part-poncho is a winner.

KIM: It's so sweet how jealous you are.

KOURTNEY: HA HA HA. Oh, that's the only amusing thing you've ever said. Now, scamper off and go back to making turquoise jewelry, or holding seances, or eating cheesecake in the kitchen with your two roommates, or whatever it is you do.

KIM: Wave my boobs in my hot NFL-player boyfriend's face until the tabloids ask me when he's proposing. That's what I do. And it's a full-time job.

KOURTNEY: Well, it's nice to know you finally have one.

poll by twiigs.com

November 17, 2008

Fug, Inc.

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Hilary Duff and I have been through a lot together. There was the time I saw her making out with Aaron Carter at a local bowling alley about six years ago, the subsequent and inexplicable fight over him with Lindsay Lohan, her excessive necklaces phase, the whole thing where she pretended she didn't have a neck at all, and of course that time she got the really obvious veneers and her lips couldn't close around them for a while and we all thought they were going to come for us in our sleep. Then finally, Hilary came out the other end with fairly normal hair and a healthy body weight, and I thought maybe the worst was behind us. But alas, I feel like even Hilary Duff herself can't explain this, nor does she seem interested in trying.

Judging by the way she's standing, maybe it's a very elaborate system of lumbar support. But I suspect it's just a strange decision. Her whole face is like, "I know. No, really. There is nothing you can say that I haven't already scribbled in my diary in red pen. I KNOW." In a way, though, it's very apt -- she's at a farewell party for TRL, and what better way to bid that crackfest a fond farewell than by making me stare at her for fifteen minutes trying to figure out if she's drunk?

I almost wonder if she's decided to pick up that feud with Lindsay again. They're sporting similar hair these days, and neither of them seem overly fond of lipstick that doesn't make them look frost-bitten. And this outfit feels like what you'd wear if you decided you had a pants allergy and your sensible mother burned your last pair of leggings, so you broke into Mood and stole a few yards of organza. Ergo, maybe Hilary will come out with a line of pointless sheer sheaths -- Witchy Stuff By Hilary Duff, or something -- that they can sell at Kitson for $300 next to all of Lindsay's dishevelled leggings, thus requiring some sort of retail cage-match to settle things once and for all.

poll by twiigs.com

November 14, 2008

The Fug Guru

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I've been chewing on this for a while -- along with other incredibly important matters such as the economy, and my dental health, and why I have so many damn crickets getting into my house -- and I've finally decided to take a stance: I reject Jessica Alba's bangs.

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

Don't you think they're too heavy and too long for her features? I'd never have pegged her for the type who'd allow herself to be dominated, yet here she is, ceding a third of her head to an aggressive hair curtain. You can barely see her face. Of course, it also doesn't help that she appears to be wearing an ornate Best In Show medallion from a Tudor-era competition between handmaidens, to see who can polish the King's jousting stick to the most blinding shine. It's like EVERYTHING is fighting with her for attention.

poll by twiigs.com

November 14, 2008

Fugsic Fugstinct

Fug file:

bad hair,
dialogue

SHARON STONE: MELISSA GEORGE!

MELISSA GEORGE: Sharon Stone?

SHARON: Who else would I be?

MELISSA: Uh. No one. Just you! You're clearly yourself! That's a well-cut suit! I have to go now!

SHARON: Tell me who you thought I was, Little Miss Heidi Braids, before I decide to wear you as a hat.

MELISSA: That might be an improv -- I mean, never mind! What do you think of my dress?

SHARON: It's fine. I had a crayon that color once. Name names, kitten.

MELISSA: It's your hair, Sharon. There's something about it that...reminds me of Cojo. I'M SORRY. But he's LOVELY.

SHARON: Oh, is that all? That's totally what I was going for. TIME FOR THE BAR!

MELISSA: Always.

November 14, 2008

Well Played, Elizabeth Banks

Fug file:

grey,
polls

I loved this dress when Mischa Barton wore it in different colors -- many moons ago, before she and her headbands and her unflattering tights recently conspired to chew up my heart, spit it out, and then pick their teeth with my aorta -- and I still rather like it here:

I'm a big fan of grey, although I wish Elizabeth would've resisted the urge to shove her hands in her pockets -- it sort of looks like she's smiling to create the illusion that everything's fine, while secretly rooting around for her pepper spray.

Actually, though... is it just me, or does she look kind of strange in this photo? And no, I am not saying there is anything wrong with her DNA. Obviously, Elizabeth Banks is gorgeous (and boy, is she ever not afraid to tell you that in interviews). But something about the coif and the way she's smiling kind of reminds me of.... okay, bear with me: Picture the end of Back to the Future, when Marty wakes up in 1985 again and -- SPOILER -- his whole family has changed for the better, and Lea Thompson comes swanning in after playing tennis in khaki pants and never breaking a sweat, and her Fortysomething Lady makeup makes her face look kind of plasticky and stiff, and her hairdo is all teased up at the top but flat to her head until it flips out again at the bottom, making her forehead look huge? That's where my mind goes when I look at Elizabeth in this picture. [I wanted to get a screen grab of Hygienic And Healthy-Livered Adult Lorraine, but of course, today is the only day in the history of DirecTV that nobody is showing that movie.] Somehow, Elizabeth's face just looks like a slightly altered version of itself. This of course has NOTHING to do with the clothes, and everything to do with the fact that I keep hoping Michael J. Fox found his way to 1985 again, and is currently doing something that will end in Crispin Glover and the dude who played Biff suddenly appearing in this photo.

poll by twiigs.com

November 14, 2008

Well Played: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

Can we take a sec to talk about the Olsens?

