January 2009 Archives

January 30, 2009

Well Played Shout-Out: Dakota Fanning

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So, it's Friday, and I don't know about you, but all the current economic doom and gloom is about to give me an ulcer. When I woke up to NPR this morning, the first thing I heard -- LITERALLY, I am not making this up -- was someone yelping, "THE ECONOMY IS BROKEN." REALLY? I HAD NO IDEA. Thanks for that CONSTRUCTIVE TAKE ON THINGS. So yes: the economy is broken, we're all worried about our bank balances, it is stressing everyone out and rightly so. That being said, would it not be nice to take a moment and reflect on something delightful in these dark days? I nominate Dakota Fanning, who is growing up into the cutest teenager ever: I just love this:

I want this. Sure, I'm twice her age, but I think I could pull it off. Maybe. But be that as it may, I think she looks mature but not tacky or trashy or overly-made up or trying too hard, without being boring. She just looks adorable and appropriate without being twee or super trendy or desperate for attention. Which is not unusual for her, actually:

Continue reading Well Played Shout-Out: Dakota Fanning.

January 30, 2009

Fug That!

Fug file:

crotchtacular

I'm not sure who should be feeling what in light of the fact that, when I saw this picture in thumbnail, I thought Amanda Bynes was Mariah Carey:

(a) Should Amanda be concerned that, therefore, she ought to be wearing longer skirts and/or dressing less like a...Mariah Carey?
(b) Should Mariah be stoked that I think she's got legs like this? Because they ARE good.
(c) Should the dog be concerned that Mariah, too, might make a similar mistake and kidnap him?
(d) Should Nick Cannon start asking Mariah for ID every time she arrives home, just to make sure she's not actually Amanda Bynes?
(e) Should Amanda Bynes be on the lookout for Nick Cannon to "accidentally" "confuse" them one evening and sneak into the back of her SUV and go home with her?
(f) Should Amanda Bynes and Mariah Carey then decide to star in what will surely be 2009's wackiest identity-swap flick, Glitter II: Mixing It Up?
(g) Should I get my eyes checked?

January 30, 2009

Phoefug Fugice

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It has been a while since I've seen get-up that actually caused me to cry out in pain. Until this morning. Thanks, Phoebe!

[Photo: Splash News]

I KNOW. She looks likes Bobby Trendy styled her for a pimp funeral. In fact, it makes ME want to die.

January 30, 2009

Fug or Fab: Diane Kruger

Diane Kruger brings out my indecisive side. One the one hand, I appreciate that she's somewhat avant garde in her choices, and that she not only decorates herself with Pacey Witter but gets him to a) beam goofily with giddy joy, and b) wear an ascot with his suit:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

However, I can't help thinking this looks like the neighborhood children caught her trying on the drapes, and punished her with a very strategic TP'ing.

poll by twiigs.com

January 30, 2009

10,000 Fug.C.

Fug file:

pattern problems

I love Camilla Belle's flippy hairdo -- it's like she's jockeying for a guest arc on Mad Men:

As a serial murderer, presumably, since I'm a tiny bit suspicious that pattern is somebody's psychological portrait of a killing spree.

January 29, 2009

NYFug.com: Seven Ways To Fix Ugly Betty

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Ugly Betty

Okay, so we're not the hugest America Ferrera fans, per se, but we used to be charmed by Ugly Betty -- you know, back in the day, when it felt fun and fresh and wasn't bogged down by hideous life lessons about how if you dare to get a job and a life of your own, you will RUIN YOUR FAMILY. Still, we're bummed ABC is planning to banish the show to summer-burnoff purgatory (well, that's the rumor, anyway; it's being benched in March and its return date is undecided), because we think it's worth trying to repair.

Bring back the soapy tone. [...] We understand criticism that the show is occasionally too over-the-top (though for us, that is impossible), but if we were really that interested in watching a heartfelt exploration of assistants mixing up outgoing mail, we'd go hang out at CAA's offices for an hour.

Drop by NYMag.com to read the rest of our column, including which Special Guest Star we think could save the day single-handedly.

January 29, 2009

Fugcer and Fugdi

Fug file:

ew,
reality TV

[All photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

SPENCER: Oh, gee, is that photographer here for US?

HEIDI: What a surprise! All I was doing was shopping here in this magical 99-Cent Store!

SPENCER: We're just keeping it real in our dark economic times!

HEIDI: Clearly you would not have worn pants that look like they're belted around your ass crack if we'd KNOWN the paparazzi would be here!

SPENCER: Hey, wait a second, lady. I'm buying you roses in the middle of a RECESSION. We haven't been paid for an Us Weekly cover about your weeping relatives in, like, a MONTH. Lay off my pants.

HEIDI: It's okay, honey! It works. We're being sensitive and downtrodden today, remember?

SPENCER: Living off a seven-figure salary is just so HARD, and we just wanted to show the peasants we're suffering too, but all this photographer wants to do is take twenty pictures of us. Let's just go about our natural shopping and pretend they're not there documenting our every sacrifice, okay? Come on...

Continue reading Fugcer and Fugdi.

January 29, 2009

Lady Fuga

Fug file:

not a shirt,
polls

Okay, I think I might have a handle on the deal with Lady Gaga.

[Photo: Splash News]

Somehow, either through a contract with Satan or a tragic personal climate control issue, she is incapable of wearing bottoms AND a top at the same time -- so either she parades around in panty-hose and a shirt, OR a skintight rubber skirts and a bra. This is sort of a Sophie's Choice for me. I'm not sure which one I think is dumber, but I think I'm going to pick this over her parade of pantsless. Yes, I know, only yesterday I swore that anything fastening like a bra should not count as outerwear; thanks, Lady Gaga, for making me go back on one of my life rules a mere 24 hours after I shared it. But you left me no other option. It turns ot LOTS of things beat a great pair of L'Eggs.

poll by twiigs.com

January 29, 2009

Fug or Fab: Paris Hilton

Fug file:

sequins,
yellow

I have to say, one of my favorite things about this job is looking at the expressions on the faces of the non-celebrities in various photos. Like, the dude in the red tie behind Paris here is totally making an extreme version of the, "GIVE ME A BREAK" face. Maybe he realizes that Paris is doing her quasi-coy routine again:

We got several disparaging emails about this dress, but I must confess that there's something about it that's rather sunny and cheerful and if I saw it on, say, Miley Cyrus, I would think it was sort of adorable. On the other hand, it DOES have a lot going on. As Tim Gunn would say, it is approaching the Whole Lotta Look territory. But what do YOU think?

poll by twiigs.com

January 29, 2009

Quasi-Humorously Played, Mischa Barton

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KANYE WEST: [thinks] What the f is going on here?

MISCHA BARTON: Boom! Fierce! Yes! Pose! Work it! Broken down doll! Yes! More! Bring it! I'm AWESOME.

KANYE: Should I say something to her? She seems....busy.

MISCHA: Where's Miss J? Miss J would appreciate my awesome model moves here. Maybe someone will see me and put me in the show today!

KANYE: How do I interrupt all this posing? Do I just grab her arm and go, "Stop working it for a second, so I can make polite conversation with you about The OC"? That seems weird. Maybe I'll just sit here and think about sunglasses.

MISCHA: Also, my dress is AWESOME.

KANYE: At least her dress is kind of good.

MISCHA: It only has ONE SLEEVE.

KANYE: Even if it does only have one sleeve.

January 28, 2009

SAG Awards Well-Played Carpet: Evan Rachel Wood, With A Surprise Ending

I loooove this color. I feel like it's very difficult for anyone except perhaps an actual Smurf to go wrong in this color:

But that shouldn't take away from how well Evan Rachel Wood is rocking it, with her glowing skin and subtle -- by her standards -- makeup. The purple accessories have me torn; on the one hand, I applaud the unusual choice, but on the other, they are kind of distracting. In all, though, it's totally understandably why Mickey Rourke allegedly was spied making out with Evan Rachel after the SAG Awards. Which is not to say that I understand why Evan Rachel allegedly sucked face with Mickey Rourke -- rather, if I were Mickey, and I were coming off a wildly successful, acclaimed, decorated movie role, and I were standing next to this girl just a few weeks after memorably thanking my dogs for their companionship over the years, I'd probably be like, "Okay, Self. You may not look like Original Mickey Rourke any more, but you do not wear white contacts and you generally don't evoke images of Satan worship, so you are LIGHT YEARS ahead of this kid's last boyfriend. GO FOR IT."

All of which makes me feel a bit bad for Bai Ling, if indeed it's true she hooked up with Mickey Rourke after the Golden Globes. We rib our girl Bai, but we just want her to be happy; however, can it be a coincidence that after her rumored Rourkeing, she turned up not once but TWICE in full-coverage outfits? Behold:

Continue reading SAG Awards Well-Played Carpet: Evan Rachel Wood, With A Surprise Ending.

January 28, 2009

Fug Ya

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accessories to the crime

I would just like to thank Jessica Sutta of the Pussycat Dolls for two things: (1) for, according to Wikipedia, having appeared in From Justin to Kelly, which is possibly one of the best terrible movies ever made, and is certainly the finest movie to ever feature a skirt made entirely of neckties, and (2) for doing her part to bring the Clueless short-skirt/knee-high socks look back into the mainstream (albeit, rather sans skirt):

[Photo: WENN]

In fairness, I truly adore that coat. And, post-Clueless, I too found myself running around wearing over-the-knee socks with pleated skirts and patent leather high-heeled Mary Janes. I had a red pair. They were SO CUTE. I wonder where they are... What was I saying? Oh, yes: Clueless. If ANYONE understands the importance of a cute outfit, it is Cher Horowitz. I think she might look at this, twirl a hank of hair around her index finger, tilt her head to one side and say, "I don't know, Jessica. The socks are kind of 1995, don't you think? The last thing you want to do is remind people of the olden times. But I love your coat! Let's go to the Beverly Center!" Ah, Cher. She taught us so much: that old people deserve love too, that accidentally getting onto the freeway is really scary when you barely know how to drive, and, of course, that it's important to be as choosy about your sexual partners as you are about your shoes. I miss her. I wonder what she's up to now. I suspect match-making is involved.

January 28, 2009

Fuggie Siff

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There's something really refreshing about actresses who repeat their fancy dresses -- I mean, if Angelina Jolie did it, I'd be sort of shocked, because she could buy and sell Spain three times over and still have change. But by and large, it's a welcome spot of normalcy, especially in these trying economic times when many of us are balking even at buying shoes.

So I applaud former Mad Men actress Maggie Siff for (theoretically) saying, "You know what, screw it -- I like this dress, I already have it, and I don't want to shell out a bunch of cash for something new."

It's just unfortunate that the dress she's repeating is one that Jessica fugged her for back in October, because time has not made it look any LESS like a shiny orange satin cupcake. In fact, it has only served to increase my cravings for an orange cupcake of some ilk.

Maybe Maggie has a plan. Maybe she thought that Jon Hamm might see her around the ballroom, mistake her for an elaborately upholstered beanbag chair, and take a seat to rest his delicate plates. If I find out that plan worked and that Maggie spent an hour with Jon Hamm in her lap. I am going to run right out and buy one of these myself.

** Oh, bless, apparently the Mad Men revue she's performing in above was ALSO performed in October, hence the repeat outfit. So now the question is: Whom is she bribing in order to GET them to dress her like a potential Hamm-enticing beanbag chair?

