I'm starting to be afraid we'll end up seeing Paris Hilton on Dancing With The Stars. Consider the evidence:
1) Apart from filming occasional scenes for the second season of her BFF-search, Paris has very little to do besides wear shiny clothes all day that come with ridiculous accessories:
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
The weight belt, the glove, the headband... is anyone else suspicious that this is what Paris Hilton wears to the gym?
2) Paris Hilton has zero compunctions about looking as naked as possible in front of camera lenses:
1) Apart from filming occasional scenes for the second season of her BFF-search, Paris has very little to do besides wear shiny clothes all day that come with ridiculous accessories:
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
The weight belt, the glove, the headband... is anyone else suspicious that this is what Paris Hilton wears to the gym?
2) Paris Hilton has zero compunctions about looking as naked as possible in front of camera lenses:
[Photo: WENN.com]
Although this might be better served if we shot her up into space and left her there -- look, astronauts and aliens need concubines, too. It's only fitting that we would try to set up a brothel up there before we install a McDonald's franchise -- after all, flipping burgers isn't the oldest profession. Unless we're speaking in metaphor.
3) Paris is clearly willing to be bent and pulled and crushed like an accordion:
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
Why else would you wear a dress with the folds built in for convenience?
4) Did I mention the part about how she's fearless when it comes to the prospect of flaunting her labia?
[Photo: Splash News]
I can't wait until this whole BFF malarkey just turns into an excuse to hire someone to tug down her skirts. What do you suppose it pays to be Paris Hilton's Junk Wrangler? Is ANY salary high enough? I suppose it gets more appealing as a career if it comes with psychiatric care as part of the benefits package.
So there you have it: I'm afraid that, given her propensity for sparkly, shiny, short, and nearly nude outfits, we're only one wonderful, all-too-brief summer away from seeing her cavort around the ABC stage with her legs splayed, thrilled to be legitimizing her flexibility without the fear of an ex-boyfriend selling the evidence on eBay. Here's hoping that I have absolutely zero psychic powers. I feel like I've seen enough of Paris Hilton in our almost five years writing this Web site to last me two lifetimes.
