April 2009 Archives

April 30, 2009

NY Fug.com: Miley's Wardrobe Shows Signs of Taking Itself Seriously

So, imagine our surprise when, over the course of the last two weeks, we realized that little Miley Cyrus has been looking sort of interesting whilst on the junket for Tyler Perry Presents: Hannah Montana: Book of Secrets: The Movie, or whatever that thing is called:

"We applaud Miley for taking a few risks on her world tour, as if she decided to take at least temporary inspiration from successful actresses and fashion darlings Kate Bosworth and Diane Kruger. It paid off with the edgy silver Hervé Léger minidress she wore in London, possibly the best look Miley's ever trotted out in public: fresh, current, and sophisticated, while seeming effortlessly so. We know; we're stunned, too. But just as big risks often reap big rewards, they can also turn you into Stumpy McNoNeck."

Read more of our take on Miley's evolving wardrobe at NY Mag.com. If I were a tween star, I'd give you the peace sign right now.

April 30, 2009

We Own the Fug

Fug file:

Oh, honey.

I don't know where your girlfriends were when you tried this on, but you needed their help. Surely, you have someone in your life who will tilt her head to the right and say, "hmmmm. I don't LOVE it," or, "I don't know. It does something weird to your waist," or "Oh GOD NO," because if you don't think some associate editor at some tabloid hasn't pulled this picture in hopes of running a story titled, "EVA'S BABY JOY" you are sadly mistaken.

Note: if you are, in fact, in the throes of BABY JOY, congrats, and now we all know. But if, in fact, you are merely in the throes of digesting a delicious sandwich, maybe next time try something with a bit more structure, don't you think? Excellent. I knew you would be reasonable about this.

April 30, 2009

I Blame Fug

Fug file:

Dear Famewhores,

[Photo: Splash News]

I'm sure you guys thought it was a STROKE OF GENIUS to marry the public's current panicked obsession with Swine Flu to the other pandemic currently dominating the news cycle, your recent nuptials, thus creating a super strain of inescapable press coverage, but for people who profess to be such godly folk (Heidi), it seems distinctly uncharitable to use A DEADLY WORLDWIDE ILLNESS to drum up ATTENTION FOR YOURSELVES. Did it maybe not occur to you that coyly wearing your masks here in Los Angeles (this photo was taken at LAX) rather than REMOVING THEM once you got through customs LIKE A NORMAL PERSON made it extremely clear that you are not wearing them to protect yourself from DEADLY ILLNESS but instead SO PEOPLE WILL TAKE PICTURES OF YOU and that perhaps that could be interpreted as being both SUPER INSENSITIVE to the fact that people are, yes, DEAD, but also MEGA CYNICAL. So CONGRATS, you two, and best wishes for many long years shackled to each other. You deserve it,

Cheers,

Jessica

April 30, 2009

Fug or Fab: Halle Berry

Fug file:

Love the sassy haircut, Halle, but I can't decide how I feel about the cleavage:

On the one hand: You've got it, and it's holding up nicely, so why not flaunt it through a little peekaboo fabric? But on the other, given how much of her chest is relatively uncovered, I have concerns. Specifically, is that thing a maximum-security prison or one of those country-club jails where you can play mini-golf and sunbathe and accept conjugal visits every other evening? The point being, if she were to, say, run up to hot Taylor Kitsch from Friday Night Lights and fling her arms around him, would one or both of her nipples escape unabated? I am afraid.

poll by twiigs.com

April 30, 2009

Chafug Iman

Fug file:

As a catwalk model, I'm sure Chanel Iman is well-practiced in the art of wearing things that are so short, her G-spot is practically an accessory.

But, much like how I am technically capable of shaving my head and painting it with Smurf portraits, just because a girl CAN do something does not mean she SHOULD.

April 30, 2009

Fug the Cover: Rachel McAdams

Fug file:

Marie Claire

When I saw this cover on the newsstand, I actually stopped in my tracks and thought, "So Katie Holmes FINALLY grew out her hair and went full zombie?!?"

But no, it's just poor, pretty Rachel McAdams, trying very hard not to look like herself because she's being forced to stare down the camera with crazy eyes -- as if her advertised "lusty side" involves rooting through your garbage, finding stubs of incense you burn that she rubs on her skin so she can smell like you, showing up unannounced on your front door clothed only in In N Out wrappers because she's followed you there five times and knows you like it, and then suggesting she will only be truly happy if she can suck on a popsicle made of your left foot and wear your skin as pajamas.

April 29, 2009

Afugda Peet

Fug file:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

"No, look, I know what you're thinking, but hear me out: Most people wouldn't have even WORN the slip underneath the tablecloth dress! I mean, RIGHT? Am I right or what? Hello? Don't you think that saves it? ... No? Are you even listening? Is ANYONE out there going to look at me or are you all going to avert your eyes the whole night?"

April 29, 2009

It's Hard Out There for A Fug

I think I know the answer to this already, but must EVERYTHING be accompanied by an Ironic Headband?

Seriously? EVERYTHING? Because this does not look good. In fact, this particular Ironic Headband looks like a piece of ratty string she tied around her head and reminds me of nothing so much as the time Heather and I were playing pool at a local watering hole and a crazy dude with literally a shoelace tied around his head in exactly this manner came up to Heather and licked her ear. He was Derelicte before Derelicte was chic, if you know what I mean, and I don't know if that's exactly the moment Ms Manning here wants to invoke. Judging from the expression on her face, I'd guess that it wasn't.

April 29, 2009

I Am Beautiful, No Matter What They Fug

Fug file:

If they ever remake The Warriors, I think they could give Christina Aguilera a cameo as the leader of a vicious Accessory Gang that rules its territory with an iron scarf.

It's not even that the outfit itself is so poisonous -- although there is a lot going on, from the admittedly killer shoes to the tight cuffed jeans artfully distressed, to the long tee and cropped blazer and scarf and rings and blue nail polish and lipstick as red as Ferris Bueller's Ferrari. No, what really caps this whole ensemble for me is the fact that Christina looks like she wants to punch us all in our innocent, vulnerable throats (once she's done backcombing her hair, that is). The general air of being aroused by her own animosity both scares me and sours me on the clothes, because all I can see is her grinning maniacally as she snaps that scarf between her hands and menaces some sad photographer who is just trying to get her to smile.

Also, maybe I spoke too soon:

Maybe the outfit IS poisonous. It's like my grandmother always would have said, had we ever discussed ths issue: "Bedazzled blazers tell no lies." She was wise.

April 29, 2009

Fug Wars

Fug file:

denim abuse

Oh my god.

[Photo:Splash News]

I can't believe they still sell this dress. It makes me wonder what else they're going to start selling from 1992. Sure, I get that plaid is back and grunge has been sort of re-envisioned, but this? This is like pure suburban mall rat, mid-July, grabbing an Orange Julius before drifting over to Express to look at the polyester, flower-printed skorts and then reluctantly going to the bookstore to buy the books on your summer reading list that you are never going to read, despite your best intentions, because even for those of us who would read a book on a hike if we could do it without walking into a tree, homework is just not enticing when it's 101 degrees outside. Sadly, this dress did not do much for me in 1992 and it's not doing a ton for Miss Anne right now. On the other hand, at least she doesn't have homework waiting for her. Presumably.

April 29, 2009

Fugrien Brody

Fug file:

Man Fugs

Yo, Adrien:

I think you might be lost -- Tommy Bahama is around the corner.

April 29, 2009

The Limits of Fugtrol

Fug file:

wearing white

Our long national drought is over -- SWINTON, our White Knight of fug, is back on the scene:

[Photo: WENN.com]

And she's looking remarkably like the president of a company that's manufacturing bolero-handbags, pimping her latest formal shoulder-purse wares at her daughter's wedding. I bet they're full of SECRETS. In the soap opera of my dreams, she'd pull out a hanky, sob a little, and then yank out a giant shotgun and threaten to blow everyone away unless someone steps up and agrees to donate a head to her beloved, decapitated sister.

Such is the power of SWINTON. Her clothes make me dream of high camp.

April 29, 2009

Fugta Wilfug

Fug file:

dialogue,
sequins

TOM HANKS: I just don't know, Rita.

RITA WILSON: I do. It's GLORIOUS.

TOM: Is it? Or... I mean, I kind of feel like you think you're auditioning for Velma Kelly.

RITA: Aren't I? AREN'T I?

TOM: I was under the impression that this is a big event honoring me, and that Julia Roberts is about twenty minutes away from dropping the F-bomb to describe how adored I am.

RITA: So you're saying I can't multitask?

TOM: No, just that maybe you could've picked something else, instead of a dress that makes you look ten seconds away from shooting me in the dressing room and then singing 'All That Jazz.'

RITA: Does it ALWAYS have to be about YOU? What about MY dreams?

TOM: ... Ooookay, I guess this is one person who doesn't f**king like me.

April 28, 2009

Well Played, Jennifer Garner

Fug file:

basic (or unbasic) black

Here is one reason I will always like Jennifer Garner. Well, I suppose she could go on Letterman and admit to flossing her teeth with puppies and that she willfully burns copies of Dynasty DVDs just to hear Joan Collins' soul scream, and that might change my opinion. But otherwise, I find her refreshingly normal:

Listen, the dress? It's boring. But J.Gar had a baby in, what, early January? And it's now late April, and she's losing the weight healthily and at her own pace. Most self-congratulatory head-cases in this town would have been one-woman gun shows, ripped to the gills, by March -- and then done a magazine cover about how it took TWO WHOLE MONTHS to drop the weight by working out six times a day, starting a week after the birth, and eating really satisfying palm-sized pieces of fish with lemon juice and a piece of lettuce.

Garner, conversely, looks great here -- but she also looks regular. She's clearly letting it come off the normal way and at the normal rate, and isn't too concerned about remaining housebound in a caftan until she's 90 lbs of muscle. It's just nice to see that kind of an approach to celebrity pregnancy at a time when everyone else decides the inspirational stories involve the likes of Dancing With The Stars' Samantha Harris, who bragged in Us about how she only gained 20 lbs and lost it with, like, one giant sneeze about two weeks after she popped out the baby.

So, well played, Jen. Now just make sure those divorce rumors from before you were preggo turn out to be false, okay? Because I find your family adorable. And your life is, of course, about what I want.

April 28, 2009

V.Fug.P

Fug file:

DEAR GOD:

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. We get it: YOU CONTINUE TO LABOR UNDER THE DELUSION THAT YOU STILL LOOK HOT IN THIS. Allow me to be frank, Pammy: YOU DON'T. You're starting to look SCARY AND DESPERATE and it is BUMMING ME OUT. Pardon me for being so blunt, but you need a Get a Grip friend in the worst way, babe. You're only 42, but clinging to your old school crotchtacular ridiculousness is making you look at least five years older thanks to its shiny veneer of TRAGIC. I BEG OF YOU: LOOK INTO PANTS, AND YOUR DIGNITY.

April 28, 2009

The Hilfugs

Fug file:

What a coincidence!

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

When I invited a bunch of photographers to chronicle the time I picked out gobs of diamonds for my wedding to Spencer Pratt, I ALSO wore a wrinkled, high-waisted skirt and the sheer seafoam green top/black bra combo I stole from Linda Evans/Madonna circa 1992 respectively. I had no idea Heidi and I had so much in common! I guess this means I better go pick out some hot pants and get ready to roll around the floor of the Bloomingdale's shoe department for the entry level paps that TMZ is trying to discourage from pursuing a life of celebrity-stalkage. TTYL!

April 28, 2009

Fug or Fab: Miley Cyrus

On one hand, I think this is pretty cute: it's youthful but not skanky.

On the other, it's eating her neck like a Subway sandwich and the item aRthat's doing the eating kind of looks like an Elizabethan ruff or something you'd see around the neck of a moderately subtle mime. Are the only options available to a young girl SKANKY or MIME? Because it seems like there's a lot of acreage in between those two.

poll by twiigs.com

April 28, 2009

Well Played, Mischa Barton/Single White Femaled, Mischa Barton

Fug file:

blue

So, I actually kind of like this:

It's interesting and flattering and also sort of unusual and unpredictable yet classic at the same time. I can sign off on that. It helps that I am currently obsessed with navy blue. So, anyway, nicely done, Mischa. Did you get a new stylist? Because that person deserves some props. That being said, I looked at this picture for about twenty minutes, trying to decide who Mischa reminded me of. It was kind of like when I'm at the Grove or whatever and I'm hiding behind a display of plastic margarita glasses trying to decide whether or not I went to college with the dude in Crate and Barrel, or I know him from the television. Although I'm usually wearing pants at C&B. And finally, it hit me. I think Mischa's hoping people -- especially those in casting -- start confusing her with this person:

Continue reading Well Played, Mischa Barton/Single White Femaled, Mischa Barton.

