(1) SWINTON vs. (16) SPEIDI
Well, this is it. You asked for it, and now you're going to get it: The magic of SWINTON against the malevolence of Speidi.
[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]
Yes, be afraid, Heidi. Be very afraid. Because even though I am fairly sure you were not that aggravated to be exposed wearing elastic-leg boy-short underwear as you slid carelessly out of a car in your tiny outfit, beating down this woman may be the toughest challenge of your life. Tougher even than making out with Spencer while he had the devil's topiary sprouting from his face.
Behold:
YES. Love her or hate her, or merely feel confused by the tingling sensation in your extremities caused by paging through her archive, you cannot deny that this is a lady tuxedo on serious crack. It's like she's playing Arthur Doolittle in a cross-dressing reimagining of My Fair Lady and she's getting married in the morning.
Speaking of musical theater:
When I found this photo I thought, for a fleeting second, that she was about to burst into "I Have Confidence" as part of an audition to play Fraulein Maria in The Sound of Music. And then my fantasies ran away with me. CAN YOU IMAGINE? Just THINK of the things Fraulein SWINTON would cook up for those kids out of old household fabrics! The nuns would be rendered songless by the size of that unsolveable problem, and Captain Von Trapp wouldn't know what hit him. Needless to say, this needs to happen immediately. IMMEDIATELY.
(8) CHARLIZE THERON vs. (9) LILY ALLEN
We all remember Lily's infamous Vomiting Bambi dress. I call it that because, even though Bambi appears to have had his throat slit, for whatever reason my first reaction when I see it is that he's barfing blood. It will always be The Vomiting Bambi Dress to me, and there is nothing that can make that dress okay. Not even the news that it wasn't Bambi, but in fact Bambi's evil twin brother Gambi, who kidnapped Bambi and threw him down a well and then took his place in the world. After murdering a bunch of children. EVEN THAT does not erase the horrors of that garment.
And hey, this sucked too:
I get the sense Lily just woke up from a trance and is like, "Hmm. Well, THIS is an interesting twist." And it would be jarring to snap to consciousness and find oneself in Chanel ballet slippers, a pink updo that appears to be two weeks into a long and dreary life, and a picnic blanket made by Chico's. Let's hope that is what happened, because I'd hate to think she got all stoked about this ensemble at home and couldn't wait to show it to everyone.
Charlize Theron had a slightly different take on the ol' maxi dress:
She simply turned hers into a quasi-mini. A formal mini-maxi-dress. Who'd have thought such a paradox could exist in nature? And why is someone who could snap her fingers and have ten valets show up with racks full of impeccable designer couture trotting around in a crotchtacular mess that's barely even staying up?
The last problem is sort of a thing with Charlize, though -- her strapless stuff almost never looks like it fits.
Also, ew.
(5) BEYONCE vs. (12) BLAKE LIVELY
These two ladies have a few things in common -- most obviously, killer curves and an affinity for showing them off in ill-advised ways. Oh, sure, Blake opted for that hideous baggy Miss Sixty jumpsuit at the fashion show in September, but that's probably just because nobody had time that day to take it in twelve inches. But do you remember this?
Honey. You are gorgeous. But HELL TO THE NO. The worst thing is, apparently it was made for her. By an actual professional, too, not hopped-up mice with delusions of Fashion Week. This would be the part where I looked at it in the mirror and said, "You know what? There is no size tag in here. Can we work on my midsection a little? I'd like to be able to breathe. And eat. And drink. And sit. And look like I own clothes that fit." Are designers REALLY that flummoxed by hips when said hips are RIGHT in front of them?
Of course, although that dress is many things, it is NOT a robot hand. Neither is this, but it still scared the bejeesus out of me:
As did this:
When Beyonce Knowles looks like she's wearing castoffs from Tyra's old judging panel wardrobe on America's Next Top Model, something is wrong. Well, wronger than usual.
(4) SCARLETT JOHANSSON vs. (13) AMY ADAMS
Every time I start writing something about it, I space out and have to hit Backspace because I've completely lost my train of thought. Which may echo what happened to the dressmaker, who seems to have combined three different thoughts and, magically, come up with a dull and dowdy dress anyway.
ScarJo, on the other hand, is all into flash these days. Who could forget The Great Russian Stacking Doll Affair of Earlier In 2009, or The Big Waist-Gobbling WTF Incident Of Christmas 2008. Or the Holy Crap, You're Standing Next to Samuel L. Jackson When He Is Wearing Green-Velvet Pants And A Tropical Cosby Sweater And Yet All I Can See Is Your Reflective Skirt:
[Photo: WENN.com]
Boring, no. But is fugly but gutsy really better than staid? That's up to you.
As crazy as Swinton's outfits are, you have to give her credit for being adventurous in a usually-not-offensive way that often reminds me of runways. Beyonce does not get the same kind of defense, though. Mostly because of all the ubertight satin.
I love SWINTON, but I think she's sort of onto something... er... something. I don't know. But as much as I'd love for this trophy to be in her hands - pitted against Speidi... I have to let my gag reflex dictate my choice, and no couple gives me the dry heaves like Speidi. Just thinking about their dollar store shopping spree makes me want to set something on fire.
Sorry SWINTON.
Unfair! Swinton V Speidi. Swinton is gold to Speidi's brass.
I'm surprised you did not use the picture of Beyonce at the Oscars. I knew as soon as I saw that nightmare that she would take out whoever had the misfortune to be up against her.
I think Amy Adams should just start wearing her 'Enchanted' wardrobe out in public.
I LOVE MARCH MADNESS! And I was thrilled to discover all the ladies I voted for are winning! Oh, the power of FUG!!
boooo,
I LOVE Swinton, but I think she is interesting and age appropriate.
Spiedi is just gross, fugly outside and in...
I have such a deep fondness for Beyonce's robot hand that I had to vote for her. I know it should probably be the other way around, but I can't help it. I feel the same way about her this year as I felt about Posh last year. I love her fug and therefore want her to be the queen!