Sure, M-K's boots are totally wack and that MIGHT be a poncho she's belted, and (despite my passionate love for vintage and vintage-y coats) I'm not entirely sure about Ashley's outerwear, but let's have some perspective. Remember this? Or this? Or OMG -- this? I'd say they're looking kind of awesome, in comparison. Awesome and healthy and happy. Sure, they're never going to wear Loubs that don't look maybe half a size too big, but let's be honest. It's...well, it's downright refreshing. They look pretty and interesting and...YES. YES. I KIND OF WANT TO READ THEIR BOOK. There. You got it out of me. Are you happy now? Are you?!

November 14, 2008

Fug the Cover: Mariah Carey

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Is it me, or does Mariah look a bit....tired here? Sure, the holidays are stressful, but I can't imagine Mimi lacks the wherewithal, in real life, to smack on some BeneTint. Sure, sure -- we're all glad to see her freshfaced, but isn't there a bit more acreage between "freshfaced and relaxed" and "somewhat worn out?" On the other hand, I kind of need to read that easy cookies recipe. If her holiday look is "somewhat knackered," I think mine may work out to be, "slightly bloated." Thanks, carbs!

November 13, 2008

NYFug.com: Jen, Brangelina, and the Ten Worst Celebrity Breakups

I've always said that it would be terrible to be a celebrity going through a break-up. Because when you shuffle to the market for ice cream and booze and you're standing there in the check-out line with dirty hair, and you look over at the tabs, YOU'RE ON THEM. Or -- even worse -- your EX is on them, and he's frolicking on the beach with that scrawny, underage bimbo he left you for. It would be enough to make you turn around and get another gallon of rum. Hence, this week's column on the Ten Worst Celebrity Break-Ups:

"4. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez: Remember the heyday of Bennifer 1.0, when a faux-tanned Ben made bum-massaging cameos in J.Lo's videos? And she went on Dateline to gush about how she loves to make Ben Shake and Bake chicken? And then the Enquirer claimed Affleck cheated with a bunch of Canadian strippers, the wedding was "postponed" at the last minute, and next thing you know, they were kaput? That was fun. Although probably not for them."

Go forth, read the rest, and add to the list in the comments, if you want -- someone has already pointed out that Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger was pretty bad, which is true. In our defense, we forgot Kim Basinger existed.

November 13, 2008

Tinsley Fugortimer

Fug file:

red,
socialites

If you say so, Tinz:

If you want to revisit the 80s THIS badly, who am I to stand in your way? Go forth and watch The Cosby Show in your Where's The Beef? tee shirt, while playing with your Rubik's cube and wondering if your Cabbage Patch Kid and your Monchichi are plotting against you, if you want. You're already halfway there in this, considering that I literally owned this dress in a very small size, way back in 1984, and I often put it on my Barbie. I can't stop you. And, actually, that sounds kind of fun, so I'll be over at 8. I'll bring my Snoopy SnoCone machine!

November 13, 2008

Fug's Anatomy

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I feel like I ought to feel sorry for Melissa George. While I loved her on that short-lived show she did with John Stamos where they were both cat burglars or something, she otherwise has a tendency to take roles that are destined to be loathed and detested by the fan base of whatever show she's joining. Okay, maybe that's only happened once so far -- with Alias -- but the hate was LEGENDARY and I think it could very well happen again, now that she's joining Grey's Anatomy, although I feel like people are less on fire for Grey's than they used to be. I am. I blame Heigl. Anyway: Melissa George has been wildly derided on the internets for many things -- mostly because she played the girl who stole Vaughn away from Sydney (even though Sydney was dead), and I agree that role was a mistake all around. And, now, she's going to get it for this:

It DOES look cozy. But maybe she should have tried to be cozy in something that didn't make her look like she was wearing a clothing equivalent of a lumpy bowl of oatmeal.

November 13, 2008

Fug or Fab: Ali Larter

Fug file:

Heroes,
purple

So, what do we think: elegantly unusual and romantic...

... or a somewhat overwrought, overstitched excuse to have a neck pillow stapled to her shoulder?

poll by twiigs.com

November 13, 2008

Fug Christmases

Fug file:

Up until about two seconds ago, I was going to make this a Fug or Fab post. But then -- I don't know if it was the Jell-O cup I ate, the Cool Whip I put on top (I am apparently a slave to what Bob tells me during the product-placement scenes on The Biggest Loser), or the doorjamb I smacked my forehead into because I was so hopped up on chemical sweeteners that I forgot how to turn the corner into my hallway -- all of a sudden I decided that I really don't much care for what Miss Witherspoon is wearing:

Reese is a tiny, tiny person, which I can say with certainty based on first-hand experience with reading her IMDb page. She's under 5'2". So not only is this a lot more look than she usually sports, but it's REALLY a lot of look on her, full-stop. It's just sort of... messy and distracting, and cumbersome, and hell-bent on shoving her boobs into her armpits. The pattern on her chest reminds me of Alec Baldwin's crazy downy chest hair back when he had his shirt off all the time on Saturday Night Live and you would think to yourself, "Wait, why is Alec wearing a sweater under his shirt... oh, WAIT" -- although maybe that's the lemon-lime Jell-O talking? -- and I wouldn't be shocked at all if in ten seconds, she leaves to go perform a stirring castanets version of "Ave Maria" at a flamenco dancer's funeral. Which could be sort of fun, except for the mourning and the tragedy and all that. In fact, I have some big plastic maracas for my Wii; maybe she wants some accompaniment. We could go on tour. Jake Gyllenhaal could be our roadie, since I clearly need someone to set up the Wii, and once someone invents Accordion Hero we'd be completely unstoppable. UNSTOPPABLE.

poll by twiigs.com

November 12, 2008

Fug The Cover: Jennifer Aniston

Fug file:

Vogue

Jessica and I were just discussing how much people seem to have held onto the whole Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie bizarre love triangle. Seriously, they split up three years ago -- although in some ways it feels like ten, and in others, as if it were yesterday, given that people still ask them about each other every chance they get. LET IT GO, EVERYONE. Angelina should be more careful and considerate when rhapsodizing about when and how she fell in love with the married man, and for her part, when she's asked about it, Jennifer should probably just take the high road and say, "Wow, are people still talking about that? I feel like we've said everything there is to say on that subject," and then everyone can just MOVE ON so that magazine covers stop saying things like "ANGELINA: LYING SUCCUBUS HUSSY STRUMPET" or "JENNIFER DID EIGHT HOURS OF YOGA AFTER THAT COVER ABOUT HOW ANGELINA IS A LYING SUCCUBUS HUSSY STRUMPET," or in the case of Vogue, this:

She is not helped by the cover quote being taken slightly out of context, but Jennifer is REALLY not being done a solid by the choice of photo. She looks so... tense. And cranky. And like she would rather be stabbing pillows with a pair of scissors than be smiling at the camera right this second. Although I appreciate the attempt at putting "$5" on its cover in any context, and it's very nice of the magazine to try and convince me that pricey clothes are actually "investments," if I am going to pick up an issue of Vogue in these tragic times -- a pretty big "if" on ANY given day, to be honest -- I want it to inspire me, or distract me, or just basically take me away like a really ad-heavy, semi-out-of-touch box of Calgon. This does none of that. Instead, this cold-eyed cover says, "I hate this issue. I don't give a shit about you and your holiday romance or stupid bogus love stories or nice bedrooms. I just want to get the hell off this beach and move to a yurt in Deepest Mongolia because I CANNOT CATCH A BREAK. My friends all allegedly hate that I am dating John Mayer again, I can't sneeze on a dude without someone writing a story about whether I will ever get to use my uterus as a fruit bowl, Angelina won't shut her face, everyone is hell-bent on throwing everything she says back at me, and now apparently I have to FREEZE MYSELF in order to look young? I'M SO SURE. WHERE IS THE F*%&ING GIN?"

November 12, 2008

Emily Fugtimer

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On one hand, this dress looks like it would be nice and squashy to sit on, like you're wearing a portable bum pillow:

On the other hand, it also looks like you're wearing a tremendously posh loofah.

November 12, 2008

Fug the Cover: Blake Lively

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I can hear Miss Tyra now: "Blake, where is your NECK? Also, what happened to your legs?" Missing one body part is bad enough -- I feel like missing several is cause for immediate elimination. So, Blake, please go back to the loft and pack your things. You are no longer in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model. Thank god you have a lucrative acting career already in the works -- and a possible future as a conditioner spokeswoman, since you do have really great hair. Possibly it's so strong and lustrous because it ATE YOUR NECK.

November 12, 2008

The Bourne Fugtimatum

Fug file:

I wish Julia Stiles ever looked pleased to be anywhere.

She just looks as if she doesn't care -- as if, were you compelled to ask her where on Earth she found that disco frock, she would reply with a grunt and an offhand, "What, this old thing? In my Mom's attic, I think? I don't know. Nothing else was clean. Can I go?" In one sense, I should probably pat her on the back and laud her for ignoring The Establishment and doing her own thing, refusing to get all crazy-obsessive about this fame nonsense to the point where she dolls herself up in ways that make her uncomfortable (much as Alicia Keys may have done with the infamous leg hair -- sorry, Alicia, it just caught me by surprise; you stay happy and do whatever you want, as long as it doesn't involve more of those unfortunate Dove commercial-movies that used to air during The Hills).

But on the other side of the coin: Julia is not in the new Bond movie. She doesn't appear to be in any upcoming projects with any of the people who are in the new Bond movie. And yet, here she is at a red-carpet screening of the new Bond movie, looking like she's resisting her body's every urge to flee home and eat glass. So unless she mistakenly believed that a "quantum of solace" is something her bored soul might receive by showing up at this party -- or is being paid to show up, in which case, SMILE, kid; it's an easy gig -- there appears to be no good reason for her to attend if she doesn't want to be there. What gives, Julia? Listen, I just want you to enjoy yourself. Or, fake it just well enough that I stop worrying about you. You're an actress! You can do it.

November 12, 2008

Fug, je t'aime

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[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

PETER SARSGAARD: Maggie. Maggie, Maggie, Maggie.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL: Yes, Dad? I mean, Peter?

PETER: I don't look THAT old with this thing.

MAGGIE: Certainly not. But, just let me know if you want me to proofread your Gettysburg Address.

PETER: Oh, how interesting -- I didn't think cavepeople could read anything that wasn't scrawled on the wall in picture form. Congratulations.

MAGGIE: Touche, Tom Hanks. Give Wilson the volleyball my best.

PETER: I will! I would tell you to give my regards to Old Mrs. Henderson's beloved cats, but I suspect they have shuffled off this mortal coil. In related news, your hairy life preserver smells like Whiskas.

MAGGIE: God, all this passive-aggression is getting me hot.

PETER: Let's clasp hands and think about passion.

MAGGIE: And shaving.

PETER: Sure.

November 11, 2008

Fug or Fab: Kim Raver

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So here's the thing: I accidentally have started watching Lipstick Jungle and it turns out, I kind of like it. I don't know. People wear pretty outfits and have man problems and Lindsay Price has really good hair and I like Brooke Shields. It's very relaxing to have it on the TiVo for Sunday afternoons, is what I'm saying. So I am predisposed to feel some fondness for Kim Raver here, although I once spent an entire season of 24 wondering if she did something to her face since she was on that other show -- what's it called? You know, the one with all the EMTs? You know what I mean. Anyway, I have to say that as much as I came into this with an open mind, I have to say I have some issues with it:

Why does it look like something had to be attached to this dress in order to hold her head onto her neck? It's alarming me. Color me confused.

poll by twiigs.com

November 11, 2008

Who The Fug...?