April 27, 2009

Well Played, Your Whole Life: Bea Arthur

Fug file:

Golden Girls

By now, everyone's probably heard the news that this weekend, our beloved Bea Arthur -- Lady of the Lanai, Countess of Caftans -- passed away from cancer at age 86, sparking an endless parade of "and then there was NOT Maude" status updates on Facebook.

This is how we felt when we heard the news:

I mean, we LIVE on Golden Girls references. We devour memories of the ensembles from that sparkling age.

Yes, Blanche looks batty. But LOOK AT DOROTHY'S TUXEDO THING. I don't know if it's weirdly reflective crushed velvet, or what, but the light catches it as if it's cow-patterned on the skirt. It's AMAZING. And the scowl! Want to see what our souls look like whenever we see something on a celebrity that looks awful? Behold:

Continue reading Well Played, Your Whole Life: Bea Arthur.

April 27, 2009

Fuglycat Dolls

Fug file:

girl groups

PUSSYCAT DOLL 1: I am so excited! Compared to the majority of these fools, no one will realize I'm actually wearing a pillowcase I made into a dress!

RED HEADED ONE I THOUGHT QUIT THE GROUP: Will Nicole ever let me wear pants? Wait, don't answer that question.

NICOLE SCHERZINGER: Maybe if I wear something uncharacteristically subtle no one will remember I was leaving this group for a much ballyhooed solo career that never panned out, and instead they'll be all, "Nicole Scherzinger is classy and fascinating, let's see if she can have a solo career."

SHORT BLONDE HAIR: I see you, stylist. Don't hide behind that potted plant. I see you, and when this photo shoot is over, I WILL CUT YOU FOR PUTTING ME IN THESE SHORTS. I MEAN IT.

LONG BLONDE HAIR: I knew I could get away with this romper as long as I stood next to High-Waisted McShorts! Everything seems so roomy and comfortable over here!

PD1: I mean, I look TOTALLY NORMAL. I don't even look like I'm in this group! I look like a starlet who wandered into frame. I am SO HAPPY right now.

RHOITQTG: I wonder if I'm wearing a shirt as a dress, or if this is actually a skort. Scratch that: I don't want to know.

NS: I'm so bitter.

SBH: Seriously. CUT. YOU. I am SO UNCOMFORTABLE in these. They're like a yeast infection waiting to happen and for WHAT? I WILL STAB YOU.

LBH: I could eat an entire turkey in this thing and no one would know! I love our stylist! That twenty I slipped her was the best money I ever spent!

April 27, 2009

Fugme King

Fug file:

It seems Jaime King celebrated her birthday this past weekend in Vegas.

[Photo: WENN.com]

I hope someone bought her a cardigan.

April 27, 2009

Jodie Fugsh

Fug file:

Jodie Marsh is no stranger to our site, which you will see here -- except for that second entry, which just contains a link, we've put up many a photo of Jodie's exploits. Believe it or not, she's now basically the tacky version of her former blood-rival Katie Price. And I do not use that phrase lightly, as Katie Price is the Mayor of Tackytown. But Jodie Marsh runs the town's local brothel.

[Photos: WENN.com]

Here she is giving us a taste of what's to come, and if you've ever encountered this passionate nudist before, you know the strip of pelvic flesh winking at you from above her leggings is but a minor taste of what's to come. And that is, as you may have guessed, TECHNICALLY probably safe for work but still not something you should look at if your boss is on his or her way over to demand cover sheets for your TPS reports.

Or to put it another way, Jodie apparently once wrote a column for Zoo Weekly, which Wikipedia tells me is a British lad mag, but which I prefer to interpret as a publication you'd see a bunch of chimps, a hippo, and a lemur poring through on a Friday night and giggling at how Jodie just refuses to keep HER animals in their cages:

Continue reading Jodie Fugsh.

April 27, 2009

Fug or Fab: Alexis Bledel

Fug file:

basic (or unbasic) black

When I saw this pic in thumbnail form, I thought, "oh, Alexis Bledel looks nice. I wonder what she's been up to lately."

Apparently, one of the things she's been up to is, "attacking all her LBDs with a pair of scissors." Behold:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Alexis Bledel.

April 27, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kim Kardashian

Fug file:

Spring is in the air, and with it, the requisite smell of hair bleach that indicates it's makeover season for anyone who's decided they have the winter doldrums.

Or in this case, it was Eau d'Whimsy: Kim Kardashian, probably terribly bored any time there aren't any fresh engagement rumors about her on the grapevine, decided to wear a honey-colored wig on the town this weekend and then Twitter about it being her new look before admitting it was a ruse. How original. How very Paris Hilton In Her Brunette Phase. Hell, even Marcia Cross did it not that long ago, causing heart attacks everywhere (read: in our respective houses) because the idea of her giving up that gorgeous red hair is deeply tragic.

Here was our girl Kim not so long ago:

[Photos: Splash News]

And here she was this weekend, pulling her "hilarious" "prank":

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Kim Kardashian.

April 24, 2009

The Starter Fug

I don't quite know what to make of this.

Killer shoes, I think, but I can't help feeling like she's going to smack my outstretched palm with a ruler and send me to the corner to stare at the wall, moments before she's fired by the school's headmaster for wearing a child's nightgown to class.

April 24, 2009

Fugiola Berafuga

Fug file:

FABIOLA BERACASA: I am here. WHERE is Karl? I must see him.

JULIA RESTOIN-ROITFELD: I wonder why I agreed to stand with this person.

FABIOLA: Take me to him. He will adore this. He will spread me on a cracker and serve me with pate.

JULIA: Seriously, has she not heard of moderation? A velvet dress that looks like she drew a chalk suit-jacket on it, a coat made of Cher's old wigs, a metal glove AND a ring, and yet more flesh-colored leggings? Has she lost her mind? And do I look like I APPROVE of it by hanging out with her?

FABIOLA: I will say, "Karl, I liked this, so I put a ring on it," and he will high-five my aluminum hand and baptise me in champagne.

JULIA: I'm just going to pretend I'm not here. I'm in Tahiti... I'm in Tahiti... I'm in Tahiti...

April 24, 2009

Full Fugse

Well, she looks healthy, so that's something. But now I just feel like Mary-Kate is throwing her wardrobe in a figurative blender.

This feels like a hybrid of her once-standard witch's robes and this kicky little number she wore on Letterman so as to look perky and non-threatening while insulting Spencer Pratt (little does she know, she could've shown up with a human head in her hand wearing nothing but a t-shirt that said, "If you are watching this I'm going to kill you in your sleep," and we'd STILL have appreciated her insulting Spencer Pratt). It's like maybe she's a slightly horny witch-in-training who's been hitting the books too hard and decided to go out and show some leg and see if she can pick up a warlock, or perhaps a randy knave. Maybe that's why she came with her hair pre-mussed -- no one notices that you just had a roll in the hay if you looked like you just crawled out from behind a few artfully arranged bales in the first place.

April 24, 2009

Fugary Duffug

Fug file:

CHEVY CHASE: Oh, Hilary.

HILARY DUFF: Hi, Chevy! It's so nice to see you. I've loved you on Chuck.

CHEVY: Hilary, it's going to be okay. I've been where you are.

HILARY: Excuse me?

CHEVY: I remember when I was a young girl starting out in this business, wearing Flashdance sweatshirts all over town, hoping someone would ask me to take off my bra underneath it, and then cutting my pants with a steak knife when nobody ever did.

HILARY: Chevy, it's not a sweatshirt, it's a tank top, and...

CHEVY: And I just want you to know, from one lost little girl to another, that it DOES get better. You DO put down the steak knife, unless you're still eating the steak.

HILARY: I haven't the faintest idea what...

CHEVY: Oh, HONEY. IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. We'll get you through this.

HILARY: Whatever, I'm just going to go with it.

April 24, 2009

Fug or Fab: Leighton, Chloe, and Kate

Fug file:

At the Chloe store opening last night, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that most of the celebrity invitees were clothed in the label's outfits, especially since many of them had the same shoes on or similarly cut things. But as I'm fond of pointing out, you can always say no to something if it's sort of blah. Ergo, onward we press.

First up: Leighton Meester, wearing something that almost gave me a heart attack because initially I thought it was the same thing Aubrey O'Day had on here. But then I realized that, no, Leighton got her hands on the expensive and better-made version:

Those shoes are crazy, but also sort of beautiful -- I appreciate them as art, but can't help thinking they look a little clunky on an actual foot. Still, they're the least of my issues: Now that Leighton's hair is lightened, her skin is self-tanned a little more, her outfit is a fleshy peach-orange color, and she's enrolled in the Emily Deschanel School of Undereye Makeup That Makes You Look Exhausted All The Time, La Meester no longer really pops. Everything kind of blends together. Not to mention that the waistline and giant tie on that skirt reminds me of a pair of shorts I REALLY LOVED back in fifth grade. But I appreciate where the whole thing was going, and although this is faint praise indeed, she certainly could look a lot worse. And my other question is, if Aubrey O'Day wore the Designer Imposter version of this outfit first, does it ruin anything this one is trying to do?

Next up: The Sev.

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Leighton, Chloe, and Kate.

April 24, 2009

National Treasure: Book of Fugs

Fug file:

harem pants

I just had the following conversation with Heather:

ME: I think I'm going to fug Diane K in her harem knickers at that Chanel event.

HEATHER: Oh, I haven't seen that yet.

ME: It will not surprise you to hear that she looks okay in them, except that they're essentially kind of stupid pants and nobody really looks ACTUALLY okay in them.

HEATHER: You're right. That does not surprise me.

What else is there to say? These harem knickers are fundamentally ridiculous. They are ridiculous the way the sky is blue. And she does look kind of okay in them, which is not to say that they themselves are at all, in any way, fundamentally okay. Her looking okay in them is a riddle wrapped up in a mystery clothed in an enigma. Too brain-twisty for Friday afternoon, if nothing else, and, ergo, a conundrum I refuse to further contemplate.

April 24, 2009

FugSESSED

Fug file:

Okay, I have a LOT to say about this:

First of all, how WRETCHED does Obsessed look? Wretched HILARIOUS. I don't know if you read the Vogue cover story on Ms Beyonce here (she looks great on the cover, actually -- well done, Conde Nasties) but whoever wrote it did not care for the movie. The whole article was peppered with comments along the lines of, "Beyonce will have a successful film career....as long as every print of Obsessed is confiscated and burned," and "Beyonce's screen presence is a potent one...although not in Obsessed, which makes Plan 9 From Outer Space look like Citizen Kane," and "Beyonce has the talent to be a wonderful actress....although not in movies like Obsessed, which she must have been convinced to do whilst under a the spell of a powerful and evil wizard." Like, they HATED IT. Which I think means it's probably awesome. I mean, have you seen the trailer? It's terrible. People are thrown off balconies and Jerry O'Connell is there. I can't wait. BUT ANYWAY: I assume the level of horribleness of this ensemble was carefully calibrated in order to match the horribleness of the movie because otherwise I just do not get it. LESS IS MORE SOMETIMES, BEYONCE. A strapless dress that is also a sequined miniskirt that also has a ruffled train is JUST TOO MUCH. Pick ruffles or minis or strapless or sequins and go with it.

On the other hand, from the neck up, you look great. So at least there's that.

April 24, 2009

Fug Say Goodbye

Fug file:

Confidential to Paulina Rubio:

You CAN go up a size. Here's the trick: realize that no one but you will know! You're welcome.

April 24, 2009

Obfugged

Fug file:

First off: last time I wrote about Ali Larter here, I noted that I had literally never heard anything nice about her. At which point my friend Jason IMed me and informed me that he had an encounter last year with her in which she was very nice indeed.

And so now that I've set the record straight, I feel no guilt in pointing out that she looks totally cheesy in what appears to be a napkin plucked out of a champagne glass at a wedding. Cheers!

April 23, 2009

NY Fug.com: Whitney Port's Line Might Outlast Its Peers

In which we finally answer the question, "is it possible for someone from The Hills to design something that ISN'T totally embarrassing and mildly hideous?" Turns out the answer is, "kind of":

"While Whitney's designs won't exactly have Marc Jacobs quaking in his kilt, they're easily the best work any of those Hills girls have churned out. We realize this is faint praise, considering Heidi willingly slapped her name on shorts with a thumb-length inseam but the fact remains that Whitney's efforts could have been way more embarrassing than they are."

High praise indeed. Take a look-see over at NY Mag.com!