SWINTON, Lily Allen, Beyonce, and ScarJo. Fug, fug, fug, and fug.
I'm not going to get any work done today!
I have to hand it to SWINTON - whatever it is she is wearing, in it's ultimate wackitude, she has that look on her face that says she KNOWS it's wack, but she's so sure of herself it doesn't matter what us underlings think.
I have a complete girl-crush on SWINTON. I love her, I love her clothes, I love everything.
Karen may have a point... but on the other hand, Beyonce is gorgeous and young and curvaceous and can almost pull off some of this crazy stuff. Swinton is mostly just weird (though a talented actress).
I just can't get behind Swinton as the ultimate in fug. Interesting, complex, and sometimes disturbing, but truly fug? i think not.
Speidi, on the other hand, wins for facial hair alone. Blech.
I voted Charlize because like you said, she could EASILY do better with a snap of the fingers. I think Lilly does it on purpose, as a cry for attention.
I had to go with Amy Adams, if for no other reason than her poses in her boring outfits. She has the ability to look so uncomfortable in a pose on the red carpet that I, in turn feel uncomfortable looking at her picture.
Truly, the brilliance of SWINTON is such that she is deserving of her own bracket.
I actually usually like what Amy wears, I think this was just a boring choice. I wish Swinton and Speidi weren't up against each other. B/c you can't not vote Swinton, but Speidi should last beyond the last round. To me, Beyonce is a contender for the title. I don't know what she did to her stylist to make her hate her so much, but it makes no sense. She has an awesome body, but always insists on wearing the least flattering thing possible!
Swinton's awesome and takes great risks. That doesn't mean that her clothes aren't fug.
My love for Lily Allen has blinded me to her clothing faults.
Disgusting as Speidi is, its all for the camera attention they know they will get. Just like a child that misbehaves so their parents will actually notice they exist... To the Nth degree... Now Swinton is like a Queen of the fug, while she always exudes elegant-esqueness she always ends up turning into a joke because her outfits are never quite right.
i have to hand it to swinton. at least she's not wearing the cookie cutter ensembles that most hollywood starlets are starving themselves into. she's not afraid to say the hell with it and go her own way which makes her much more interesting than the rest of the sheep in the herd. she's no wanna be top model, nor should she try to be.
I went with the people who earn more money. There is nothing to be compared to expensive FUG. Cheap fug anyone can do...
I am frustrated that uber-fug ScarJo is not winning. Please, when has Amy spent one tenth on her fug than Ms. Johansen does. Scarjo spends more on one push-up bra.
SWINTON, bless her, is to fashion what Lady GaGa is to my mother: inexplicable and wonderful
swinton is always divine!
SWINTON TAKES ALL! SHE IS USING HER FASHION TO HYPNOTISE YOU BEFORE THE INVASION. Amazing!!
What is up with Sammuel L. Jackson! Seriously! He needs his own fug category for this one!
OOPS!!!!!!!! Please scratcho out AMY above and insert LILY... the fugness of it all blinded my tired old eyes.
Sooo painful to choose! My had such a visceral anti-Speidi nausea-inducing reaction, but I think she and he-who-shall-not-be-named are just sort of hapless and pathetic. SWINTON knows exactly what she's doing, and for that, regardless of whether she is avant-garde or fug, gets her my vote. Same deal with Lily Allen and Charlize. I actually think Lily's outfits are adorable, but she knows she is being ridiculous. I think Charlize is just the victim of an occasionally-misguided stylist.
This was the bracket that worried me the most - would the sheer Maximus Grossicus of the combined "might" of Speidi sink SWINTON? They DID go on a reign of terror through last year's bracket until we all came to our senses and remembered we didn't like them enough to love-to-hate them.
But would we remember that in time this year to save Swinton?
YES! I mean, it's only 11:40 am as I write this, but Swinton has a powerful, commanding, pretender-crunching lead.
I LOVE this! Y'all rock!
While I harbour nothing but love for Swinton, I detest the existence of and any attention given to Speidi. I wish in the nicest way possible that they would just disappear.
Swinton v Speidi:
No contest, Swinton.
Theron v Allen:
I went with Lily here. She may be craving attention and using fugliness as a weapon but fug is fug.
Beyonce v Blake:
I think Blake just had some bad advice and a bad fit for that gown. It's not enough to overtake the crazy that is Beyonce.
Amy v ScarJo:
I really struggled with this. So many examples of bad decisions by both. Ultimately, I went with Amy because of the sheer volume of the mistakes. ScarJo made a few whoppers but others just needed some tweaking and would have been ok. At least, not fug-worthy. I know SJ will win it but I had to go with my gut.
SWINTON for the win! I can't stand to see Speidi getting any more attention than they already have. Spencer's creepy beard still haunts me.
I crave SWINTON!
y'all, keep in mind if/when you vote for Beyonce, that her choices are usually (and mostly represented here) for the STAGE, hence the high drama, the crazy that we love/fug about her. You've got to vote for Blake Lively because that bat-sh*t girl actually styles herself into those ill-fitting non-costumes!
well i went SWINTON, Lily, Blake and Scarlet...the only one i missed on was Beyonce...i dunno...i guess i was the only one more turned off by Blake's stuffed sausage dress than Beyonce's over the top stage gear...she's a pop star i think she should look crazy on stage... plus i covet the robot hand lol...also go SWINTON!
Now THIS was a good bracket.
Obviously SWINTON. She will give my beloved Solange a run for the money.
Lily Allen's messy look always brings a good chuckle. But I like loud prints a lot more the authors of this site. Because I'm insane. Plus, Charlize always looks good to me, no matter how odd she chooses to dress her goddess like beauty.