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Apparently, this person has worn this look out and about before, but I hadn't stumbled upon it myself -- so, without the caption on this photo from our image provider, I have no idea if I'd have figured out who this is.

I mean, PROBABLY. Especially with the help of the close-up. But she's evocative of several people -- in that vague, unsatisfying way, where I sit and stare and can't put my finger on what amalgam of celebrities she evokes, because she just looks vaguely familiar. Kind of like the time eight years ago when I saw a dude at my hotel in New York and was like, "Wait... I think I went to college with that guy! What was his name again? Shoot..." and then half an hour later I realized it was not an old school chum but in fact Giovanni Ribisi. Whom I have never met.

Many of you have probably already figured out who this is -- or saw one of her earlier appearances with the specs -- but here's a tighter shot to help anyone who's still wondering:

Continue reading Who The Fug...?.

November 11, 2008

Ain't No Other Fug But You

Fug file:

"DUDES. You should have been there last night. After 2 a.m., I still had three cauldrons going at once, everyone was chanting, and if you've never tried eye of newt... well, let's just say I woke up four hours later in a pile of twelve people, some popcorn, and a Chia Pet. You know how it goes."

November 11, 2008

Fug or Fab: America Ferrera

Fug file:

multi-colored

At first, I was all, "she looks so pretty!" and then I was like, "but is it too busy?" and then I was like, "BUT I LOVE IT," and then I was like, "but does it look like her navel is leaking ink?" and then I was like, "I WANT TO BUY IT."

I think -- after literally hours of pacing, crying, tearing out my hair, and sobbing to the heavens for guidance -- I'm coming down on the side of LOVE. I think.

poll by twiigs.com

November 11, 2008

High School Fug: Fug Year

Fug file:

VANESSA HUDGENS: I am a VISION IN WHITE!

ZAC EFRON: I don't know why I always look slightly covered in a light sheen of perspiration.

ASHLEY TISDALE: Are they marrying me and Vanessa off to Zac tonight? What's with all the white gowns?

VANESSA: This is my SULTRY look. What do you think?

ZAC: Did you hear that I'm starring in a remake of Footloose? Certain internet bloggers are ashamed to admit that they might go see that in the theatre.

ASHLEY: No, seriously. Is this some kind of Big Love-esque group marriage, and if so, why did Vanessa get the goddess dress? WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO TELL ME? Oh well. At least my legs look good.

November 10, 2008

You Should Buy Things

Fug file:

housekeeping

Great news! Remember how you totally wanted some GFY tee shirts, but you never got around to it? Well, guess what? They're on sale. If you buy them now, it's like you MADE MONEY.

And in double plus good news: in addition to sale prices on "Look Into Pants," "I Hate What You're Wearing," and the classic GFY logo tee, we have a few "I Love Intern George" and "I Blame Spencer" tees left, just kicking around like puppies waiting to be adopted. So if you were all depressed that you missed them when they originally went on sale, today is your lucky day. BUT: quantities are super-limited, so snap them up now. Seriously. Go buy them. Right now. This is all while supplies last, dude. Some girl totally bought the last tee shirt in your size and now you're going to have to go to the gym in just your sports bra, because there were no more Intern George shirts. That's tragic. Why are you even still reading this?

Oh, for this: you can get an ADDITIONAL 10% off through midnight EST on November 11th with the coupon code "winterish10"

Now, go buy some tee shirts!

November 10, 2008

Refugged: Alicia Keys

Fug file:

Well, now I just feel betrayed. In the immortal words of Tyra Banks, "Wah-WAAAAAAAH." So captivated was I by Alicia Keys' lack of uncomfortably skintight pants and/or crotch-chafing jumpsuit, I never really LOOKED at her legs. If I had, I would have noticed -- thanks to some truly unfortunate backlighting -- that while she has a very nice pair of gams, apparently there is a reason she defaults to pants.

Your eyes do not deceive you: That is leg hair. Let's go in for a close-up:

Continue reading Refugged: Alicia Keys.

November 10, 2008

Fuglange

Fug file:

I have a bird phobia. I don't mind them chirping happily in the trees, or flying gleefully south for the winter, or whatever. But other than that, I hate them. I don't like them walking around near me. I am freaked out by them in cages. In fact, I have to stop typing about this right now. So I am beginning to become alarmed by the fact that nearly every time Solange goes out -- even if she's not technically wearing real feathers -- she looks like she's wearing some kind of giant, crazy bird:

STOP DOING THAT, SOLANGE. (PS: did you know my spell check wants to change your name to either Melange, or Solarium? Think about it.)

Also, those shoes are terrible with your bird costume. I'm just saying.

November 10, 2008

Fug the Cover: Rebecca Romijn

Fug file:

WTF

Uh. Yeah. I'm going to need to see a DNA test before I believe this is actually a photo of Rebecca Romijn. We got a couple of emails from readers suggesting we look into this situation, and the first one noted that Double R looked as though she just stumbled out of a drug orgy. When I read that, I thought, "surely not!" And then I saw this. And yes. She looks totally stoned. Which might work in a droopy black and white Calvin Klein ad from 1996, but it's really awkward when you're knocked up. Sure, I imagine this is a case of some photograper barking at her to look ETHERAL and TAKEN with the idea of her GESTATING WOMB FRUIT and whatnot, but let's just say that it didn't quite come out as intended, shall we?

November 10, 2008

Evan Rachel Fug

Fug file:

So, riddle me this, Fugsters. If Evan Rachel Wood has broken it off with Marilyn Manson, does this mean that eventually, she's going to stop dressing like Dita Von Teese?

