So...Jessica Simpson has been very busy of late: (a) she's been romancing Tony Romo, which has probably been fun, (b) she performed this weekend at a chili cook-off (...I know. I feel kind of depressed now, too), and (c) she very kindly took one for the team and illustrated for us all that high-waisted jeans are really not flattering on everyone. Especially not these:
[Photos: Splash]
Here is the thing about these jeans: they might look great on you if you have abs that could grate cheese and little-to-no body fat. On the rest of us, they just emphasize Inner-Thighs-Through-Belly-Including-Hips, which is something I want in my pants about as much as I want Tony Romo to come over and throw a boiling vat of chili in my face. I mean, if you just mentally move the waist band of these jeans down about two inches, girlfriend looks 100% better, am I right? The sad thing is, I'm sure the tabloids are going to jump on this with a replay of Star's infamous "IT'S NOT A FAT SUIT" headline, when really, J Simp's probably gained a pound here or there because she's not working out 8 hours a day anymore and who can blame her? She's in love! She's WORKING A CHILI COOK-OFF. She's not made of stone, people, and I suspect she's naturally a curvaceous girl. The fact of the matter is that we all know she'd probably look freaking great if she would just burn those pants and salt the ground. See, this is why I always vote for flattering jeans. Forgiving pants = more sandwiches and far less agita from people squawking about the remainder of your minor holiday weight gain. Also, more sandwiches = much greater happiness. It's like one of the fundamental rules of basic math.
[Photos: Splash]
Here is the thing about these jeans: they might look great on you if you have abs that could grate cheese and little-to-no body fat. On the rest of us, they just emphasize Inner-Thighs-Through-Belly-Including-Hips, which is something I want in my pants about as much as I want Tony Romo to come over and throw a boiling vat of chili in my face. I mean, if you just mentally move the waist band of these jeans down about two inches, girlfriend looks 100% better, am I right? The sad thing is, I'm sure the tabloids are going to jump on this with a replay of Star's infamous "IT'S NOT A FAT SUIT" headline, when really, J Simp's probably gained a pound here or there because she's not working out 8 hours a day anymore and who can blame her? She's in love! She's WORKING A CHILI COOK-OFF. She's not made of stone, people, and I suspect she's naturally a curvaceous girl. The fact of the matter is that we all know she'd probably look freaking great if she would just burn those pants and salt the ground. See, this is why I always vote for flattering jeans. Forgiving pants = more sandwiches and far less agita from people squawking about the remainder of your minor holiday weight gain. Also, more sandwiches = much greater happiness. It's like one of the fundamental rules of basic math.