Beyonce and Blake really was the toughest battle yet. The Globe dress really was awful to her belly, which she doesn't even have one. That crazy red/yellow Gossip combination was hilarious, but not her doing. I am a GIANT Beyonce fan and often defend her when I shouldn't, but the Oscar dress made me so mad that I bit my tongue and voted. She's gorgeous beyond belief but she wastes it time after time. I cried.
As for the last battle...maybe Sam Jackson should have been in?
Also, everyone I voted for I actually really like, so I'm glad I can be impartial.
I know this is not 100% on-topic (forgive me, Fug Girls!), but can I just say how abstractly awesome it is to be part of a community of people who now know acclaimed Academy Award-winning character actress Tilda Swinton as SWINTON? I feel like we should have a secret handshake or something to alert us to the presence of other SWINTONphiles.
Oh, and Beyonce's outfit in this post makes her look like she did a couple of laps in a oil slick. Yikes.
Yes. YES!
so, ladies and gentlemen; choose, the wackitude goldness of SWINTON, or the trashy creepy eew-ish trashitude of Speidi?
I think most people here were simply torn between choosing the "gold" a.k.a the Trying Too Much and the "trash" a.k.a the Not Too Much for the win.
Me, tho? SWINTON FTW.
Ummmm...no matter what Beyonce or ScarJo wear, they are always hot! Sorry...that's just how I roll.
I feel like Charlize is fab enough of the time to make up for her occasional fug, same with Amy Adams. With Charlize, though, I feel like she's in the same boat as Rihanna in that they both like to take risks with fashion and often it's fab, but sometimes the risk is to great and it turns out fug.
I love Beyonce too much to vote for her...
I really thought the results for Speidi versus SWINTON would be more even because I have to say that I agonized for all of, like, four minutes on this one. (Which is long in these early seeds since Lily Allen versus Charlize?! Seriously. No contest.) This particular pairing illuminated - nay - shone a glaring spotlight on an aspect of fug all to often overlooked: class. Speidi: Less than zero. SWINTON: Oozing the stuff even as she gives new meaning to the word whackadoo. Can one be truly fugly if one has class? Or is the converse true? Or the opposite? Or the mirror image? Or or or?!?!?
I picked the obvious choices -
SWINTON, Lily Allen, Beyonce & ScarJo. Ok, so maybe they were just obvious to me...
I can't vote for Speidi, I just don't want to give them any more attention.
I dislike Amy Adams so much as a person, I don't think I can judge rationally. Although, I actually liked her whole Oscar look. I'm also willing to forgive SJ a lot more since she got rid of her over-processed too-platnium hair.
Swinton Vs. Speidi???
You girls are evil! They both sooo fug.
SWINTON will forever have my heart as awesomeness and deserves to be the reigning fug queen. Seriously, she is everythign that this is about. As much as Speidi nauseate me, I had to give the vote to SWINTON.
As for the rest, Beyonce, Lily Allen and ScarJo--beware, as SWINTON will have her way with you too.
i agree, a great bracket! although there are clear leaders and my votes went the same way...i actually had a tough time with the decisions.
i think swinton is fabulous and should do more photo shoots bc that cover is amazing. she's a photographer's tall, angular, awkward dream.
I challenging bracket for me to judge! ScarJo and Amy Adams was a really, really tough one to call. But consistently, there is a solid winner in each match-up. How is that? Either way... it's so much fun to play!!!
I'm so glad March Madness is back!!!
My vote is that Swinton gets her own category next year!!!!
I voted for Swinton out of LOVE and my desire to continue to see her in these pages. I also feel as though winning this competition would in fact be a victory for her.
Charlize tends to make an unsettling "dreamy" expression, like she's in a yachting calendar, or one of those charter plane ads in Cigar Aficionado aimed at powerful men.
SWINTON! is too fugly cracked out to be in this contest. She is just to fugtabulous. She owns, OWNS, every bit of fug she wears. And nobody wears it fugtasticallier (it's a word) than SWINTON! Yes, I voted for her but under protest. I LOVE her. Her fug is so beautiful it ceases to be fug. All hail SWINTON!
Lily Allen FTW. No contest there.
Beyonce - beautiful face and body wrapped up in fugliness. When will she learn? At least, in her case, the fugliness fits her shape.
ScarJo should know how to dress by now. Amy's fug is too plain to be a contender. Advantage - ScarJo.
Charlize should know better. ScarJo should know better too but Amy Adams' stylists should be more careful. As for Beyonce, I truly feel that looking into her eyes is like looking through a window: there ain't nothin there. She's scary dumb. That alone, and the fact that her mommy still dresses her, gets my vote. And...Swinton, you go, girl? Female creature?
When one sees SWINTON, one just knows that she is taking this thing all the way!
SWINTON is just plain awesome. Sometimes fug, very fug, but AWESOME. In my world, SWINTON anagrams to awesome. Speidi... anagrams to 'vomit'. Their inside-out fug wins, but apparently only in my anagram-ing world.
I voted ScarJo because she actually looks like shes wearing grey woolen full-bodysuit paired with a SHINY GOLD?!?!? (why) skirt! and the skirt fits badly.. and it's a weird looking length..and it DID distract me from the SLJ's green velvet pants.
SWINTON is fug, but in an "I OWN this fug" way. I think that level of commitment is what elevates her beyond boring and annoying fug like her competitors. Also, I refuse to give them any publicity.
Swinton--world's fugliest drag queen combined with eye-bleedingly awful attire.
Speidi--150% plastic and silicone combined with brain-numbingly hideous attire.
I pick the former, because she expects to be taken so seriously no matter what. The latter will just go away when their unreality series in canceled.
Swinton is awesome. Speidi is just a whole different kind of fug. The kind that only needs attention to survive.
My only fear is SWINTON could win and start to care and/or hire a stylist. I look forward to the days SWINTON is fug. SWINTON truly is a treasure!!!
If you don't make and market a t-shirt reading "SWINTON," "SWINTON FTW," SWINTONIAN," or something along those lines, well there is no justice. The world needs SWINTON.