April 23, 2009

Fugscha Barton

Fug file:

WTF

How QUICKLY the worm has turned. Just a few hours ago, I was all, "You look cute, Mischa!" AND NOW THIS:

[Photo: WENN.com]

I...am without words, a bit. It's all so very I'm With The Band, except the band is like, a Poison cover band called Toxin and they're currently playing the parking lot of the H&M, where some crazed sales girl will eventually crack, bash Mischa over the head with the pilfered arm of a mannequin and steal her shoes. The US Weekly cover story about that is going to be hilar.

April 23, 2009

Fugden Bridge

Fug file:

Aw, come on Fergie Ferg. How bad could it be?

Although...yeah, that IS a lot of inner thigh. But, as I recently read in one of the many many many many intellectually stimulating celebrity-centric periodicals to which I subscribe, you've got great legs! So good for you! Come on, sugar -- let's see the rest of the outfit!

Continue reading Fugden Bridge.

April 23, 2009

Fug or Fab: Mischa Barton

Fug file:

flesh tones

Call me crazy (insert chorus of, "YOU'RE CRAZY" here), but I rather like this, although I could also see this fabric making a great hotel bedroom window treatment:

Sure, she looks kind of stressed and cranky -- maybe a nice delicious sandwich would help? -- and totally ready to get away from the camera and over to the open bar, but the dress, I think, is actually kind of great. And this color is not easy to pull off. I suspect that I, personally, would look like a tub of pate wearing it. Or a slightly overdone sugar cookie. Or a slightly underdone croissant. Or....I think it's time for lunch.

poll by twiigs.com

April 23, 2009

Aufug Fug'Day

Fug file:

SWEET FANCY MOSES:

[Photo: Splash News]

I took a little vacay this past week and WHAT A WRETCHED SIGHT TO COME HOME TO OH MY GOD WHY MY EYES MY EYES. Was all the work US Weekly went to giving her that makeunder FOR NAUGHT? Did she think that when SHE won Fug Madness, it was a celebration? IT WASN'T. When you won, Aubs, it was a CENSURE. We think you're a MESS. Not even a HOT MESS. A MESS MESS. THIS OUTFIT HURTS MY WHOLE BODY. I need another vacation.

April 23, 2009

Vanessa Fuggillo

Fug file:

[Photos: Splash News]

VANESSA MINNILLO: I'm so happy to be here in my jumpsuit. Things could not be better right now. I... wait, why are people staring at me weirdly? Is something wrong? Do I have deodorant stains all over my outfit? Is my... OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL?

VANESSA: Robin. ROBIN. HELP ME. Have you seen my feet?

ROBIN ANTIN: Hi, honey, are you a fan? Is this just a ploy to get my autograph? Because you can just ask.

VANESSA: No, Robin. It's ME. Vanessa. Former TRL host, dating Nick Lachey...

ROBIN: Whatever you say, kiddo! What should I sign?

VANESSA: FOCUS. I need help. My FEET are missing. Where could I have left them?

ROBIN: Well, stranger, I've never been asked to sign feet before.

VANESSA: I AM NOT ASKING -- oh, forget it. I'm never going to find them. This is going to be so awkward to explain to Nick.

ROBIN: If it helps, Random Person, whenever I lose something, the first place I check is my plastic surgeon's office. NOT THAT I USE ONE. I just go there to say hi.

VANESSA: That's no help. Dammit. Could I have left them at the beach that time? Or the other beach? Or that one resort in that place? Or by the pool at that other hotel?

ROBIN: Maybe you left them at work.

VANESSA: "Work"?

ROBIN: Never mind. Good luck, and if you change your mind about that autograph, Fangirl, I'll just be right over there.

April 23, 2009

Faye Fugaway

Fug file:

Watch your back, Hilary Duff, now that you're in the shit with Ms. Dunaway here:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

The original Bonnie is out to make a point: She's still here, she's a lady Capone, she is NOT to be trifled with, and she's wearing gloves that won't leave fingerprints behind at any crime scene. And since she probably knows someone who knows someone who has a cousin who knows where you live, you may want to start wearing bullet-proof armor and a Kevlar bag over your head when you leave the house -- I've seen Faye's hat in movies, you know, and that hat? Means business.

April 22, 2009

R.Fug.M.

Fug file:

I'm not sure what version of Michael Stipe I find stranger: The one of yore, where he painted his eyes Solange-style so that he had on a mask of bright makeup...

[Photo: WENN.com]

... or the one that looks like he wants to borrow Daniel Day-Lewis's hat so he can star in There Will Be Blood II: No Seriously, There Will Be So Much.

April 22, 2009

Vanessa Fugdgens

Fug file:

Hey, Vanessa?

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

You don't have to get the pants home first before you can wear them. You do know that, right? Or are you just... wait, I don't have to clarify for you that SHIRTS are not pants, do I? Is THAT where we are as a society? Because if so, then I quit Earth.

April 22, 2009

Fuglycat Dolls

Fug file:

girl groups

What is up with people whipping out their summertime baggy khakis? First it was Kristen Bell, and now it's someone named Jessica Sutta whom I'm told is a Pussycat Doll.

I mean, if a Pussycat Doll -- a habitually three-quarters-naked PUSSYCAT DOLL -- is willingly wearing those outside, then they MUST have cost $600 at Fred Segal and are thereby convincing everyone that khaki cargo pants are BACK and that you must pay oodles for them. Even if the tapered legs and high-waist cut, sagging oddly on your hips, combine to make you look like you have Spongebob's square groin.

April 22, 2009

The Fuglls

Fug file:

I hope this led to some kind of backstage throwdown between the She-Pratt and Lo:

[Photo: WENN.com]

I imagine Lo looked Stephanie up and down and was all, "Bitch, PLEASE, you did not just show up in something this similar to me," and Stephanie was all, "At least my purse isn't hideously clashy," and Lo went, "At least I'm not wearing a little necktie like I'm some sort of Girl Scout gunning for her ho merit badge," and Stephanie was like, "At least I have scenes on the show devoted to ME," and Lo said, "That's good because it makes up fro the fact that your waist has disappeared in that outfit," and then She-Pratt was all, "DITTO," and then Whitney Port poked her head in and said something like, "So you're not going to believe what Stephanie and Lo did at the Paley Center..." and Lo was all, "Do you not understand WHEN you're supposed to deliver those lines?" and then she and Stephanie laughed and laughed, while a nearby Audrina nodded sagely like she doesn't understand the words but knows it's time to have a noncommittal reaction, and then somewhere Heidi spontaneously got a giant pimple.

April 22, 2009

Fug or Forgivable, or Fab, I guess: Halle Berry

Fug file:

stripes

Let me preface this post by noting, for anyone not in the area of where I live, that it has been so unseasonably hot in Los Angeles that it may have topped a billion degrees recently. It's the kind of weather where no matter what store you go into -- Home Depot, the dry-cleaner, Bob's Manure Emporium -- every employee seems thrilled to be there simply because it means NOT being outside. So that may explain a lot about Halle Berry's footwear choice here:

[Photo: Splash News]

She just wants to be comfortable and not bathed in foot sweat. I understand that, in principle. And it's probably good that she pulled this with a summery, almost beachy dress -- which in general I would've liked better if it were cut off at the knee, but otherwise, whatever; it doesn't light my fire, nor does it throw water on it -- because flip-flops would look REALLY weird with, say, some frothy pastel confection from Marchesa.

Having said that: Flip-flops? Really? REALLY, Halle? At a big movie premiere? The red carpet is not a red-sand beach, much as that might improve things (just THINK of the number of poorly concealed bathing suits people would wear; we'd be updating a hundred times a day). And sure, it's been 100-plus outside and merely getting in the car and driving to the supermarket involves scorching one's palms on the steering wheel. But as the day's sweltering heat slowly became merely an extremely warm evening, are you telling me Halle couldn't have done it up a bit fancier for her pals in The Soloist? Found some cute flat sandals, if need be? Or at least worn some nicer flip-flops?

Okay, full disclosure: In my book, there is no such thing as nice flip-flops. Hey, we all have our quirks; I also hate sushi, and ergo expect to be deported from California at any moment. But, there are more event-appropriate versions that still ventilate the feet. I can't look at these on her feet here without thinking, "I don't CARE how hot it was. You're at a PREMIERE. PLEASE JUST TRY."

poll by twiigs.com

April 22, 2009

Poker Fug

Apparently Lady Gaga recently went on TV and gave an interview in which she basically clarified for the audience that, no, she's NOT drunk off her tree all the time.

[Photo: Splash News]

I can't IMAGINE why anyone would have gotten that impression.

April 21, 2009

Jena Mafuge

My first glance at the thumbnail of this outfit had me thinking Jena Malone wore knee-high boots with her sparkly dress, and I almost passed right by without another thought.

Almost:

Dear me. Nylon socks and sandals do not a boot make. Kind of like how tights are not pants, or wearing a see-through piece of fabric over your bra does not count as a shirt, or swathing yourself in pink-leopard spandex or costumes that look like fruit bowls does not make you interesting (sorry, Katy Perry). So while I have no beef with Jena here, I kind of wish she hadn't taken footwear tips from the old lady in 11D.

April 21, 2009

Big Fugve

Fug file:

ew

Having been to Coachella a couple times, I know it's really hard to judge what people wear there: You're in a giant polo field in the middle of the desert, temperatures are usually upwards of 95 degrees, you're there for ten hours or so, and somewhere around 3 p.m. you want to lie down in a corner of the lawn and die peacefully of heatstroke. When beer re-hydrates you almost as well as water, you know it's tough going out there.

But you know what doesn't help in that kind of weather?

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Thick socks and your grandmother's best sandals. It's been a few years since I've gone, but I'm pretty sure Coachella hasn't added a Bingo Tent.

April 21, 2009

Fugink

Fug file:

performances

Thank you, Pink, for finally settling the question.

[Photo: WENN.com]

The Heat Miser totally has a girlfriend.

April 21, 2009

Random Fug (To Us): Claire Merry

Fug file:

I'm sure Claire Merry thought it was really clever to show up to the Star Trek premiere dressed like a potential future super-villain -- or a new genre of love interest, like the Bond Girl of the new franchise. And I guess it worked on some level, because she's all over the Web this morning.

But then again, it also looks like she just didn't realize they already MADE the movie and don't need her unique services. All may not be lost, though -- Merry could make her mark in one of those Designer Imposter mock-off films, like Star Hike or Space Junket, where Captain Tirk and his compadres on the Spacecruiser Entrepreneur -- you know, the famously square-eared Dr. Block, and the Irish technician Blarney -- fight for the purity of the galaxy against enemies like the Stick-Ems and the Morg.

Sure, the actual parody Galaxy Quest did it best, but it used actual good actors so there's plenty of room for one shot on, like, a jiggly hand-held camera and released direct to video -- yes, not even to DVD. They might even have a craft-service table on-set, although it would probably be more like Kraft Service, filled with nothing but a place of individually wrapped cheese squares. So keep aiming high, Claire! You could still live the dream!

April 21, 2009

Fugly Gaga

Fug file:

WTF

Thank GOD Lady Gaga didn't forget her teacup.

[Photo: Splash News]

I mean, when you're an interplanetary envoy sent to Earth to understand the rituals of British society, it's just GAUCHE not to bring your own china.

April 21, 2009

Celebrity Terror Watch: Rupert Everett's Maybe-Surgery

Fug file:

There has been much online to-do over actor Rupert Everett's alleged-maybe-probably plastic surgery. You may remember Rupert from such movies as My Best Friend's Wedding, where he played the dapper gay BFF of Julia Roberts' character, or from that movie he did with Madonna that nobody saw. Or even from St. Trinian's, when he dressed in drag to play the batty lady principal of a school of miscreants, and whose love interest in the movie was Colin Firth.

And Rupert probably, in your mind's eye, looks like this:

[Photo: WENN.com]

Or, you know, a bit younger. But the point is, that's a shot from his "before" era.

Here is the "after" shot currently making the rounds on the Intertubes:

Continue reading Celebrity Terror Watch: Rupert Everett's Maybe-Surgery.

April 20, 2009

Fugoes

Fug file:

Here we go again: Another red-carpet event, another opportunity for Dania Ramirez to pull her best J.Lo face and look like she wants to kill us all in a fit of contempt.

Unless Dania here is looking in a mirror, then I'm really not sure why she's so mad at US. SHE is the one wearing a silk top over knee-length leggings, the likes of which Lindsay Lohan would have worn in 2007 back when the fad of always being ready for a bike race to break out at any moment was actually NEW-ish. That is not my fault, and also... yawn. Next time she should find a way to do the blouse and shoes proper justice and not just treat them like jazzercise props.