January 28, 2009

SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Lisa Rinna

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Someone sent us this picture earlier in the week, and I honest to God thought it has been photoshopped. But it hasn't: I got it direct from our (unimpeachable) photo source:

PUT ON SOME CLOTHES, DUDE. I've got robes that provide more full-body coverage. I shudder to think what would have happened had there been some kind of gusty wind kicked up. Wait, what's that you're saying? You want to see if you're seeing what you think you're seeing? You are. You don't believe me? Click through (technically safe for work, but maybe not if your boss is like RIGHT BEHIND YOU):

Continue reading SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Lisa Rinna.

January 28, 2009

Fugs of Prey

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The other morning, I was listening to a local drive-time radio show, and the subject was actress Ashley Scott. I guess one of the guys had been in something with her, and he was extolling how attractive she is, and the two main hosts were like, "Who is that? I have never heard of her," and "What has she been in? I don't think I've ever seen her," and all the third guy could think of to say was, "Well, she's... super hot. And an actress." You all, of course, may remember her from Jericho or the short-lived and awful WB show Birds of Prey, or perhaps as the actress who was cast as the neighbor in the original, unaired Joey pilot before being unceremoniously replaced. (We suspect she dodged a bullet on that one.)

But I'm guessing Ashley Scott heard that broadcast and was upset at the fumes of her own anonymity wafting from her car speakers. Why else would she leave the house in this?

[Photo: WENN]

There is no way any store, ever, anywhere, sold that thing as a dress. It just didn't happen. It's a SLIP. A legally blind dolphin with a meth problem could tell you that. Not only is it a slip, but it's a really, REALLY tight one. Which is also see-through. THAT IS NOT CLOTHES. How hard is it to grasp that UNDERGARMENTS go UNDER things? It's RIGHT THERE in the word, people! It's built in for your convenience! It's like the world's easiest code!

If you're wondering why she's got the bashful smile on her face, it's quite probably because the photographers clamoring to document her rear view are getting an eyeful -- and a lens-ful -- of this:

Continue reading Fugs of Prey.

January 27, 2009

SAG Awards Fug or Fab Carpet: America Ferrera

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Here is the thing: America Ferrera HERSELF looks great. Just cover up her dress with your hand and see for yourself:

Very pretty! Which is why it's so sad that she decided to wear something the color of much-used dishwater to the SAG Awards. I am hoping this is one of those things where someone who was there would be all, "DARLING, it was GLORIOUS in person, like a very SUBTLE violet-grey-beige-taupe-y color, simply DIVINE. Really. And that terribly sad black tulle sash was actually a BRILLIANT commentary on MELANCHOLY as expressed via FABRIC. It was TO DIE, truly. Truly, it was." Or else I'm afraid I just don't understand it.

January 27, 2009

Fugsha Bartfug II: Electric Wackaloo

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Well, this is one way to follow up a nip slip. As we showed you earlier, Mischa Barton arrived at the Dior show in Paris sporting a tiny mustard dress and a small patch of areola; apparently, she departed in this:

[Photo: Splash News]

Wow. That is, what you would wear if you were Annie Hall x Karl Lagerfeld + one-third of Ellen DeGeneres + a Christmas tree skirt x those pants old men wear that pull up to their armpits and have two feet between waist and crotch + the square root of Fraulein Maria as she's skipping through Salzburg singing "I Have Confidence" before eventually wooing the pants off a stern, fertile captain with a heart of gold (or at least some very nice gold-plating). And you know what? I hope that last bit happens for ol' Mischa, because she looks so pleased with her hat, her Jessica Simpson clip-on hair, and her tree skirt. They all might as well serve SOME happy purpose.

January 27, 2009

Fugsha Bartfug

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While Intern George cheerfully shaved off his mustache the other day, we here at GFY HQ were discussing how one of the celebrities we'd most like to make over in 2009 is Mischa Barton. If there were a Shut Up, Tights ARE TOTALLY Pants Union, she'd be the president of the Los Angeles chapter (with Shenae Grimes serving very capably as her veep) and making a very respectable play for an international leadership role.

So we are at least pleased to see that, even on a day so cold that the lady behind her is covering her mouth with a scarf (unless she's simply overcome with the stench of wasted potential that emanates from Mischa like she's a real-world Pig Pen), Mischa may finally have put those tights in the laundry basket -- or even the Salvation Army pile:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

This dress itself might even be an improvement. The color is daring. The beading is intricate. The fringe flanking all that detail even works. If this started two or three inches higher, and extended two or three inches lower, it might be profoundly adorable. Unfortunately, though, she suffers from whatever disease causes Rumer Willis to wear only strapless dresses that barely cover her nipples -- Attention-Deprived Areolae Syndrome, or something. And unfortunately for Mischa, her right nipple got its immodest wish:

Continue reading Fugsha Bartfug.

January 27, 2009

SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Angelina Jolie

Fug file:

blue,
BORING

Okay. We all knew this conversation was coming. We've got to talk about Angie:

SNORESVILLE. We got an email when I said that her dress at the Globes was dull, accusing me of being a psychotic Jennifer Aniston fan who never misses a chance to attack Angie, and I'd like to say right here and now that nothing could be farther from the truth: I think Angelina is crazy hot and charismatic, and I actually think she's a sort of fascinating creature. Which is why I wish she'd turn it up a notch at these things. DUDE. You're ANGELINA JOLIE. You travel the world with your dashing life partner and adorable children, saving humanity, and you once walked around with Billy Bob Thornton's blood in a vial around your neck and made out with your own brother. YOU'RE MORE INTERESTING THAN THIS. Even if it IS comfortable.

January 27, 2009

SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Amy Brenneman

Fug file:

blue

There are so MANY mysteries in life. If there is a God, why has He taken so long to give someone the idea for Tool Academy? And how the hell did Naked Tool come up with the name "Matsuflex" for himself? WHY did making a really hilariously icky sex tape end in both Kim Kardashian AND Ray J getting their own reality shows? How did that company screw up remaking Knight Rider so badly? Why hasn't Saturday Night Live gotten the actual MacGyver to guest-star in a MacGruber spot? And what is that smell in my kitchen?

Another such eternal question, it seems, is, "Why is Amy Brenneman having so much trouble wrangling her boobs lately?"

If you missed our NY Mag slideshow last week, here is the outfit she wore to an Inauguration Day party:

And here is what she wore to the SAG Awards -- the name of which is unfortunate, given the subject of this fugging -- on Sunday night:

Continue reading SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Amy Brenneman.

January 26, 2009

SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Marisa Tomei

Fug file:

Hmm.

First impression: The actual dress fabric and color might be rather winning if, say, it came with some gently sparkly spaghetti straps and a brooch/blingier detail under the boobs. But I'm put off by the shiny satin. It reminds me very much of a bridesmaid dress that Marisa unwisely repurposed because the bride told her she could someday. (Never listen to the brides, people. They are crazy. They are trying to make you feel better about spending all the money on the dress that you only wear for one night, and in a fog of self-consciousness and stress and possibly a sugar high from all that cake-tasting, they're also trying to convince themselves and everyone else that their pick really IS so awesome that you'll want to wear it again, thus making them way cooler and more fashion-forward than every other bride in the world.)

But there is something very suspicious peeking out from the back, which I suspect we need to investigate:

Continue reading SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Marisa Tomei.

January 26, 2009

SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Teri Hatcher and Rosario Dawson

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Desperate Housewives

ROSARIO: Pssst, Hatcher -- what's up with the belted bedsheets? We're not in your hotel room! HA HA.

TERI: Could've fooled me, Rosario -- I mean, you DID try that cocktail dress on over your nightgown and then forget to change out of it, right?

ROSARIO: YOU ARE A DELIGHT.

TERI: NO, YOU ARE.

ROSARIO: Do we even KNOW EACH OTHER?!??

TERI: DOUBT IT! HA HA HA!

ROSARIO: Yeah, laugh it up, beeyotch. I'm going to have Will Smith destroy her later.

TERI: I'm going to have Nicollette destroy her later.

January 26, 2009

SAG Awards Fug: Nicolette Sheridan

Fug file:

blue,
caftans

The best part of this picture might be the women behind Nicolette Sheridan:

Far Left is like, "I freaking love that you're taking a picture of this with your phone," and Near Left is like, "I know, but look at her! What is she doing? It's like she's welcoming peasants to the manor to partake of the leftovers of her Michaelmas feast. Except it's the 70s and instead of Michaelmas, it's her 4th Annual Arbor Day Key Party and she's still drunk." And Far Left is like, "But the color is pretty," and Near Left is like, "Yeah, but I think I just saw Blanche Devereux wearing this on a rerun of The Golden Girls. You KNOW somewhere Michael Bolton is totally smirking into his White Russian about this," and Far Left is like, "his White Russian?" and Near Left is all, "Please, you know he drinks them. Dude, this is going to be my best Facebook profile picture EVER."

January 26, 2009

Fug Kisses

Fug file:

high-waisted pants

So...Jessica Simpson has been very busy of late: (a) she's been romancing Tony Romo, which has probably been fun, (b) she performed this weekend at a chili cook-off (...I know. I feel kind of depressed now, too), and (c) she very kindly took one for the team and illustrated for us all that high-waisted jeans are really not flattering on everyone. Especially not these:

[Photos: Splash]

Here is the thing about these jeans: they might look great on you if you have abs that could grate cheese and little-to-no body fat. On the rest of us, they just emphasize Inner-Thighs-Through-Belly-Including-Hips, which is something I want in my pants about as much as I want Tony Romo to come over and throw a boiling vat of chili in my face. I mean, if you just mentally move the waist band of these jeans down about two inches, girlfriend looks 100% better, am I right? The sad thing is, I'm sure the tabloids are going to jump on this with a replay of Star's infamous "IT'S NOT A FAT SUIT" headline, when really, J Simp's probably gained a pound here or there because she's not working out 8 hours a day anymore and who can blame her? She's in love! She's WORKING A CHILI COOK-OFF. She's not made of stone, people, and I suspect she's naturally a curvaceous girl. The fact of the matter is that we all know she'd probably look freaking great if she would just burn those pants and salt the ground. See, this is why I always vote for flattering jeans. Forgiving pants = more sandwiches and far less agita from people squawking about the remainder of your minor holiday weight gain. Also, more sandwiches = much greater happiness. It's like one of the fundamental rules of basic math.

January 26, 2009

SAG Awards Fug or Fab Carpet: Kate Winslet

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So, we've got lots to chat about here, but before we get talking outfits, there's something I have to address. I'm sure the real title of the following is Kate Winslet Wishes Mickey Rourke Good Luck, but I would like to refer to it as, Kate Winslet Meets Husband Number Three:

THAT'S a comeback, bitches. Plus, imagine the interiews they'd both give about this! Sorry, Sam Mendes. I'm sure you're a wonderful man, but I need this to happen. If only because I feel like Kate MIGHT be able to gently nudge Mickey away from his fantastic-yet-alarming Bret Michaels-esque sartorial choices and back to what he used to look like, which, if you were not aware, was this:

HELLO LOVER. America misses you.

Anyway, Kate:

Continue reading SAG Awards Fug or Fab Carpet: Kate Winslet.

January 23, 2009

Cynthia McFugden

Fug file:

red,
WTF

Wow, there is not much out there today that's fun. It's probably because everyone in Hollywood was so drunk on hope Tuesday that they're still nursing the hangover. And so I'm dipping back into the Inaugural well, thanks to a screen cap sent in by several eagle-eyed readers who just wanted an explanation for what ABC's Cynthia McFadden wore:

.png

I believe the technical industry term for this outfit is, "Yowza." Perhaps the people behind her are simply awash in the gleeful buzz that comes with chugging ten free Yes-We-Can-Tinis, but it's as likely they're pasting on smiles to try and hide their disbelief.