Tilda Swinton is among the most fabulous creatures on the planet. She can wear absolutely whatever she wants because she is both brilliant and mad. It's hard to weigh her admittedly bizarre fashion sense against some of the cheesy, trashy, who-are-you-anyway celebrities she shares the bracket with. SWINTON is divine. Period. Who are we to judge?
I LOVE SWINTON! I cannot vote for her she's too fabulous! Her fugness is beyond fug. I have never met a woman that could get away with what she's wearing yet she reigns fashion! Oh, SWINTON, happy time awaits us!
Yes! Coleen! Yes! "SWINTON" t-shirts!
If there was a SWINTON-Speidi face-off in real life (oh, how glorious that would be!), SWINTON would crush them both like ants. And probably snack on Heidi's brittle breadstick arms after the battle was over.
Swinton is unparalleled, and I mean, Robot hand! Oddly enough ScarJo and Amy actually made me have to think about it. I often find ScarJo delightful, but when she goes wrong it is oftentimes both horrendous and boob-hurting. On the other hand the fact that Amy is so frightfully dull just borders on offensive to me. I have to give it to ScarJo, though, on the basis that a girl who has so much going for her often punishes those wonderful traits in such a dastardly way.
Team Swinton. Please, please PLEASE make a real Fug Madness Statuette in her honor!!!
SWINTON for the win!
Woooo!!! SWINTON!!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she takes the statuette!
Ooh, ScarJo vs. Amy Adams was tough. Both of them are so very hit-or-miss. Lovely sometimes, dreadful other times. ScarJo tends to mangle her boobs, while Amy Adams looks gift-wrapped.
I had a really hard time with this one today. It was hard for me to be objective because I have a loathing for several of the people in today's bracket (Speidi, Beyonce, Lily Allen)...It really does get in the way of good fug voting.
SWINTON!!!!!!!!! Speidi sucks. SWINTON is the awesome. I want to wear a GFY T-shirt that says SWINTON on it in an airport, then magically, SWINTON appears and says "nice shirt", and then she buys me a coffee and we chat for hours and I bask in her amazingtude. A girl can dream, can't she? And way to throw in a Sound of Music reference. Hmmmm, a young Christopher Plummer.....yummy!
LILY ALLEN: I think she's pretty cool, but Charlize is so gorgeous that she could wear anything and I'd still want to be her.
BLAKE LIVELY: Not only did I vote for her because she's a sucktacular dresser, SHE. IS. NOT. PRETTY. AT. ALL. HER. FACE. IS. CRAP. OVERATED!
SCARJO: While Amy Adams is very pretty and cannot dress, ScarJo is a mini-Monroe and should dress like it. Stop looking so dang frumpy!
I NEED this version of the Sound of Music, NOW!!! Brilliant!
I also want a SWINTON shirt.
Big fat YES PLEASE on the SWINTON t-shirts! QUEEN SWINTON!
Also, Bouncy kinda scares me. Therefore she wins over that blonde girl, who merely looks a little misguided.
SWINTON all the way!
(oh! that puts me in a holiday frame of mind)
Leave it to the Fug Girls to teach us all an Invaluable Fact of Life: When your Speidi sense starts tingling -- it is NOT A GOOD THING.
Alas, that I have not the will to deny the Galactic level of Fug SWINTON brings. Within her glows the Fug of a Thousand Suns. All must bow low.
ScarJo dresses like a beanbag chair.
(1) SWINTON vs. (16) SPEIDI
swinton! although i voted for speidi in the play-in round, i'm done with seeing them for a little while.
(8) CHARLIZE THERON vs. (9) LILY ALLEN
lily! i dunno, charlize can do no wrong in my book, i think she's awesome.
(5) BEYONCE vs. (12) BLAKE LIVELY
beyonce! girl, you are not as spectacular as you think you are. climb down off your high horse would ya?
(4) SCARLETT JOHANSSON vs. (13) AMY ADAMS
scar-jo! bonus points for the hot man-candy but i just always think of that hideous tattoo in the most ill-informed place on her body. i love tattoos...but yuck.
mind you, mr jackson deserves a special mention for his narrative cardie
First: Good ALWAYS triumphs over evil, therefore Speidi is clearly more fug than Swinton.
Second: I WANT to like Lily's style...I really do...but I can't.
Third: Amy Adams vs. Scarlett? For real? This thing is rigged.
1 vs. 16: SWINTON all the way. speidi can't even complete
8 vs. 9: lily allen. she seems sweet but her clothes suck
5 vs. 12: beyonce. i'm so sick of her and her ill-fitting satin
4 vs. 13: scar jo. i'd rather be boring that hideous
This was a pretty challenging bracket... I was so torn on almost all of the matchups.
But can I get a "Well Played" for Jessica Biel in that last photo? I think even without the context of fug her outfit is cute, her shoes are amazing, and her hair is... well, at least clean and brushed. Anyone with me on this one?
Charlize, Beyonce and ScarJo - easy picks.
SWINTON vs Speidi??!! What are trying to DO to me??!!
I love SWINTON. She is my joy, even though she can turn out a Fug like no other.
*deep breath* Speidi. YOU are more fug. So onto the next round. And NO! It's NOT a compliment! UGH.
i'm just upset speidi came up againnst SWINTON, she would have gone to the top otherwsie
I voted for Speidi. SWINTON's outfits may be crazier -- but the fact is, SWINTON does not care what we or anyone else thinks. Whereas that is all Speidi cares about: getting the public to think about them, to think anything at all about them, just them! And this gives them an aura of fugliness that even SWINTON's trash-baggiest frock cannot sustain.
Speidi can't hold a candle to SWINTON. Everything SWINTON dons inspires a hearty, joyous, "WTF??" Whereas the most Speidi can inspire is a dejected, "Oh honey, no."
Charlize can still pass for a normal human. Lily cannot. Lily takes it.