April 20, 2009

You The Jury: Drew Barrymore

Fug file:

Folks are swooning over more of Drew Barrymore's Grey Gardens press tour looks, but I find myself riding the fence, no matter how hard I try to get off because it's giving me unpleasant (not to mention unsightly) splinters. So let's just put her on trial, shall we?

Exhibit A:

The prosecution opens by asking if Drew borrowed this from a much taller woman, or if it's just that she only shaved her legs up to mid-calf; it then follows with an argument that saddle-shoe/orthopedic sandal hybrids are too aggressive when you're showing so little leg. The lead attorney passes around flyers to raise funds for the American Association of Stumpification, which is trying to build awareness of this tragic national affliction.

The defense leaps up and points out that, okay, while one COULD construe the color as being very Mother of the Bride, it's also very striking and pretty against Drew's skin. As the prosecution begins flipping through a copy of Bobbi Brown's makeup manual to see if there's a chapter on whether it's advisable to match one's eye makeup to one's outfit, one of the assistants begins sneezing and apologizes to the judge, pointing out that he is allergic to hay and therefore Drew's hair is setting off an attack. The defense throws some Kleenex and a bottle of Afrin at the prosecution's table, noting that the peacock hair clip is actually rather cool and the updo is artfully dishevelled rather than ill-attended bedhead. When the argument reaches a fever pitch, the judge bangs the gavel and warns the author of this post that any further ham-handed use of Drew Barrymore's resume in this post will result in punishment.

Now onto Exhibit B:

Continue reading You The Jury: Drew Barrymore.

April 20, 2009

Fug The Cover: Zac Efron

Fug file:

We have gotten a lot of e-mails about this cover, most of them inquiring about when, exactly, Zac Efron became his own bobblehead.

Now, I would've thought Zac Efron didn't need a continuing education in which he's taught not to hire strippers. And as much as I appreciate GQ's attempts to give him a grown-up five o'clock shadow -- or, well, maybe more of a lunchtime tincture -- it doesn't take away from the fact that he's dressed like he's hosting a '60s sock-hop for TV. I mean, the kid was in Hairspray. We've been there, done that, and watched several 13-year old girls scream themselves into a dead faint over it.

But it's ALSO totally true that Zac's head looks rather too big for his body. What is he supposed to learn from that? Not to get a huge ego? Not to agree to Zac Efron Bobblehead Night at Dodger Stadium? I suppose "Smart Clothes for Tough Times" might be a very handy primer for Zac on how to cope sartorially with this wrenching, emotional phase in which his skull is ballooning to sizes unforeseen, but I suspect this is all just a big clue not to pose for GQ any more.

April 20, 2009

Fugvate Fugtice

Fug file:

ALEC MAPA: Hi, I'm Alex Mapa from Ugly Betty, and I'm here at the GLAAD Awards with...

KATE WALSH: Ah, yes. The GLAAD Awards. Know what I'm just so glaaaad about, Alec?

ALEC: Ha ha, no, Kate, and it's not on the TelePrompTer, so...

KATE: I'm glaaaad I left Grey's Anatomy before all the bitches started whining. I'm glaaaad I've made out with twice as many hot dudes on my own show as I did on that one. I'm glaaaaaad I stopped eating anything white. I'm SO glaaad someone loaned me this necklace, which appears to have been made out of Kim Kardashian's talons. I'm REALLY GLAAAAD I look like a Swingtown refugee in this baggy coral bellbottom jumpsuit. And I'm HELLA WICKED GLAAAAD that it's so boring and shapeless and weirdly made that people will think I stapled it together myself last night while I was up watching Metal Mania on VH-1 Classic. Do you know why. Alec? Do you?

ALEC: Well, no, I...

KATE: Forget it, I don't have to explain myself to you bitches. Suck it, America.

ALEC: Ooooookay, then. I'm glaaaaad you're finally walking off-stage.

April 20, 2009

Fugo Bosworth

Fug file:

I feel you, Lo:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

I'd be pissy if I were wearing something that unflattering, too.

April 20, 2009

Sarah Fugsica Parkfugger

Fug file:

I am confused, SJP. So confused.

There's Matthew Broderick, looking all smug and slimy with his bow-tie and sideburns, like he's about to go up on a dais and sell you some real-fine genuine incredibly edibly vein-popping time-stopping Youth Tonic, which will mysteriously heal about four people in the audience who were walking with canes. And then there's Sarah Jessica, standing next to him with her feet spread and knees bent like she's on a fast-moving subway and there isn't a stabilizing pole to grab, wearing twee hot-pink shoes that might've been cute with something that wasn't a too-tight satin dress-over-pants and what appears to be a jacket thrown over her shoulders.

I say "appears," because I can't really tell. From this angle, it looks like it could be part of the outfit. As in, attached. Which would be insane, as it makes her shoulder bones seem like they're saddle-shaped.

Looking at it from the side doesn't help much either:

Continue reading Sarah Fugsica Parkfugger.

April 20, 2009

Nipfugs

Fug file:

For a woman whose book is allegedly titled Nipples AND who says she shot, directed, and starred in a movie called Nipples: Secrets of my Dreams, this outfit isn't focusing on the part of Bai Ling that I assumed it would:

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Bai still whipped out that fantastic royal-wedding-caliber hat and some serious leg acreage. But if she is going to get that book published -- and PLEASE let that happen, because I need a copy, like, yesterday -- you'd think Bai would be doing a little more aggressive promotional work.

Right?

Right:

Continue reading Nipfugs.

April 17, 2009

The Ballad of Fugco and Zac

Fug file:

I love this photo:

I wanted to write a dialogue for it, but I couldn't decide on an angle. Is Zac Posen the star knife-thrower at a circus owned by Kanye West, and Coco Rocha his brave assistant? Or is he a magician who's about to stick her in a coffin-sized Louboutin box and saw her in half, only to have her reappear whole at stage right sitting on top of a bust of Anna Wintour? Is Zac a pimp trying to sell Coco to dateless guests at the Send In The Clowns benefit to raise funds for a petting zoo made entirely of balloon animals? Is he about to ask her if she can pay the rent, and of course she won't be able to, so he's going to tie her to the subway tracks until Karl Lagerfeld comes to her rescue?

It's TOO MUCH. So I decided instead to sit back and enjoy her cracked-out neck rubble and his plush, sofa-like cape, and pray he choreographs his next fashion show along one of those exact plotlines.

April 17, 2009

Fugging Spaces

Fug file:

ponchos,
reality TV

I'm not sure what Trading Spaces' Paige Davis was going for here:

I guess she just traded spaces with a hipster cow-herder who's also the Grand Poohbah of a poncho-weaving cult. Is it time to swap back yet?

April 17, 2009

Fug or Fab: Michelle Trachtenberg

Fug file:

Here's the thing: I mostly want to fug this dress outright.

It's kind of dumpy on her, right? But I also think it's a really bizarre choice for a premiere of a movie -- in which she co-stars -- about a father who wakes up in his teens again and lives it up before (I assume) learning a very important life lesson about how his Youth Is For The Young, But That Doesn't Mean You Can't Enjoy Your Life As It Is, Fool. I'd have expected her to show up in something a bit flirtier, maybe shorter, more playful. -- as opposed to a gown she'd wear to someone's grandmother's charity fundraiser.

But her skin does look incredible. And it's possible I'm biased against Michelle Trachtenberg a bit because every time I see her, I'm reminded of how much I am dreading her return appearance on Gossip Girl. To keep me honest, I'm putting this in your hands.

poll by twiigs.com

April 17, 2009

Fuglivia Fuglermo

Fug file:

Oh, Tragic P. Jessica and I took to calling Olivia Palermo by that nickname after the delicious 2007 scandale in which she ALLEGEDLY wrote a letter to all the reigning socialite queen bees (who ALLEGEDLY all hated her) and begged them not to love her, apologizing for being a suck-up -- a letter which MAY have been a fake or MAY have been a huge publicity stunt but which either way ended up making Olivia something of a boldface name in NYC circles. And which resulted in almost no one talking to her -- or only appearing to do so grudgingly, and with considerable off-camera face-making, at the behest of photographers who wanted a picture -- whenever we saw her at Fashion Week (hence the nickname Tragic P). This is what makes her current billing as The Socialite on The City so deliciously ironic.

So anyway, it's been a tough nickname to kick, especially when she shows up at big events in stuff like this:

It's almost poetically icky. In fact:

Tragic P, poor kid:
Pricey shower curtains are
still shower curtains.

Last I checked, Bed Bath
and Beyond doesn't sell clothes.
Even in 'Beyond.'

Drab coat, bad purse choice,
beading from cheap hobby store.
And are those Slinkys?

But City foe Whitney would
have added a floral wreath.
So at least there's that.

April 17, 2009

Fugange

Fug file:

Poor Solange. Does she resent sharing Beyonce's DNA so much that she's obsessed with wearing OTHER faces on her chest?

First there was this one back in November, which we first featured during her Fug Madness 2009 run:

[Photo: WENN.com]

This could, I suppose, just be a crude rendition of Pac-Man and his life-partner Pac-Dude chasing a thousand-point hot dog.

But then there's what she wore to perform on Jimmy Fallon's show last night:

Continue reading Fugange.

April 17, 2009

Fugsha Barton

Fug file:

I feel like this outfit is something they would've put in the Mannequin music montage where Kim Cattrall and Andrew McCarthy dance around the department store, miming different scenarios in a series of increasingly stupid costumes. This one would work perfectly for a moment in which they pretend they're on a hayride sponsored by M.C. Hammer:

[Photos: Splash News]

However, those shoes are in a totally different category of crazy. Oh, MISCHA. It's nice to see you go out and do that voodoo that you do so well.

Literally -- if you were wondering why she's looking at the shoes as if hoping they'll look back, it's because they actually can:

Continue reading Fugsha Barton.

April 17, 2009

Fuggica Fugson

It's no surprise Jessica Simpson is navigating these stairs with such white-knuckled trepidation.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

I'm pleased to see that she's not wearing Daisy Dukes all the time, presumably a phase she's out of now that her country career is dead (or mostly dead, but in a way even Miracle Max can't cure), but: HEM YOUR PANTS, CHILD. You'll thank me when you're no longer in mortal fear of tripping on them, slipping, and splitting open your lip. Which would ALSO be a problem for you because then everyone would try to claim it happened during a fight with Tony Romo or something, and in coming out to deny it, you'd end up giving about ten more interviews in which you say that he's the one and you want to have his tiny babies -- and that means he'll probably break up with you when pre-season football ends. So, see, you're saving yourself a bloody mouth and a nasty breakup if you'd just shorten those bastards, okay?

poll by twiigs.com

April 16, 2009

Fugger Face

Fug file:

During Fug Madness, there was much debate over costumes vs. actual clothes, and how much each one should count toward a celebrity's overall fugliness. (One of the beauties of that tournament -- and I mean this sincerely -- is how it gives us a chance to discuss those issues as if they're as crucial as whether or not to impose government regulation on banks. Love it.) I say, it all counts, because YOU CAN ALWAYS SAY NO. It is never too late to come to your senses, whether you're performing or at the Oscars or going to the grocery store. This is why Lady Gaga's rampant pantlessness is fair game. If that's a role she's playing, then girlfriend inhabits it as wholly as any if she were expecting an Oscar nod.

Pursuant to that, I often find myself wondering, "But how far does she push it? Like, let's say she's traveling. Does she wear pants then?"

[Photo: WENN.com]

Per this photo taken at Heathrow, the answer is, not entirely. She is not wearing a leotard, which is great unless you bought a ticket for this flight hoping to see a few cartwheels in the aisle and maybe a split or two. However, I SUSPECT those are sequined hot-pants -- and, yes, they have the word "pants" in there, but much like their close cousins, underpants, the simple presence of those letters in that order does not make them official pants.

How is that comfortable? I am always cold on planes. I'm the girl who keeps her coat with her rather than stowing it in the overhead bin, and drapes it over her body in addition to the paper-thin airplane blanket. Also, when I'm sitting on a plane for however many hours, the last thing I want to do is look down and see nakedly and without censorship what my thighs are doing. How they wrangle the evidence of my belief in eating carbs is their own rotten business. Maybe if I were Lady Gaga, and running around town sharing my thigh business with the world is like second nature, I wouldn't care. Maybe I'd even be fascinated. Maybe I'd turn to my seatmate and start a discussion about it. I guess I don't know. But that sure doesn't look like something comfy to wear on a transatlantic flight when all you want to do is curl yourself up as best you can and kill time watching National Treasure: Book of Secrets for the 80th time while dreaming of another awfulsome (awful + awesome) sequel called National Treasure: Pamphlet of Mystery -- or flicks like Nights in Rodanthe that you were too embarrassed to go see in theaters (and rightly, because they turn out to be REALLY AWFUL and not in a fun way).

