Sigh. It has been what I will charitably refer to as A Week. So of course I would want to use a photo of ScarJo and Eva Mendes together, and of COURSE only one such photo would exist, and OF COURSE it would be the one photo that is not in our subscription. See, I don't have a whole lot to say about Eva Mendes on her own -- my feelings have been summed up in a story I already told on this site, about how a preview for her own MOVIE misspelled her name because clearly nobody was interested enough to spell-check it -- so I was counting on ScarJo to liven things up for us. But no.
And then I realized, screw it, y'all. It's Friday. I am in no mood, Universe. So I am going to MAKE THEM stand next to each other.
EVA: Oh, hey, Scarlett.
SCARLETT: Hi! God, you look fabulous. That dress is amazing on you.
EVA: That is so true. I'm totally smoking hot!.
SCARLETT: ... You're supposed to reciprocate the compliment, I think.
EVA: Oh, well, right, of course. Your dress isn't BAD at all, really. In fact it's way better than the micro-mini and refried-bandanna top you just wore yesterday. But I have to ask: Are you by any chance using the same stylist as Dakota Fanning?
SCARLETT: No! But even so, Dakota is adorable.
EVA: Yes. But she's also, like, a ninth-grader. You're married with cleavage. You could be wickedly scorching, like me, and instead I feel compelled to take you to an Easter egg hunt.
SCARLETT: Are you quite finished?
EVA: No. Here's another: I look like your wicked sexy English teacher and you look like you're writing a sequel to Our Town for your final project.
SCARLETT: You're nuts. I don't look that crazy childish.
EVA: Do too.
SCARLETT: Do not.
EVA: Do TOO.
SCARLETT: DO NOT.
EVA: DO TOO.
SCARLETT: DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT. MOOOOOOM!
EVA: Aha! See? I told you. I said you were channeling a ninth-grader and I'm totally right. I think I wore that to my junior-high graduation, come to think of it.
SCARLETT: Well, congratulations. I am not going to talk to you any more. No notes in your locker, no picking you for my team in volleyball, no sharing the same Bunsen burner. NOTHING. HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?
EVA: Actually, I feel great. And I certainly look fantastic, so hey, everybody wins! And by "everybody," I mean me.
SCARLETT: Oh, you're a lunatic. The public will defend me!
And then I realized, screw it, y'all. It's Friday. I am in no mood, Universe. So I am going to MAKE THEM stand next to each other.
EVA: Oh, hey, Scarlett.
SCARLETT: Hi! God, you look fabulous. That dress is amazing on you.
EVA: That is so true. I'm totally smoking hot!.
SCARLETT: ... You're supposed to reciprocate the compliment, I think.
EVA: Oh, well, right, of course. Your dress isn't BAD at all, really. In fact it's way better than the micro-mini and refried-bandanna top you just wore yesterday. But I have to ask: Are you by any chance using the same stylist as Dakota Fanning?
SCARLETT: No! But even so, Dakota is adorable.
EVA: Yes. But she's also, like, a ninth-grader. You're married with cleavage. You could be wickedly scorching, like me, and instead I feel compelled to take you to an Easter egg hunt.
SCARLETT: Are you quite finished?
EVA: No. Here's another: I look like your wicked sexy English teacher and you look like you're writing a sequel to Our Town for your final project.
SCARLETT: You're nuts. I don't look that crazy childish.
EVA: Do too.
SCARLETT: Do not.
EVA: Do TOO.
SCARLETT: DO NOT.
EVA: DO TOO.
SCARLETT: DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT. MOOOOOOM!
EVA: Aha! See? I told you. I said you were channeling a ninth-grader and I'm totally right. I think I wore that to my junior-high graduation, come to think of it.
SCARLETT: Well, congratulations. I am not going to talk to you any more. No notes in your locker, no picking you for my team in volleyball, no sharing the same Bunsen burner. NOTHING. HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?
EVA: Actually, I feel great. And I certainly look fantastic, so hey, everybody wins! And by "everybody," I mean me.
SCARLETT: Oh, you're a lunatic. The public will defend me!