Beyonce is a fug DIVA! Robot hand? Genius! Blake? Blah.
Remember that scene in "Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day" where Amy Adams gets out of the bathtub, drapes a towel over herself and poses like Venus de Milo? That "outfit" did more for her bod than most of the stuff she wears IRL. That is a sad, sad thing. Fortunately for her, she's just boring most of the time. ScarJo, on the other hand, is downright perplexing. Huh? Why? Wha...? I give up, ScarJo gets my vote!
nooooo, SWINTON is beyond fug, you can't vote for her, please? (I'm so desperate). Her opponents are the real fug, come on
Eh, Blake, Amy, and ScarJo are never huge problems (though SJ used to be quite prolific with the aggressively anti-chest dresses). SWINTON is beyond words.
Oh HELL YEAH with the SWINTON tee!!! That would be fugging fugtastic!
It took a long time to choose between Lily and Charlize. That bleeding Bambi thing WAS terrible. However at the last moment I veered and hit Charlize. It should be ridiculously easy for her to look absolutely fabulous all the time. She should know better.
I must have a SWINTON t-shirt. And my 9-year-old needs one, too. She loves SWINTON as much as Mommy does.
I love Scarlet Johanson, but I realize she is not made for the fashion these days. I imagine her wearing corsets and loose night gowns all the time in some medieval times. I would kill for her curves though! Swinton is another favourite of mine, so I voted for her, because her outfits are just awesomly crazy! Beyonce I wish I can skip on looking at, I'm sick of her, but Lily Alen is sweet no matter what! Sorry for the bad spelling hiihi, English is not my first language.
I agree with the overwhelming contention that Swinton is too fugtabulous to be in this category...isn't there a Bjork Bracket for those otherworldly beings we love to fug?
This bracket really highlighted to me that there are two types of fug: there is the glorious sort of which SWINTON! is our majestic queen, Bai Ling is our naughty princess and Sharon Stone is our rollicking, jovial Head Executioner (or maybe the sadistic yet hilarious Madam in charge of Harem Security).
Then there's the girl-didn't-your-momma-teach-you-better? fug of slouchy Rumer Willis, tacky Speidi, or ScarJo... who just seems to lack actual taste.
It's difficult to compare outrageous wackitude with dull, floppy bows and polterwangs. Perhaps one day we will have a Fashion "no" league and a Fashion "YES!!!!" league. Then we will never have to insult SWINTON! by comparing her to Wal-Mart-issue bargain celebrities like Speidi ever, ever again.
I totally agree that Swinton does not belong in the Charo bracket. Good Lord, that's like confusing the excesses of a Gabor sister with the flops of a Redgrave. Love the Swinton.
Beyonce looked good. I'm very surprised she's beating boring Amy Adams.
Oh wait. Gold hot pants. Yeah.
The only reason I voted for Speidi in the play-in was so that I could watch SWINTON obliterate it. Them. WHATEVER.
Yes, Heidi may have done a crime against humanity with the Heidifug line, but SWINTON is in the class of fug where you just have to stand up and applaud.
Yes, Heidi and HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED are heinous, diabolical, vile, disgusting, and probably smell bad. In short, they're the tragique sort of fug. But SWINTON is inspired, and isn't that what it's all about? Isn't that why Our Lady Of The Message Band-Aids Bai Ling won last year?
Sorry. Inspired fuggery beats tragique fuggery. I like my fuggers on drugs.
Also, next year, you HAVE to name the third round the SWINTON Sixteen. She may not get a bracket devoted to her (as she, sadly, is not as legendary of fug as any of the four lovely ladies whom the brackets are currently named after), but you can name at least a round after her, right?
Anyway. In order:
Lily, because of inspired beating tragique. Even if she's inspired by being a famewhore.
Sasha Fierce, because that dress isn't the only thing that's straight from Tyra on ANTM. (That weave/wig/whatever - all I know is that it came from a horse - and that face. Even if she is performing.) And her outfits are equally heinous on and off stage. And secretly, I'm hoping for a Knowles championship. (But she's going to have to get through SWINTON first in the SWINTON Sixteen, if she gets that far.)
ScarJo, because...well, at least she puts a bit more effort into her fuggery.
Hmm. Something's shifting here. Formerly,
FUG=
egotistically awkward
shamefully pandering
famewhoringly embarrassing
eye-searingly mismatched
But now, apparently, SWINTON=FUG=
imaginatively odd
intelligently bizarre
playfully anti-normal
deeply original
Swinton's inclusion is altering fug's definition by incorporating singular transcendent brilliance.
You do realize that if she wins this thing, we're going to need a new term for all the others.
I know SWINTON is gonna win, but really, Speidi is far more fug. It's not just a look, but a lifestyle.
SWINTON is an actual actress with an independent streak a mile wide. Sometimes I look at her pictures and think that, deep down, she knows EXACTLY what's she's doing with the clothes she wears. Unlike Speidi, who think they are admirable.
I actually had an issue choosing between Beyonce and Blake Lively. Ultimately, I chose Beyonce because Blake Lively is young and still learning her way around. Beyonce should know better by now than to still listen to her mother's fashion sense.
So hard to compare SWINTON and SPIEDI. It is like the Posh - Bai Ling match up last year. Two different kinds of fug. SWINTON, like Posh, is unique and interesting. SPIEDI, like Bai Ling, is just tacky. Tacky wins for me. Besides, SWINTON is awesome!
The brackets are randomly assigned, but it's true--if they were really categories of Fug, SWINTON would belong in the sublime Bjork category. I vote for SWINTON not because I hate her clothes, but because I want to keep seeing her name and image on GFY. So sue me!
Different sorts of fug, indeed. Swinton won for me, because I simply adore her and want to see more of her.
I love Blake in the bandage dress, and I am not ashamed!!
I couldn't stop myself voting for SWINTON - although I feel that her winning the tournament would redefine what winning means.