Ahem. Moving onto what Gaga wore once on terra firma in London:

Continue reading Fugger Face.

April 16, 2009

Well Played, Diane Kruger

Fug file:

I hope I am not just blinded by the afterglow of seeing how adorable she and Josh Jackson were together at Fashion Week. But I don't think I am -- I think I really just love this on Diane Kruger:

Something about how graceful and lithe she seems to be carries off all the feathers very strongly, the color is lovely and romantic, and the shoes are adorable.

She's becoming a bit like a junior Cate Blanchett for me -- not in the acting sense (if you have ever seen her act opposite Nicolas Cage, you will understand what it must feel like to watch a tree talk to a brick), but in the way that Diane takes big fashion risks that either fail epically or succeed impressively. Plus, both she and Cate carry off with aplomb stuff that would swallow up most other women. For instance, I am certain that if poor old Jessica Simpson wore this, I would wonder if she'd been tarred and feathered -- but seasonally! -- at an Easter Egg hunt. Hell, I am certain that if I wore this, I would wonder the same thing, followed by pondering a quick checkup at my doctor's office for selective amnesia.

On Diane, though? Well played, lady. Now go let Josh cuddle your feathers. You know he wants to so badly.

April 16, 2009

NYFug.com: Grading Starlet Style Makeovers

Fug file:

polls

When R&B singer Cassie randomly buzzed off the right half of her long mane this past weekend, it got us thinking, "Huh. I would have to be really drunk to do that. But HOW drunk? Fun drunk? Mixing-beer-and-liquor-and-then-being-unable-to-feel-my-own-teeth drunk? Unconscious drunk?"

Then, of course, we decided to peer at some of the other things various celebs have done to themselves in 2009, all in the name of a fresh start. For example, we had this to say about one actress:

Lately she's looked like a contestant on America's Next Top Dita Von Teese, and frankly, we were already getting bored of the original. Grade: C

Any guesses as to the (un)lucky lady's identity? Well, surf on over to our slideshow at NYMag.com to find the answer.

poll by twiigs.com

April 16, 2009

Scrolldown Fug: Kristen Bell

Fug file:

scrolldown fug

Everything started out so normally: A cute if maybe oddly cropped tank top, a necklace, a giant watch that conveniently seems to match the display of timepieces behind her at this party...

... but then it turned into something you'd wear for a job interview at The Gap in 1991.

April 16, 2009

Elle McPfugson

Fug file:

Well, this is an interesting development:

I had no idea they even MADE formal Snuggies.

April 16, 2009

Fugryn Manfug

Fug file:

Wow, it's apparently National Sleeve Day up in here. Congratulations to Camryn Manheim on coming in for a safe and successful landing:

[Photo: WENN.com]

Later, I hear there are plans to take her to the park and fly her like a kite.

April 16, 2009

Drew Fuggymore

Fug file:

I'll say this for Drew Barrymore: She's got a taste for big drama. First she went through that phase in January/February where she wore the exact same cat-eye makeup, pink lipstick, and sixties-themed hair everywhere she went -- from the Golden Globes to Ellen -- and then she went with that costumey outfit for the Grey Gardens premiere, which may have been pretty but I felt like I was being whacked upside the head with a board that said "DREW BARRYMORE IS IN A PERIOD PIECE!!" and had HBO's channel number and all the air times written on it.

And now, she's shown up at Letterman wearing two drawstring handbags on her elbows.

[Photo: Splash News]

Down side: The effect is that she's a very exotic insect indeed. The plus side: It's going to be super hard for a pickpocket to swipe her cell-phone, wallet, or Metro Card without getting REALLY friendly.

April 16, 2009

Fugri Spelling

Fug file:

OK, seriously? As I type, I am watching a rerun of the original 90210 -- Andrea Zuckerman is petitioning the school board to distribute condoms at school and is spouting off all these AIDS statistics, because this was the era of Addressing Issues, rather than the current reality of Addressing The Importance Of Drinking Dr. Pepper On Road Trips Because Dr. Pepper Paid A Bunch Of Money To Be In This Episode, and Donna Martin's mom Felice is REALLY opposed to the safe-sex advocacy at school and I sense this may create a rift in the gang -- and it is all only underscoring that something is VERY WRONG HERE:

[Photos: Splash News]

Tori Spelling is not supposed to be this thin. I know Tori insists she doesn't have an eating disorder, and I'm certainly not here to assert that she's lying. That's not my job. She might just be really busy, as she claims (although, when I get really busy, I get fatter because I have no time to do anything but snack, snack, snack, and what more perfect snackable food is there but the mighty potato chip?). The point is, I don't know her life.

But it's impossible to deny that she can't be consuming enough nutrients. Look at her! There is NOTHING LEFT. If she turned sideways she would slip through a crack in the floor. That dress is cute, but I guarantee you it is not supposed to accentuate a girl's assets in this particular manner:

Continue reading Fugri Spelling.

April 15, 2009

Fug or Fab: Drew Barrymore

Fug file:

Okay, first of all: we get it.

Second of all, this dress is -- undeniably -- gorgeous. Thirdly: that doesn't mean it works on her. D) Have you SEEN the tag line for Grey Gardens? It's something like, "the true story of Jackie O's incredible relatives." I'M NOT KIDDING. How freaking lazy is that? I mean, I guess it's DIRECT, but it's also BORING and doesn't seem to convey the idea that Drew is playing a woman who regularly wore her skirt on her head as a fashion statement. I'm serious. That needs to be better conveyed, and "Jackie O's crazy relatives!" doesn't do it. On the other hand, this would be an amusing trend. Like, "Terminator Salvation: Yeah, Yeah, This Is the Movie Where Bale Lost His Shit." Or, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: The Awesome One With All the Flashbacks and Stuff, But Be Warned BAD THINGS HAPPEN AT THE END.." (iv) I guess that doesn't have anything to do with the matter at hand, but I had to get that out.

poll by twiigs.com

April 15, 2009

Afugifug Ifug

Fug file:

When Ryan Seacrest had to introduce Paula on last night's American Idol, he actually drew a blank on how to describe her outfit -- finally settling on "expensive."

[Photo: Guess who?]

I think I'd have expanded that to, "A very expensive leash."

Also, what's with the optical illusion here that Paula's right arm is about half the size of her left? Is my camera just trying to mess with us all now? That doesn't seem kind. The woman is wearing some sort of bejewelled harness. She has enough problems.

April 15, 2009

Fuggles

Fug file:

Things of Which You Should Make a Note:

1) Bai Ling may be the only person in the world who could show up somewhere in taxicab yellow short shorts and an aggressively colored/patterned shiny button down and my reaction would be, "aw, Bai Ling looks cute!" This is the consequence of living a life wherein you become known for wearing, like, coconut shell bras and Saran wrap pants. You show up in something that is the loud/crotchtacular version of Palm Beach As Interpreted Via Clothing and I think you look kind of secretly adorable.

2) How cute is Bai when she's all smiley? I feel like for the last four years, I've only ever seen her make CRAZY faces or SEXY faces and her smiley face is really rather charming. Yes, years of exposure to me have made me sort of love her. It's basically Stockholm Syndrome.

3) OKAY. This is the important part. According to our friends at the San Francisco Chronicle, Bai Ling's forthcoming book is called....seriously, I hope you're reading this sitting down....NIPPLES.

YES.

(PS: You need to read that interview, by the way. It is kind of amazing. [OMG, so is this one. Please treat yourself.])

I can not, of course, find anywhere to buy NIPPLES or pre-order NIPPLES or check NIPPLES out from some kind of intergalactic library. But I hope it goes without saying that I NEED TO READ THIS BOOK. RIGHT NOW.

April 15, 2009

Fugth Green

Fug file:

Normally, at this point I might say something like, "Oh, Seth Green, I 'can't hardly wait' for you to go back to how you were," or maybe, "Your new look SLAYS me," or... you know what, I can't think of a play on Family Guy and I really hate that show anyway, so I'd probably have stopped with those two horrible puns on his resume.

Instead, though, I am stricken dumb. Because unless this is for the upcoming shoot for his movie Mars Needs Moms! -- and, yes, that's real, and also probably true -- then I don't GET IT:

Maybe he's doing this in solidarity with Aubrey O'Day's dog.

April 15, 2009

Fug the Cover: Blake Lively

Fug file:

I'm Scared

Whoa. Um. This is...unfortch. Blake Lively is a tall, blonde, gorgeous drink of water. This person is a cracked out little cup of yogurt who hasn't washed her face in three weeks and has caught a raging case of LittleJitits from dipping too deeply into Taylor Momsen's eyeliner kit. How much more clearly must I spell it out for you? I'M SCARED.

April 14, 2009

Fugs of April

Fug file:

Oh, Katie Holmes.

[Photo: Splash News]

That whole "I'm Wearing Tom's Jeans" look you did last summer may have caught on with certain subsections of the population, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this look? WILL NOT.

April 14, 2009

Melora Fugdin

Fug file:

You know, it always makes me sad when somebody goes only halfway.

If Melora Hardin is going to go Blossom, she needs to go FULL Blossom -- there ought to be culottes, for instance, and calf-height socks. And a BIGGER flower on her hat, which probably needs to have some kind of checkerboard or paisley pattern.

Oh, it would still be bad, all right, but at least it would work as an homage and evoke special memories of the time Blossom had to decide if she was ready to go to second base, or she cries to pass her driver's test, or her ex-boyfriend goes into a coma, or she decides Six has an eating disorder because she pukes one time. Or the time Blossom's grandfather tried to talk her out of going to college by telling her a story about World War II (no, really). Then we could all join hands and sing "My Opinionation" as we skip to the nearest bar to drink all those memories straight out of our heads.

April 14, 2009

Downtroddenly Played, Solange

Fug file:

"Hey guys. Yeah. Solange here. In the house. Whatever. I'm so bummed. I can't believe I didn't even make it to the final of Fug Madness. What's wrong with you people? I wore like the feathered output of an entire ostrich and it wasn't good enough. Nothing I ever do is good enough. Now I'm not as good as Beyonce OR Aubrey O'Day and she can't even sing. My album is supposed to actually be good, you guys. It's good and I spent all of last year trotting around in face paint and live animals like someone wearing the contents of an entire season of ANTM photo shoots at once and for what? Nothing. A whole lot of nothing. I give up. I'm just wearing jeans from now on. That's right. You didn't appreciate my hard work last year and now you don't get to have any fun with my crazy feathered bedazzeled outfits either. I hope you're happy. Goodbye. FOREVER.

PS: How terrible does Beyonce's movie with Ali Larter look? At last, big sister makes a mistake! I'M SO EXCITED. Okay, goodbye for real this time."

April 14, 2009

Non-Damagingly Played, Lisa Rinna

Fug file:

dialogue,
green

[Photo: WENN.com]

LISA RINNA: FINE, fine, America, WHATEVER YOU WANT.

HARRY HAMLIN: Come on, Lisa, I can't believe you listened to those yokels! They're just afraid of what they feel!

LISA: No, no, Harry, if America wants me to put away my crotch, and the high-slit/boobs combo, and the Joan Collins hair, then FINE. FAR BE IT FROM ME to disobey the will of the public.

HARRY: What's the problem, America? Why you gotta be like that? She's got GREAT thigh cleavage! Why are you spoiling everyone else's fun?

LISA: Are you HAPPY NOW, America? I'm clothed AND you upset my husband!

HARRY: I just can't believe these prudes are crotch haters! They should be THANKING you! They're LUCKY to see what I see every day! And they don't even have to share with you their L.A. Law residuals!

LISA: WHAT L.A. Law residuals? Nobody reruns that show, Harry.

HARRY: NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE, AMERICA. You've made her CRANKY and she's TAKING IT OUT ON L.A. LAW.

LISA: Let's just go, Harry. We've given them what they want. Now let's get this evening over with so I can take off this itchy fabric and set my essence free.

April 13, 2009

I Kissed a Fug and I Fugged It

Fug file:

"Oh, hey guys,

[Photo: Splash News]

Um, didn't expect to see you here. I'm just running out in my favorite pink leopard print leggings -- everyone's got a pair of THOSE, am I right?! - for a snack! See how I'm using my hot pink satin blazer as kind of a robe? WHO HASN'T DONE THAT, for real, right? Right? So anyway. I'm just running out for a Slurpee. Totally minding my own business. Just felt the need for some Cheetos. And a banana, maybe, or something -- you know, just a quick snack. So, I mean, you totally don't NEED to be taking pictures of me right now. I am not doing anything INTERESTING, really. Just a girl in her hot pink leopard print leggings and favorite old worn-in hot pink satin blazer making a run for the border! Taco Bell, I mean. I'm not actually fleeing the country. Anyway. Just running out for a sec. So....you can go away now. Nothing to see here. I'm not kissing any girls or jumping out of fruit or anything. So, see you later! When I want to see you! Later! That would be later! When it's CONVENIENT FOR ME AND/OR MY PRESS AGENT. GOOD-BYE!"

