ANGELINA: It's so nice to see you.
J.LO: Oh, Brad's Lady Person, me duele. This pains me, because I would like to say the same, but I cannot.
ANGELINA: Excuse me?
J.LO: It is clear nobody taught you how to have twins.
ANGELINA: I... what?
J.LO: Look at you in that black thing. I cannot see your boobs. What is the point of getting fat for nine months if you can't make people stand in awe of your hotness when you are fit again?
ANGELINA: Because kids are great? I plan to collect them all!
J.LO: Ah, yes, I love my little tiny tots. But I also love my giant tots -- the ones on my chest. I HYPNOTIZE with them. Try to look away. YOU CANNOT. This is what you must achieve, Angennifer.
ANGELINA: You're mixing me up with...
J.LO: Oh, whatever. You, the Anistperson, it's all the same. You both always wear black. Blah blah blah. You must take a lesson from me, Pitt twig! Lay it all out there! Your boobs are like God's tattoos. They have MEANING. MAKE PEOPLE LOOK. Can it with the sad strapless sheaths. Mis ojos, they burn with shame for your lack of FLASH.
ANGELINA: Thanks for the advice.
J.LO: I mean, LOOK AT ME. Behold:
J.LO: They are pushed UP and pushed OUT and HELLO! I am so fierce they should build the next ANTM house around me. Even your man-wife can't stop looking.
ANGELINA: We're not married. And he's on a poster.
J.LO: He's ENTRANCED.
ANGELINA: You are a delight. Maybe I WILL take your advice.
J.LO: Everyone should. I would be Oprah, if I cared to touch the little people. Now if you will excuse me, I need to speak to Brad about his mustache. It is from hell.
ANGELINA: Oh, God, yes, please. I think it's for a movie, but I don't really pay attention. I'm too tired and apparently, according to the tabloids, he's too busy drinking beer. Which looks right.
J.LO: He looks like an outrageous French pastry chef who solves crime. Which is STUPID, because everyone knows good pastry chefs have no time to detect things! My pastry chef works 23 hours a DAY to make me things I can sniff and then throw away!
ANGELINA: Go. He needs you.
J.LO: Everyone needs me. Adios, prim woman! Fix your life. It all starts with the boobs.