The dress is lovely -- although I think the color is not totally great on her and she's kind of young for it -- but let's take a look at this make-up:

Continue reading Evan Rachel Fug.

November 10, 2008

Lost In Fug

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Sometimes I forget Heather Graham exists. It's not her fault, really; just that ever since her face was plastered all over Los Angeles for three months promoting that ABC sitcom of hers that then got cancelled practically in the middle of its premiere episode, I haven't come across her in anything except for a cable screening of the second Austin Powers flick -- at which point I paused to pay homage to her giant hairpieces, and then changed the channel to something that didn't involve so many hideous poo jokes.

This was not the way I wanted to be reminded of her:

In The Spy Who Shagged Me, Heather Graham looked about 22 even though she was at least 28 at the time. Now she's got a bit of that stiff Kidman sheen to her skin, like she's been Botoxing herself to the hilt and now it hurts to smile. But maybe that tight, awkward grin is because she just caught a glimpse of herself and realizes how unflattering and kinda musty-looking this dress is. It reminds me of the way people use the phrase "for the mature woman" with a certain inflection that secretly means "super freakin' old lady who smells like denture paste." There is so much going on, and none of it good.

Not to mention, after all that busyness everywhere else, the bottom of the damn thing just hangs there as if someone got too bored to do anything with it. So it's just along for the ride, praying it gets caught in a car door and torn away to freedom. I feel its pain.

November 10, 2008

World Music Awards: Well Played, Alicia Keys

Fug file:

blue,
performances

It's unusual for me to wake up on a Monday feeling chipper. Yet here I am, not only in a good mood, but also feeling relieved and proud and even a tough smug.

Why, you ask? Because my intervention WORKED.

Look how hot Alicia Keys is! Yes, she could use a meatball or three, but some of that might just be the angle of the photograph. But please, celebrate with me: She's wearing a dress that FITS. In an awesome color. With simple but striking makeup. And I want her purse.

But wait. It gets better. Because unlike other awards shows, where she started out strong and then climbed through the looking glass, here Alicia showed actual restraint:

Continue reading World Music Awards: Well Played, Alicia Keys.

November 7, 2008

MTV Europe Awards Fug: Beyonce

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You know what? Never mind. There is nothing wrong with this.

I mean, just because Planet Spaceball is critically short on air, it doesn't mean it can't have lounge singers.

November 7, 2008

Your Number One Source Into Manhattan's Fug

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So, obviously, Blake Lively wasn't on set the day we all learned that, per Blair -- and all right thinking people -- tights are not pants:

What next? Is she going to forget that when you're blackmailing someone, you always make a back-up of whatever incendiary materials you're using? Is she going to start acting like Vanessa? Ew.

November 7, 2008

MTV Europe Awards Fug: Katy Perry

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I'm learning that I must really not be a fan of Katy Perry. Thanks to my fondness for high camp, most crazy costumey outfits end up becoming so-crazy-they're-amazing, a la Posh or Grace Jones or Bjork. I mean, if you'd asked me in the moment, I'd have told you Bjork's swan dress was pure avian insanity, but now I look back upon it fondly and kind of miss it (and almost went as that for Halloween this year, before deciding it's stuck in a relevance netherworld: too recent not to seem passe, but not old enough to be a cunning throwback).

So, my point is, I usually love unabashed weirdness. And yet any time I see Katy Perry in one of her farcical confections, I just roll my eyes and mutter, "Oh, great. AGAIN? WHATEVER."

Let's start with this one:

Are her boobs SUPPOSED to look like giant, evil green eyes glaring back at me from her torso? Is she TRYING to make a play on that old chestnut where a guy stares at a girl's cleavage and she coos, "My eyes are UP HERE"? Or is it just an ugly dress that looks like someone sewed the bodice out of old shoulder pads? I don't know. But I do know that when the skirt if both wrinkled and a size too tight, it's probably not a very well constructed garment.

And this was the normal thing she wore. Behold the on-stage alternative:

Continue reading MTV Europe Awards Fug: Katy Perry.

November 7, 2008

MTV Europe Awards Fug Carpet: Estelle

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Listen, I know playing around with a roll of Reynolds Wrap probably seems super fun -- but when Estelle tried this on, I'm not exactly sure which part of it she thought fit her.

The bottom is all shapeless and baggy, and the top is cutting off the circulation to her boobs. She's going to be super bummed when they go numb in about half an hour. I almost want to start a donation jar, but frankly, Estelle will make plenty of money when she becomes the Beautiful Young Face Of Comatose Mammary Syndrome.

November 7, 2008

6 O'Clock Fug

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sequins,
stripes

Oh, Solange.

Did you REALLY think this was going to beat your sister's bionic hand? Or were you guys getting ready together and you were all, "this is easy. Beyonce is just wearing a cocktail dress! I barely have to exert any effort to draw attention away from her! Thank you, God! Thank you!! Massive stripes and sequins the size of silver dollar pancakes -- together at last!!!" And then you were in the limo, and Beyonce was all, "OH! I forgot!" And took her bionic hand out of her purse and put it on and you were all, "FOILED AGAIN!" I thought so.

PS: Was that really you on Ghost Whisperer last week, or did I have some kind of hallucinatory episode?

November 7, 2008

A Minor Fug Lift

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housekeeping

Greetings, all. Since it's a Friday, I assume everyone is busy pretending to work and sneaking belts of whiskey in their morning coffees -- just the way it should be.