Scarlett beats Amy any day, because of that horrendous dye job she just got.
I agree that Swinton has a thing all her own, is a goddess of fug among peasants, but she is there because she IS quitecential (sp?) fug. She is a star who has been around enough to know better and the resources to clothe all of India in suitable Oscar attire. Yet, she is constantly wearing things that don't fit, are not an appropriate color or length for her, and don't even get me started on her hair or makeup. Its not fair to say she simply is above the fray either, cause obviously she TRIES to be classy, and edgey and fantastic. And perhaps she is pandering a bit with her fashion "statements" (I would place Angilina J in this category right now too...). I just don't know anymore!
Hmm, yes, different definitions of fug. I truly love SWINTON, like many of the commenters. Her fug is the fugliness of majesty... so ugly that it is beautiful. She is fug in a very different way from, let's say, Lily Allen. Lily, in addition to her... ill-advised... wardrobe, is fug - as in f-ing ugly - as a person, from her unfortunate case of diarrhea of the mouth to the way that she seems perpetually stoned. In conclusion, I had to vote for both of them. For different reasons o_o
LeeaPeea - that's not Jessica Biel in the last photo... it's Eva Mendes. I think she looks good, but having clean, brushed hair is not quite as much of an accomplishment for her as for La Biel.
That said...
SWINTON over Speidi: Because SWINTON's fugs are exciting, and anything Spencer and Heidi do, say, or wear can only be boring in comparison. (LC is even more boring, IMO, which is why I voted for Speidi in the play-in round.) I like a little excitement with my fug, and SWINTON always brings it!
Lily over Charlize: Because, I have to admit, Charlize can get away with things us mere mortals cannot. Even when she's wearing something ridiculous, she usually looks great anyway. Lily, on the other hand, needs to either tone down the crazy a bit or just do it RIGHT, for pete's sake. When she hits the mark, she looks cute, but it's a pretty rare occurrence!
Beyonce over Blake: Because we can blame Tina Knowles all we want, but the fact is that Beyonce embraces the fug in its many forms. Look at her rocking that black spandex catsuit! She's so pleased with herself! In a sense, she looks great, but not as great as she does when she actally dresses *well*. Blake just needs a slightly better stylist in order to be a much less frequent part of this site.
ScarJo over Amy: Because when she is hot, she is very, very hot, but when she is fug, she is *awful*. Amy's good outfits aren't that enthralling, but neither is her fug - she's usually just a little bit off. Like that boring blue dress!
Argh! Forgot to put my name on the post again! I know no one else cares, but I do 8-)
Swinton will win. she makes fugly awesome, but there will be some pretty hard competition this year.
MAJOR GEEK SPOT: Last picture of Beyonce, her legs looks like they've been created in photoshop (or a lab) and just pasted in. Serious vectors guys...(end geekery)
I will defend Blake Lively to the end just because her hair is fantastic, which is irrational and sad but never mind.
I only voted for SWINTON so speidi wouldn't win anything!!!
My vote to Swinton was as a good thing! She should definitely be queen of the fug.
I have always thought Beyonce deserved more fugging than she gets. I have consistently hated her outfits for as long as I can remember and, despite the fact that there has been marked improvement since the Destiny's Child-era fifth-rate showgirl gladrags her mother used to make her, she still gets the hair, makeup and pants all wrong, all the time. BK, you've still got miles to go...
I also wanted to add that I think we should be *praising* Heidi's underwear in that first photo. Those skivvies aren't fashionable, but they're better than none at all! (Ahem, ahem, Paris, Britney, et al...) It's a surprisingly modest move for her, and I actually find it weirdly endearing.
Also, to everyone who's complaining about who's in which bracket - the Fug Girls said in an earlier post (March 12th - "Fug Madness 2009: The Brackets, Part II") that they used a randomizer to make the brackets.
I fugged Lily Allen soley for her inability to wear shoes that go with her outfit.
SWINTON I love you! I would give her any kind of award. Have you seen her in the
Beach? She's awesome on so many levels.
Lily Allen I just dislike.
Beyonce! All my nominations are actually in the game, I'm loving it! She has an insane robot-hand, do I need to say more? Also, I have a girl crush on Blake Lively ;). I totally want her hair.
ScarJo: because she is awesome and Amy Adams is kinda boring (but superpretty)
In the Janet Jackson v. Debra Messing showdown I pointed out that some of Janet's crazy outfits were worn on stage for concerts. Now I feel obligated to point out that Beyonce wore her golden robot glove/exoskeleton for a simple red carpet event, not a stage performance. Thus, its even crazier.
I know SWINTON will win, but really, I think she transcends fug. She's fabulous. Speidi is just icky.
SWINTON's clothes are sometimes bizarre, but they're always interesting and she is not a fashion victim. She's her own person, and that makes her great!
Beyonce is seeded way to low. If she were up against anybody but SWINTON, I'd pick her for the final four. But SWINTON FTW!!
Seriously?! Lily Allen v. Charlize? Is there really any question there. Charlize may make some questionable choices, but she's absolutely beautiful and can pull off almost anything! Lily, on the other hand, well, let's just leave it at that.
Swinton seems to be styled by the gods, she is otherworldly and mesmerizing! Is that fug? I don't know, but she is so special!
And here's a tip for Beyonce that an interior designer friend once gave me: "A little gold goes a looooooong way." The same could be said of spandex, of course.
Amy and Scarlet, no contest. Amy likes to dress up, and often hits the right note, but Scarlet--so gorgeous yet can't seem to find her way in fashion.
And who knew Charlize had so many corsetty and squishy breastesy outfits?. This is why we love Fug Madness! All the foils, flops and fugs presented in a collective! It's an honor to vote!
So help me God, I LIKE the way Swinton dresses. The only one I've gotten wrong so far. Speidi's style is OK (actually pretty boring)but they are sooo annoying that it makes them seem fugly to me.
