You know how, whenever we mention the embarrassingly brilliant musical-cinema crapstravaganza From Justin To Kelly, we inevitably end it with a reference to Kelly Clarkson wearing a SKIRT MADE OF TIES? And how it's in caps like that because it's borderline apocalyptic as far as we're concerned?
Well, lock the doors and hide grandma in the closet, because you are hearing horse hooves drumming the Earth in the distance, and those ARE locusts raining down outside your window:
[Photo: WENN.com]
I will give you that this is better, overall, than Kelly Clarkson dancing around on spring break in a skirt made of ties sewn to a denim waist. But it's still A DRESS MADE OF TIES. Seriously, if I'd known years ago that I could just wrap my grandfather's Ugly Tie Rack around myself and hit the town, maybe it would've saved me hours of staring at my closet, hating everything I own. But then again, I probably would've just looked at the pictures later and hated myself, kind of like when I gaze upon my 14-year old self in acid-washed jeans with three decorative denim knots down by the ankles and I think, "Why didn't I SEE? WHY DID NO ONE SEE?" Still, this is even weirder to me. Acid-washed jeans with twee adornments were, at least, in fashion at one point. Necktie dresses? Never. Because they are NECKTIES. And that is a NECKTIE BELT. There's a reason they put the word "neck" in there, people. BECAUSE THEY GO ON YOUR NECK. DO WE REALLY NEED TO TAKE REMEDIAL KINDERGARTEN-LEVEL ANATOMY TODAY? I CANNOT STOP SHOUTING. If I were in Clue, a candlestick would have dropped on my head by now and knocked me out cold.
Well, lock the doors and hide grandma in the closet, because you are hearing horse hooves drumming the Earth in the distance, and those ARE locusts raining down outside your window:
[Photo: WENN.com]
I will give you that this is better, overall, than Kelly Clarkson dancing around on spring break in a skirt made of ties sewn to a denim waist. But it's still A DRESS MADE OF TIES. Seriously, if I'd known years ago that I could just wrap my grandfather's Ugly Tie Rack around myself and hit the town, maybe it would've saved me hours of staring at my closet, hating everything I own. But then again, I probably would've just looked at the pictures later and hated myself, kind of like when I gaze upon my 14-year old self in acid-washed jeans with three decorative denim knots down by the ankles and I think, "Why didn't I SEE? WHY DID NO ONE SEE?" Still, this is even weirder to me. Acid-washed jeans with twee adornments were, at least, in fashion at one point. Necktie dresses? Never. Because they are NECKTIES. And that is a NECKTIE BELT. There's a reason they put the word "neck" in there, people. BECAUSE THEY GO ON YOUR NECK. DO WE REALLY NEED TO TAKE REMEDIAL KINDERGARTEN-LEVEL ANATOMY TODAY? I CANNOT STOP SHOUTING. If I were in Clue, a candlestick would have dropped on my head by now and knocked me out cold.