April 13, 2009

Fugsica Simpson

Fug file:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

JESSICA: Ugh.

TONY: What's up, babe?

JESSICA: Yuck.

TONY: Speak up, babe.

JESSICA: Everything always seems like such a good idea when I'm at home.

TONY: Word, babe.

JESSICA: And now that I'm out, and there are photographers, like, of COURSE I feel like this stupid dress makes me look like a giant sofa cushion from that furniture sitting on Aunt Edna's lanai in Palm Beach.

TONY: Too true, babe.

JESSICA: And I... wait, what?

TONY: I hear you, babe.

JESSICA: You don't. You're just saying stuff. You're not even listening to my pain. WHY DOES NO ONE LISTEN TO MY PAIN?

TONY: Dude, babe.

JESSICA: I hate today.

April 13, 2009

Mindy Fugling

Fug file:

So, apparently, Mindy Kaling of The Office has a blog called Things I Bought That I Love, in which she discusses deforestation and the plight of overpopulation in China. By which I mean, she posts pictures of stuff she either bought or wants to buy, and then talks about it.

Today, I am tempted to start a blog called Things Mindy Kaling Bought That I Don't Love, but then I realized I already have that blog, and it's called Go Fug Yourself. Without further ado, then:

I want to be okay with this, because she is so sunny and funny and cute (the first two, I am assuming, because I don't know her personally, but whatever -- my assumptions and I are very happy together). But the wrinkled, belted formal romper is not for me. Had it been a skirt, I'd probably have passed by this without a second click; indeed, I hope she's digging so deeply into her pockets because she's searching for some kind of release lever that springs open the crotch part and magically turns this into a nice spring minidress. As-is, though, it's kind of like something a very clueless corporate type would buy if the company Easter garden party were taking place in one of those inflatable bouncy castles.

April 13, 2009

Fug or Fab: Drew Barrymore

Fug file:

stripes

When I first saw this pic, I was like, "Drew looks great!" and then I looked at it closer, and I was all, "DOES Drew look great?"

[Photo: Splash News]

My internal monologue went something like, yes. No. Yes. I love the shoes. I don't know about the hair. No. No, she doesn't. Wait. Yes. She really does. She looks adorable. I don't know. Is it that flattering? Sure it is. She looks totally cute. I don't know, but I feel like she could have looked BETTER. Sometimes I feel like the only person in the world who doesn't like Cadbury Creme eggs. No, I think she does look cute. Is Tim Riggins returning to Friday Night Lights, and if not, whatever will I do? No, she looks mediocre. No, cute. Mediocre. Super cute. RIGGINS! I love her. No, I don't. Well, you don't HATE her. No, that's true. I like her fine. That length is good on her. What should I have for lunch? You haven't even had breakfast. I wonder where I put my pants. I DO like this. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. I DON'T. No, I actually do.

poll by twiigs.com

April 10, 2009

FugSquared

Fug file:

"What's that, you say? Aubrey O'Day won Fug Madness 2009 in part because she was willing to pimp out her tragic little dog in a series of ridiculous outfits, all over town? BEAT THIS ONE, D'DAY. I AM COMING FOR YOUR ASS. 2010 IS MINE. AND I DON'T CARE WHO GETS HURT. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA."

April 10, 2009

Still In the Running Towards Becoming America's Next Top Fug

Fug file:

I think I am on record as saying that Jaslene here is my favorite winner of America's Next Top Model (although I liked CariDee, and who doesn't agree that Yoanna probably had the most amazing face of them all?). I stand by that. AND YET:

GIRL. I love you....but I don't want to love THAT MUCH of you. PRITHEE look into something less breezily crotchtacular.

April 10, 2009

NY Fug.com: Leighton Meester's Single Proves It's Time for the End of the Hyphenate

We LOVE you, Blair Waldorf, but NO to the singing career:

"An ability to cry on cue when your TV boyfriend gets hooked on opiates and Thai hookers doesn't translate to singing prowess, no matter what your high-school drama teacher told you. Ergo, the output of most actress turned singer hyphenates winds up being kind of embarrassing, often in a way that's harder to overcome than a sex tape or a boyfriend with an awkward fondness for fraud."

We just want the best for Leighton. Ergo, maybe cancel the CD? Weigh in at NY Mag.com.

April 10, 2009

Fugsten Dunst

Fug file:

oops,
transparency

Listen, Kiki, I don't mean to make you feel all weird while you're out getting a snack.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

But that skirt is making ME feel weird. I mean, when I said I wanted to see more of you in 2009, I didn't mean in the Biblical sense.

April 10, 2009

Spencfug and Heifug

Fug file:

[Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

HEIDI: Come here, my schnookums.

SPENCER: YOU come HERE, cupcake.

HEIDI: I'm so happy we're alone, muffin.

SPENCER: I die inside when we are not alone together, monkey.

HEIDI: Wait, did you hear something, sugarbritches?

SPENCER: Why, HELLO! What are you doing here in our living room?

HEIDI: Oh, OOPS, it's not our living room at ALL! It's a store!

SPENCER: How EMBARRASSING.

HEIDI: I can't believe you caught me here in my tiny, tiny, practically transparent hot pants, making out on the bed with my honey-poo as if we were at HOME!

SPENCER: Where we do this ALL THE TIME.

HEIDI: NONSTOP!

SPENCER: Gosh, I wonder how you found us! YOU GUYS. You are such cards.

HEIDI: I just hope my extremely tiny outfit isn't too immodest! If only I'd KNOWN I wasn't in my own house!

SPENCER: You are so brave, pooky. Smile for the cameras.

April 9, 2009

SkaterFug

Fug file:

[Photo: Splash News]

AVRIL LAVIGNE: But REF!

REFEREE: I told you, Avril. I'm not a referee. I'm just wearing a striped shirt. That you BOUGHT for me, actually.

AVRIL: But....but....BUT!!! WHY?!!!?!

NOT A REFEREE: Look, it's just my opinion. But as your friend, I think someone should tell you that maybe it's time your style evolved from, you know, looking like you fell into a Hot Topic and into something less...2004. I mean, aren't you bored of wearing a hoodie? You've worn a hoodie for like....FIVE YEARS STRAIGHT. SNAP OUT OF IT.

AVRIL: But noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. If I'm not wearing a hoodie or a tie or giving someone devil horns or the finger, how will people know who I ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

NAR: Oh. I get it now. That's kind of sad. Let's go home.

April 9, 2009

Fug The Cover: Halle Berry on Harper's Bazaar

Fug file:

Harper's Bazaar

There's been a lot of brouhaha over Harper's Bazaar appearing to Photoshop Halle Berry on its cover. And I get reacting to that with an eye roll and an "Oh, gee, what a shock that people use PHOTOSHOP," because we all know magazines want to sell copies, and what most people actually look like isn't going to do it. If anyone were stupid enough to put me on a magazine cover, I would probably put a "Please Photoshop my face" clause right at the top of my contract.

No, what's MORE interesting to me is that whatever Harper's did or didn't do, it yielded a cover of Halle Berry that's mind-bendingly awful.

Let's set aside for a second the fact that the ENTIRE thing is the color of a sunburn and makes me want to go bathe in aloe. Why would you want a cover of one of the world's hottest women, only to pick one in which she looks like a very cheap Halle Berry impersonator wearing a Jaclyn Smith wig she picked up from K-Mart? What's next? Photographing Angelina Jolie in a full mask? Putting a wig on a stick and calling it Nicole Kidman?

With any luck, by the time that happens, I'll already have gone blind from staring at this cover too long. It's like gazing directly at the sun. Everywhere I look now, I see angry all-caps words screaming at me from hot-pink backgrounds. Pray for me. And SAVE YOURSELVES.

April 9, 2009

Fuggny Gastineau

Fug file:

[Photo: Splash News]

KIM KARDASHIAN: Whee! Look at me!

BRITTNY GASTINEAU: Ha ha. Yes, look at you. It's always YOU. How ADORABLE.

KIM: Sporting games are so fun!

BRITTNY: Like, seriously, you couldn't let me have the spotlight? YOU HAVE YOUR OWN ATHLETE ALREADY. Why do you think I'm here leaning over in a low-cut tank top and showing off my lace-covered knees? For my health? Because I LIKE basketball? NO.

KIM: I eat things like cotton candy!

BRITTNY: And what do you think these stupid shoes are? I mean, they don't even seem to have a heel! They look like I've got hooves. Why would I wear these if not to get some hot jock to stare at me?

KIM: I love hats and stuff!

BRITTNY: Yeah, well, I hope the dude sitting behind you, who now can't see from his insanely expensive seats, decides to punch you in the neck. YES, I SAID IT.

April 9, 2009

FUGOOP

Fug file:

jumpsuit

Ever since we wrote about how Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP went from being an annoyingly pretentious vanity project to an unintentionally hilarious snapshot of her personality, the newsletters have been on such a divine roll. For example, the VERY day our column ran, GOOP featured a video workout to help shape us up for spring -- telling us it's unrealistic to follow one of those 10-day emergency workouts, mere months after instructing us on how to do a seven-day cleanse to lose holiday weight fast -- and then ended with this tantalizing preview for next week: "FPO - awaiting next week copy." Her poor assistant probably got sent home for the day without any hibiscus-salt samples.

This week, it's full of Gwyneth's tips for dressing this spring. Her ideas are truly revolutionary: Trenchcoats! Sandals! Lightweight pants! All of which she models as if she's in the pages of Land's End, leaning up against a boat dock. That is, of course, when she's not busy advocating for these:

[Photo: GOOP.com]

Yes; JUMPSUITS. Gwyneth feels that these will look fantastic on any body shape (presumably she's not aware that people come in sizes other than "toothpick" and "reedy" and "Madonna"). But the best part is, her face seems TOTALLY unconvinced by her own suggestion. She's walking around in her baggy-legged jumpsuit and jamming her hands in her pockets as if she's really self-conscious -- less "see how confident and stylish I look" than it is, "Oh, crap, this may have been a really bad idea." Also, I have a sneaking suspicion that if I were to wear the jumpsuit on the far right, the crotch would skim my knees. That is only fabulous for spring if smuggling babies in our pants becomes the new fad.

April 9, 2009

Jason Segel Bad Hair Terror Watch

Fug file:

I DESPAIR:

RUDD, WHY CAN'T YOU HEAL HIM? WHY HASN'T THIS STOPPED HAPPENING?

April 8, 2009

Fug The Poster: Grey Gardens

Fug file:

ads and posters

I'm really not sure to whom this poster is supposed to appeal -- for one thing, it makes Grey Gardens look like it's a hybrid of The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Driving Miss Daisy:

And for another, despite the fact that we've all JUST read on every gossip site how much weight Drew Barrymore lost during shooting, her picture appears to imply there is a very uplifting story arc in which Little Edie gets her wisdom teeth out. So it's for... very elderly yet plucky former dental hygienists? Glad we cleared that up, HBO.

April 8, 2009

Academy of Country Music Awards Fug: Emily West

Oh, honey.

I don't think that's how your seatbelt was supposed to work.

April 8, 2009

Fug N Cold

Fug file:

My EYES. SWEET SAUSAGE SANDWICH, my EYES!

[Photo: Splash News]

This is a mind-bending satin collage of every sample picture that has ever come pre-loaded on any computer -- like having a hallucination involving marine life living inside a book of fabric swatches. I don't know whether to call my doctor or change my desktop background.

Apparently, one of the things Katy Perry did in this outfit was go bowling. I will ONLY accept that as logical if her date was this man:

Continue reading Fug N Cold.

April 8, 2009

Fug the Cover: Elle Macpherson

Tatler is one of those magazines that I don't buy regularly -- especially since it's so pricy here in the US -- but I consider a glossy treat for long airplane rides. (Also in this category: Teen Vogue and British Glamour, AKA anything purse-sized and/or foreign, preferably both). I'm going on a trip in the near future and I seriously think I will pick this up for the ride -- it's promising me MURDER, royal shenanigans AND, presumably, the story behind why Elle's dress is trying to make a run for it. I've got to uncover the truth on all three fronts.

April 8, 2009

So CLOSE to Well Played, Jamie Kennedy

Fug file:

I realized last night that I think I liked Jennifer Love Hewitt better before she started dating her coworker, like, the week she broke off her engagement and then they both started chortling all over town that they're in the middle of the world's most powerful and amazing love affair and they can't breathe without the other and that every time one of them opens his mouth the air is filled with bird song and the sound of violins and the sweet smell of the rebound.