I cannot be sure what went wrong here, but my guess is: Cynthia hit her head moments before getting dressed, and woke up thinking she was a third-grade girl singing carols in Jerome Bettis's Full-Contact Christmas Concert, in which the kids put on pro-caliber shoulder pads and perform adaptations of old stalwarts --"Deck the Ball-Carrier," "God Sack Ye, Merry Quarterback," and that gut-wrenching classic "Do They Know It's Blitzmas?" -- while executing brutal yet weirdly balletic hitting drills.

But, you know, that's just ONE theory.

January 23, 2009

Fug The Cover: Camilla Belle

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What is going ON here? Not only is Camilla Belle wrapped in a hellacious hodge-podge of pieces -- a cropped coat with alien tentacles attempting to steal second base, a blue shirt with what looks like a piece trailing down the front of some high-waisted formal bloomers, and leggings that look like half-migraine, half-villain in a video game -- but she looks super cranky about it. Which does not give me much faith that I will fall in love with any of the 243 looks Nylon insists will tickle my heart. Especially not if I'm supposed to wear this many of them at the same time. If I were in Franz Ferdinand, and I saw this cover, I might react to being named Nylon's best-dressed band in the world by immediately burning my entire wardrobe and moving to an alpaca farm in darkest Peru.

January 23, 2009

Alright, Fug II: The Alrightening

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Seriously, is it No Pants Week and someone forgot to tell me? I need to be KEPT APPRISED of these things, you guys.

January 23, 2009

Fug or Fab: Sophia Bush

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I feel like I was writing about Sophia Bush LAST Friday, and, indeed, I believe I was. Thursday night must be the night of the week she sets aside to go to an event. She is literally the only person on One Tree Hill who goes to random hotel openings and fancy events anymore, so I wonder if she brings back extra goodie bags for the rest of the cast. Her character is currently making out with Austin Nichols all the time (in addition to taking in a conveniently abandoned local teen, the better to Learn and Grow as a Person, which is really not that much of a plot when you consider that Chad Michael Murray scored second billing in The Return of Dawson Leery storyline, which I am not ashamed to say is AWESOME and Van der Beek is actually really funny) and if that were me, I would never leave set -- PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT -- but I guess someone's got to run out and replenish the cast's store of mini-bottles of booze and free copies of random local publications. Anyway, here she is at the opening of some hotel in Atlanta (um, maybe the W? Just a guess):

I love me some orange, but there's something about this that reminds me of the paper tops they give you at the gyno. I think it's the cut of the sleeves. I mean, admittedly, this would be a TREMENDOUSLY FANCY gyno -- mine NEVER gives me a belt, for one thing -- but it's mildly off-putting. On the other hand, the color is kind of great and usual on her, and I love the shoes (though maybe not with this). Maybe if it were a hair longer? I'm not entirely sure.

poll by twiigs.com

January 22, 2009

Feh or Fab: Anne Hathaway

Fug file:

red

Why don't I like this, you guys?

Actually, it's not entirely accurate to say I don't LIKE it. I like it fine. It's perfectly fine. But why don't I LOVE it? Why can't I muster up any emotion other than "fine"? Is it because I'm being visited with the urge to yank it up an inch or so? Is it secretly not as flattering as it could be in her torso-chest-waist area? Is it the weird bit that's almost like a train in the front, which would seem to be ripe for tripping and stepping on it and getting shredded? Is it HER? Are Anne Hathaway and I fighting now because Bride Wars looks so offensive and I don't understand all the buzz for Rachel Getting Married? Am I mad because I can't get a bob without looking like someone left me plugged into the wall socket all night? Am I still holding a grudge against her for Get Real, kind of like the one I held against Jon Tenney for the same show for a really long time until I finally had to admit he's kind of hot and good on The Closer? Am I dead inside? Am I still really emotional ahead of time about the potentially spoileriffic tease for next week's Biggest Loser, and therefore do not have sufficient room in my heart for warmth and love? Am I too focused on why we only got about two minutes of Desmond on Lost? What? What is it?

poll by twiigs.com

January 22, 2009

Fug or Fab: Star Jones

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Oh, Star Jones. I sort of forgot you existed. Remember when you were having feuds with 4 out of 5 New Yorkers and getting, like, everyone from Hot Pockets to Charmin to sponsor your wedding? And then you sort of disappeared off the face of the planet and we were all glad to see you go? And then you and Al got a divorced and everyone was like, "no kidding"? That must have been fun for you. But it seems that -- like with many celebs -- I didn't know I cared about you until you had been gone for a long time. Sure, what I mostly missed was Tracy Morgan Jordan's "I'M A LAWYER" impression of you that he used to do on SNL, and sure, that hasn't seen the light of day for like 5 years, but be that as it may, I was kind of pleased to read the other day that you have a cute new boyfriend and I am sort of into your dress here...Sort of:

[Photo: Splash]

I feel like the feathers -- though very grand -- start at a rather awkward spot. And yet I don't know where they would be better placed: an all-feathers skirt? Just along the hem? From the knees down? HELP ME, READERS:

poll by twiigs.com

January 22, 2009

Fuggy's Girls

Fug file:

I've always told people who are stressing out about what to wear for a visit to L.A. is that when you're out on the town, generally, you will neither be the most dressy nor the most casual person in the room. So just wear whatever's comfortable for you -- within reason -- and don't stress.

WITHIN REASON, Angela Simmons:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The necklaces are overkill, but I understand that every girl needs to train for Mardi Gras -- you know, get those back and nape muscles ready to withstand the weight of so many hard-earned beads -- so I'll write that off to an endurance test. But those jeans that look like you were mauled by a cheetah while in the middle of frolicking on a Clorox Bleach Slip-n-Slide in your backyard? Yeah, you should've left those at home. In the fireplace.

January 22, 2009

Alright, Fug

Fug file:

"No, I'm seriously asking you. I need you to settle an argument we're having:

[Photo: Splash]

Is this very short dress or a long shirt? Come on! Don't pretend you don't have an opinion."

poll by twiigs.com

January 22, 2009

Fug the Cover: Jenna Fischer

Fug file:

Self magazine

Can we discuss why someone at Self hates Jenna Fischer? Seriously. She's CUTE. And yet here they appear to have photoshopped her face to the point where it looks like each of her eyes is from a totally different picture -- and, indeed, perhaps a totally DIFFERENT PERSON. Is it possible that Self's photo editor is a John Krasinski mega-fan, who has convinced herself that she and John can finally wed on the astral plane or whatever once she breaks up Jim and Pam, and that the only way to do that is to make poor Jenna Fischer's face look like it's oh so slowly melting? Because that seems like a bad idea. It's certainly not doing any of us any favors.

January 21, 2009

NY Fug.com: The Best and Worst of Inaugural Fashion

This week, Heather and I tackled the very obscure and surprising topic of Inaugural Fashion for NY Mag.com. Not just Michelle Obama, but also J Lo and Jay-Z and J...ill Biden. As well as other luminaries. For instance:

"Granted, Sarah Silverman only attended a night-before bash hosted by the Huffington Post, but we're pretty sure none of the invitations to ANY of this week's festivities read, 'Dress Code: Semi-Hygienic Hobo.'"

We're not kidding. Check it out here -- slideshow style -- and let us know if you plan to get a giant, diamond studded bow-hat yourself. (I do.)

January 21, 2009

Arrested Fugvelopment

Fug file:

Okay, it goes without saying that we all miss Arrested Development very much. Every time I mix prescription drugs and alcohol, I think fondly of Lucille Bluth. Which is why when I saw little Maeby Fünke at Sundance, I rationalized that she's dressed like this because it's an arctic blast at Sundance and girlfriend is cold:

I mean, we've all been there. I recently considered buying a Slanket to wear around the house. Until I realized that, for me, getting a Slanket was like the equivalent of taking out a television ad announcing to the world that I have just given up. (Give it a few years.)

But then I saw what was under this Slanket-esque coat:

Continue reading Arrested Fugvelopment.

January 21, 2009

The Fugling

Fug file:

I suppose when you have six children, several large mansions that include some kind of residential palace in France, and enough money that you can give away seven figures to charity with heartening regularity, it MIGHT seem frivolous to spend money on a tailor.

[Photo: Splash News]

But on the other hand, she'll be spending about the SAME amount of money on dry-cleaning all the dirt and shoe-prints off her pants hems. Unless she was planning to let Maddox solve the problem with a pair of scissors and a stapler.

Parenthetically, YAWN. With the helmet hair and the floaty pantsuit, she looks a bit like a "mature" character on an '80s soap, the likes of which is shown getting out of bed with full face-paint, coif, and jewels intact, and is always shot in soft-focus or with a camera lens that's been tongue-kissed -- and maybe groped within an inch of third base -- by a vat of Vaseline. Now, given that, it says a LOT that I am bored by Angie's outfit. With that kind of mental image, I SHOULD be graduating to fantasies of this fictional soap matriarch planning toxic revenge while pouring brandy out of a crystal decanter that then gets heaved at a nearby fireplace, or urging her to light some hate candles and burn down the country club. Instead I just kind of want her to reclaim her still-blooming youth and let Emma Samms** take care of the rest of this part.

** So, weirdly, it's a total coincidence that this post AND Jessica's Kerry Washington post both reference Emma Samms. Who knew she was so close to both our hearts? Apparently our occasional GFY Mind Meld currently is focused on Former General Hospital and Models Inc. Stars Who Briefly Served As Dodgy Dynasty Recasts And Have Also Appeared In A John Candy Movie. As such, we've decided to honor Emma Samms with her very own poll. Congratulations, Emma.

poll by twiigs.com

January 21, 2009

Fugga Mia

Fug file:

Oh honey NO,
polls

Meryl, I have doubts.

[Photo: Splash News]

Patriotism is a wonderful thing. And I don't want to rain on your Inauguration Day emotional parade. But this, coupled with what appears to be a hospital ID bracelet on your left wrist, seems less like the loving embrace of our star-spangled banner than the outfit of a woman who recently escaped from the psych ward -- where she was being detained for claiming to be Betsey Ross, back from the grave and burning to design for Wal-Mart.

poll by twiigs.com

January 21, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kerry Washington

Fug file:

I generally loooove shiny things. Like a magpie, I find them distracting and eminently collectible. Which means I should be all over this disco ball of a dress like peanut butter on jelly. And yet....

I just don't know. She's lovely, as a general rule, and I have the urge to go up to her (on, like, the astral plane or whatever because it's not like I can go back in time and position myself at this party and grab her) and see what the skirt feels like, because it's texturally interesting. At the same time, it's a little Dynasty On Ice. Which would actually be awesome. You know. On ice.

<

poll by twiigs.com

January 20, 2009

J.Fug

"Ugh. I cannot believe this. Did I not warn the troll? Did I not TELL him that if he opened his shirt like that in public, I would wear the dress that looks like a giant sideways bow tie? YES I DID. And yet he LAUGHED and said, 'Wearing that dress punishes ME somehow?' And then when I said, 'Mi pobre runty husband, your shirt is like Pandora's Box, and if you open it then I will RAIN HELLFIRE DOWN ON THE STASH OF B-POSITIVE YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW IS IN THE ATTIC,' he ripped it open one notch lower and walked out of the house. I am going to puke. Mark my words, amigos -- get it? MARK my words? HA HA HA -- no, but really, mark them: Like sands through the fancy hourglass I am costumed as today, so are the days of our marriage. The joke is BACK ON HIM, bitches. Even if the blood milkshakes HAVE perked up his complexion it's still J.Lo 450, Vampire Spouse 0."