We just wanted to pop in and say that, no, your eyes do not deceive you: The site had some minor cosmetic surgery overnight, all in the hopes of making it easier and more fun to read for you guys. It was an outpatient procedure -- we just moved the ads over to the right so that they don't flank the text any more, and gave you a few new ways to navigate our archives. Our categories of "Fug Favorites" are more extensive, there are photo links in the sidebar to the collections of posts we feel like spotlighting in a given week, and the "Fug File" feature that appears under the headlines is for grouping posts by trend, or show, or exclamation of fright. So, for instance, if you want to read all the posts about leggings or the Desperate Housewives or which might make one shout, "WTF?!?," then you can. (The two of us are working like crazy to go back through the years and tag and classify all our old stuff so that you'll be able to find it. We are hopped up on Diet Coke and Twinkies and ready to go.) Down the road we're looking at ways to give you extra photos here and there, too. But, one step at a time.

So, it's all very simple. It's not even surgical. It's more like Internet Botox, in that casual Jennifer Aniston sense rather than a Nicole Kidman every-two-seconds-there-seems-to-be-a-newly-paralyzed-muscle-in-her-waxen-face kind of way. But don't worry -- we threw out the rest of our stash, so Intern George won't accidentally dip into it and end up with a frozen forehead. That would be tragic.

All the back-end plumbing should be in good working order, but if it's not, then... it will be. Even Botox has a healing period. (I assume. I mean, it DOES involve a needle.)

Have an awesome weekend.

November 6, 2008

Sasha Fug

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So, Beyonce looks good, right? Or do I have to call her Sasha Fierce now? Parenthetically, I feel like I also need a professional alter-ego. I plan to force Heather to call me Jennifer Fug on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and alternate Sundays. But, anyway, way to go, Bey -- hey, wait a second:

What is that on her hand?

Continue reading Sasha Fug.

November 6, 2008

Me & Fug

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"Damn, it's cold. What is wrong with me? I sleep in this thing under a duvet, but I'm wearing it to a party in New York with no coat? In NOVEMBER? I don't think I'm drunk. I'm pretty sure I did not hit my head on the toilet seat, since I haven't drawn any flux capacitors recently. So I must have lost a bet. Which means that in addition to getting pneumonia, unsightly goosebumps, and being unable to sit down all night without a sanitary liner, I am going to owe some asshat on my staff $100. Awesome."

November 6, 2008

NYFug.com: For Jessica Biel, Serious Style Is a Fashion Failure

This week, at NY Mag.com, we talk about Jessica Biel, and all the random crap she's been wearing out and about of late:

"We all know that clothes don't make the woman. But when you don't have much else to say, what you wear often does the talking for you. So it's unfortunate that Biel's first foray back into the limelight in ages -- an event at the Rome Film Festival -- involved decking herself out in a YSL pantsuit that said, 'Welcome to KFC. Try my grandfather's Original Recipe.'"

And now I want some fried chicken. Get yourself a bucket and head over to NY Mag.com to read the rest and weigh in.

November 6, 2008

Fug the Cover: Ashley Tisdale

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Wow, I already forgot that A. Tis used to be blonde:

When she went darker, I was all, "A Tis! Stay blonde! It's so cute on you!" but looking at this, I'm like, "A Tis! Those extentions! They appear to be made of straw! Call your Extension Dude immediately! Also, aren't you cold in that? It's NOVEMBER. Put on a SWEATER. PS: you CAN'T get hot abs without working out, no matter what the cover here says." So maybe going back to her natural hair-suit was a wise move. Mea culpa, Ashley. Mea culpa.

November 6, 2008

The Fug Sessions

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I've been staring at this photo for an hour now. Well, that's not entirely true -- someone on Facebook told me that my childhood home in the UK is for sale so I started Googling it to try and find the listing (but I can't; DO NOT FAIL ME, Google), and then I got sucked into 27 Dresses, which is truly terrible but does at least feature a clothing montage. Otherwise it's all about how Katherine Heigl is plain and overlooked because she has slightly brown hair, and oh my God, she and James Marsden just started singing "Benny and the Jets" at a bar while they received approving nods from all the people inside -- who would, in a real-life dive bar, be more likely to punch one of them in the face and/or roll their eyes and be like, "Dude, SOMEBODY forgot to eat dinner before drinking tequila."

THEN I set my TiVo for Center Stage 2, which a friend notified me is airing this afternoon, and spent some time wishing that a kindly soul would edit together all Peter Gallagher's lines with all Rachel Griffith's bits from Step Up into some sort of uber-reel of douchey dance-school principals with a penchant for intoning their lines and resisting change. So it's been a really eventful morning. Clearly I am deeply busy, with lots of important things on my mind, and so I just don't have TIME to understand crazy Joss Stone and her tie-dyed cardigan.

[Photo: Splash News]

It's like half of her wanted to wear a nightshirt with her new pink maryjanes, and the other part couldn't take off her Weekend Sweater so she tied it in with a shoe of a different color. Which... you know what? The girl usually wanders around barefoot, looking like she just got done running through a meadow in a Massengil commercial. Mismatched shoes at least protect from foot fungus. For her, that's a step in the right direction.

November 5, 2008

Fug or Fab: Pink

Fug file:

polls

Heather and I were just saying the other day that we have kind of a soft spot for Pink, although I refuse to spell her name with a "!" in the place of the "i." Punctuation marks are not letters. But her music is great for your cardio. And I like her new hair here:

And overall, I think this might be kind of cute. I'm not sure about the length, especially with the booties, and...there IS a face on it. Why is it so hard to make a decision?

poll by twiigs.com

November 5, 2008

Fug or Fab: Helena Christensen

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Lord knows I love a sequin, when deployed correctly. And I am not going to tell you that Helena Christensen doesn't have the gams to pull off what is essentially a very fancy gynecological smock.