On the other hand, I do think she is to be congratulated for the fact that Jamie Kennedy -- previously so renowned for looking unwashed that we begged him to clean up in our book -- is looking, dare I say, rather sharp at this particular event.

[Photo: Splash News]

With one very important caveat: next time, I suspect both she and we will remember to specify that if we can see the outline of your wallet in the FRONT POCKET OF YOUR JEANS (not to mention other things), then those jeans, my darling, are probably just a hair too snug.

April 7, 2009

Fugnae Grimes

Fug file:

Hey, Shenae? I have a question:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

You DO know you're not currently on the 1990 version of 90210, right?

April 7, 2009

A Shot At Fug With Smashing Pumpkins

Fug file:

I have a couple of questions about this:

First: BILLY CORGAN IS DATING TILA TEQUILA!?!??!!!!??!!1111!?!?!1111??!?! This makes me feel ALL KINDS OF WRONG, like the way I would feel if I found out that Wonder Woman was a meth addict. I'm not sure which facet of this pairing blows my mind more: that Billy Corgan is dating Tila Tequila, or that Tila Tequila is going out with Billy Corgan. You know what I mean? My preconceived notions about both of them have gone out the window, and without those to cling to, I feel that it is fairly obvious that I have nothing.

Second, did he always dress like this? All I can remember are a lot of black turtlenecks and that 1800s get-up from the "Tonight, Tonight" video. Help me, Internet.

poll by twiigs.com

April 7, 2009

Fug Madness 2009: We Have A Champion

Last night, as North Carolina laid a fairly brutal smackdown on poor Michigan State in the NCAA tournament final, our wee Fug Madness contest was providing all the drama that game sorely lacked: Aubrey O'Day had leapt out to a large lead on Monday morning, but thanks to the hilarious and vociferous debates in the comments by some very impassioned voters, by midnight Pacific time Tilda "SWINTON" Swinton had narrowed the gap so that Aubrey only had 51 percent of the vote. In fact, we went to sleep with the polls still open, not knowing for sure the identity of our winner.

But we did, and do, know one thing: We love you guys.

Okay, so we did, and do, know TWO things, the second being: Laughably bad, awesomely bad, depressingly bad, shockingly bad... EVERY flavor of badness is the heart and soul of Go Fug Yourself, and both our finalists -- revere them or loathe them -- stepped in giant piles of Bad in 2008-09. There probably was no wrong answer, as evidenced by the tight vote.

There was, however, ultimately an answer. Ten game days and more than 1.3 million votes later, we have a Last Fugger Standing, and it is...

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009: We Have A Champion.

April 7, 2009

Fugbrey O'Day

Fug file:

pink

Obviously, central as she's been to Fug Madness 2009, there's been a lot of talk in the comments about whether Aubrey O'Day's wretched outfits are just an attempt to get attention or reflect ACTUAL bad taste.

I'm here to cast my vote for the latter, offering you this photo as proof that even when she appears to be going for "intriguing but not slutty," she lands in a big old pile of terrible:

I strongly suspect this thing cost her $25 in tuition at a really disreputable origami school, located in a strip mall above a Dunkin' Donuts and one of those shops that sells your stuff on eBay. Unless the class was called "Fold Your Way Into Looking Fifteen Pounds Heavier," she really ought to try and get back that cash. The way her singing career seems to be going, she may need it in about six months.

April 7, 2009

Fug and Protect

Fug file:

Here's the thing, Anna Faris:

A) I think this might be on backward.

B) If it's not, you HAVE to agree that it's nearly impossible to negotiate this thing unless you never exhale, as evidenced by the fact that every photo of you from this premiere involves the stiffest posture I've ever seen, especially from someone as generally kooky and relaxed-seeming as you are.

C) I could really use an ice blended -- do you mind dashing across the street and grabbing me one?

D) I hear you're marrying Chris Pratt. Well played. Who doesn't love Bright?

F) I got off track here, somewhere. What were we talking about? Oh, right. The thing is, darling, that I feel like you've veered into being a wee bit cheeseball. You know what I mean? You know what I mean.

April 6, 2009

My New BFFug

Fug file:

[Photo: Splash News]

"What? You act like you've never seen my bra before."

April 6, 2009

Fug or Fab: Nicole Kidman

Fug file:

KEITH URBAN: I'm so very happy. I may BURST INTO SONG!

NICOLE KIDMAN: I have a wee secret.

KEITH: Just a moment, Nicole! I feel song coming on!

NICOLE: Oh, I can wait. My entire look is centered around the concept of coyness.

KEITH: Wait. What do you mean?

NICOLE: Do you really want to know?

KEITH: Obviously. Now, I'm intrigued.

NICOLE: Have you seen the front of my dress?

KEITH: Well, duh. I'm RIGHT HERE.

NICOLE: Check out the back:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Nicole Kidman.

April 6, 2009

Academy of Country Music Awards Fug: Heidi Newfield

Fug file:

performances

On the one hand, it feels so good to type the word "Heidi" and not have it refer to the Montag who usually parades around with plastic-looking inflated lips and the fiendish Spencer Pratt on her arm.

On the other, this is the one time it might be nice to be talking about Heidi Montag, because this is a potent fantasy ending to her tiresome reality-show fame and nascent singing career: a nonsensical Barbarella Goes To Homecoming ensemble licked viciously by flames conjured by Satan himself, as she's forced to perform on Hell's equivalent of American Idol. Incidentally I think Paula Abdul is one of the judges for that, also.

April 6, 2009

Academy of Country Music Awards Fug (And One Fine): Carrie Underwood

Fug file:

Let's get the good news out of the way: Carrie Underwood -- Queen of the Costume Change -- started the evening in something only offensive in the sense that it incited me to a brief slumber in my seat:

It's perfectly pretty, floaty, girly... there's nothing much to say about it, hence my spontaneous nap. I'm not inclined to rave, and I'm not inclined to rant.

But do you see that expression on her face? The pursed-lipped look of barely suppressed amusement, as if she's got a mischievous secret she almost can't keep? There is a reason: Carrie knew what she had in store for us later, and she deliberately lulled us into a false sense of peace. Check it out:

Continue reading Academy of Country Music Awards Fug (And One Fine): Carrie Underwood.

April 6, 2009

Fug Madness 2009: The Final Game

(1) AUBREY O'DAY vs. (1) SWINTON

And here we are at last: Solange Knowles is at home, making hot pants out of banana leaves and crying angry tears about how she will prevail in 2010; Bai Ling is wondering if her attempts to dress less wackily are really worth it after all, as perhaps it's better to be organically nutty than artificially dull; and SWINTON and Aubrey O'Day are full of nervous energy, waiting to learn their fate.

Could there be a more mismatched pair of women? SWINTON is a talented and legitimate artist with an unconventional and fascinating personal life (she has a 29 year old boyfriend, and they live with the sixty-something-year old father of her children). Aubrey O'Day is... not. Professionally, and visually, they could not be more diametrically opposed: SWINTON favors the avant-garde, high-end, unflattering-on-purpose (we think?), deconstructed, reconstructed, wearable-art thing. Aubrey has dyed her dog to match her outfits, many of which appear to have been constructed by the half-blind lovechild of a professional ballroom dancer and a figure skater who's fallen on hard times. Half the time, neither is doing herself any real favors.

So who will take home the title? Whose fug has reigned supreme this year? Can a woman who has worn what is essentially toilet paper take the crown over one who has made a habit of donning $25,000 Hefty bags? Is it better to vote for someone who looks tacky and attention-hogging in a way so extreme and committed that it does deserve props -- I mean, the girl actually accessorized her pet -- or should you throw your weight behind someone who's worn a hat that looks like a pet and has chosen to trot out frocks that are, honestly, not all that conventionally flattering on this particular planet, whilst also costing two arms and six legs each? There's been much discussion in the comments (which have been awesome again this year) about whether or not winning this contest is a celebration or a censure, but I think that's for you -- the voters -- to choose, and a question that we will answer again (and sometimes differently) every year. But enough of that yadda yadda yadda. None of you are here to READ. Take a look at our final, glorious two and then vote your heart one final time (or more, if you want to clear your cookies). See you in the comments section.

SWINTON:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009: The Final Game.

April 3, 2009

Fug City

Fug file:

I find this so bizarre.

Only because I would bet an ample amount of money that, at some point in the next season of The City, Whitney will be aimlessly flipping through a rack of DVF frocks and whimpering about how she doesn't know what to do with her boyfriend -- who will have done something thoughtless due to the fact that they are only dating at MTV's behest and he doesn't take the gig as seriously as poor Whitney does -- and Olivia will interrupt at the most poignant part of this sad story to say, "Did you ever hear that old line about how you should look at yourself before you leave the house and take off one accessory? You need to start doing that, Whitney," and then walk off to have a three hour lunch with her cousin. Heal THYSELF, Olivia.

April 3, 2009

One Week In Fuggis: A Paris Omnibus

Fug file:

I'm starting to be afraid we'll end up seeing Paris Hilton on Dancing With The Stars. Consider the evidence:

1) Apart from filming occasional scenes for the second season of her BFF-search, Paris has very little to do besides wear shiny clothes all day that come with ridiculous accessories:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The weight belt, the glove, the headband... is anyone else suspicious that this is what Paris Hilton wears to the gym?

2) Paris Hilton has zero compunctions about looking as naked as possible in front of camera lenses:

Continue reading One Week In Fuggis: A Paris Omnibus.

April 3, 2009

The Fugbook

Fug file:

Time for my regularly scheduled hissy about wearing things the exact same color as your skin. Do I even really need to write it, or can you just fill in the blanks by yourself? It IS Friday, and I could use a break.

Allow me to provide you with a helpful template. Start off by commenting that Rachel McAdams is lovely/that you loved The Notebook/that you loved the episode of One Tree Hill where it is revealed that Skills loves The Notebook/ that you've never gotten over her break-up with Gosling, not least because it lends a terrible sad note to "Lazy Sunday." Then note that this dress, objectively, is actually very lovely/probably beautifully made/surely cost an arm and a leg/was clearly the result of a lot of laudable hard work by a stylist somewhere. But point out, finally and regretfully, that R. McA matches it so perfectly that she rather looks as though she's wrapped herself in layers of her own skin. Grossed out, publish your rant and go have a cookie. THE END.

April 3, 2009

The Fugusuals

Fug file:

ALEXIS BLEDEL: Okay, Amber, come on, let's go.

AMBER TAMBLYN: No! I'm not done getting my photo taken!

ALEXIS: Trust me. I'm trying to help. Let's just go back to your place and have a bottle of wine.

AMBER: What is your beef? Are you embarrassed about your dress?

ALEXIS: MY dress? I mean, okay, so it's a little unremarkable, but it's not HURTING anyone. Unlike your pants.

AMBER: These pants are bitchin'.

ALEXIS: Those are winter harem pants. Do you hear me? HAREM PANTS. For WINTER.

AMBER: It's a revolution!

ALEXIS: It's ridiculous. If Jeannie dreamed of becoming a lawyer in, like, Milwaukee or something, she'd have ten pairs of those made. But you do not live in an oil lamp.

AMBER: Are they that bad?

ALEXIS: Honey, they give you Grandpa Crotch.

AMBER: ... Okay, let's get out of here.

ALEXIS: Finally.

April 3, 2009

Lydia Fugst

Fug file:

Look, Peter Pan, I'm sorry -- I don't think I can keep clapping.

I'm just not sure I WANT to believe in fairies any more.

April 3, 2009

Very Joan Collinsly Played: Joan Collins

Fug file:

ruffles,
soap stars

Joan, you deliciously ageless broad:

Only you could wear what is essentially a high-fashion sternotomy, swaddled in a clumsily repurposed tuxedo, and cause me to find it charming. Never leave us.

April 3, 2009

The Mysteries of Fugsburgh

Fug file:

pattern problems

Well, there's another burning question answered:

We know what Charlie Brown would churn out if he gave up trying to play football and turned his attention to fashion design.

April 3, 2009

Fug Madness 2009: Final Game Preview

And then there were two.

Only once in the history of NCAA March Madness have all four No. 1 seeds faced off in the Final Four -- last season, incidentally -- and yesterday it happened for the first time in Fug Madness. Top-tier fuggers Solange "Picked The Worst Way To Try And Draw Attention From Beyonce" Knowles, Mischa "Headbands" Barton, Aubrey "My Dog Is My Handbag" O'Day, and Tilda "SWINTON" Swinton went at it in two brutal games yesterday; poor Intern George almost yanked out all his hair. (It was an emotional day for him, what with all the stress of deciding who to vote for and then the ER season finale. To soothe him, we fattened his Bellini budget.)