...that second picture of Beyonce' says it all... the cross-eyed look was just the delicious cherry on top.
AH-
Wait for it.
...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
We can't blame Blake Lively for things they make Serena wear on TV!
I can't believe you are wasting precious words on the ladies in these pictures when SAM JACKSON'S outfit is so clearly more fug worthy!
SWINTON!!!!! SWINTON!!!!! Nothing else excites me like she can!
LOVE SWINTON, but Speidi is the ultimate in fug. Gross.
i cannot stand amy adams or scarjo. that was SO HARD TO DECIDE. but scarjo it is, if not for the dumb tattoo alone.
I actually really liked Amy Adams's Oscar dress, and most of her archives wasn't (weren't?) hurting my eyes either. So I voted for Scarlett because I find her inexplicably annoying, and that skirt was definitely too high.
Beyonce Vs. Blake Lively was a hard one for me. Both are gorgeous women who seem to work hard at drawing attention away from their natural beauty by clothing themselves as awkwardly as possible. However, my vote went to Blake since she manages to look bland and/or dowdy which is, I think, more difficult than Beyonces ability to just look battery operated..with the controls set to "manic".
SWINTON! Because I love her madness, not because I think Speidi (yeccchhh!) is better dressed.
Lily needs rehab (or parenting) and a stern talking to from a personal shopper at Saks.
Blake vs. Beyonce - that's tough. "B" may be Mrs. Jay Z - but she is still a child of the House of Dereon (aka mommy dresses her funny.) Beyonce FTW (or lose.)
Scarjo makes lazy, unforgivable choices when she should be stone fabulous.
I've voted with the majority on EVERY match so far. I almost broke my streak when it came to Beyonce v. Blake Lively, but then I saw the Bionic Mitten Accessory... and there was no longer any doubt.
But honestly? SWINTON. Holy shit. SWINTON.
There aren't words.
SWINTON ROCKS.
She may not be classic "fug" in the true sense and spirit of these awards. She does not disgust or give cause for dismay. She is original, supremely confident and soooo incredibly cool, esp. in the lastest mode where I'm convinced she's channeling Bowie.
Damn. I really wanted to vote for House of Dereon in it's entirety. But Beyonce's dress at the Oscars looks like the wallpaper off a crystal-ball-psychic's bathroom.
Lily Allen has a HUGE body of fug that makes her a dark horse to take out this whole tournament. Have you seen her attempts to look classy and high-fashion? She's got this amazing ability to make Chanel look like Primark every time!
I can't decide whether to vote for that which is fantastically fugly or for that which is truly effing ugly. I'll go for the former because otherwise I would have to vote for sweat pants and ugg boots and that is something my conscience will not allow. Viva la SWINTON!
I had to go with Beynce on this one. I get the feeling that Blake Lively just doesn't know any better, and I just feel sorry for her.
Well, I am on the wrong side again. Except for the Beyonce thing...
I love Swinton and her ensembles too much to call her the Fugliest. I hate Speidi too much to want her to win anything, but no way in hell are her clothing choices less fugly that Swinton. Swinton is Swinton and looks fabulous all the freaking time. Speidi always looks like swap meet and Forever 21 seconds.
Swinton Forever! There's something magical about her...she's like a mystical forest sprite that allows us to live on her Earth.
this is so difficult. I hate speidi, and I love swinton. but who do I VOTE for?!?!
Speidi over SWINTON: I had to vote for Speidi. I don't even *watch* The Hills and every time I see them invading my computer screen, I want to scream incomprehensible obscenities. Do these two go *anywhere* without it being staged for the tabs? Pretty soon we'll see the two of them popping up devouring each other's faces while using the toilet.
Lily over Charlize: Charlize Theron can pretty much wear an oversized milk carton and still look awesome. Lily Allen, however... that outfit featured says it all--fading pink hair with brown roots, an ode-to-the-80s maxi dress, and Chanel ballet flats that look like they're just cleats away from being shoes professional baseball players wear is a recipe for fug.
Beyonce over Blake: While Blake Lively does have that affinity for wearing clothes that look like they were literally sewed on and she had to cease breathing while the seamstresses did so, she has never, as I recall, had a faux-hand made of platinum. Seriously, that is one nutso accessary. As long as she has that robotic hand, Sasha Fierce will forever one up her sister no matter how many unfortunate Big Birds she had to slaughter along the way.
Scarlett over Amy: This one was harder because they are both stunning so they could almost get away with pulling a fug. I said almost. I had to choose Scarlett, for that cow-having-an-acid-trip waist-eating outfit alone.
SWINTON is on a whole other level of fashion. I can't even really call what she wears fugly because it's like the wardrobe for a maniacal genius in a fairytale or something. She is truly awesomely bad.
As for Scar Jo, well she just can't dress herself. There's always something weird about her outfits. She's such a pretty girl, but it just never comes out right for her.
SWINTON could never be fugly, SWINTON can only ever be SWINTON, she's genius.
SWINTON vs. Speidi? I don't know! SWINTON is, well ... far above & beyond, but I don't want to give any sort of vote to Spiedi over SWINTON because SWINTON deserves to win everything. And yet... and yet ... I think this will be the one I cannot vote on. You broke me.
Additionally, they serve as an ideal way for artists to stretch canvas on the stretcher frames. Vicky Earrings
i have to agree that a SWINTON t-shirt would be fantastic. i wonder if you, like, have to get permission to do that?
and thanks for pointing out samuel l. jackson's sweater, i went in for a closer look and i find it oddly awesome.
SWINTON, my pet, my everything. I seriously love her. I love her with a love that is more than love. It's not healthy. Those cheekbones! Those eyes! Those floodpants! She dresses like a lunatic and yet I love. It's like when you are an undergrad and you have an affair with some dogmatic blowhard from a political party you passionately don't approve of! It's so wrong! But so right! SWINTON!