But, WITH the camera flashes, she looks like someone is playing a game of Plinko on her torso. And without them -- judging by the top -- she just looks naked. Which I guess is great for her, since her most popular credit is probably starring in Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" video, but I'm not so sure her vagina and boob contours are quite in the vein of what the Accessories Council advocates.

poll by twiigs.com

November 5, 2008

Fug Kissed A Girl And It Didn't Really Care For Her

Fug file:

pastels,
WTF

I am confused:

What IS that? Is it...a ruler, in case she needs to measure something when she's out and about? Is it....one of those flat wooden paint stirrers, to be used in the instance that she just happens to stumble upon the opportunity for some impromptu room painting? Is it the swizzle stick for like a REALLY GIGANTIC cocktail? Is she going to use it to rap the knuckles of people who criticize her music/ensembles? (Sorry, Katy. Please don't hit me with your wallpaper-covered mini-paddle.) And, more importantly, just how uncomfortable IS it?

November 5, 2008

The Fug Lovers

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Aw, HELL NO:

I feel like this is one of those things where we're all supposed to be like, "Oh GWYNNIE. So FABULOUS! So FRESH! I MUST HAVE IT! YES! YES! ALLOW ME TO FALL INTO A PAROXYSM OF JOY RE: YOUR FABULOUS FASHION-FOWARDITY," and instead we're really all like, "dude, nice underwear. Also, are those socks? LAME."

November 4, 2008

Happy Belated Birthday, A Dubs

Fug file:

polls,
Vogue

Somehow, we missed that yesterday was Anna Wintour's birthday. I KNOW. I fired Heather and then myself. We'll see you on the bread lines. Nevertheless, we'd like to take a moment from our now incredibly free schedule to wish A Dubs many happy returns and wish fervently that the Birthday Fairy brings her Roger Federer on a silver plate:

See? So happy together! Not to mention the fact that Brittle Editrix Redeemed Through Love Of A Mega-Hot Tennis Star is going to make an AMAZING Lifetime movie. I have the script like three-quarters of the way done already!

poll by twiigs.com

November 4, 2008

Fug or Fab: Hayden Panettiere

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I don't know, you guys. I'm thrilled Hayden Panettiere is taking some risks and being mature and whatnot, but I still feel like this is a case of a really young girl -- who is, in fact, still technically in her teens -- wearing something we'd as likely see on Nicollette Sheridan or Bette Midler or something.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

The one full sleeve feels a tiny bit 80s to me, and while the theory of the tiny slit and the silver shoulder is interesting, in practice I'm not sure. In the words of my father, let's have a butcher's at a close-up:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Hayden Panettiere.

November 4, 2008

Fug Up Your Life

Fug file:

polls

And people wonder why I cherish Posh:

Who else travels looking like the couture lovechild of Karl Lagerfeld, the chauffeur in an old-time-y movie, an insect, and the sofa in a particularly cheesy gentleman's bachelor pad?

poll by twiigs.com

November 4, 2008

Dana Defugny

Fug file:

Move over, Hedwig -- it's time for Dana and the Angry Twelve Inches.

Honey. HONEY. That pattern is as busy as the fugly rug on which you're standing, and it makes you legs look so very disproportionately wee. Why is that extra foot of fabric tacked onto the bottom? Why? It looks like the makers of Space Invaders created a sequel about the Eiffel Tower.

Imagine the dress without it -- try to pretend it stops where that swatch starts. It'd be about knee-length. We'd see some leg. She'd look taller. Truthfully, there's no denying that the entire thing is very "It was a Chico's kind of day," but without the bottom piece, it would be MARGINALLY better -- say, a Chico's kind of hour, or maybe a Chico's kind of brunch.

poll by twiigs.com

November 4, 2008

Well-Playedish, Chloe Sevigny

Fug file:

blue,
polls

Seriously, dudes, I hate it when Chloe Sevigny shows up places and looks awesome, and it's happening more than it used to.

See? Other than kind of straggly hair -- which, awkwardly, I myself have RIGHT THIS SECOND -- and that questionable choker, she looks totally fine and cute. Maybe even -- HORRORS -- a little boring. Except for the shoes, of course. I want to club her over the head with a sack full of oranges, rip those off her feet and go running into the dark, cold night, laughing uproariously and cradling them to my breast like a precious, precious baby. Because I dig them. A lot. But otherwise, I kind of miss those halcyon days when she used to run around that that Art Garfunkel hair do. So this fills me with ennui.

poll by twiigs.com

November 4, 2008

Fugly Underwood

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We generally don't make a habit of off-topic posts like this, but it's Election Day, and we've been planning to poll you like crazy. So we're going to do things a little differently today -- mixed in with your regularly scheduled fuggings, of course -- and solicit the vote on a few vital issues of the day. Like, say, stuff that comes out of Carrie Underwood's mouth. VITAL.

It seems that Carrie Underwood up there (it's an old photo; don't worry, she did not trot out the polterwangian pantsuit again) got cranky to TV Guide about the spectre of celebrities throwing public support behind one candidate:

"I lose all respect for celebrities when they back a candidate.... It's saying that the American public isn't smart enough to make their own decisions."

So I guess she's saying celebrities, by dint of being famous, should shut their mouths and clam up and not choose to be activists if there's anything they believe in, JUST because their fame might imply that America is too dumb to have an opinion without them? That seems extreme. Maybe she needs to go back to telling us all how long it's been since she talked to Tony Romo. And yet at the same time, I've rolled my eyes plenty when CERTAIN celebrities start talking about politics. Like, for instance, I know she's a person, too, but I can't bring myself to care what Paris Hilton thinks about the state of the world. I just can't. Ditto Heidi Montag.

poll by twiigs.com

November 4, 2008

Stella McFugney

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STELLA McCARTNEY: Yes, that's right, lens-jockeys. Drink it in, okay?