January 20, 2009

Fugoubt

Fug file:

Just this weekend, I was in the car with my friend Grant, talking about Amy Adams. He loves her. I told him I was starting to find her weirdly annoying. And he was like, "You're crazy! She's great!" And I admitted that I did really like her in Enchanted (not to mention Cruel Intentions II [PS: that movie is terrible]) but that whenever I read an interview with her, she seemed kind of cloying and irritating. And he was like, "Whatever, you crazy bitch. Turn left here," and then I admitted that what really irritated me -- and I know it's irrational -- was that she always showed up to places with all her long hair draped over one shoulder. "Like Ariel in The Little Mermaid," I said. He snorted. Then this happened:

I think I maybe want Ariel back.

January 20, 2009

Fugtin Starr

Fug file:

It's tough to judge people's winter outerwear. Personally, when stuck in a freezing clime -- like our first February Fashion Week's ARCTIC BLAST (caps both ours AND those of the local weatherpeople) -- I have been known to wrap my head in three different scarves, none of which match the giant red coat that makes me look a bit like a tomato, along with fur earmuffs (to PETA: calm down, they're faux) and a strange hat. My objective is simple: not dying.

But just because it's TOUGH to judge doesn't mean I will NOT judge. Especially in cases like this.

If it's so cold at Sundance that your ears will turn black and fall off after 30 seconds of air exposure, then bundle up however you want. But if it's pleasant enough for a hoodie, surely Martin could've found one that didn't make him look swaddled in the Queen's favorite Windsor Castle wallpaper.

January 20, 2009

The Fugler

Fug file:

When I was in eighth grade, I had a dress that I absolutely loved. It was sleeveless, purple and kelly green striped, and it had a very exuberant bubble skirt. I occasionally wore it with a small, green pillbox hat. I wish I still had it. In fact, I wonder if my mother has it tucked away somewhere, and -- if so -- if I could get away with wearing it again. You know, around the house. While I do my chores or whatever. So it's not the bubble skirt that necessarily strikes me the wrong way with Tomei here:

Okay, maybe it is. But it's not the BUBBLINESS of it, as much as it feels like it's a VERY AGGRESSIVE ruffle that's just randomly popped up there on the bottom. And I feel like, if you're wearing a ruffle, wear a ruffle, but if you're wearing a bubble, BUBBLE IT UP. You can't half-ass your bubble. Words to live by.

January 20, 2009

Fugah Silverman

Fug file:

SARAH SILVERMAN: I had a dream, Jessica.

JESSICA ALBA: ... Who is this person?

SARAH: I had a dream that I spent MLK Day at a pre-inaugural ball, wearing my very awesomest ratty torn jeans, a totally kick-ass shirt that rode up on my stomach, and my fancy-dress tuque with the best skull-and-crossbones on it. And of course, my fingerless gloves, and my going-out backpack.

JESSICA: Are they letting homeless people into these parties now?

SARAH: And YOU were there.

JESSICA: Are you hallucinating, Disheveled Stranger? Security!

SARAH: You wearing a gold lame vest of some kind. Or possibly a scarf. It was hard to tell.

JESSICA: Can someone please get this person some hot soup and a nice warm spot under a bridge?

SARAH: Yes, I had a dream, Jessica Alba. And today, it has come true. But today, as I live my dream, your once-terrible bangs are looking way cuter than I ever could have imagined.

JESSICA: Wait, never mind, forget I complained. Maybe we should let her stay a while.

January 20, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kate Winslet

Fug file:

As it's Inauguration Day here in the US, it seems only right to kick off the morning with a little voting, right? A wee shout out to the democratic process and all. And who shall be our subject this fine morn? Let's go with Ms Winslet here, as we've gotten several emails about this:

Despite the fact that it seems this photo was snapped in the hallway outside of the bathroom, I thinks she looks rather fetching -- albeit maybe a bit as though she's eaten off her lipgloss. But let's go to the close-up of the top of the dress for a bit more info about what's going on there, shall we?

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Kate Winslet.

January 19, 2009

Sundance Random Fug

Fug file:

This is Chase Masterson, an actress whose name sounds like something you'd name either a dreamy quarterback or a winsome private eye. She apparently was on Deep Space Nine once, and also appeared in both something Wikipedia delicately calls "the 1993 erotic feature Married People, Single Sex," and a low-budg sci-fi thing with Don Swayze. It makes me sad when people are in movies with a Swayze who is not Patrick.

She looks like a nice woman, which is why I wish someone had done girlfriend a solid and told her she wasn't wearing a shirt.

January 19, 2009

NRJ Fug Awards

Fug file:

I do not know what the NRJ Music Awards actually are -- other than being French, and....involving music -- but I know that any event whose red carpet invokes this expression on Katy Perry's face is A-OK with me:

That's shock with a splash of awe right there. And when you've shocked/awed a woman who has performed dressed as a banana, you've got to be doing something right. Something like this:

Continue reading NRJ Fug Awards.

January 19, 2009

Fugquin Fugnix

Fug file:

So, apparently, the folks over at Defamer are calling shenanigans on Joaquin Phoenix's retirement from acting to pursue a rap career: They think Casey Affleck's supposed interest in capturing this career suicide on tape is actually a giant hoax, which will result in a mockumentary being released. It's all rather bizarre and intriguing.

Personally, I want it to be true, and to end in grand fashion when his album is a runaway hit thanks to a rap single called "Jinx Put Max In Space" -- a loving and long-overdue homage to starring in Space Camp (the B-side, of course, being "Be My Shuttle Commander," a poignant ode to the hotness of co-star Lea Thompson). But the very absurdity of the entire conceit, coupled with some of the circumstances Defamer outlines, certainly smells fishier than a tuna milkshake. Regardless of what the truth is, SOMETHING weird is happening.

[Photo: WENN]

However, why ANY of it requires Joaquin Phoenix to reimagine himself as the Unabomber is totally beyond me.

January 19, 2009

Best Of Both Fugs

Fug file:

[Photo: Splash News]

"WaitwaitwaitWAIT, I TOTALLY know what you guys are going to say, okay? I KNOW the boots look kind of like I accidentally left my Pocahontas costume in the freezer, and I KNOW the tights are totally refried Olsen twin. But listen, there's a good reason for those: I'm just REALLY bad at shaving! Like, to the point where I forgot I had to take the tights off first! Or that I could take them off afterward! Or that I shouldn't be doing it in the car while I'm drinking Starbucks and trying to get to Fred Segal! See? It's like I said! I'm really bad at it! I don't have a good excuse for the boots, though. My shoe closet was overflowing and the icebox was empty. Haven't we all been there? Look, if you burn the negatives, I promise I'll make it up to you by spending next week making out with my 20-year old boyfriend in front of, like, The Ivy. Deal?"

January 19, 2009

Sundance Fug Festival

I appreciate the youthful whimsy of Paris Hilton's cold-weather attire...

[Photo: WENN]

... but if she wants to be a bunny so badly, shouldn't she just move into the Playboy mansion? Think of the publicity potential: Not only would she have an excuse for wearing as little as possible, but maybe she could sell Hef on doing some sort of hybrid reality project called A Shot at Love: My New BFF Next Door, where she makes the other residents compete to be her teammate in a big finale attempt to group-dominate Hef's next orgy.

January 16, 2009

Fug or Fab: Sophia Bush

Fug file:

Sophia Bush has had a good couple of weeks on One Tree Hill: her character has both pistol-whipped a murderer AND made out with Austin Nichols. Nice work if you can get it. And I am rather fond of her in general. Which may be clouding my judgment here:

She looks pretty....but this is essentially a sheet, right?

poll by twiigs.com

January 16, 2009

Fugdrina Patridge

Fug file:

Damn, Audrina, have you been talking to Kim Kardashian? Because, if so: Don't, maybe just as a general rule, and also, REALLY DON'T.

[Photo: WENN]

You have one of the most toned and taut bodies out there, and you're putting it in an unflattering black satin '70s jumpsuit with an elastic middle? CHILD. Where do you think you are? A Donna Summer concert? The roller rink? Auditions for Boogie Nights: The Musical?

January 16, 2009

Fug the Cover: Isla Fisher

Fug file:

Allure

This is an AMAZING cover....for 1987. Which reminds me, I am totally late for social studies! I knew taking those last ten minutes to write a letter to the cast of 21 Jump Street wasn't a good use of my time. WHEN am I going to have time to read about how to order a steak? I'LL NEVER FIGURE THAT OUT ON MY OWN.

January 16, 2009

Fugsten Dunst

Fug file:

beige

Well, it's good to see Kirsten Dunst out and about looking happy. I just wish I could be as happy about her outfit.

It's like she sewed an overly elaborate bib onto a vintage nightie. This might make sense if, say, you're prone to sleep-eating and frequently wake up with pesky ketchup stains on your satin pajamas, or chicken bones lodged in your cleavage. But the practical applications outside the home, given that it resembles high-fashion chest hair, are less clear.

January 16, 2009

Keeping Fug With the Kardashians

Fug file:

Let's see how many trends Kim Kardashian can wear at one time!

We've got:

(1) Necklace of Potentially Dangerous Pointy-ness (which I rather like, except that the longer I look at it, the more it kind of looks like paper clips on a strand. Which would be a very cost-effective, multi-tasky way to accessorize. Take note, Staples!)

(2) Big Ol' Blazer (fine).

(3) Super Complicated Shoes (sexy)

(4) A Cropped F'ing Jumpsuit (SERIOUSLY, if you're going to do the jumpsuit thing, FINE GO AHEAD, but CROPPED plus shoes that contort themselves to your ankles make you look HELLACIOUSLY STUMPTASTICAL. JUST SO YOU KNOW.)

(5) A Bag I am willing to wager she's had for a couple of years (refreshingly normal)

(6) Earlier in this family of pics, she was wearing ONE FINGERLESS GLOVE (who are you? Michael Jackson) but in the interest of fairness....I believe she was just trying it on, and not having been present, I can not vouch that she didn't wave it at one of her entourage and say, "Who am I? MICHAEL JACKSON?"

(7) Dude Considering Picking His Nose, but for now, deciding to just scratch the outside of it aggressively (those are EVERYWHERE now).

THE VERDICT: SEVEN. I feel like given that very high number, she should look worse than she does. SIGH. Kim, you made a valient effort with the truly awkward length of those pants in conjuction with everything else, but I suspect you could have made yourself look a bit more noticably whack if you'd just PUT IN MORE EFFORT. I expect more from you, as a person who is famous for LITERALLY NOTHING. Don't you CARE if people GAWK at you? GOD.

January 15, 2009

There Are Only So Many Ways You Can Insert the Word "Fug" into "Big Love."

Fug file:

dumpy sacks,
purple

Jeanne Tripplehorn is a beautiful woman with a great figure who is extremely good on Big Love, ergo, I feel pained by the following:

The color: great. The idea: interesting. The execution: dowdy. Unless they're spinning her off into something called Mother of the Brides, in which her Big Love character acts as the maternal figure for a whole houseful of brand new polygamous wives and this is what she wears to the wedding (every single one), then I kind of don't get it.

January 15, 2009

Fugber Heard

Fug file:

You know what really sucks?

When you get all dressed up and head to the dock, only to find that the National Old West Brothel Madam And Saloon Wench Re-enactors Association's annual riverboat-casino cruise has left without you.

