Riddle me this, Whitney Port:
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
How are you not bedridden with the flu all the time? How has your immune system not gone on strike because your refusal to wear pants is forcing it to work countless hours of unpaid overtime? I get that it's been in the 50s in New York, and that's great and all, but it's still pants weather. Now, maybe those are thermal; maybe they're cotton. But they are not real pants. See the overgrown Jonas Brother lookalike next to you? He's wearing real pants. See that woman in the distance walking away from you? Real pants. AND a long coat. I bet if you were to open the doors to random taxicabs, you'd see pants. Pants, pants, pants. And you'd probably think, "What are these fabric sheaths everyone calls 'pants'?" because OBVIOUSLY NO ONE HAS TAUGHT YOU.
Oh, and one more thing:
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
How are you not bedridden with the flu all the time? How has your immune system not gone on strike because your refusal to wear pants is forcing it to work countless hours of unpaid overtime? I get that it's been in the 50s in New York, and that's great and all, but it's still pants weather. Now, maybe those are thermal; maybe they're cotton. But they are not real pants. See the overgrown Jonas Brother lookalike next to you? He's wearing real pants. See that woman in the distance walking away from you? Real pants. AND a long coat. I bet if you were to open the doors to random taxicabs, you'd see pants. Pants, pants, pants. And you'd probably think, "What are these fabric sheaths everyone calls 'pants'?" because OBVIOUSLY NO ONE HAS TAUGHT YOU.
Oh, and one more thing:
Unless you are a song girl or in a marching band, gold fringe that looks like someone's little sister glued it to your hem is NOT OKAY. Is this what being on The City has taught you? Do they need to do an entire episode where Olivia Palermo comes back from London and sneers at your ankles for 20 minutes? Because she'll do it. Frankly, she'll probably do it ANYWAY, so you might as well use it to learn and important lesson about yourself.