CHRISSIE HYNDE: Heeeeeeeee.

STELLA: What are you laughing at?

CHRISSIE: Oh, nothing, nothing. You look ... special. Snort.

STELLA: I know that. I have procured a jumpsuit that's made to look like a suit-suit, and it is as if angels spun it themselves from finest cashmere.

CHRISSIE: That's... tee-hee... ONE way of putting it.

STELLA: Oh, yes? How would YOU put it?

CHRISSIE: I'd suggest you were moments away from opening up law firm in the back room of your local Jiffy Lube. You could call it Jiffy Law. Ha! And accessorize it by hanging a hood-ornament around your neck. This would make a great country song...

STELLA: Well. That's very interesting, coming from someone who is wearing almost the EXACT same thing but with stranger shoes.

CHRISSIE: HA! Do you see, guys, how weird she is? Honey, my jacket and pants SEPARATE.

STELLA: That's because your jacket used to belong to Shaquille O'Neal.

CHRISSIE: Whatever, crankypants. Or should I say crankysuitpants? HA HA. Hilariously hideous. Let's get inside before anyone else sees you.

STELLA: You are insane. I am divine. EVERYONE WILL SEE.

CHRISSIE: Right. Clearly, YOU are the one who should've been in a band called The Pretenders.

poll by twiigs.com

November 4, 2008

Fug The Vote, And Other Housekeeping

Fug file:

housekeeping,
polls

In honor of Election Day, we've decided to live and breathe democracy today on GFY. All our posts will have voting options so that we can all exercise our precious and hard-won enfranchisement; some of them might only exist JUST so you can enjoy clicking the button and seeing an immediate result (because Election Day is many things, but "good for instant gratification" is not one of them). Also, we're hoping it will remind people to get out to their polling place and cast their ballots, because there's nothing fuglier than not caring, not bothering, or not going because you think standing in line for a long time on such an important day sounds kind of boring/cold/exhausting. This is why the universe gave us magazines, iPhones, and sensible shoes.

So that, go forth and vote -- both here and at your polling station -- and try not to stress out too much today. Margaritas help.

poll by twiigs.com

November 3, 2008

Fugrose Place

When I first saw this picture, I thought, "Oh, Vanessa 'The Other Vanessa Williams' Williams, why are you wearing a Halloween costume when you're not attending a costume party? Why?" Because I thought the little hot air balloons on her dress were jack-o'-lanterns.

And then I thought, ""Oh, Vanessa 'The Other Vanessa Williams' Williams, why are you wearing a dress covered in hot air balloons when you're not attending a hot air ballooning enthusiasts party? Why?"

November 3, 2008

Fugse

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Other than the fact that the jacket looks a bit like it recently shrank, I probably wouldn't have thought much about this outfit on Jennifer Morrison:

[Photo: Splash News]

I mean, it's fine -- the pants are kind of ridiculously long, and I've never fully understood the whole white jeans thing. Aside from being very Elizabeth Hurley to me, since she seems to wear them all the time, they seem to SCREAM for unsightly stains (aside from baby vomit, apparently) to come along and ruin your night.

In fact, maybe some did:

Continue reading Fugse.

November 3, 2008

Well Played, Bai Ling?!?

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Oh, Bai Ling, you are so sly.

[Photo: WENN]

Sure, that looks nice and normal, but we all know better. What've you got on your lower half, eh? A tutu made of human hair? Pants made out of maracas? Bloomers stuffed with cotton balls and cashew nuts? It's got to be SOMETHING crazy. You are Bai freaking Ling, after all.

Or are you:

Continue reading Well Played, Bai Ling?!?.

November 3, 2008

Celebrity Fugloween

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Halloween

Halloween is such a phenomenal spectator sport. It must take real skill for people like, say, Paris Hilton or Audrina Patridge to figure out how they can show skin and tease up their hair in a different way that could be construed as a costume. Half the C-list gets dolled up as Sexy Angels, Sexy Devils, Sexy Women In Black Corsets And Random Wigs, and Super-Naked Sexy Take On A Random Profession That Usually Does Not Require Visible Navels; mixed in there, you will occasionally get some awesome costumes, but more often than not it's the type of "Yay, I have an actual excuse to show my bra" stuff that we all did when we were 23.

This time, though, full marks for creativity to Ashton Kutcher. If you doubt that he wears the pants in his marriage, I am here to tell you that he is at least SOMETIMES in full be-trousered control. Because he convinced Demi Moore to go with him in costume... as ,according to our image provider (and I suspect it is correct based on the photo) a GIANT NIPPLE:

[Photo: Splash News]

Not only that, but he convinced her to wear puffy flesh-toned leggings AND made her carry the nipple into the club from the car -- apparently, she was too embarrassed to put on the costume while they were in the street. So instead, she buried her head in the pink felt areola. To HIDE. Granted, yes, this is a woman who once wore bike shorts to the Oscars, but those do not look like the actions of a person who is proud to be a nipple. I wish I'd been a fly on the wall of that conversation, when Ashton was like, "Honey, I have the BEST costume idea. But I need you." And Demi was all, "Mmm-hmm, sweetie, sure, can you pass me Parade magazine? I need to study Nicole Kidman's face." So Ashton went, "THANK YOU. Because a giant nipple pillow cannot be borne by man alone," and Demi was like, "Say WHAT? God, what would Marilyn vos Savant think..." and Ashton frowned and said, "That's funny, Cameron Diaz told me she thought it was brilliant..." resulting in Demi clenching so hard she broke three teeth and then did a shot of bourbon before nodding her agreement. Well played, Ashton. It's deliciously tacky, and yet the fact that you pulled this off kind of makes me cherish you deeply.

Speaking of deliciously tacky:

Continue reading Celebrity Fugloween.