January 15, 2009

Fugle Fugigny

Fug file:

wearing white

Well, well, well.

Look who they've got their Hanes on NOW.

January 15, 2009

Fug or Fab: Anne Hathaway

Fug file:

I might be getting tired of Anne Hathaway. And when I suspect I am getting tired of someone, I start to doubt my judgment of their ensembles. Because I don't know if it's the ennui talking or what. For example, I suspect this might be a series of high-end bathmats sewed together:

Or it might be awesome -- it does look sort of deliciously tactile and I like the textures. Or it might be both, like the winning design in a Create An Outfit Using Only the Contents of This Bathroom challenge on Project Runway that just managed to eke out a win over the overalls made of a shower curtain.

poll by twiigs.com

January 15, 2009

Kate Fugworth

Fug file:

Somebody really, really needs to have a carefrontation with Kate Bosworth.

They should start by educating her on the food pyramid; deviate into a well-illustrated seminar on why she ought not wear her hair that way ever again, because it seriously makes her look like a very wan alien; and close by noting that just because the notion of a dementor huddled over a sewing machine at night and trying to live out its secret passion for fashion is a romantic one, it doesn't mean it's advisable to look like you're wearing the fruits of its soulless labor.

January 14, 2009

Good Morning, Upper East Fuggers -- Fugsip Girl Here

Fug file:

You know, if Little J fancies herself an up-and-coming clothing designer (which... does she, still? They kind of dropped that plotline a bit), she might not want to cut a swath through the Upper East Side wearing this:

If I could have reached through the TV with a pair of scissors and whacked off that single, measly, scraggly, pointless braid limply flirting with her collarbone, I would've done it. I don't know how the Gossip Girl crew resisted. As for the outfit, I wish it were a better photo; alas, my skills and my TV set are conspiring against me. But in the moment, those of us watching in my living room seriously wondered if it was some kind of elaborate antique support garment that she mistakenly donned over a turtleneck.

You may wonder why a strapless (or at least invisibly strapped) dress appears to be giving her polterwang. The answer is: That is not a dress. It's a CULOTTE ROMPER.

Oh, child, NO. First the show insists on bringing back awful, awful Georgina -- seriously, Entertainment Weekly and I are in a major fight over its continued pimping of that character (center of the bulls-eye, my ass) AND its recent assertion that 90210 is gripping and soapy -- and now this? Remember when all we had to worry about were Blair's headbands? Those were such innocent times.

January 14, 2009

Golden Globes Fug/Decent Carpet: Ashton and Demi

Fug file:

ASHTON KUTCHER: I can't believe you just said that.

DEMI MOORE: YOU ASKED.

ASHTON: I didn't say, "do I look like a douche tonight?"

DEMI: Well, I just thought you would want to know.

ASHTON: Is it the hair?

DEMI: Eh.

ASHTON: Is it the all-black? Am I trying too hard? Would you have liked this on, like, Samuel L. Jackson because he's more of a bad-ass motherfu-

DEMI: ASHTON. WE'RE ON CAMERA. THE LANGUAGE. Anyway, Sam wouldn't wear that. He's too cool.

ASHTON: Why are you so mean to me? I told you I thought you looked like a hot 70s mama!

DEMI: Uh-huh.

ASHTON: I didn't mean you looked OLD. I just meant...I mean...shit. Uh. You look hot, dude.

DEMI: Sweet.

ASHTON: Are you making fun of Dude, Where's My Car? HOW COULD YOU?

DEMI: It's to pay you back for that facial hair.

ASHTON: Oh. OH. Oh. Okay.

January 14, 2009

Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Lindsay Sloane

Fug file:

I've heard actress Lindsay Sloane is a really cool girl, and I still have the fondest memories of her on Grosse Pointe as the Tori Spelling/Donna Martin on the show and its show-within-the-show. But, bless her, she looked a total disaster at the Globes afterparties.

Just for reference, here is what she once looked like:

And here is what she did on Sunday night:

Continue reading Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Lindsay Sloane.

January 14, 2009

Golden Globes Fug and Fab Red Carpet: Brangelina

Fug file:

Brad and Angelina had a big night at the Globes. Well, neither of them won anything. But they expended a lot of energy not talking to Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet, and that had to take it out of them. While I found the long stretch of that telecast where he chased them around and they pretended he didn't exist AMAZING in the moment, and I think we all kind of enjoyed seeing poor Ryan get it handed to him a bit, in retrospect it kind of made Brangelina look a wee bit douchey. I mean, come on: it's SEACREST. He's harmless. He doesn't even get to go inside the hotel. Throw the kid a bone. That way, later, you can congratulate yourself on being so gracious and being smug is really fun. Unlike your outfits, I feel:

Okay, okay: Brad looks great. He looks like...Brad Pitt. Angie, on the other hand....meh. You know? A particularly wise reader emailed us on Monday and pointed out that while the tabloids seem to think that Angelina and Aniston are the most interesting people in the world, they certainly don't dress like it. And I am inclined to agree. I mean, should not Angelina Jolie, one of the most beautiful women alive, who is living, by all accounts, a very interesting life, be able to engender more than a "....meh"? Also -- I'LL JUST SAY IT -- I think this dress makes her look kind of boxy. SHE'S NOT. SHE'S ANGELINA JOLIE. SHE'S HOT. I mean, I get that she is More Interested In Saving The Children or whatever than her outfits on a day-to-day basis and I agree that's probably the right order of priorities, but I still sort of want to see her sweep into places looking magically gorgeous in, like....a color? You know? Why can't she just give me what I want? I'M the Seacrest over here, all chasing after her being like, "ANGIE, ANGIE, PLEASE TRY A NICE PEACOCK BLUE? OR A YELLOW? HOW'S ABOUT A NICE YELLOW? HELLO? HELLO? HEY!" Sigh. Alas.

January 14, 2009

Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Miley Cyrus

Fug file:

wearing white

Some of our good will toward Miley Cyrus evaporated when she complained to Ryan Seacrest that the Porsche she got for her 16th birthday was USED, since it used to be her mother's. We assume her diamond shoes are also too tight and that she's not sleeping well because the piles and piles of money that make up her mattress aren't terribly comfortable. In short, WAAAAH.

But, it's also a VERY 16-year-old-girl thing to rib your parents about on TV -- well, if you are rich -- and it's nice to see a kid in Hollywood acting her age, even if what's coming out of her mouth is completely unrelatable to most of our lives. I'd prefer that than her being paraded around nightclubs like she's 25 so her mother can try and pose as her older sister.

Which is why I also liked her dress:

So many people hated this. Maybe I'm just going soft, but I think it works. It's soft and sweet, and she looks like a young girl at an awards show rather than how stiff and stodgy she looked in her red dress at last year's Oscars. Okay, so the necklace disappearing into her cleavage is maybe not a great idea. And the cleavage itself, I can't decide if it's a lot or a normal amount -- from some angles it seems fine, and from others, I wonder. But overall we thought Miley looked charming. The two of us, thus far, have been on an island with that one, though. We don't mind being alone out here -- it's very peaceful -- but we'd PREFER it if we had some company, say, in the form of Sawyer sans shirt. Or Desmond, who could write messages in the sand and then read them aloud in his dreamy accent. I really hope they vote.

poll by twiigs.com

January 14, 2009

Golden Globes Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Maggie Gyllenhaal

This dress seems to be one of the most polarizing of the Golden Globes. Tragically, it is not a tutu made of beer cans, or a genie/Jeannie outfit made of black mesh, or an emu costume, or any other such wackiness that we got at the Globes of yore. It says a lot about how tame the clothes were that this is one of the more controversial pieces:

On first glance, watching the red carpet, I hated this. But then I saw more of her posing and moving around in it, and had to admit that Maggie kind of pulled it off, and suddenly I liked the damn thing, so maybe my initial knee-jerk had more to do with my feelings about HER -- and how smug she sounds much of the time, and how ungracefully and kind of snottily she handled Seacrest's questions about Heath Ledger, as if the subtext of her answer was, "Can we stop talking about him please and talk about ME? I WAS IN THE MOVIE TOO," which may not be what she meant, but it's how she SOUNDED, and you're an ACTRESS, honey, so FIGURE OUT how to come across pleasantly.

Ahem. Anyway, the big floppy shoulder thing is still a tad aggressive for my tastes, but the cut and color DO suit her. Then again, the pattern reminds me a bit of one of those Magic Eye posters that look like nonsense but if you stare at it for long enough, you space out and see the 3-D image jump out at you. (Maybe if I keep gazing, I'll see a 3-D image of her fiance Peter Sarsgaard. He makes everything better.) I can't decide, sweet readers. I need you. Now more than ever.

poll by twiigs.com

January 13, 2009

Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Taylor Momsen

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"Hi. I'm Taylor Momsen. I'm one of the stars of the CW mega-hit Gossip Girl. And I'm here to talk to you about one of the most serious issues facing teens today. It's something that my character, Jenny Humphrey, has been dealing with all season. And it's something I've had to deal with in my own life. It's a bad haircut. And it can happen to anyone.

It starts so innocently. Someone you trust comes up to you and says, ''let's do something funky with your hair! Something to match your eyeliner. Something ROCK AND ROLL!' And you think, 'that sounds fun! Why not?' But what starts as a kicky, layered hipster cut turns into something that people on the internet feel is essentially a mullet. And at first, you're in denial. You're like, 'no. I can handle this.' But then you wake up one morning and you realize that YOU NEED HELP. Professional help. Because it is a mullet, and you can't handle it.

But what you don't realize is that the road back from a bad hair cut is a long, long, long one. And it's hard. People say, 'it's just hair. It will grow.' But, dude. It grows really slow. And sometimes the emotional scars take even longer to heal. Look at me: my hair is truly on the way back from Mulletville, but I'm too scared to let anyone near my bangs. And you can tell from my expression that I may never fully recover from what my hair did to me this year. I'm full of resentment. And a little hate. And I can never get back my innocence. It's gone, even more surely and more completely than any residual love you might have had for my character, that annoying little Jenny Humphrey.

So think about that, friends, when someone from craft services comes up to you wielding a pair of pinking shears and promising to just take a little off the top. Your hair might grow back, but your spirit dies forever.

Thank you for listening. Please watch Gossip Girl, Mondays at 8pm on the CW. I heard that some people have a pool for how and when Schwartz is going to kill me off. I put $50 on season three November sweeps, being mauled by lions at the Bronx Zoo. Cross your fingers."

January 13, 2009

Fug in the Fugly

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[All photos: WENN]

MATT DILLON: Hi, Sarah Jessica, it's good to see you. Shall we go inside?

SJP: Matt, I just... hang on, I need to ... does my dress look weird?

MATT: Is this one of those trick questions? Because that is a LOT of plaid...

SJP: No, I mean... I can't seem to... it won't... Gah, is it bad around my boobs?

MATT: I am not good at these situations. Maybe you should ask someone else? Here, try this guy.

Continue reading Fug in the Fugly.

January 13, 2009

Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Jennifer Esposito

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AW HELL NO:

I am NOT doing that shoulder pad thing again. HAVE YOU SEEN MY 7TH GRADE PICTURES?

