But that shouldn't take away from how well Evan Rachel Wood is rocking it, with her glowing skin and subtle -- by her standards -- makeup. The purple accessories have me torn; on the one hand, I applaud the unusual choice, but on the other, they are kind of distracting. In all, though, it's totally understandably why Mickey Rourke allegedly was spied making out with Evan Rachel after the SAG Awards. Which is not to say that I understand why Evan Rachel allegedly sucked face with Mickey Rourke -- rather, if I were Mickey, and I were coming off a wildly successful, acclaimed, decorated movie role, and I were standing next to this girl just a few weeks after memorably thanking my dogs for their companionship over the years, I'd probably be like, "Okay, Self. You may not look like Original Mickey Rourke any more, but you do not wear white contacts and you generally don't evoke images of Satan worship, so you are LIGHT YEARS ahead of this kid's last boyfriend. GO FOR IT."
All of which makes me feel a bit bad for Bai Ling, if indeed it's true she hooked up with Mickey Rourke after the Golden Globes. We rib our girl Bai, but we just want her to be happy; however, can it be a coincidence that after her rumored Rourkeing, she turned up not once but TWICE in full-coverage outfits? Behold:
[Photo: Splash News]
Okay, so this one -- bafflingly -- is designed to look like it's falling off, which means it would like very much NOT to be a full-coverage dress, but there's mountains of fabric all the same. I can't even see the outline of her navel. I had to play Pin The Navel On The Bai, I might not remember exactly where to put it.
[Photo: Splash News]
And this! The Bai we know -- the Bai who is the reigning Fug Madness champion -- would have cut out those sequined panels and arranged the remaining strips to cover the X-rated portions of her breasts. It would appear Lady Ling has a personality in there somewhere that's MODEST. And kind of wants to be stuck in a Groundhog Day time loop where she gets to go to prom over and over again for the rest of her life.
Honestly, I sort of miss the bikini tops and tiny miniskirts and Band-Aids with helpful messages of peace. I hope getting Mickeyed -- allegedly -- didn't Rourke the other 14 demi-nude sprites right out of her.
I suspect not, though. And now, friends, we get to the entire reason for this fugging: notes from Bai Ling's blog. In the middle of her account of how Mickey Rourke is a gentleman that she respects -- and that we should be kind to her, because "I am you, your friend, and your mirror.......I landed here on earth next to you to give you love, I landed here on earth next to you to give you your true self back....." -- she drops this little bombshell (an explosion of [sic]):
Its been hard for me the last few days, my phone keep ringing like crazy, but what did I do? just wish that I could tell the truth to the world, but sometimes you just can't, maybe you have to wait for my book to come out and read, yes I am writing a book, more colors than 7 colors of the rainbow, more exciting stories than you would ever known, more odd turns will take your breath away, more roses will kiss the sexy red lips into your deep brian, just like my gifted life, special, yes special and especially with men......
I just have one timy comment: PLEASE GOD CAN SOMEONE PUBLISH THIS BOOK. SERIOUSLY. PLEASE. I NEED TO READ THIS. WE ALL NEED TO EXPERIENCE THE BOOK OF BAI. THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH CAPITAL LETTERS IN THE WORLD TO CONVEY THE DEPTH OF OUR COLLECTIVE YEARNING. PLEASE JESUS. AMEN.
