First, I tried addressing Kate Winslet and Reese Witherspoon's dresses separately, since they're not exactly identical, but I kept wanting to say similar things about them. Both gowns have in common the concept of a basic idea embellished with black overlays, and both of them have me firmly on the fence. Which is not a comfortable place to be. Too many splinters. So while Intern George fetches some iodine and the tweezers, let's first take a look at Kate's choice:
I really like the bluish-gunmetal color. But with the hair and what she appears to imagine is her regal bearing, it all just seems a bit OLD to me. Or rather, mature. Like she is planning to get together with Carolina Herrera and Princess Anne after the Oscars for a brandy. The other issue is that neckline. The pleating over her left boob is lovely, but there is something funky happening under the shoulder strap -- almost like there is a shoulder pad stuck in there acting as a nipple shield. And finally, the front overlay feels a bit randomly glued to the waistband. Adding up those elements and the fact that the back is black satin, it's just... a lot. Kind of like a valentine made by a very depressed fourth-grader, who is pretty sure that the little red-headed girl is never going to like him if he can't even kick a football without landing flat on his back. I wanted Kate Winslet to embrace being young and hot, as opposed to taking the whole Greatest Actress Of Her Generation thing so seriously that she's aging herself into some kind of Tinseltown monarch.
And then there's Reese:
I really like the bluish-gunmetal color. But with the hair and what she appears to imagine is her regal bearing, it all just seems a bit OLD to me. Or rather, mature. Like she is planning to get together with Carolina Herrera and Princess Anne after the Oscars for a brandy. The other issue is that neckline. The pleating over her left boob is lovely, but there is something funky happening under the shoulder strap -- almost like there is a shoulder pad stuck in there acting as a nipple shield. And finally, the front overlay feels a bit randomly glued to the waistband. Adding up those elements and the fact that the back is black satin, it's just... a lot. Kind of like a valentine made by a very depressed fourth-grader, who is pretty sure that the little red-headed girl is never going to like him if he can't even kick a football without landing flat on his back. I wanted Kate Winslet to embrace being young and hot, as opposed to taking the whole Greatest Actress Of Her Generation thing so seriously that she's aging herself into some kind of Tinseltown monarch.
And then there's Reese:
Just trying to suss this out makes me tired. There's a very pretty bodice and a lovely royal blue fabric hidden under a big black tulle... thing. It reminds me of how I am at Christmas, or my birthday: Any ribbon on any package ends up on my head, my shirt, or around my neck, because I am a giant child at heart -- and also, where's the fun in buying a cool adornment like that just to have it disappear under a mountain of wrapping paper? So here, it kind of feels like the dress arrived in a very depressingly packaged box (perhaps with a meaningful card: "Carpets are red / this dress is blue / please wear it to the Oscars / or else I'll come unglued") and Reese decided to hang the ribbon on her shoulders rather than waste it. How... thoughtful?