January 13, 2009

Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Blake Lively

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Dear Serena,

You're GORGEOUS. I covet both your hair AND your boobs. You are crazy hot. That being said, you should know that is it totally okay to go up a size if something feels a little snug. For one thing, it makes it easier to eat later. I know this for a fact. Just in case you were wondering. Okay? Okay. Nibble on Chuck Bass's ear for me, would you?

xoxo

Fug Girl

January 13, 2009

Golden Globes Post-Party Fug or Fab: Heidi Klum

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The problem with Heidi Klum is that she could probably show up somewhere wearing a bag of sugar and a hat made of three live cats and sort of pull it off, because she's so dang good-looking. Let me be clear: this is probably not a problem for HER. But IT MAKES OUR LIVES HARDER. How are we supposed to know WHAT TO THINK ABOUT HER? Like, take this, for example:

That is one big flower. The whole thing, in fact, is kind of Carrie Bradshaw on steroids. Although I appreciate the fact that she hasn't accessorized with a six-pound, solid-gold "HEIDI" necklace, or broken up with Seal twelve times on the way into this party, only to finally allow him to marry her at the end of the event even though he's been a total manchild who will never grow up, thus sending a message to the women of America that -- okay, deep breaths. I'm still not over how crappy that Sex and the City movie, I guess. Call me, Kristin Davis: we can commiserate! What was I talking about? Ah, yes: this frock.

poll by twiigs.com

January 13, 2009

Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Yvonne Strahovski

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pink

It really pains me to do this, because Yvonne Strahovski is SO good and SO pretty and SO kick-ass on Chuck. I mean, it takes a lot to hold your own in a scene with Adam Baldwin, due to his intimidating, innate, awesome badassitude, but she does it. I want nothing but good things for her.

Ergo, I do not want this dress for her.

It's... kind of a cross between a ballroom dancing costume, and something one might wear to the Rhythmic Gymnasts' Association season-ending formal. Although, in the end, that event might be more fun than a Globes party: There's probably just as much free-flowing alcohol, but about a 70-percent greater chance of seeing two people start dueling drunkenly with those ribbons-on-sticks.

January 13, 2009

Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Eva La Rue

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The voting on Marisa Tomei's Golden Globes ensemble was split pretty much down the middle as of this writing: 50 percent of people liked it, and the other 50 percent were divided between the other three more negative options of not getting it, not liking it, or thinking they would've liked it if she'd executed it better.

So I'll be curious to see what you think of Eva La Rue's more casual variation on the theme.

With Tomei's, I voted "I appreciate what she's going for, but I don't think it worked." And I have to say, I feel almost identically about this. In general I prefer this belt to Marisa's weird lacy cummerbund, and I think Eva's shoes are super cute. But the blouse is awful. It looks like it cost her about $5 to buy this thing off a barmaid at the Hofbrauhaus in Las Vegas. Plus the sleeve poofs are both larger and less elegantly executed than those on Marisa's shirt -- I would not be at all surprised to find out that Ms. La Rue had a horrible accident with a pair of Kleenex boxes ten minutes before arriving on the red (grey) carpet.

So overall, I think I'm giving the win to Marisa. Especially because, in life, Eva La Rue has the clear advantage -- I mean, she once got to come back from the dead on a soap opera, even if it was a horribly executed comeback involving prolonged amnesia, AND she works with David Caruso at her day job. We keep asking Intern George to put on a red wig and sunglasses and speak only in halting, hideous puns before making dramatic exits from the room after each sentence. But so far he has not obliged. (We'll keep him anyway.)

poll by twiigs.com

January 12, 2009

Golden Globes Divaliciously Played Carpet: Jennifer Lopez

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metallics

"Hola, adoring fans. Are you pleased to see me? Of course you are. I am pleased to see you, but I cannot show it, because this very dramatic dress is not for smiling giddy dopey people. It is for SERIOUS people with SERIOUS fierceness, no? And I am VERY SERIOUS. For one thing, I agreed to come here to the Golden Globes even though I am not nominated, despite having done the best acting work of my life just by staying married to this person. Because I am SERIOUS about reminding people that I used to act, and also, I am SERIOUS about getting Ralph Fiennes to talk to me again. Amigos, he won't even make eye-contact. Who had even HEARD of him before Maid in Manhattan, eh? The three people who saw that Sphincter's List, or whatever? My mother, who saw that movie where he was an English man who was somebody's patient? I don't even know the NAME of that thing! I MADE him, and what do I get? He blushes and runs away? Tonto. At least people know how to pronounce my name, RAFE FINES. Dios mio.

You are probably wondering why I am standing here with this loco Milhouse, because I am supposed to be hating him and not wearing my wedding ring. Well, it is a long story, my pets. I made him wear the glasses. He seems less tired, no? If I have to look at him, I need to believe he is not dying. But I also REFUSE to divorce him while She Who Shall Not Be Named is cooing over a new baby with Crapfleck. If his boring rebound marriage is still alive, then SO IS MINE, fools. I will let Marc nibble on my neck at night and allow him to squeal like a pathetic little baby girl whenever we get served garlic bread at a restaurant, and I will serve him V8 through a tube in the mornings, and it will be fine, because that is what divas DO. Divas do not QUIT. Divas do not let girls with big lips and a husband with back hair BEAT THEM. So SUCK IT, Douchefleck and Bride! Now excuse me, I must go slap Ralph Fiennes with my handbag. Or with my Marc. I don't care which one."

January 12, 2009

Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Eva Mendes

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You know, I was well on my way to liking Eva Mendes' outfit.

But the giant coffee filter stapled to her hip kind of harshed my buzz.

January 12, 2009

Golden Globes Fug or Fab Carpet: Marisa Tomei

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So, when I first saw Ol' Tomei here on the red carpet, I admit I may have made some crack about Seinfeld, pirates, and a puffy shirt:

But now that I've had some time to live with it, I think I might actually sort of like it. I mean, it's definitely a kooky choice for a big mainstream awards show, and she rather looks as though she's campaigning for a plum role in a sexed-up remake of The Magnificent Ambersons, or some other Victorian-era drama, but it's very flattering on her, and I kind of like the idea of sweeping around dressed like a Gibson Girl. It makes her seem like she might just disapprovingly whack Ryan Secreast on the head with a walking stick if he gets out of line and I enjoy that. (Sorry, Ryan. You had a bit of a rough go of it last night.)

poll by twiigs.com

January 12, 2009

Golden Globes Terror Watch Carpet: Sting

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You guys, what is going on with Sting?

Please be for a role. Please be for a role. Please be for a role. Please be for a role. A role that ...is mysteriously not yet on IMDb, sure. But hey, they appear to be under the impression that Ralph Fiennes is not in any future Harry Potter movies (despite being Lord Thingy and kind of, you know, important to the end of the series) so anything could happen. Right? Right? RIGHT? THIS IS NOT ON PURPOSE. STING DOES NOT LOOK LIKE SOME DUDE WHO...LOOKS LIKE THIS. HE IS BREAKING ME. And just look what he's doing to Colin Farrell:

Continue reading Golden Globes Terror Watch Carpet: Sting.

January 12, 2009

Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Cameron Diaz

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There are a few constants with awards shows: The band will try to play off the person who probably most deserves a moment in the sun (this year, Mickey Rourke), Ricky Gervais will go off-script any time he's given stage time until they break down and let him host one of the telecasts, and Cameron Diaz will show up looking like she forgot she has a head.

Other than the color, which suits her, the dress actually doesn't do much for me, either. I hate to break it to Karl Lagerfeld, since it's Chanel couture, but: It seems pointlessly busy. None of the details actually do much for her body or for the dress itself; they just seem like they're there because, well, it needed SOMETHING, and nobody had any better ideas. Her left boob appears shoved substantially lower than her right, yet paradoxically, the bodice is actively squeezing it up into her armpit. And the horizontal fold that ties into the rosette just looks like an unfortunate crease.

What really gets me, though, is that her hair is ALWAYS a total mess, and here it's no exception. Despite the cursory lip gloss, Cameron basically still looks like she's been out all night and just touched up the makeup she already had left over from her rollicking bender. And honey, if you can't be bothered with your roots, try hiding it with an updo. Or a ginormous, freaky hat. At least that would make us laugh and clap with camp-infused glee.

In fact, this was actually one of my very favorite shots of the entire telecast:

Continue reading Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Cameron Diaz.

January 12, 2009

Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Glenn Close

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metallics,
suits

Here's the deal, Glenn Close: I really like you. And I respect that you're not pretending you're Lindsay Lohan's age.

But to be frank, you look like the Tin Man got it on with one of Donald Trump's couches.

January 12, 2009

Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Rachel Griffiths

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This was just never going to work.

I'm not even necessarily talking about the fact that it's a shapeless tent-- it's not great, but if she's secretly pregnant again (not to rumor-monger, although I DO love to monger a good rumor), it's functional. No, I'm more referring to the fact that it's a shapeless tent made of gold satin that was never, ever NOT going to wrinkle like Bea Arthur in a bathtub. Hail Caesar -- at least that dude knew how to make a toga that didn't look like he'd just slept in it for two days on the Forum floor.

January 12, 2009

Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Jessica Capshaw

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Aw, Jessica Capshaw really is so cute.

It's kind of mean that no one told her that she looks a bit like a Playboy bunny in this thing. I mean, I assumed that since she's on Grey's Anatomy now, she wouldn't need to be agitating for a side-gig on The Girls Next Door. But who am I to say? Maybe girlfriend has been dying to take a dip in that grotto. If that's the case, though, she really should have gone full Bunny and worn the ears. I know the conventional wisdom is never to go full Bunny, but I have to disagree. Especially since it would have been a bit amusing for the rest of us, no? Don't ever say that I'm not looking out for you kids.

January 12, 2009

Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Drew Barrymore

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Oh, Drew. I'm glad you're having a good time, at least:

Having that kind of a good attitude can get a girl through all kinds of problems: break-ups, job drama, having people make fun of your hair on the Internets...

Continue reading Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Drew Barrymore.

January 12, 2009

Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Renee Zellweger

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Wow. I know we've been entreating Renee Zellweger to ditch the same-old, same-old strapless gowns, but apparently we've got to be careful what we wish for with this one:

The hair, the shredded top (not strapless but still shoulderless -- one step at a time, I guess), the vague sense that she's not sure entirely what's happening or why... She looks like Crazy Aunt Ne-Ne, who's been let out of her attic for the first time since TV was black-and-white, crawled down a gin bottle, tasered her minders, and is now trying to hail a cab to the nearest military base to show our boys some real gratitude.

I mean.... SERIOUSLY, Renee:

Continue reading Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Renee Zellweger.

January 12, 2009

NYFug.com: Live-Blogging the Red Carpet

So, yesterday, Heather and I live-blogged the Golden Globes red carpet for NY Mag.com -- just like we said we would in the post directly below this one! See? We would never lie to you. It certainly felt good to have the Globes back again. And to have our reunion include this moment was especially thrilling:

7:41 p.m.: Ryan gets his claws in Beyonce, who looks....just like Beyonce. After about 30 seconds, he sort of shoves her aside to climb down from his perch to CHASE Brangelina down the red carpet. We are not exaggerating. He full-on bolts down the stairs shouting their names, and they COMPLETELY SNUB HIM. Angie pretends he isn't even there, as he stands behind them calling out their names pleadingly. AWKWARD. Also: FABULOUS.

You can re-live the rest of it here at NY Mag.com. DON'T SNUB US LIKE WE'RE SEACREST OVER HERE.

January 9, 2009

Golden Globes Liveblog!

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housekeeping

Remember last year, when the Golden Globes were canceled, and all we got was some depressing news conference? BORING. Thank god they're back this year, and -- we pray! -- better than ever. We especially hope the red carpet will be fun and interesting and full of totally cracked-out behavior, because we're going to be live-blogging it for The Cut.

Why is there a picture of Alec Baldwin accompanying this information, you ask? I just like him, that's all. Does he not look jovial? All hail Jack Donaghy! See you all Sunday! You there -- yes, you, the one chewing on the top of her Bic Rollerball -- bring the onion dip.