Weird double standard time:
Charlize OTOH just makes me angry when she dresses badly. I feel like she got all the good looks I should have gotten but didn't, and she now nees to demonstrate that she is a worthy custodian of all that good DNA. But does she? Uh, no. SO THIS is how you repay me for taking the extra seven inches of leg I SHOULD HAVE HAD, HUH CHARLIZE? A ROBOT BODYSUIT!?! YOU OWE ME, LADY, SO PULL IT TOGETHER.
Re the idea of a Fug Madness statuette in honour of SWINTON - if you asked her, she'd probably be open to the idea of painting herself gold and being the statuette for a year. Didn't she live in a glass box for a while for art's sake?
SWINTON's fug reigns supreme. And she's awesome.
Swinton, of course. Not only because she is deliciously cuckoo for cocoa puffs, but because she is cool as hell to boot. Speaking of boots, Speidi is at 15:01, so time is up. I urge you all to vote for Swinton if only to get rid of Speidi once and for all.
Lily Allen is young and cute and totally nutters, so I voted for Charlize because she knows better. Or should, anyway.
I hate Be-yawn-ce, so yeah. I hope to crush her fierceness with a win on this round. All the way, no? But let's pump her ugly heart full of hope and then crush her in the end, yes?
And the last one....ok.....is it me, or does Amy Adams always look like she drank a gallon of red Kool Aid and had a sneezing attack *just* before the camera shutters went off? One's face should never look "juicy", Amy. Never. You have been Fugged.
HOW did SWINTON lose 20% of the votes? How is that possible? Speidi is gross, but SWINTON is God. And God does not lose anything.
SWINTON overall winner of extreme awesome fugness.
Beyonce in 2nd because I can never shake the memories of her crawling around on the ground in the "Crazy" video in daisy dukes, bad pumps and a wife beater with no bra. You're effin hot! We get it! Now put some damn clothes on Fug Princess!!! (and don't let your mom dress you anymore).
Swinton is fug, but in such a deliciously original way, she def deserves her own bracket. Speidi is fug in such a heinously slutty way that I gave it to Speidi. Her fashion influence must be stopped with a very stern fug acknowledgment.
Swinton is eccentric fug. Eccentrics shouldn't be compared with trash.
Just posting to add to the SWINTON love. I voted for her because she is truly wonderful and deserves to take this whole thing. Also, if she wins this round, we get more SWINTON pics!
I'm also a big fan of her as an actress and that may or may not colour my judgement, but I don't care :P
Swinton is genius. As I said during last Fug Madness, she is the female Bowie. She can do no wrong. Garbage Bag Dress? Fabulous. Sequin Space Jumpsuit? Exquisite. Who else can pull off the magic that is Swinton?
Beyonce— WTFug? Seriously. Go home and change.
It has to be SWINTON, surely? Just to see more of her..
if you're famous you should spend money learning how to get out of a car without flashing your pants (or lack of pants). swindon is at least intelligent enough to make sure she's covered (albeit oddly) at all times.
Charlize? Come on, girl is a walking mannequin and always looks TO DIE. Seriously, she makes everything she wears look like couture (and it usually is), and she never, EVER plays fashion victim. And that's the key.
Smooches, girls!
I truly do not understand the Swinton fan club - as an actress, a style or fug icon. I just don't get it
SWINTON just can't be classified as fug. It's as if the designers give her the outfits they'd usually only put on the runway--and they send out the safe stuff to the other actresses. She's so beyond fashion (though I have to say the shoes with the sequined outfit seem to mock what I'm writing) I know we'll be seeing what she's got on in some design museum in the future.
In contrast to that, Heidi who? I hope she has to pay for everything she puts on.
I think Tilda is a beautiful unique name that should not be left off. It's not like her first name is Kate or Jennifer or John.
YIKES! What has gone wrong with my trusty FUGOMETER? I got all the matchups in this bracket wrong--with the exception of SWINTON (who is in a league all her own).
I blame it on Speidi, not so much for the conventionally tacky outfits but more for being the [lack-of]moral equivalent of something the cat upchucked which you accidentally stepped in.
Speidi is a quasi-human hairball. Where are the fug superhero triplets that Travis envisioned (in another bracket) when we need them?
Long live the SWINTON!!!
Only Swinton can get away with wearing what she wears and the fuggier the better. I dont know why but its true!
Is it just me or is the front of ScarJo's shirt while standing with Samuel stained? It may just be an optical illusion of sorts, but I seriously doubt anyone would want that illusion on the red carpet. Let's leave the trickery to David Copperfield ScarJo, and in the mean time get you a new stylist.
I agree with Laura, I guess my gut definition of "fug" is "lack of class." So obviously, Speidi (choice confirmed by true wrenching gut reaction). But reading the comments, I've gotten kind of confused as to whether fug is a good thing or a bad thing...
All roads lead to SWINTON(although she has worthy adversaries in Katy Perry and Solange)!!
I was having trouble deciding who to vote for between Amy Adams and ScarJo. And then I remembered two things: a) Enchanted is AWESOME, and b) ScarJo put out that album that wasn't that good. DONE.
And a bionic hand ALWAYS wins. ALWAYS.
i couldn't vote down SWINTON because i really think she's onto something. (can i make a lame 'and not just 'on' something', joke? no? ok.)
anyway i love her. she's the crunchberries.
Beyonce's first outfit makes me wonder if now is the time on Sprockets when we DANCE.
Also, SWINTON all the way- because I love her and her voraciously spectacular fug. Speidi is WRONG and LAME, she must kneel before the glory that is SWINTON.
Does anyone know where I can get a SWINTON doll? If someone isn't making them by now, then I totally get why our economy is tanking.
SWINTON's magazine cover (what was that mag called? Another?) needs to become the statuette for the Fug March Madness contest. For all time.
I think it is a travesty that SWINTON has to be in a category with *hacks* Speidi, that horrid creature.
SWINTON rules all!