Thanks to your tens of thousands of votes yesterday, the only two walking mishaps still standing are:

(1) AUBREY O'DAY vs. (1) SWINTON

Solange was the hot pick this year to take this whole thing home, but when facing off against Aubrey's robustly exposed cleavage, Ms. Knowles The Second faltered and only managed to scrape together 39 percent of the vote. She'll now take on her polar opposite, the high-fashion fuggery of SWINTON, who -- as, arguably, the other most common pick by our readers to win ("win") the whole damn thing -- collected votes from 63 percent of you on her cruise to victory over Mischa Barton.

The Fug Madness Selection Committee -- me, Jessica, Intern George, and sometimes the mailman if he showed up at the wrong time -- thanks you all for making this contest so much fun, and hopes you show up in droves on Monday to vote in the finals. And then maybe clear your cookies and vote again. Regardless, one thing is for sure: This season's "One Fugging Moment" photo montage, which runs on Tuesday, is going to be an especially magnificent eyesore.

For a look at how the entire season played out, click on the graphic below -- it'll display the completed bracket, crossed-out losers and all, in a new window. And remember: Vote early and often on Monday.

April 2, 2009

NY Mag.com: It's Too Late for Madonna to Separate the Business From the Personal

Because you know you're not tired of reading about Madonna yet:

"You don't make out with a faux-Christ in a music video and then perform on a crucifix wearing a crown of thorns because you want people to seek your softer side...But what makes Madonna a genius -- her appetite for controversy; her skill at reinvention and self-promotion -- is exactly what's now biting her in the obsessively toned ass."

Poor Madonna. Will she EVER WIN? Unless, of course, you think she already has. We can see the argument there. She is multi-faceted, it's true. Anyway, she's getting a lot of flack lately for various events in her personal life, we suspect she may have -- kind of accidentally on purpose -- done it to herself. Please don't crack our heads like walnuts in the deadly vise that is your thighs, Madge. "Express Yourself" is still my jam!

April 2, 2009

Fugly Gaga

Fug file:

Now that Fug Madness has ripped off the Lady Gaga Band-Aid, I suppose it's all-systems-go with this one. She can credit her appearance on American Idol last night for bringing her more fully into the barbed Fug fold. It was kind of a terrible performance -- the kind where I could see how the song might be good, and I respect that she actually played the piano, but it was a hilarious mess.

Led by this:

[Photo: You know it was me, people. Just look at its quality.]

As her outfits go, it's not even near her worst. But iIt's almost too on-the-nose: a star theme, for a show that purports to find the next big recording star (or the next Taylor Hicks). I particularly enjoy the cutout sleeve and all the tassels snaking down her leg like tentacles trying to suck her into the jaws of something ravenous. Perhaps it's a pants-eating monster. That would explain all her other ensembles: She's being stalked by something with a grudge against fabric.

I don't know how to explain this, though:

Continue reading Fugly Gaga.

April 2, 2009

Little Fug

Fug file:

makeup mishaps

I like to this of this photo as the promotional shot for a new show on The CW:

It's going to be a road-trip-themed reality show in which Taylor Momsen and Kelly Cutrone drive around the United States in a convertible solving crimes and teaching each other valuable lessons about life and love. Kelly will teach Taylor to stop wearing both a strong eye AND a heavy lip, and Taylor won't have anything to teach Kelly, so eventually Kelly will just leave her in the middle of nowhere and go back to New York to continue being the only person on The City who isn't a total liar. There won't be very many episodes, but we'll treasure it all the more for its brevity.

April 2, 2009

Fug or Fab: Janice Dickinson

Fug file:

Oh, JANICE. I do love you. So take this in the spirit in which it is intended:

Girl, those things are about to make a run for it. But other than that, I am...torn on your dress. I'm having one of those days where I can't really decide on anything. Do I want cereal, or yogurt for breakfast? Do I want to wear THESE jeans, or THOSE jeans? Should I stare out the window for ten minutes, or look at the wall? Is this sweet, but just ill-fitting? Or is it sweet, but too young for you? Or...oh, take it over for me from here. I have this wall to look at.

poll by twiigs.com

April 2, 2009

Well Played, Anne Hathaway

Fug file:

VALENTINO: Anne. Pet.

ANNE HATHAWAY: Hello!

VALENTINO: I cannot believe my eyes.

ANNE: Thank you! I AM pretty pleased with my dress. My cleavage looks a bit fabulous.

VALENTINO: SO WHITE.

ANNE: ... Okay, now I have no idea whether it's a compliment or not.

VALENTINO: How are you so PALE? It's so UNNATURAL!

ANNE: ... Did he just tell me MY skin is unnatural?

VALENTINO: Skin the color of paper! It has to be a practical joke! Where is that George Clooney? Is he behind this?

ANNE: But this is totally the skin color I was born with -- I'm fair, you know? I like myself that way.

VALENTINO: Like? LIKE?

ANNE: Yeah! I'm proud of how I look. Porcelain skin is in, man.

VALENTINO: HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

ANNE: No, really, it's...

VALENTINO: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

ANNE: You're serious?

VALENTINO: HA.

ANNE: Because...

VALENTINO: HAH HA HAAAAAAAAA HA HA HAAA. IT MADE A FUNNY! HA HA HA HA!

ANNE: This is going to be a long night.

April 2, 2009

Fug Madness 2009: Final Four, Game Two

If you want to see the entire Road to the Final Four, click on the thumbnail above to view (and print, if you like) a full-size updated bracket, which we tried to do in the NCAA crossed-out-and-red-for-losers, green-for-winners style. Sorry, we meant to have this available earlier, but you know how it is when American Idol is on -- Intern George gets so worked up that he ends up in a puddle behind the coffee table, overcome with nerves, and we have to soothe him with milk and cookies.

(1) SWINTON vs. (1) MISCHA BARTON

"Dear SWINTON,

"My name is Mischa Barton. I'm an actress. I was such a pivotal part of The O.C. that they killed me off -- seriously, that is, like, the highest compliment you can get as an actor, because it means they think the whole world will miss you and cry.

"But I haven't worked on anything good in a while, and I'm bored. Tired of my clothes. Tired of my icky brown tights. (You know the ones. I used to wear them all the time.) Tired of my stupid headbands that just leave marks on my forehead that take forever to come out, and give me zits. Tired of my spandex faux-jeans, or whatever the hell those were. Instead, I want to be deliciously crazy so that people will like me. I want to be YOU.

"And look, I'm already sort of trying!

"Most people might look at this and think 'Wow, it looks like a candy wrapper for some kind of urine-flavored marshmallow treat.'" But not you, SWINTON! I bet you'd see it as a CHALLENGE!

"And what about this? You are going to love this:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009: Final Four, Game Two.

April 2, 2009

Fug Madness 2009: Final Four, Game One

(1) AUBREY O'DAY vs. (1) SOLANGE

Today, we're going to SHOW, rather than tell. So strap in, darlings:

WHAT?

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009: Final Four, Game One.

April 1, 2009

Kids' Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Amber Valletta

Fug file:

Is Amber Valletta pregnant?

No, I'm not being sarcastic. I am genuinely curious. Google refuses to tell me. If she IS, she certainly looks comfortable in this roomy gown, although I am concerned that the pattern may cause seizures in those around her. And if she's not, she herself may have a seizure of rage when she discovers that people are wondering if she is. Oh, roomy gowns. You're so comfortable...and yet so rife with the potential for hilarious baby-daddy misunderstandings.

April 1, 2009

Fugadise

Fug file:

So, about two years ago, I had this GREAT IDEA. The first season of A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila had just aired its finale, and we were talking about what MTV could do to continue the series (as Tila had obviously found her one true love). And my idea was that, OBVIOUSLY, the next season would be, A Shot At Love With Tara Reid. And SERIOUSLY. I so stand by that idea. Look at this girl: she is perfect for that show:

I do not know what is going on with this dress, but somehow it has conspired to make her boobs look like they belong to a hippie octogenarian, who has sixty years of bralessness and the inescapable specter of gravity to thank for her droopy lady lumps. Listen, with any luck, all of us ladies will EVENTUALLY find ourselves in a situation where we look down at our heaving bosoms and think, "Dang, those used to ride higher than this." And then we will realize that the price you pay for a long, full life is slightly saggier body parts and we'll pour ourselves another cocktail and go tell the pool boy not to miss that section under the diving board again. But Tara Reid is like 30 years old. SHE IS TOO YOUNG FOR...whatever is happening here. Is girlfriend depressed? I have the prescription for that: CLEARLY she needs to hoist those mamas up and get in front of the TV camera, where a household of men and women (if she so chooses) competes for her love. You KNOW she would do it. You KNOW other people would go on this show. And you KNOW you would watch. Tara Reid would find love/media attention, MTV would have another successful season of a popular show, and we'd all have a marathon of something to watch while we have the flu. EVERYBODY WINS!

April 1, 2009

Helena Bonham Fugter

Fug file:

[Photos: WENN.com]

HELENA BONHAM CARTER: Oh, Tim. You are so precious. I DO love you.

MICHAEL SHEEN: I'm... not your husband.

HBC: Of course you are! And I'm so enjoying this wedding.

MICHAEL : I'm not, and also, this isn't a wedding.

HBC: Quite right -- it's not just A wedding. It's a ROYAL wedding. How silly of me to imply it's just some run-of-the-mill marriage when I am wearing a crazy hat!

MICHAEL : ... Nope, not that either.

HBC: NOT a wedding, then? Hmm. Must be a funeral. Why didn't you tell me, Tim? I'd have left the chafing dish and pickle forks at home.

MICHAEL : Oh, God, this is awkward. Helena, look at me. At ME. Michael.

HBC: Why am I holding this thing in my hand? This must be a dream! God, it's strange. But quite exciting. Where will I be next, I wonder? I hope it's Versailles! Or maybe in the conservatory, killing Miss Scarlett with this plexiglass thing.

MICHAEL: Does anyone have a bucket of water to throw on her? No, wait, it'll ruin my suit. I'll just pinch her instead.

HBC: BLOODY HELL, that was... wait, hang on a mo, when did Michael Sheen get here? And where IS here, exactly?

MICHAEL: Welcome back, Helena. We're at some awards thingy together. Don't be alarmed, but you're wearing a giant veil stapled to a fascinator of some ilk.

HBC: Oh, bollocks. And people can see me?

MICHAEL: Yes.

HBC: And I've been here how long?

MICHAEL: At least twenty minutes.

HBC: And did I... nuzzle you?

MICHAEL: Yes indeedy.

HBC: That settles it. I'm going to THROTTLE Tim for letting me sleepwalk this far out of the house.

April 1, 2009

Nancy Fugvell/Fugiola Beracasa

Fug file:

Once we'd seen shredded ones and pairs with kneepads, I really thought there was nowhere else to go with leggings. I am so, so naive. Why must I be such an innocent? But seriously, did you expect anyone to come up with THIS variant?

I'm sure Macca's new lady-friend Nancy Shevell is a very nice woman, but she just willingly, knowingly went out in public wearing leggings that might be made out of Miss Piggy.

And she's not the only one:

Continue reading Nancy Fugvell/Fugiola Beracasa.

April 1, 2009

Fug Madness 2009: Final Four Revealed

Well, it happened: The champ is OUT. There will be a new fugliest fugger for 2009, and it could be, quite seriously, ANY of the people still in the competition. Without further ado, here are Thursday's pivotal clashes:

(1) AUBREY O'DAY vs. (1) SOLANGE

Solange just continues to lay waste to the competition, doesn't she? With 73 percent of the vote, she stormed past Bai Ling, whom voters apparently felt just didn't bring it with her usual zest in the past year. Next, she faces off against some of the most formidably veiny, exposed cleavage we've ever seen. It takes a truly frightening girl to out-fug Courtney Love AND Phoebe Price AND Lisa Rinna in the same tournament, but that's exactly what Aubrey did, winning her C.Love contest with a whopping 70 percent.

(1) SWINTON vs. (1) MISCHA BARTON

Early on Tuesday morning, Lady Gaga had Mischa at roughly 50-50. Then she had a four-percent edge. Then, twenty minutes later, Mischa had claimed that same edge, and she never gave much of it back: With 52 percent of the vote, La Barton surged past the pantsless princess and into her first-ever Final Four. She'll face off against SWINTON, who put back the charge from Katy Perry with 55 percent of the vote.

So, for the first time in our resplendent two-year history, all four No. 1 seeds made it through to the Final Four unscathed. It should be a hotly contested and very fugly day here on Thursday; vote early and as often as your browser cookies will allow.