January 9, 2009

The Fug Bunny

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OH RUMER WILLIS. I can't say I am a huge fan of yours, but I don't have a cauldron full of hot, strong hate for you or anything. In fact, one could say I am neutral. Speaking of:

Dude.

No.

January 9, 2009

Critics' Choice Awards Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Anne Hathaway

At first glance, I thought maybe Anne Hathaway chose this dress in the name of synergy, as if to remind everyone subliminally that she's starring in a movie called Bride Wars and that you should totally go see it, because in these trying times, what we all really want to see is a movie about two whiny girls -- who don't eat carbs and call each other's asses fat -- fighting over who gets to have her wedding at the Plaza (I know we've said this before, but... seriously, those promos WILL NOT STOP RUNNING and just about the only thing that will quell my ill-will is when previews for the undoubtedly worse Confessions of a Shopaholic start to air and I have a new target for my irritation). It all seemed very strategic, is what I'm saying:

But I wanted to see the whole thing before I made a judgment. Generally, I find dresses that sit THAT far away from the skin a little weird, but it made sense to holster my nail gun until I checked out the other side.

It was not what I expected:

Continue reading Critics' Choice Awards Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Anne Hathaway.

January 9, 2009

Fug Men and Fug City 2

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JANUARY JONES: Phew. I made it.

JESSICA ALBA: Me too.

JANUARY: I ran all the way from the valet. Can you tell? I feel bedraggled.

JESSICA: Your hair is a little....yeah. I can tell.

JANUARY: Well, so's yours!

JESSICA: What on earth are you talking about?

JANUARY: The bangs...and the....rest of it. You sort of look like my first grade teacher, circa 1981. She made her own flax seeds.

JESSICA: IT'S FOR A PART.

JANUARY: Does that explain your dumb-ass pants?

JESSICA: You look like you got attacked by a beaver with a sleeve fetish!

JANUARY: I AM ON A VERY CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED TELEVISION SHOW.

JESSICA: I....okay. You win.

JANUARY: I hate it when we fight.

JESSICA: Let's go find the bar.

January 9, 2009

Celebrity Big Fugger UK

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[Photo: Splash News]

It was at this point that La Toya Jackson said to herself, "Wait. So Janet wears spacesuits on purpose, and Michael named his kid Blanket, might be on the verge of losing his nose altogether, wears veils, and fled the country. But somehow this moment -- me, in a jester costume on Celebrity Big Brother, moments away from being forced to entertain the King of House by putting on fake glasses and teeth -- still makes me the most tragical Jackson of all. I have GOT to rethink my choices."

January 9, 2009

Critics' Choice Awards Well Played, Evan Rachel Wood

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makeover madness

Last time we saw Evan "Dita" Rachel "Von Teese" Wood, she had broken up with Marilyn Manson but was still piling on the makeup as if she were impersonating his ex. Except that Evan Rachel Wood is, like, barely 21, and needs a face full of slap about as much as I need to rub butter all over my face and then let it bake in the sun.

For a refresher, here is how she looked:

There is more where that came from -- but thankfully, that more did not come from last night. No, our girl showed up at the Critics' Choice Awards looking downright soft:

Continue reading Critics' Choice Awards Well Played, Evan Rachel Wood.

January 9, 2009

Critics' Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Kristen Bell

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please buy a steamer

Kristen Bell has learned the hard way that aluminum foil is better used lining your baking sheets for easier cleanup than for fashion:

Next up: Trying to make sure she doesn't turn to cling film next. And hustling her out of there before anyone slaps a pork chop on her stomach and attempts to fold her into a very elaborate swan.

January 9, 2009

Self Promotion!

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housekeeping

Just a bit of exciting news! GFY is nominated for Best Fashion Blog in the 2008 Weblog Awards. We are, of course, tickled. In preparation, I am practicing both my Gracious Loser Face and my Humble Winner Expressions, as I already have my Enraged Violent Loser and Smug Asshat Winner faces down pat. Voting is still open, so if you'd like to cast a vote for us or any of the other fine blogs nominated in that category, you can do it here. Yay!

January 8, 2009

People's Choice Awards Fug Trial: Carrie Underwood

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It seems this year's winner of the Needless Multiple Costume Changes award at the People's Choice shindig was Carrie Underwood, who wore a relatively tame three different dresses -- I mean, if this were MTV, she'd have changed 20 times -- and I can't quite decide how I feel about any of them. So let's put her on trial, shall we?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you Exhibit A:

The prosecution leaps to its feet and screams that this is a bit reminiscent of Sarah Larson's unpopular, shiny water-lilies-esque Oscar gown -- but as if this came from Monet's little-known Crabass Period where he threw a massive hissyfit over having to paint the same damn flowers all the time and rebelled by doing a portrait of the wallpaper in his mother's downstairs powder room. The defense narrows its eyes and points out that Carrie Underwood is seriously pretty and could make just about any old wallpaper look good, then casually asks if the pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive parked out front belongs to the prosecution, and sends a paralegal out to it with key.

Next up is Exhibit B:

Continue reading People's Choice Awards Fug Trial: Carrie Underwood.

January 8, 2009

People's Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Lori Loughlin

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Let's discuss for a second how RANCID the new 90210 is. They pick up and drop plotlines like a serial dater. Drunkface still cannot act, and delivers 90 percent of her lines at warp speed. None of the relationships or friendships are remotely interesting. The clothes aren't even amusing enough to make me love-hate them. I seriously think it's being run by blind monkeys on downers. Lori Loughlin deserves better. Listen, Stamos is going to be available soon, now that ER is ending -- she and he need to figure out a way to recreate that old Uncle Jesse/Rebecca magic and save her from this toilet bowl.

She also deserved a little better than this dress:

It's not... I mean, it could be worse. But unless she's planning to get married to a basketweaver after the show in a small ceremony officiated by one of the valets, I'd rather have seen her in something a bit less twee. And which didn't expose the fact that she forgot to loofah the Mystic Tan off her legs.

As for her show, I just have one word for The CW: Step the hell off Melrose Place unless you get someone there who knows how to pull crazy from thin air. I have serious, serious reservations that they will be able to recreate the mad genius of the time Kimberly Shaw Ripped Off Her Wig. Or when she tried to kill herself with pills just to lash out at Michael Mancini, but when he found her, he just smiled, turned on some classical music and poured a glass of wine. Or Kimberly's split personalities. Or that time Priscilla Presley almost gave Jack Wagner a lobotomy,Amanda Woodward incited her boss to hang himself over his desk, Sydney became a hooker, or Sydney joined a cult that counted Traci Lords as a member. Odds are, it will be more like the tedious first season of Melrose -- WILL BILLY QUIT DRIVING A CAB TO WORK AT HIS FATHER'S CARPET STORE??!?! -- and in that case, what's the point? Just rerun the original. Heather Locklear could use the cash. Hell, with the exception of Gay Matt, Kristin Davis, and maybe the resurrected Grant Show, they all could.

poll by twiigs.com

January 8, 2009

People's Choice Press Room Fug: Kate Hudson

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You can not expect me to believe that this was the best option Kate Hudson had last night:

For one thing, the skirt portion appears to be incredibly dirty. And I'm pretty sure she didn't get into a knockdown drag-out on the red carpet that spilled over into the gutter, so....color me perplexed. For another, this seems to be drifting dangerously close to looking like something from Dorothy Zbornak's evening wear line, to the point where I half expect to see that the next picture of her in the press room involves her biting her fist in front of a giant wedge of cheesecake. Looks like those of you who picked Kate in our Who Will Look Most Ridiculous At the People's Choice Awards pool have a good argument for taking home the prize (bragging rights, and half a tuna sandwich). Congrats!

January 8, 2009

People's Choice Award Fug or Fab: Debra Messing

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green,
grey

This is, I suspect, one of those dresses that the Fashion People (you know who you are -- hello there!) lose their nuts over, and the rest of us are kind of like, "but why is she wearing a hexagon?"

That being said, after having stared at this dress for like half an hour as I sit here and stir my coffee -- question: can liquid Coffee Mate go bad? Because I am worried I've done something terrible to myself if it has. Just so you know -- it turns out I might dig this crazy geometry. Check it from the front:

Continue reading People's Choice Award Fug or Fab: Debra Messing.

January 7, 2009

Anne Hathfugway

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I was going to make this a Fug or Fab post, because I stared at the picture for so long trying to suss out an angle. But then I realized, I don't know what my Fab angle would be:

I mean, what? That it covers her bits? That I like her jewelry? That it's not done Family Truckster-style in an evocative shade of Metallic Pee? That it's not made of balloons and stuffed armadillos? Okay, fine. Those are all notes in the "pro" column. But in the end, I just can't get behind how this dress looks. The semi-tacky see-through part cutting a diagonal swath around her torso only has the effect of making her upper half look even MORE like it's barreling down Emaciation Street. The pound of sheen pasted on her skin doesn't help, because it has a bit of a sickly glow itself. I don't know. I just look at this and feel distinctly underwhelmed, because she is capable of so much better, and hopefully at the Golden Globes this weekend -- since she's a nominee -- we'll see it. Until then, could somebody please make her some waffles?

poll by twiigs.com

January 7, 2009

Three's Fugpany

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scrolldown fug

Guys, I'm not hallucinating, am I? Suzanne Somers IS wearing a black zip-up sweatshirt over a ninth-grader's Spring Dance dress, is she not?

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

It's like the opposite of when actresses are only being shot from the waist up, so they show up on set dressed to the nines but wearing Uggs on their feet for comfort. Maybe Suzanne impulsively stopped by the party after she finished shooting an anonymous L'eggs commercial. It would also help explain why her skin is mostly normal-colored but her legs are cloaked in, like, Silken Coffee Sunrise.

January 7, 2009

Fug or Fab: Rosario Dawson

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Something about this dress reminds me of Barbara Eden's costume in I Dream of Jeannie. I think it's the colors. Also, the gauzy fabrics. It looks a bit like what you'd expect Jeannie to pick out for the window treatments if she remodeled the side of her bottle:

That is not a terrible thing. Now, I personally far preferred Bewitched to I Dream of Jeannie, if only because Samantha Stephens is a much more interesting woman than Jeannie, and would only ever refer to Darwood as "Master" sarcastically and then he might end up being accidentally turned into a llama by her mother. Also, Bewitched has better outfits and a far superior batch of supporting characters, although I will acknowledge that Larry Hagman is seriously cute in Jeannie. But I had to give it up to Jeannie for the decor of the inside of her bottle. While I was always terribly frustrated as a child -- home sick from school, because what else do you do as a kid home sick in the 80s but watch reruns of The Brady Bunch, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie and, obviously, a bit of The Price is Right? -- by the fact that Jeannie very rarely changed her clothes (TRY SOMETHING OTHER THAN HAREM PANTS. AREN'T YOU BORED?, I would think to myself), I really thought her bottle was beautifully decorated, and that child in me kind of likes this dress. It is the same part of my psyche that loves flocked wallpaper. Is that so wrong?

poll by twiigs.com

January 7, 2009

Fugs of Anarchy

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I like Sprague Grayden: she's cute and her name is fun to say, plus I vaguely recall that she was on Joan of Arcadia although for the life of me, I can't remember what part she played or whether or not she was any good. What I'm saying is that she seems like the kind of girl whose friends would have no trouble pulling aside and saying, "love the dress, Sprague, but what's up with the kerchief? You kind of look like you're hiding a hickey in a movie about teens in the 50s, or like it's holding your head on. Maybe a necklace instead?"

My question, then, is not about her, but rather about her friends: WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?

January 7, 2009

All Fug Sons

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Thank God we have eagle-eyed readers. Apparently, while we were on hiatus, watching bowl games and drinking mulled wine and weep-swooning through Band of Brothers marathons (parenthetically: it says a lot about the hotness of that cast that the brief presence of both James McAvoy AND Jason O'Mara went completely unnoticed back when the miniseries premiered), Katie Holmes did this:

[Photo: Splash News]

... She's just bored, right? Or is this a cry for help? Unless these are somehow an integral part of her costume (which still probably could've been kept to her dressing room rather than being taken out into the world and coated in denim), I REALLY feel serious alarm. I would expect these sorts of shenanigans from Hilary Duff, maybe, or Sienna Miller. Lindsay Lohan probably wants to design a pair of these with kneepads and call them The Starlet (as a companion piece to her evocatively named "Mr. President" padded leggings). But for Katie Holmes to deviate from a steady pre-theater diet of comfy jeans and cardigans in favor of STIRRUP TIGHTS worn under denim shorts... well, that took some effort, and the only explanation I can come up with is that she ran out of mood stabilizers and so she spends all her sleepless nights surfing eBay and watching QVC. She probably also has a genuine emeraldiste-studded toilet-roll holder, a space-saving dress made only of one argyle sock and a rubber band, and a nifty set of Hummel figurines in the image of the entire cast of Starship Troopers. I kind of wish she'd worn one or all of those instead.

January 6, 2009

Fug Or Fab: Kate Hudson Again

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sequins

Man, we are doing a lot of double-dipping so far this year. I think it's because Hollywood had pretty much ground to a halt over the holidays and is only just revving up its engine again. Bless the People's Choice Awards and Golden Globes for being right around the corner. The only thing that will soothe my heart in these trying times is some majorly extravagant wackitude.

Anyway, let's get back to Kate Hudson and her press tour for the execrable-looking Bride Wars. Here's what she showed up in for a David Letterman interview:

On the one hand: Sparkly! On the other, it reminds me a tad too much of the really ugly interpretive stained-glass windows in one of the churches my mom used to go to -- and generally my first reaction to a person's dress shouldn't be acid flashbacks to me kneeling in prayer, begging a higher power to stop the death-obsessed priest from giving long-winded, tragic sermons about children with no internal organs, or families who were eaten by sharks. None of which made me want to love my neighbor as much as lock myself in the house with a bag of Doritos.

poll by twiigs.com

January 6, 2009

Well Played, Rosario Dawson

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dialogue,
purple

WILL: You. Are. FINE.

ROSARIO: Thanks, Will.

WILL: I don't let just anyone stand next to me, you know. I am a dapper cat. I need someone who can hold their own against the heat of my charm and suavitude. I mean, paisley? Could anyone else wear paisley? No. But I am WORKING this paisley. I have given this paisley a sensual massage and now we've moved on to champagne and strawberries and edible panties.

ROSARIO: Sure! It's true that you're very smooth, Will. I'm happy to be here with you.

WILL: But damn, Rosario, I'm serious here -- you glow. If I weren't already in a happy heterosexual marriage and equal partnership that is indestructible against the force of any human foibles, I would be all OVER you. I mean, in that dress, you look like a bridesmaid, a bit. But in a HOT way. It WORKS. You're the sexy-ass bridesmaid at the wedding that all the groomsmen decide they're going to try and hook up with after the reception, but none of them do because I get there first and woo you with sensitive conversation, sharp wit, and my mad love skills.

ROSARIO: Thanks! You are good for my ego.

WILL: I KNOW how to stroke an ego, baby. I am the master of romance. I will pour scented oil on that ego and light candles and then....

ROSARIO: Yeah, yeah, I get it, you're the man, you'll massage it and then there's champagne and panties. Noted. Now can we go inside and get this show on the road?

WILL: Not until we get one more picture of this hot love triangle between you, me, and my paisley. The world needs to SEE how it's DONE. YOUR MOVE, BECKHAM. I dare you to pull this off, boy.

ROSARIO: This is going to be a long night.

January 6, 2009

Fug on to Me

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[Photo: Splash]

"Dude, what's the big deal? I'm just being Courtney. And sometimes Courtney likes to wander around downtown Culver City looking like a downtrodden, underemployed, potentially violent and unpredictable Fraggle. So what? I'M A %#%gG&&$#!@2# ROCK STAR. If I can't pop out of my Escalade carrying a twelve thousand dollar crocodile handbag and wearing a feather I fished out of that lake thing in MacArthur Park, WHO CAN? So my shoes appear to be made out of trash. DO YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO WEAR TRASH SHOES? I didn't think so. Besides, I'd like to remind you that I am the woman who allowed a homeless man to suckle her bare teat at a Wendy's for photographers. This is F#$#%w$#$%(^# NOTHING. So, unwad your panties and send your angry letters to the Official Save Francis Bean Council For Rock Star Offspring, care of Kelly Osbourne, 1221 Derelicte Avenue, suite F U."

January 6, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kate Hudson

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multi-colored

So....Kate Hudson. On one hand, I think she's essentially not much of an actor. On the other, I have to acknowledge that she IS charming, and -- let's be honest --- I do watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days every time it's on cable. And I kind of feel like Charismatic But Not a Great Actress is a better pigeonhole to wake up in than Technically Talented And Stultifying, or something. So I am torn on her. What I am not torn on is how she appears to be doing her best J. Lo impression here, and that, ergo, her expression is hilarious:

Whither the mink eyelashes, Kate? I am also not torn on Bride Wars: it looks awful. AWFUL. Awful in the kind of way that makes you mad that people think women actually act like that, outside of the occasional episode of Bridezillas, and at this point I think we all know that like 65% of the women on Bridezillas are playing to the cameras. I spent the entire trailer wanting to grab both Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson and tell them to CHILL OUT AND HAVE THE WEDDING SOMEWHERE ELSE, GOD. And then to ask Kate why she thought the bangs she's sporting in the movie were a good idea. And then ask the Powers That Be if they're nervous that releasing a movie that appears to be about spoiled girls who will die if their Plaza Wedding goes awry during These Economic Times is maybe not going to play as well as it might have a couple of years ago. And I want to ask YOU, dear reader, how this dress hits you. I suspect there's something about it that's a bit too close to being a court jester, and yet I think I might like it.

poll by twiigs.com

January 5, 2009

Fugger to Daughter

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I hate to make this Pile On LiLo Day, but she really was asking for it:

[Photo: Mavrixonline.com]

Dude, that is practically a SHIRT. In fact, I believe one could argue that it's actually like...a vest. One particularly vigorous dance move or overly ambitious stint at the beer bong, and one of her tatas is going to say ta ta to her top.

Man, I've been waiting to make that terribly hacky tata/ta ta crack for TWO WEEKS NOW. Phew, it's good to be back.

January 5, 2009

2009: Fresh Year, Stale Fug

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One nice thing about wiping 2008 off my mental dry-erase board, and training myself to write the date correctly on all my checks, is that I figure there's got to be a new trend coming down the pike that will leave me pleasantly infuriated and maybe even a little nauseated by the force of my own confusion. You know, like what jumpsuits and high-waisted jeans did for me in 2007 and 2008.

So, of COURSE, my first photo-scavenging expedition of 2009 resulted in the regurgitation of that old insidious criminal: leggings. And on one of the usual suspects.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

You know what else hasn't changed in the new year? LEGGINGS STILL AREN'T PANTS. Take a memo, Lohan. Jot it down right under "beg Tina Fey to write another movie role for you" and "prune hair extensions."

But Lindsay wasn't the only offender:

Continue reading 2009: Fresh Year, Stale Fug.

January 5, 2009

The Fugity II: Full Fugtal

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Jessica already shone our judgmental spotlight on Whitney Port's head-wreath and crazy jacket, but I stumbled upon a glimpse of her full outfit and couldn't resist enabling us all to gawk at it. See, Whitney -- for the uninitiated, who (if they exist) have a wonderful, wonderful existence and should cherish it -- is a girl who, generally, seems to have an aversion to anything that is not either skintight pants, or skirts that put at least three-quarters of her skinny, mile-long legs on display. And that's fine; she should flaunt it while she's got it. But they even went so far as to stage a shot on The City of her wearing a crotch-skimming mini to her first day at work, walking past some construction workers who -- instead of hooting -- patted each other supportively on the shoulder as if to say, "Someday, Billy. If you dream big, someday you, too, can have 44-inch legs with the approximate thigh circumference of a bowling pin." In short, if Whitney isn't the mayor of Leg City, then she's at least the head of the town's zoning commission.

Which is why this is so hilarious. I'd have sooner expected Whitney to cut this thing off where the light purple becomes dark and wear THAT as a dress on its own:

Instead, she's about ten seconds away from making a maypole out of a nearby street lamp and performing "Age of Aquarius" on her trusty blade of grass. I'll slip her an extra Benjamin if she can get Spencer on the pan flute.

January 5, 2009

Fug0Fug1Fug

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You guys, I think I might be in love with 90210's AnnaLynne "Drunkface" McCord. I mean it. She BRINGS IT:

[Photo: Splash News]

And by "it," I mean "crazy outfits that you might be able to specify if you were, say, calling a highly customize-able escort service." Wigs! Trashy boots! Sultry expressions! It's like she's 2007 Britney, but more fun because I'm not stressed out about her mental health, nor do I care! It's so much fun! Thank you, Drunkface. I look forward to a long, fruitful '09 jam-packed with you showing up places in latex shorts and wigs salvaged from the dumpster outside of the Alias wardrobe department. I'm not even being sarcastic: I CAN'T WAIT.

January 5, 2009

The Fugity

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WELCOME BACK, READERS! I hope you all had a delightful New Year's Eve and that 2009 is treating you right thus far. We are happy indeed to be back in our bitch pants, and boy, have we got a lot to cover. This, for example, was from last week, but I couldn't let it pass without comment:

Behold, Whitney Port making an appearance on The Hills Aftershow (aka My Secret Shameful Pleasure). Now, I learned many things whilst watching The City this week: (a) Whitney Port is truly best as a secondary character who counsels more troubled girls on their personal problems, because she is not a particularly dramatic person on her own, which is great for HER but boring for TV, (b) Olivia Palermo has great hair/will probably prove to be the result of a fling between one of the Heathers and the devil, (c) I have terrible taste in TV, (d) models wore this headdress on the runway of most recent DVF fashion show, and (e) if you're not a model on the DVF runway, wearing this headdress makes you look a bit as though you just fell out of a VW bus on the way to the Renaissance Faire. The models looked lovely, sure, but if there is anything anyone has learned from Project Runway, fashion magazines, Top Model and Fashion Week coverage, I would hope that it would be that runway models are often styled in headgear that is AWESOME for the runway and SERIOUSLY RIDICULOUS for the rest of us fools.

For example, would you wear these in real life?

Let me just say that I would love to see you try it. That means you, Whitney. I long for an episode of The City where Lauren comes to visit and you pick her up at the airport wearing a stuffed animal as a hoodie, or where you go on a date with that Australian dude wearing a Native American headdress and your vague, pause-filled non-conversation is intermittently interrupted by moments where we viewers can tell he is struggling not to ask you what the hell you're doing in it, or one where you go to the office in a tremendous straw hat and accidentally run into a phone pole right outside the front door and knock yourself out. No, seriously. That would be awesome. I dare you.